The Commitment (18 page)

“When we broke up, did something happen between you and Lauren?”

Holding her eyes, this is the first time I’ve ever wanted to lie to her. I won’t, I respect her far too much for that, but I know what I’m about to tell her is going to hurt us both. It might even mean me losing her forever.

I’ve never been one to scare easy, but as I gaze into the eyes that own me, knowing what I’m about to say, I’ve never been more scared in all my life.

“Yes.”

Drake

“Baby, I didn’t fuck her,” I continue when she stares back at me through tear-filled eyes silently. “It’s a long story…”

“Do you have somewhere more pressing you need to be?” she snaps, her sharp tone a complete contrast to the sadness behind her grey orbs.

“No, I just…”

“Well, then how about you enlighten me?” she says, crossing her arms over her chest and cutting me off again.

“When she and Chase were together, I lent her some money. She’s been paying me off a little every month and one night about a week after you and I broke up, she came to the office to give me a check,” I start in a low voice, hating myself for what’s coming. “I’d been drinking for a few hours, I was completely out of it and I guess I forgot to lock up. I came out of the shower and my office was pretty dark. I was sitting at my chair in my towel and I didn’t even realize she was in there until she was on the floor in front of me. Honest to God, Baby, I was so drunk, all I saw was brown hair at first. I had no idea what was going on, let alone who was doing it to me. Once I was sober enough to realize what was going on, that it wasn’t you, I kicked her out.”

"Did you come?" she asks, her voice heavy with emotion.

"What?"

"Did you come? In her mouth, Drake, did you finish?"

"No, Baby," I start immediately, shaking my head. "It only lasted for a second until I realized it wasn't you. Once I distinguished that it clearly wasn't, I pushed her off of me and told her to leave. It was never... I never would have done that."

Considering my words, she remains silent for a long moment before her quiet voice breaks the silence once more.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I thought about it, but the only purpose my telling you would have served would have been your pain,” I tell her, hating the sadness in her eyes. “So no, Analise, I wasn’t going to tell you. Not because I didn’t think it was wrong or you didn’t have a right to know, only because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t think is worse?” she asks, her perfect grey eyes rimmed with tears, filled with hurt.

“Baby, I know my reasoning is shit,” I try. “But my intentions were good.”

“Oh, well then that’s all that matters,” she scoffs. “Was there anyone else?”

“No,” I tell her truthfully. “If I’d been myself, there never would have even been that. Jesus, Analise, I’m so sorry. You have to believe me, I had no idea it was her. I never would have…”

“Okay,” she cuts me off with a slight nod, her tone still soft. “Thank you for being honest.”

I’m about to answer her, but before I can, she takes the three steps that separate us and slaps me across the face. Hard.

Holy fuck.

“Son of a…”

“Look at me,” she orders, her voice shaking with emotion.

“Jesus Christ,” I manage, struggling to focus as I turn to face her. “I’m trying, I can’t fucking see anything.”

“You don’t need to be able to see me right now, but you better listen,” she starts. “I love you, Drake Mitchell. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I have willingly given you control over every single part of me, but I won’t be mistreated.”

“Baby, I would never intentionally…”

“I know you love me and you’ve been damn good to me, Drake, but don’t ever mistake my submission to you for weakness. The thought of walking away from you is unbearable, but I’ll do it before I let you hurt me.”

Her words cause my heart to freeze in my chest as I meet her eyes, just inches from mine.

“What are you saying, Analise?” I ask quietly. “Are you telling me it’s over?”

She stares back at me for a long minute silently, her eyes still watery and her makeup smudged.

In this moment, I swear time ceases to exist.

“Before I answer you, I have one more question,” she says quietly. “Have you
ever
been unfaithful to me, Drake?”

“No,” I tell her immediately.

“Do you swear it?” she asks in a thick voice. “Do you swear that since the day we got together, aside from this, you’ve never done anything to abuse my trust?”

“I swear on my life, Ana,” I say, my voice firm but low as I hold her eyes.

She holds my eyes for a long moment before slowly nodding.

“Well, then there’s your answer,” she says quietly, both of us letting out a quiet sigh of relief as she swipes the tears from her cheeks. “If there’s anything else, though, you’d better tell me now. I don’t care how badly it hurts me, Drake. If there’s ever a next time, I won’t stay.”

“There’s nothing else,” I tell her. “This is the only thing I’ve ever kept from you, I promise.”

“Okay,” she says, moving her eyes away from mine and taking a step back. “I’m going to change.”

“Analise,” I say softly, meeting her eyes as she turns to face me. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Yeah,” she whispers, letting out a soft sigh. “I know you didn’t mean to, Drake, but you did.”

Ana

After sitting in a hot bath for over an hour, I slowly rise from the now cool water and dry off. Drake’s left me alone to stew even though I know it’s been driving him insane.

I’d be lying if I said finding out he’d done something so intimate with another woman didn’t bother me. The simple fact of the matter is we weren’t together when it happened. Not only that, I know him well enough to know he never would have done it if he’d been sober. If he’d slept with her, it would be different. I don’t think that’s something I’d ever be able to forgive, but that’s not what happened.

It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but given the circumstances it’s not something I’m willing to walk away from him over.

Up until tonight, Drake’s never given me a reason to question his trust.

However, I’ve seen enough of Lauren’s work to know she can’t be trusted.

If I’m being honest, I think I’d always known something had happened while we’d been apart. He’s never asked me about any of my past sexual relationships, explaining that it was best left in the past.

