The Courage to Love Her Army Doc (3 page)

She leaned back the other direction toward Peter. ‘Am I persona non grata around here until the ceremony's over?'

He frowned at her. ‘What makes you say that?'

She nodded at her silent partner. ‘Your friend here can be a little cold when he wants. Thanks for landing me with a complete stranger, by the way. Just what I needed to make me feel at home. Not.'

The cheesy grin told her he'd done it on purpose. ‘I thought you two could do with some team bonding since you'll be working together, and he volunteered in the first place. I should probably mention he's a bit hard of hearing, especially if you're whispering.'

‘I had no idea!' Shame enveloped her. It had never entered her head that hearing impairment could've been an issue with Joe when he was so young and capable. She of all people should've known not to make assumptions based on people's appearances.

‘Yeah. IED blast. The one where we lost Ste and Batesy.'

The pieces she'd been scrambling to put together slowly fitted into place. Of course, she'd heard of Sergeant Joe Braden. He'd been one of Peter's best friends and that blast had made her brother finally experience for himself the worry and fear of losing someone close. It hadn't been long after that he'd made the decision to change his career path completely. She hated it that his friends had suffered so much for him to reach that point and now she'd met the man behind the name, that blast held more significance than ever.

She sneaked a sideways peek at him. His strong profile gave no clue to his impairment. There was no physical evidence to provoke a discussion or sympathy. Unlike her, whose scars were there for the world to see and pass judgement on.

Over the years she'd heard all sorts of theories whispered behind her back. From being scalded as a baby to being the victim of a house fire or an acid attack, she'd heard them all. In the end it had been easier to simply cover the birthmark than to endure the constant rumours.

Joe came across as a stronger, more confident person than she could ever hope to be, but that kind of injury must've caused him the same level of anguish at one time or another. Someone like him would've seen it as a personal weakness when their whole career had been built on personal fitness and being the best. She barely knew him but she could tell that the word ‘courage' was stamped all over his DNA. She was even more in awe of him now she knew something of his past.

As though he could sense her staring at the sharp lines of his jaw and the soft contours of his lips, Joe slowly turned to face her. ‘There's a certain guide to drinking kava. You clap once with a cupped hand, making a hollow sound, and yell, ‘
Bula
!' Drink it in one gulp, clap three times and say, ‘
Mathe.
' You'll be offered the option of high tide or low tide. I strongly advise low tide for your first time.'

‘Okay...' She might've put this down as some sort of elaborate practical joke if it wasn't for the twinkle in his eye and his excited-puppy enthusiasm while waiting for the ceremony to begin. In contrast to her reservations about the whole palaver, he clearly relished being a part of the culture.

He fell silent again as the villagers began to grind up the kava in the centre of the room. There were few women present but as the proceedings got under way she didn't feel intimidated at all. The relaxed atmosphere and the men playing guitar in the corner of the room gave it more of a party vibe. Despite her initial reservations, she was actually beginning to relax.

After they ground the kava, it was strained through a cloth bag into a large wooden bowl. It looked like muddy water to her but the chief drank it down without hesitation, as did Peter and Joe. She was thankful for the advice when it came to her turn. Requesting ‘low tide' ensured the coconut shell she was offered was only half-full.

It didn't taste any better than it looked. Like mud. Bitter, peppery mud. Definitely an acquired taste but she drank it in one gulp and did the happy, clappy thing which seemed to please everyone. For unknown reasons the proud look from Joe was the one that gave her tingles.

In fact, it wasn't long before her mouth and tongue seemed to go completely numb.

‘Whath happenin'?' she lisped to Peter as her tongue suddenly seemed to be too big for her mouth.

‘That'll be the kava kicking in. It's a very mild narcotic but don't worry, it'll pass soon.' Something that wasn't bothering her God-fearing brother as he accepted another bowl.

She declined to partake in any further rounds, which her hosts accepted without any offence. Clearly she'd already proved herself as a worthy guest. Thank goodness. Any more and she'd either pass out or lose control of the rest of her faculties. All she wanted now was for Joe to take her to bed. Home. She meant home...

* * *

Joe had become accustomed to the bitter-tasting celebration drink to the point even a second bowl had had no effect. He was aware, however, that it might not be the same for Emily, especially as she was probably tired and hungry and currently running her fingertips across her lips. Numb no doubt from the small taste she'd had. He watched as she darted her tongue out to lick them, drawing his attention and thoughts to where they shouldn't go.

Emily was his best friend's sister and obviously running away from her demons to have come somewhere so clearly out of her comfort zone. She wasn't, and couldn't ever be, someone he could hook up with. Normally he didn't hesitate to act on his attraction to women on his travels. Life was too short and so was his stay in their company when he was always on the move. This was an entirely different situation. Peter would always be part of his life and he wouldn't jeopardise that friendship when he invariably moved on. There was no point thinking of her as anything other than a hindrance, a soft soul who'd probably never left her cosy office and would only get in his way. A liability he didn't want or need.

