The Consequences of Forever (1) (9 page)

             
“I didn’t tell Nolan,” she protested. “He just happened to be there when I mentioned it. And Lainey isn’t mad about me telling Scott, so you shouldn’t be either.”

             
“I’m not mad?” I asked, removing my hands from my face.

             
“No, you’re not,” Hannah replied, almost hopefully. “You didn’t say you were.”

             
“Well, I am. You have no right. Especially Scott. He hates me enough as it is.”

             
“He does not, he –”

             
I held up my hand. “I don’t want to hear it.”

             
“Neither do I.” Adam stood up and reached for my hand. I accepted it, shooting one more look at Hannah, who looked something close to devastated. For a brief second I almost felt sympathy towards her, and then I remembered the cold look in Scott’s eyes. I glanced over at Nolan, who was talking animatedly with his friends, and wondered how long it was going to be before he blurted it out to whomever he pleased, if that hadn’t happened already.

             
“I’ll see you at home, Hannah.” I said, following Adam out of the cafeteria and not looking back. If you couldn’t trust the person that was supposed to be closest to you in the world, who could you trust?

Chapter Seven

              “It turned out to be a pretty nice day, didn’t it?” Adam asked, smiling over at me. I forced a smile in return and nodded. The school day was finally over, and we’d driven to our beach, to spend a little bit of time together before returning to life as we knew it.

             
“I guess so.” Hannah and I didn’t have any classes together after lunch, so I’d managed to steer clear of her. I sent her a text message on the ride to the beach letting her know I wasn’t going to be home until later, and to let Nora know. For once, this wasn’t met with protest.

             
“Nora’s going to be so mad,” I sighed.

             
“Why?” Adam asked, grabbing the blanket we kept reserved for the beach out of the trunk of the car.

             
“Because I’m not supposed to see you at all during the week,” I reminded him.

             
“You did it last week,” he pointed out.

             
“I know, but Hannah didn’t go right home either, so I told Nora I stayed after class with Ms. Freeman and she didn’t question it. Hannah’s going straight home today, so who knows what she’ll tell her.”

             
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” he reassured me. “She won’t tell her where you are, just that you’re pregnant.” He grinned. I didn’t grin back.

             
“Oh come on Lainey, you have to admit it’s kind of funny.” He nudged me with his hip and slid an arm over my shoulders.

             
“Not really.” I replied. We walked to the spot closest to the water without the sand being wet, laid down our blanket, and sat down.

             
“If she does find out you were with me, just tell her we were celebrating your birthday a little early. I’m banned from you on your actual birthday, so what can she do besides get mad?”

             
“You’re not banned from me,” I insisted. “Dad and Nora just want to have something more family-oriented. We haven’t been out together as a family since Bella Vista opened up, so I think it’s really important to them.”

             
“It’s your birthday,” he reminded me. “Shouldn’t it be about what you want?”

             
“It is what I want,” I replied. “I have no idea how much longer I’m even going to have a family.”

             
“Don’t say stuff like that.”

             
“It’s true, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking about it, and I just don’t see their reactions being positive. Part of the reason they decided not to have any kids of their own is because babies and bed and breakfasts don’t mix.”

             
“There’s probably a lot more to it than that, Lainey, and you know it. I’m sure they’re not going to be excited or overjoyed or anything, but they’ll accept it. They’ll have to.”

I glanced at Adam, taking in his calm confidence. Of course it seemed that simple to him. Maybe his dad was a bit of a workaholic and tended to go away for business a lot, but he was still an active part of Adam’s life, and his mother’s life more or less revolved around Adam and his older brother. He didn’t know that family wasn’t always permanent, because stability was all he’d ever known.

              “There’s nothing permanent in life,” I said, mostly to myself. A strong breeze blew by us then, taking my words with it.

             
“Look, Lainey. There’s something I have to tell you, but I wanted to wait because you aren’t going to like it. I think now is as good a time as ever, though.” There was nervousness in Adam’s voice, and I felt a nervous jittery feeling form in my stomach. I looked at him expectantly.

             
“I told my mom,” he announced, and the jittery feeling intensified. Another person knew. Another person I couldn’t hide the truth from.

             
“Why?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know the answer. I definitely didn’t want to hear what her response had been.

             
“Because it was getting to me. My mom and I are close, Lainey. I tell her just about everything. This seemed way too major to not tell her.” He shot me an apologetic look, but I ignored it.

             
“We agreed that we were going to wait until we were ready, and then tell our parents together,” I reminded him, struggling to keep my voice steady.

             
“I know that, but I also know that you’re never going to be ready. And I get that. I think this whole situation is a lot harder on you than it is on me. But I needed to tell my parents.”

             
“What about your dad?”

             
“He was away all weekend. He’s coming back today, which is part of why I really wanted to come here with you. My mom thinks he isn’t going to react all that well, and she didn’t want me around to witness it.”

             
I tried to imagine my own dad’s reaction, but I couldn’t. “Was she mad?” I asked.

             
He shook his head. “Actually, no. She told me she was really disappointed, but more for us than at us. She knows it’s going to be hard but she agrees with our decision and thinks we can do it, with their help.”

             
“When did you tell her?”

             
He smiled sheepishly. “Friday night, after I dropped you and Hannah off.”

I blinked. Friday night had been a disaster, and it had come to an abrupt end after Nolan asked to be dropped off at another girl’s house. Adam had driven us home immediately after, and we’d barely said good night to each other.

              “Okay,” I said, not knowing what else to say. I felt completely out of control of my life. So far I’d told one person, and yet at least five people knew. This whole thing had been beyond my control from the very beginning.

