The Click Trilogy (14 page)

From: Renee Greene – May 27, 2011 – 11:26 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Paralegal Update?

Hey there.  Didn’t want to ask you at Flint’s last night in front of everyone.  What is up with you and the paralegal you met online?  Do tell.  Do tell.  Do tell.

From: Mark Finlay – May 27, 2011 – 5:05 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

Thanks for your discretion.  Not that I’m embarrassed to be doing the online dating thing.  I just don’t want everybody (READ:  SHELLEY!) knowing my business.  Long story short – unlike you, I actually know how to make a long story short ;) – I googled her and found some inappropriate photos of her online.  Looks as though she is saving money for law school by doing something risqué on the side.  So, I called it off.

From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 9:13 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

Oh, I can see why that would be a deal breaker for you.  How many dates had you gone on?  Not to get too personal, but had you slept with her?  How did she take it?

From: Mark Finlay – May 28, 2011 – 3:20 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

This was a few days before our first date.  I just told her that work was getting crazy, deadlines were looming and that it just wouldn’t be fair to her to start something that I knew I wouldn’t be able to devote time to.

From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 3:50 PM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

Ah, the old “I’m too busy with work” excuse.  I’m quite familiar with it.

From: Mark Finlay – May 28, 2011 – 3:52 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

Oh, come on now.  I was letting her down gently.  I never would have said that if we had slept together.

From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 3:55 PM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: Paralegal Update?

I know.  I’m still just reeling over what a complete ASS Matt turned out to be and what a SUCKER I turned out to be.  I know you’re one of the good ones.  I’ll call you later.

From: Renee Greene – May 28, 2011 – 4:07 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, Mark never went out with that paralegal chick.  He found some racy photos of her online and that was a deal breaker.  So, you win the bet.  I’ll buy you a drink tonight at Flint’s?  And, please don’t say anything to Mark.  He doesn’t want anyone to know about his online dating escapades.

From: Shelley Manning – May 28, 2011 – 4:22 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

HA!  I KNEW IT!  Yes, I will collect a Flint’s special mojito tonight.  See you there.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Renee Greene – May 31, 2011 – 4:07 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay

Subject: Tax-adermy

Just giving you the 411 in writing on my upcoming date with Michael – an accountant.  Per the subject of my email, let’s hope he’s more LIVELY than one would typically expect from an accountant.  We’re going to Bamboo Garden on Friday.

From: Shelley Manning – May 31, 2011 – 5:53 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Tax-adermy

So noted.  But, I wouldn’t object to you getting a little stuffed, if you know what I mean.  A little stuffing would do you some good.

From: Renee Greene – May 31, 2011 – 6:05 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Tax-adermy

Yes, we all know you’re a big fan of both the “stuff” and “stuffing.”  I’ll keep you posted.

From: Mark Finlay – May 31, 2011 – 8:29 PM

To: Renee Greene; Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Tax-adermy

Bamboo Garden?  Smart man.  Get the mu shu chicken for me.  Be careful and call me when you get home.  I’ll be up.

From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2010 – 12:07 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Home SWEET Home

Hey Shelley.  Made it home safely.  Michael seems like a really great guy. I met him at Bamboo Garden (his suggestion, so there’s one thing in his favor).  We had great conversation at dinner and then ended up taking a drive in his car through Mulholland.

Yes, I know.  Broke a cardinal rule of online dating by getting into his car.  But, he seemed totally normal, so I thought it would be okay.  We parked the car, got in the backseat and made out for an hour like a couple of horny teenagers.  (I figured you would approve!)

Then he drove me back to my car, gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and said he hoped we could do it again.  Aha!  A date that didn’t go horribly awry.  I’m proceeding with extreme caution. But trying to be optimistic.  I feel like a tightrope walker in the circus.  Know what I mean?

From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2011 – 11:08 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home

Horny teenager, indeed.  That’s so awesome.

I’ve been acting like a horny teenager myself lately with a young gentleman we’ll call Slippery Pete.  He’s the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type, that slips out as fast as he can, unlike the Cuddler who just wants to hang out all night long.  Believe me, I love it when they “come” and then go.  So, are you going to email this horny teenager or wait to hear from him first?

From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2011 – 1:45 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home

Yes, kick those cuddlers to the curb!  (But be gentle; you don’t want to make them cry.)  I’m going to wait until Monday to email Michael.  Don’t want to come across as desperate or anything.

From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2011 – 1:48 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Home SWEET Home

Good idea.  Keep me posted!  Mwah! Mwah!

From: [email protected]/TaxTime2002 – June 6, 2011 – 9:36 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: GREAT Time!