Now she had been fully accepted into the community the villagers soon let their curiosity shine through and asked the questions he already knew the answers to.

‘Do you have a husband?'

‘What about children?'

The first question had thrown her, he could see it in her wide aquamarine eyes and knew why. Peter had confided in him about her marital problems long before her arrival because he'd worried how she might've been affected by it all. He'd taken her acceptance to help out on the mission as the first step to her recovery and had sworn Joe to secrecy. Not that it was any of his business anyway and he'd no wish to embarrass her by answering for her now. This was her call.

She took her time in finding an answer she was happy to give them. ‘No husband or children.'

It didn't surprise him to find her divorce wasn't a subject she intended to discuss. She wasn't the only one who preferred to keep private matters out of the public domain. Only Peter knew about his past in the army and the fallout from the IED, and that's the way it would stay. Much like Emily, he'd decided he didn't need sympathy or pitying looks.

The gathering and the kava seemed to relax her more as the evening wore on, and she fielded their questions about her work without giving away too much personal information. A single, female doctor was something of a novelty out here and he understood their fascination. He was caught up in it too.

As usual, the evening ended with music and dancing, with both he and a yawning Emily watching from the sidelines.

‘You can go any time you're ready.'

‘Really? They won't mind?' In contrast to her earlier attempt to cry off from proceedings, she now seemed apprehensive about potentially upsetting her hosts. That was the beauty of the people here. They were so warm and friendly it was impossible to feel like an outsider for too long.

‘Sure. You've done everything right and they'll understand you're tired. This could go on all night.' He got up and helped her to her feet.

‘Peter?' She waited for her brother to join her but he wasn't as ready as his companions to leave.

Joe couldn't wait for some time out from the crowd. Sometimes the white noise could be a bit overwhelming when he couldn't pick out individual conversations.

‘You could see Emily to Miriama's, couldn't you? It's on the way back to the medical centre.'

He couldn't fault Peter's logic since he was staying with the chief anyway but it meant prolonging his role as escort a while longer. This was beyond the remit of his volunteer medic/best friend duties and he didn't want it to become a habit. He'd only known Emily a few hours and for someone who considered himself a lone wolf he'd already taken on too much responsibility.

‘Fine.' He sighed with just enough sulkiness to let Peter know he wasn't happy playing babysitter any more.

The only thoughts in his head about Emily should be to do with the clinic and how they were going to make it work together. Now there was no chance of forgetting how beautiful she'd looked, sitting cross-legged, utterly transfixed with island life, if she was going to be the last thing he saw before going to sleep.

CHAPTER THREE

E
MILY
WAS
STILL
trying to shuffle back into her shoes as she trailed after Joe. If it wasn't for it being completely pitch-black outside without the streetlights she took for granted back home and the sense of direction that meant she shouldn't be allowed out of the house unsupervised, she'd totally have made her own way back without him. Joe's term as ‘leader' had clearly ended given his reluctance to see her home. Not that she blamed him. She'd imposed long enough and as soon as she had five minutes alone with her brother she'd tear strips off him for palming her off on him all night.

Peter should have understood what a big deal it had been for her to come here and gone out of his way to look after her. She needed some TLC after everything she'd gone through, not being frog-marched home as if she'd broken curfew. This was supposed to build her confidence, not reaffirm that idea she spoiled everyone's fun.

‘I'm sorry you've copped babysitting duties for the nuisance little sister again.' She made sure she spoke loudly and clearly for him to hear. She didn't know the full extent of his hearing loss. He wasn't wearing a hearing aid but he was the type of guy who wouldn't be seen with one even if he needed it.

‘No problem. We can't have you stumbling about here alone in the dark. It'll take a while for you to get your bearings but you'll be able to walk this island with your eyes shut in no time.'

She didn't correct him by admitting another of her weaknesses since he was probably pinning his hopes on it so he wouldn't have to do this again. However, without her chatter, the sound of his heavy footsteps dominated the night, reminding her he was trying to ditch her as soon as possible.

‘So what was with all the questions back there? They're not planning on marrying me off to the chief's son, are they?' It was a pseudo-concern in an attempt at small talk. Mostly.

The footsteps stopped and she could hear him grinding the dirt underfoot as he spun round.

‘You've watched way too many movies. These people are no different from you or me. They simply have a sense of tradition. They've accepted you as one of their own, there's no ulterior motive.'

She was caught so off balance by his passion as he spoke of his new friends that she stumbled. She made a grab for him in the dark to steady herself and found a nice sturdy bicep beneath her fingers.