             
“I think you should tell your parents soon,” Adam continued. “My mom said it’s really important to get to a doctor and make sure everything is fine. The sooner the better.”

             
“Everything is fine,” I replied immediately. I hated going to the doctor for a simple checkup, let alone something that would entail me being poked and prodded at. “I’d know if something were wrong.”

             
“Lainey,” he said, giving me a knowing look. I glanced away, out at the ocean. How had it all come to this? I wasn’t sure I’d ever know. It seemed like seconds ago my biggest worry in life was whether or not I should continue working on the school paper next year or try something else, and now I was coming home from school every day and going straight to my bed, where I’d lay for hours trying too hard not to think.

             
“Fine,” I said, not waiting for him to add anything else. Why not just tell my parents, and get it over with? Why not go to a doctor and be examined from the inside out? It was clear my opinions and feelings meant nothing anymore. I’d made one bad decision, and now my entire life was out of my control.

             
“I’m sorry,” Adam said, catching me off guard. He’d been so strong throughout all of this; stoic, even. Our relationship had gone from being natural and full of affection to awkward, almost like we were going backwards, becoming strangers.

             
We are strangers
, I realized. My birthday this Friday would mark five months since our first kiss. Five months since we had entered each other’s life. Just last month, six months seemed like such a huge milestone, and now it felt like nothing at all. What were five months in the span of a lifetime? If things didn’t work out between us, we’d still have, at the very, least eighteen years to be a part of each other’s lives.

             
What a terrifying thought.

             
“What are you sorry for?” I asked.

             
“Everything. I feel like this is all on me. I should have been more careful, I mean, I’m the one with experience… I just should have thought more about what could happen, but I guess I didn’t think it ever would.”

             
“You don’t have to be sorry,” I said, shooting him a small smile. And I meant it. Despite everything, I didn’t want Adam feeling guilty. Maybe he was the one with all the experience, but I was still supposed to be the responsible one. It was the role I seemed to take on in any relationship, starting with my father. I was the one who should have known better, past experience or not.

             
The truth was, we never used protection. Not once. The first time happened without any planning whatsoever and we’d more or less followed that routine ever since. If anything, it was a surprise it took this long to happen.

             
“I’m not sorry we’re having a baby together,” Adam told me. “I’m just sorry I didn’t give you a choice.”

             
“I’m scared,” I told him, bringing me back to that first time together. He reached over and brushed a strand of hair from my eyes.

             
“Me too,” he whispered. Just like that first time all those months ago, I didn’t ask why. I just accepted that he was scared, maybe even as scared as I was.

             
“I’m scared it’s going to hurt,” I continued. “And I’m scared of getting fat. Not really so much how I’ll look, but the fact that I won’t be able to hide it anymore, at all. And I’m scared that I’m going to be really horrible at it, being a mom. I’m scared I’ll end up just like mine.”

             
Adam embraced me, pulling as close to him as possible. “That won’t happen,” he whispered into my hair.

             
“It might,” I insisted. “I don’t think my mom knew what she’d end up doing when she decided to have me. It just happened.”

             
“Yeah, but it takes a certain kind of person to be able to walk out and never come back. You’re not that kind of person, Lainey,” he insisted. I wanted to believe him, but it was difficult. If we were reflections of our parents, where did that leave me? Both of mine were guilty of the very thing I feared becoming guilty of myself.

             
“I’ve thought about it all week, whether or not we’re making the right decision, and I can’t come to any other conclusion. Getting an abortion and not having to deal with this sounds so great on paper, but I don’t think I could really do it.” I smiled softly at him, hoping my words would reassure him on some level. “I think I love you too much, and I wouldn’t want to get rid of that part of you, even if maybe it doesn’t really exist yet.”

             
He kissed my forehead. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” he whispered.

             
“I thought more about adoption, too, but I don’t think I could go through with that either,” I continued. “I know that maybe it’s for the best, but I can’t imagine going through everything just to hand the baby over to someone else in the end. Maybe that’s selfish, I don’t know, but I don’t think I could do it.”

             
“It isn’t selfish,” Adam reassured me. “Maybe we’re young but this baby is going to be well-cared for. My mom is going to help us make sure of that, and my dad, when he comes around. Maybe even your parents; you never know.”

             
I tried to picture that, my dad and Nora being okay with this, accepting it. But the image refused to come, and that worried me.

             
“I just never thought this was going to be my life,” I said. “I never even thought about kids when I pictured my future, especially not this early.”

             
“I did,” Adam said. “I want a big family, at least three kids. And a nice, big house, but not as big as my parent’s. Right here in Haven, so the beach can be their playground.” He planted a few kisses on the top of my head. “And a beautiful woman by my side. I couldn’t imagine anyone fitting that role better than you.”

             
I felt myself smile, a real smile, not forced at all. “But did you plan on all this starting when you were eighteen?” I asked

             
Adam laughed. “No, but I think I’m okay with it. Maybe our kids won’t be as close in age as I wanted, but we could just have a few more to make up for that.” He winked at me suggestively.

             
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t think so. One seems good.”

             
“No way,” he protested. “If you’re going to have a future with me, you’re going to have to promise at least three. Two boys and a girl, preferably, but I’m willing to compromise.”

             
“Any particular order?” I asked, amused by how well-planned his future appeared, at least in comparison to mine.

             
“The boys first, definitely. Any daughter of ours is going to need the extra protection.” He stroked my cheek affectionately. “I plan on her looking exactly like you.”

             
“Hopefully she won’t act exactly like me,” I remarked. “I don’t want to be a grandmother in my thirties.”