Hey there!  Had a great time with you Friday night.  The conversation was so easy and natural.  And, making out in the backseat of the car wasn’t too shabby either.  Felt like I was 16 again.  You’re a great kisser.

I must say, it is so wonderful to finally meet a generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful woman.  I can already tell how special you are.  Would love to see you again.  What does next week look like for you?

From: [email protected]/TaxTime2002 – June 6 – 9:38 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: GREAT Time!

Hey there!  Had a great time with you Saturday night.  The conversation was so easy and natural.  And, making out in the backseat of the car wasn’t too shabby either.  Felt like I was 16 again.  You’re a great kisser.

I must say, it is so wonderful to finally meet a generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful woman.  I can already tell how special you are.  Would love to see you again.  What does next week look like for you?

From: Renee Greene – June 6 – 9:56 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: GREAT Time!
–
Email One of Two

See below…and await my next forwarded message

From: Renee Greene – June 6 – 9:56 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: GREAT Time!
–
Email Two of Two

What the #$@%?  Are you kidding me?!?!

Okay, so we went on ONE date.  I get that I can’t expect that he would not be seeing anyone else.  But, to send the EXACT same email to two DIFFERENT women from the SAME weekend.  EW!  That’s just gross.

From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 11:56 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Fwd: GREAT Time!
–
Email Two of Two

I’m totally with you.  What a douche bag!  What are you going to do?  Email back?  Ignore him?

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 6 – 12:25 PM

To: [email protected]/TaxTime2002

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: GREAT Time!

Hi Michael.  I must say, I was so flattered to see your email.  I felt so LUCKY to have met such a NICE, DECENT and HONEST guy.  It truly made ME feel special until…

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981
–
June 6 – 12:32 PM

To: [email protected]/TaxTime2002

Bcc: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: GREAT Time!

…I got your next email.

Then I realized how lucky YOU are to have met two “generous, warm-hearted, smart, funny and beautiful women” – and on the SAME WEEKEND!   I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for YOU to juggle two such amazing gals who are BOTH great kissers.  So, being the “generous” woman that I am, I will make this very easy for you.  Buh-by!

From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 12:54 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: GREAT Time!

Love it!  Love it!  Love it!  You are my new hero and getting great at this whole online rejection thing.

From: Renee Greene – June 6 – 12:58 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: GREAT Time!

What, I’m getting good at being rejected by losers, lame-ohs, cheaters and scumbags I’ve met online?

From: Shelley Manning – June 6 – 1:26 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: GREAT Time!

No.  You know what I mean.  You are getting great at telling people off.  I’ve said for a long time that you need to stand up for yourself more.  And, I think being able to say it like it is without having to say it to their faces is making you the brave woman I’ve always known was lurking in that chocolate chip cookie-baking, non-confrontational, big-hearted gal.  You know I’m your biggest fan!

From: [email protected]/PartyPete – June 9, 2011 – 2:38 PM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: You sound fun

Hi there.  I just saw your profile and think you sound fun.  I’m Pete – an outgoing, energetic guy who works in sales.  My motto is work hard/play hard and nothing is more important to me than my friends and family.  I would love to meet up for a drink sometime and get to know one another.  Let me know what you think.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 10, 2011 – 9:18 AM

To: [email protected]/PartyPete

Subject: Re: You sound fun

Hi Pete.  I’m all about family and friends too.  A drink sounds fun.  What did you have in mind?

From: [email protected]/PartyPete – June 10, 2011 – 10:31 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Re: You sound fun

Do you know Rachel’s in Santa Monica?  They have GREAT margaritas (if that’s your thing).  Maybe Thursday after work – say 7:00?  I’ll be able to find you.  Those dimples in your photo are hard to miss.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – June 10, 2011 – 11:12 AM

To: [email protected]/PartyPete

Subject: Re: You sound fun

I haven’t been to Rachel’s before, but I do love a good margarita.  Thursday at 7:00 sounds perfect.  See you then.

From: Renee Greene – June 16, 2011 – 9:45 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Mark Finlay

Subject: Margaritas with Pete

I’m meeting a guy named Pete at Rachel’s tonight for a margarita at 7:00.  I’ll call or email when I get home.

From: Renee Greene – June 16, 2011 – 10:42 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: I need a drink!

UGH!  Pete Greenwald is NOT the man for me.  Every story started with, “My buddies and I were out drinking one night…”  And when I say every story, I mean EVERY story.  So, when you start talking about the good ol’ college days, you expect there to be a few anecdotes where you and your “buddies” are out knocking back a few cold ones.