However, the day we’d gotten back together when Chase was in the hospital, he’d asked me if I’d been with anyone else. At the time, I’d simply chalked it up to the possessive, dominant part of him I’d come to crave. Looking back on it later though, the question itself mixed with the look in his eye had always been a red flag.

As I slowly walk out of the master bathroom, I’m rummaging through the closet when there’s a knock at the door. Before I can answer, the door slowly opens and Sophie sticks her head inside.

“Hey,” she says softly when she sees my eyes. “I came to check on you.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Just a minute,” she admits. “Chase is actually still in the truck with JT. I wasn’t sure what was going on so I wanted to talk to you before we stayed. Are you okay? Do you want to stay at our place?”

“No,” I say, smiling gently at my best friend and hugging her tightly. “Thank you, though. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Oh,” she says, looking away awkwardly. “I should probably go apologize to Drake, then. I may have called him a rat bastard and threatened to castrate him on the way in here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her with a smirk. “He’s not completely innocent, but he didn’t actually sleep with Lauren, so I’m choosing to forgive him.”

“Well, then what…” she starts, her voice trailing off in understanding. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “And he said he was drunk, that he didn’t realize what was going on in time to stop it from starting, but once he did, he ended it, sent her packing.”

“Do you believe him?”

“Yes,” I nod. “I’m still upset, but like I said, he didn’t technically cheat on me. I know he never would, I just need a little space.”

“Okay,” she says, pushing past the door and pulling me into her chest. “Well, in that case, I’ll leave you to it. If you need me, you know where I’ll be. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Soph,” I whisper, squeezing her tightly before releasing her.

Pulling the first shirt I see from a hanger, I throw it on and shut off the light.

For the first time since we’ve been back together, I crawl into our bed alone.

Drake

As Sophie walks out of our bedroom, she shoots me a look of disapproval as she passes the bar I’m standing at. When she meets my eyes, she flips me off and keeps walking, causing me to throw back my second drink.

I know what I did was wrong. I should have told Analise before we ever got back together. In my own defense, though, I’d meant what I said. Everything that happened with Lauren would never have happened had I realized sooner what was going on. Telling Ana when she was already so upset over everything else that was happening would have only further hurt her. Lauren never has and never will mean anything to me.

Analise is the only thing I care about.

I sit on the back porch for a few hours, giving her the space I know she needs before I walk into our dark bedroom. After a quick shower, I dry off and climb in next to her. She remains silent, so I assume she’s asleep. When I reach for her and she gently moves away, my chest tightens.

“Analise,” I whisper, hating the distance, the silence between us.

“Not yet, Drake.”

“Baby,” I try, my voice still low. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“Maybe not to you,” she manages in her soft voice. “But it means something to me.”

Once her words hit me, I feel the knot in my throat tightening. I’d do anything to change what happened, to take this away, but I can’t.

I lie awake, listening to her breathing, staring at the ceiling and fighting the urge to pull her to me. For the first time in a long time, she’s asking me for space, to not control her. Although she much more than deserves that after everything I’ve told her tonight, I can’t say it’s easy.

I’m in the middle of another silent plea when her breathing becomes shaky. When I feel the emotion rolling off of her, her chest heaving in quiet sobs, I can’t fight it anymore.

“Baby,” I whisper, rolling onto my side to face her back. “Baby, come here.”

Surprisingly, she doesn’t fight me as I gently pull her to my front. Instead, she turns in my arms and buries her face into my chest and begins to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Ana,” I whisper, kissing her hair. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

I want nothing more than to wipe this away, but since I can’t, I hold her tighter, thanking God when she lets me.

Chase

“Your cousin is a real jackass,” Sophie announces as she makes her way back into our room.

She’s just tucked JT into bed and is shaking her head in annoyance as she pushes the door shut. Her hair is braided to the side how I like and she’s wearing pajamas, which I don’t.

“I know, Baby,” I tell her, extending my arm across the pillows and pulling her to my chest.

“I mean, who the hell does that? And with
Lauren
of all creatures,” she continues, her face contorting in disgust. “Chase, I’m telling you right now, if you did anything like that when we split up and didn’t tell me, you better find something big to hide behind.”

“Baby, Drake found me piss ass drunk in JT’s bathtub at eight o’clock on a Tuesday when we split up,” I tell her with a sigh. “Trust me. Even if I had wanted to do anything like that, I was too fucked up.”

“Good,” she says, making me laugh as she cuddles up to my chest.

“You’re so sweet,” I tease her.

“You know what I mean,” she smirks, biting me gently.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think it was intentional,” I offer. “Drake has never been a fan of Lauren.”

“Ugh! Can you imagine a Lauren fan club? Blech! Their mascot would have to be a devil crab,” she groans, miming a gag before looking up to find me smirking. “Sorry. Anyway, he still should have told Ana.”

“True,” I agree, kissing her hair. “But whatever his reasons, they should work it out on their own. Their relationship isn’t any of our business.”

“Bullshit,” she says, rising up on her elbows. “That’s my best friend, Chase. It is so my business.”

“Baby,” I start, unable to contain the smile. “I understand you looking out for her, but you can’t nose around in their personal shit.”

“You wanna bet?” she asks, causing me to groan before letting out a chuckle. “Watch me. Let him hurt my best friend, I’ll be all up in his bidness. Wait and see, Sugartush.”

“Okay, Princess,” I sigh, shutting the lamp off and turning to face her, surprised to find her still fully clothed and pulling the covers up. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” I start. “Take off your pants.”

“Chase,” she whispers. “We can’t have sex if they’re fighting!”

“What?” I say, looking at her like she’s lost it.