The Christmas Tree Guy (38 page)

She pulled her legs to her chest, wiped her eyes and thought of Quinn and how wonderful he was to her and her children. Not only was he invested in her children, but he was genuinely interested in what she wanted out of life. She thought back to one of the nights they took a stroll after dinner hand in hand. They’d ended up at the playground area of his complex.

He’d pushed her in the swing and she’d squealed as she climbed higher and higher into the sky. Once she’d had enough, he had taken a seat in the swing beside her and they sat talking in the cool night air.

“Okay, you’ve asked me all about my aspirations and my hopes, but what about you? What do you want out of life, Syd?” He asked.

“I want my children to be happy. I want them to grow up knowing they are loved and that I’ll support them and be there for them.” She tilted her head to the side noticing he was shaking his head. “What? What is it?”

“I asked what you wanted. I know what you want for Charlie and Travis, but what about you? What do you want?” He reached over to push her hair behind her ear. “You are constantly thinking about them and that’s great, but what are your dreams?”

She clutched the chains of the swing and looked away from his hypnotic gaze. “I don’t really ever think about it.”

“And, why not?”

Closing her eyes, Sydnee sighed. She opened them and looked back at his unwavering smile. “No one has ever cared about what I wanted. My mother dictated my whole life growing up, and then I got married and my husband dictated it. My dreams just never mattered. So, I stopped dreaming.” She finished softly, looking down at her feet. She felt the warmth of his hand as he tilted her chin up to look him in the eyes.

“Well, they matter to me. And I want to help you start dreaming again, if you’ll let me,” he finished, pushing his swing closer and placing his beautiful lips against hers and a rush of warmth filled her entire being.

Sydnee sat and thought about how glorious her time with Quinn had been. He never asked her for any more than she was willing to give. He never pushed her to be anything she wasn’t. He wanted her the way she was and it hurt to think he may never be a part of her life again. She had emancipated herself from her mother, but now, what good would it do her? Quinn was gone, and she had let him go.

###

“Charlie, Travis? Hey, come on, where are you guys?” Sydnee called as she trudged through the tree lot. Earlier, she heard them laughing and chattering through the trees, but now she wasn’t sure where they were. It had been months since her family reunion and she hadn’t heard from her mother once. She spoke to her brother a few days after she returned home, who told her he was proud of her for standing up for herself and if she needed anything, she could call him. He also told her he would keep working on their mother. Sydnee told him not to bother. She loved her mother, but she had to live her own life and if her mother couldn’t accept it, then she wasn’t going to force it.

She hadn’t heard from Quinn, but then again, she didn’t expect to. He had left Louisville, and it was just as well. She knew he had to go and she was happy for him. She was grateful for the time they had together and knew he was the reason she had the courage to reclaim her life. She still got sad and wistful from time to time and she tried her best to keep herself too busy for those thoughts. Now it was the day after Thanksgiving again, and the boys had begged and pleaded with her to buy their Christmas tree. After a ton of begging, she relented. As they pulled into the lot, she could feel her heart racing even though she knew Quinn would not be there.

Before she could get the car parked completely, the boys were out of the SUV and racing through the trees. After a while, she could no longer hear them laughing and squealing and she started to get nervous. “Guys, where are you?” She’d been through just about the entire lot and was close to the end of her patience. Still no sign of Charlie or Travis. “Charlie? Travis? I am not playing. You better answer me this instant.” She pulled her scarf tighter and quickened her steps.

“Are you looking for these two?” She gasped when she heard a familiar voice and she turned to see Quinn standing with Charlie and Travis on either side of him, grinning from ear to ear. Both of them were jumping up and down, excited at seeing the young man again.

“Look, Mommy. It’s Quinn.”

“I see that. Hi.” The corners of her mouth jerked upwards at the sight of him. She felt her heart race and she knew the boys weren’t the only ones happy to see him. Those familiar silvery eyes shimmered and danced as he stood only a few feet away.

“Hi. I found these two looking for a tree. I don’t suppose you need help getting it home?” She nearly melted through the few inches of snow on the ground when he grinned at her.

“I didn’t think this lot did that anymore since their delivery guy moved away.”

“Well, it seems like it’s one of those specials they do on the day after Thanksgiving for certain customers.” She ducked her head and giggled as he walked closer to her and the boys went back to running through the trees and playing in the snow. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.” The evocative smell of his cologne wafted in the air, leaving her knees weak, and she felt like an awkward teenage girl talking to her first crush. “What are you doing here?” Everything in her fought the urge to touch him. Even swathed in the dark navy jacket he wore, he was as fit and firm as ever. She was almost afraid to close her eyes, for fear he was just a figment of her imagination.

“I came home for the holiday and thought I’d help Uncle Jack one last time.”

“Oh.” She mumbled, desperately searching for something else to say.

“So, it looks like my buddies are getting pretty big.” He turned to look over at the two, who were laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.

She watched the two mirror images as they ran in and out of the trees, wondering just how much she’d confused them with all of the things that had happened this past year. “Yes, they are. It seems like every time I blink my eyes they change. They ask about you a lot.”

“They do?” He turned to look at her with wide eyes. “They ask about me?”

The joy in his face at hearing the boys still asked about him was unmistakable and she felt a twinge of guilt reverberate through her. Quinn loved her children and would do anything to protect them. If anything, she had been the one to hurt them by keeping him away. “Yes. They miss you. I told them you moved away because you got an awesome opportunity and you couldn’t pass it up.”

“I miss them too. Just like I miss you.” The intensity in his eyes made her quiver. And she knew it wasn’t just the chill in the winter air that had her pulling the collar of her ivory parka closer.