‘Sorry,' she mumbled, eventually letting go once the shock of coming into contact with bare male body parts wore off. Or at least when she thought the prolonged touching was entering the awkward and desperate phase. He may be lean but he was one hundred per cent solid hunk.

She was nodding her head and apologising as he defended his friends, in an attempt at a mature response, which probably shouldn't include going back for another squeeze.

‘You're right. I...er...was thrown by the level of attention. I'm not used to it.' If anything she tried to avoid those kinds of situations where she was the focal point of interest in case people studied her too closely and spotted her secret shame.

She caught the glint of his smile in the moonlight as he looked down at her. Compared to her last port of call, she should've been more at ease under the cover of darkness but her birthmark may as well have been blazing under his night vision she felt so exposed here with him.

‘You're beautiful and smart. Of course they want to know your story.' The tone of his voice was soft enough to snuggle into, never mind the unexpected compliment almost bringing her to a swoon.

Except he was back on the move again, not lingering for a romantic smooch under the stars. She definitely watched too many movies. Probably because reality was too damn anticlimactic. She sighed, forced to gather herself together and remember this was no holiday romance, as much as she wanted to get carried away as far from real life as possible.

He didn't elaborate on what had prompted the ego boost and she had to hold her tongue to stop herself from pushing for more praise. How had he reached the conclusion she was either of those things? And did he have any interest in her beyond work and doing favours for her brother? Would it matter if he did?

The resulting silence between them stretched out to Miriama's house, giving her time to get her head back out of the clouds. He hadn't seen her true, vivid, scarlet colours. His assessment of her looks and personality was based on a lie. He knew nothing of the scarred woman beneath who'd been rejected time and time again.

By the time they reached her doorstep she'd firmly landed her backside back on earth with a thud. All he'd been trying to do was illustrate how ridiculous her assumptions had been. He probably hadn't even meant what he'd said but it had been so long since a man had paid her a compliment she'd taken it and twisted it into something it wasn't. She blamed the kava. Apart from the numbness and the tingles, she'd add delusions to the list of side effects. She'd have to remember to ship a crate of the stuff back to England with her.

* * *

To Joe, the short walk to Miriama's seemed twice as long as usual. That was the trouble with island life. It was too easy to get caught up in the beauty of the surroundings. They should really think about investing in some streetlights here. The electric hum and fluorescent orange glare might have made this feel less like a walk home after a first date than the moonlight and the sound of the sea.

All he'd intended to do was put her mind at ease that the people here weren't perhaps as...duplicitous as those she may have encountered recently. Instead, those careless few words had given away his less-than-platonic thoughts about having her here. Now he was watching her in the dim light of the doorway, pouting and tracing the outline of her lips with her fingertips.

‘What are you doing?' He cocked his head to one side, fixated by her fascinating courtship display. If this was designed to pique his interest even further, it was working. His whole body was standing to attention as he followed the soft lines of her mouth, envying the manicured nail that got to touch them.

‘Just checking my lips are still there since I can't feel them any more.' She poked her pink tongue out, parting her lips to dampen them, leaving them moist and a temptation too great to ignore any longer.

He stepped forward to give her a soft peck on the lips. Enough to satisfy his curiosity but insufficient to quell the rising swell of desire inside.

If he didn't break away soon this would change from a simple goodnight kiss into something steamier and liable to offend Miriama. Especially as Emily wasn't protesting against this.

‘Yup. They're still there. Goodnight, Emily.' He turned his back on her and walked away so he couldn't see the dazed look in her eyes and her still-parted lips, although the sight and taste of her would probably be seared in his brain forever.

He ditched all thoughts of going to bed and chose the path back down to the beach instead. There was no point trying to go to sleep when adrenaline was pulsing through his whole body. That had been a dumb move, an impulsive one, one born of pure instinct and lack of judgement. He'd wanted to kiss her so he had, without any thought to the consequences of his actions. That spur-of-the-moment thinking was fine when it came to picking a new place to visit where no one but him would come a cropper if he made the wrong decision. When it came to kissing emotionally fragile divorcees related to his best friend it had the potential to get messy.

He lifted a pebble from the beach and threw it, watching it skim the surface of the water before disappearing into the darkness along with his common sense. He pitched another and another, venting his anger at himself in the only way possible without punching something. In the end he stripped off his clothes and chucked himself into the sea to cool off. Late-night skinny-dipping had often been a way for him to unwind but tonight it was his attempt to cleanse himself of his transgression. He didn't kiss women because he'd made an emotional connection with them, he kissed them because he wanted to. This was a woman he was going to be working with closely for the next two weeks and he was in serious trouble if he couldn't go one evening without controlling himself around her.

He dipped his head below the surface but even as he scrubbed his face with his hands he knew the cold salty water couldn't wipe away the taste and feel of her lips on his. The damage was already done. All he could do now was add it to the list of mistakes he carried with him and hope Emily didn't expect anything more from him than medical input and local knowledge. He'd hate to disappoint her as well as himself.

* * *

Emily suspected the local brew had a lot to do with her falling asleep the minute her head touched the pillow and the weird dreams that followed. She spent the night imagining she was stranded on a desert island with a hunky sea captain who looked suspiciously like Sgt Joe Braden coming to her rescue. There was no need to overanalyse it. It was simply her mind trying to make sense of the day's events, and better than spending all night worrying about what sort of creatures lurked in her small room, or thinking about that kiss.

Joe more than likely left dazed women in his wake with his throwaway kisses every day and would have no clue of the impact it had made on her. It was silly really to obsess over something so fleeting, but up until last night her husband had been the only man she'd ever kissed.

She remembered every tiny detail of the brief connection between her and Joe. The firm but tender pressure of his mouth on hers, the bitter taste of kava lingering on his lips and her body frozen while her veins burned with fire.

The past eighteen months had made her a jaded divorcee so she shouldn't have had her head turned so easily. She really needed to work on building up those walls if she was being a fangirl over a peck on the lips from a glorified babysitter.

Today was the start of her placement alongside last night's fantasy figure. There was no room for schoolgirl crushes when she was already on edge about working here. She'd risen with the sun, showered with the aid of a bucket of cold water, breakfasted on bread and jam with Miriama, and checked on Joni, but she couldn't put it off any longer. As she walked towards the medical centre she tried to focus on the positives instead of the nerves bundling in her stomach.

The sky was the brightest blue she'd ever seen, her skin was warmed by the sun and she'd swapped her usual restrictive formal attire for a strappy pink sundress and flats. She was confident in her work and her capabilities, it was more the personal aspects causing her anxieties. Last night she'd mixed well with the community but that had been in an informal setting. It hadn't escaped her attention that very few women had been present at the kava ceremony and they'd had to wait until the men had taken their fill before they'd been served. She hoped it was another nod to tradition rather than any prejudiced attitude towards women's role in society.

Joni had shown her the route back to the medical centre on his way to school and it really was nothing more than a glorified hut on the edge of the village. Thankfully the boy had shown no signs of concussion this morning but in her line of work it was always better to be safe than sorry when it could mean the difference between life and death. It was a shame that same adage had caused the end of her marriage. Playing it safe in her personal life had driven Greg away and made her sorrier than ever for the risks she hadn't taken.

Still, her love life, or lack of it, wasn't the sole reason she'd come all this way. Joe Braden certainly wasn't the risk she wanted to start with. She was here to help a community that didn't have immediate access to medical facilities, nothing more.

Once she set foot inside the designated workspace she realised how difficult it was going to be to avoid further close contact with him.

‘Welcome to your new clinic, Dr Emily.' A grinning Joe greeted her, his outstretched arms almost touching both sides of the hut.

The sun shone in behind him through the one window in the room, the rays outlining the tantalising V-shape of his torso through his loose white cotton shirt.

‘You've got to be kidding.' She hadn't meant to vocalise her thoughts and for a shameful second she wished this was one time he hadn't heard her. No such luck.

‘Hey, we gotta work with what we've got. I know you're used to all the mod cons at your practice but you have to remember the context here. Me, you and this equipment donated by the church is more than these people usually have.'

The good news was he thought her only concern was her new working conditions. The bad news was...her new working conditions.

There were two basic camp beds, not unlike the one she'd been put up in at Miriama's, a couple of medical storage lockers and chairs, some old IV stands and monitors and some sort of curtain on wheels she guessed was supposed to be a privacy screen. There were adequate facilities for routine health checks and not much else but enough to divide the workload and shared space.

‘I think this will work best if we treat this as two different clinics and double the output. You do your thing and I'll do mine.' Never the twain to meet and make body contact ever again.

She moved one medical trolley to one side of the room and claimed her half by wheeling the screen between the two beds.

‘If you say so...' Joe didn't sound convinced but at least he wasn't getting precious about this being his territory. Chances were he was happy to block her out anyway after being forced to lead her around by the hand all day yesterday.

‘I do. This is going to work.' This new set-up enabled her to take back some control of her life here and already made her feel less nauseous about the days ahead.

* * *

This was never going to work. Joe had been here long enough to understand the logistical nightmare of putting her idea into practice. There simply wasn't enough room to create two viable working spaces, although he didn't try to dissuade her from attempting it. She'd work it out for herself eventually without him coming across as a tyrant by refusing to cooperate with her plans. It was his fault she felt the need to put a barrier between them in the first place.