“Quinn-”

“Syd, I’m not sure what happened between us. I don’t know how two people could have such a connection, but move so far apart.” Where had everything gone wrong? Why couldn’t things have been simple for them? A relationship between a man and woman shouldn’t be hard. It is one woman and one man, but throwing age differences and race differences into the mix had made it more than either one was able to handle. Why?

“I know. I think about you a lot.”

“I wanted to call, but I didn’t know what to say or if you would talk to me.” He lowered his eyes to the snow covered ground between them before his lashes fluttered up and their eyes locked. His soulful stare was more beautiful than she remembered and she longed to know what he saw in that gaze of his.

“Quinn…I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or…” Her emotions got the best of her and before she could rein them in, she blurted, “I miss you so much.” Sydnee missed him more than she had ever missed anyone and seeing him for the first time in so long just exacerbated her feelings.

“Syd-”

She raised her hand up to stop him; she knew she needed to tell him the truth. She needed to purge all of her feelings and be honest like they had promised each other. It was something she should have told him a long time ago, but never had the nerve. “No. I need to get this out. I messed up. I thought I was protecting my kids, but all I was doing was trying to protect my heart. I was so scared you were going to hurt me like Matt, but you aren’t him. You tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen to you and then, it was too late.” She looked away from him and wrung her hands together. “I listened to Mina, Matt, my mother, but I never listened to you, or even myself, and what I truly wanted.”

“What do you want?” She could barely hold her head up to look at him and she felt her shoulders slump.

“What I want, I can’t have.”

“What do you want, Syd?” He prodded her again for an answer, moving closer.

“I…I want you.” She watched a slow grin grace his extraordinary face and she let out a breath. “But it’s too late. You’re there, and I’m here.” She shrugged, thinking of the time they lost just because she hadn’t been brave enough to pursue the life she really wanted. She wanted to kick herself for being so stupid and scared. Scared to love, but more importantly, scared to stand up for herself and take a hold on her own life.

“Syd, do you love me?”

“What?”

“Do you love me?”

She paused, taking in a deep breath. Her heart beat furiously and she worried it would pound out of her chest. It was the most basic of questions. Did she love him? More than he knew.
Take a chance Syd.
She pressed her eyes shut for a moment before opening them and finally admitting what she had known for some time. “Yes. Yes, I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? When I asked you to come with me, or ask me to stay, you never called.” The inflection in his voice was tinged with pain and a pang of guilt stabbed her in the chest. How could she hurt someone she loved so much?

“I wanted to. I wanted to be with you but I let everything else get in the way of my feelings and what I wanted. I was scared you would figure out we weren’t what you wanted.” She paused, waiting for his reaction. “Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you still want us? Me, Travis and Charlie? Do you still want us?” Putting herself out on the line was a risk. It was risky to ask if he wanted his life to involve the three of them. After all she’d put him through, it was a very good chance he didn’t want to deal with them anymore. She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

“Of course I want you. Syd, you are all I’ve ever wanted.”

The tightness in her chest was quickly replaced by euphoria and Sydnee felt like she was floating on air. Quinn still wanted her. Before she could say anything else, he closed the gap between them, pulling her into his arms to kiss her. Her body relaxed in his strong arms and she moaned softly when the kiss deepened. She snaked her arms around his taut waist relishing the feel of his torso against hers. Just then she felt the cool crisp feel of snow against her face. Breaking their embrace, both turned to see the giggling twins holding the remnants of snowballs in their gloved hands.

“Ha, ha, we got you, Mommy!” She wiped the snow from her cheek. She wanted to be mad, but she couldn’t. Laughing, she looked at Quinn, who was steadily wiping snow from his broad chest.

“Yes, you did.”

“It’s snowing. Look.” They both pointed to the sky, trying to catch the flakes on their tongues as they giggled and jumped around.

A devious curl settled on her lips as she watched the soft, fluffy snowflakes falling around them. “You thinking what I’m thinking?” She raised an eyebrow at Quinn.

“I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been in a good snowball fight in quite some time,” he grinned, grabbing handfuls of snow and taking off.

“Hey, wait for me,” she yelled, running behind him to chase the giggling twins, ducking and dodging through the rows of trees. She could barely keep up she was laughing so hard.

###

Quinn spent the next couple of days with Sydnee and the boys before he was scheduled to leave and the boys were overjoyed to have him back in their lives. He knew both of them were confused from their dad showing up, and then leaving so quickly again, that he made it a point to try and erase some of the confusion and disappointment they were feeling. He wasn’t going to have much time with them before he had to leave, so he tried to make the most of it. Sydnee could feel even more love for him fill her heart watching them on the floor building skyscrapers or playing video games.

“You know, I’m starting to get jealous.” Sydnee exclaimed, sinking into the sofa cushions beside Quinn. He had carried the boys in the house after they had collapsed in the car from pure exhaustion. The four of them had spent the day at the children’s science museum. There wasn’t an exhibit Travis and Charlie hadn’t touched and Sydnee relaxed the rules a bit so they filled up on pizza, candy and soda. It felt good to see the happiness that had been missing from their faces for so long. She was overjoyed Quinn was a part of their lives again.

“What are you jealous about?” Quinn asked, pulling her feet across his lap so he could massage them.

“Even as I was putting on their pajamas,” she paused, throwing her head back on the sofa and closing her eyes briefly. “Oh wow, that feels so good,” she moaned. “Even after putting on their pajamas in their practically comatose state, they were both mumbling about wanting you to tell them a story. I guess my stories just aren’t good enough anymore,” she pouted, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.