The Courage to Love Her Army Doc (6 page)

Shallow. So very shallow. She of all people should've resisted objectifying another human being but that flat, toned body deserved recognition. Hell, it deserved its own social media account. She fanned herself with her hand. The heat was starting to get to her and it wasn't entirely down to the fires lining their path through the encampment.

When she managed to drag her gaze away from his midsection and back up to meet his eyes she could see he was more amused than appalled by her visual appreciation.

Busted.

‘So, what do they do here?' She coughed away the stirrings his naked chest had caused with a question about the other sights of interest. Okay, steaming pans and bubbling pots weren't nearly as interesting as cheese-grater abs but were infinitely less likely to get her burned.

‘This is where they boil the
pandanus
leaves to make them soft enough to weave. They fade from green to white once they're left to dry in the sun before the cloth they make is painted to make colourful mats. It's quite an art.' Joe gave her a quick run-down of the process, displaying more local knowledge than a mere tourist should be privy to.

He might claim to have no attachment to Yasi other than another pin tack on his wall map but it had already become a part of him. Emily wondered if its mystical healing powers would work on her too. Her brother had certainly found his peace on the island and Joe was way too involved in the way of life for someone who'd probably been strong-armed into volunteering here in the first place. If all her wishes came true too this magical isle would conjure up her own successful, independent practice and someone other than her stepbrother who loved her and accepted her for who she was.

The second of those was never going to happen since there was no way in hell she'd forgo her camouflage and let anyone see the
real
her. The best she could hope for was a holiday tan and a good time. After the last year she was willing to settle for that.

He introduced her to Sou and a few of her friends, sitting cross-legged on the floor painting the mats. They welcomed her and immediately invited her to stop clutching her medical bag as though she'd come to sell them encyclopaedias and join them.

Furniture was overrated anyway. Along with the internet and hot running water. And abs. A girl could live without all of them. If she had to.

She didn't want to interrupt their working day but they were keen to start a new mat in her honour and have her be a part of it.

‘What kind of paint is this?' she asked as the ladies coloured black geometric shapes with earthy red tones.

‘The black is made from ash and coal from the fire mixed with water. It can be messy.' Sou gave her a toothy smile as she prepared the primitive materials in a bowl with her hands.

‘The red is actually from clay found on the island. It's scraped and rinsed with water to create various shades.' Although this activity appeared to be primarily women's work, Joe happily took up a place beside her on the floor.

‘You've done this before?' Was there anything left for her to explore on the island that he hadn't already laid claim to? She wanted to be annoyed at the unintentional one-upmanship but it was impossible when he didn't have a bad bone in his body. And she'd thoroughly inspected it.

He didn't seem to care about losing face at sitting in the midst of all the women, when his joy at sharing his newly acquired skill with her was plain to see.

This mat-painting session was Yasi's equivalent to a coffee morning, as Emily soon found out. The ladies spent their time swapping anecdotes and chatting among themselves but she was finding it tough to pay attention to everything going on around her when her gaze was locked onto that of the smiling hunk next to her.

‘You dip your finger in the clay mixture.' He took her hand in his and pressed her fingertip firmly into the red sludge. ‘Then it's simply a matter of colouring between the lines.' He leaned across to guide her between the thick black outlines.

His breath was hot against her neck and her own was caught somewhere between a squeak and a squeal as it brought goose-bumps along her skin. Somehow she managed to daub enough paint on to fill the small triangle she'd been assigned. Amazing when his touch had turned her into a ragdoll with no control over her floppy limbs except by his hand.

Only when he excused himself from the group to go and visit the wood-carving menfolk outside was she able to breathe and move freely again. She could inhale a lungful of fresh air no longer contaminated by his spicy, exotic scent, which had made every breath feel as though she was taking part of him inside her.

‘That man is handsome!' Sou's unlikely outburst was accompanied by the giggles of grown women with a girlish crush.

Emily gave a nervous laugh along with them, grateful she wasn't the only one finding his charms irresistible.

‘And single!' There was another titter of female appreciation. Clearly, getting het up around this man was a normal reaction and nothing for Emily to worry about.

‘Are you two together?'

It took a moment before Emily recognised they'd stopped gossiping among themselves and were addressing her directly. Four pairs of eyes were watching her unblinkingly and waiting for her answer.

‘No. No.' She couldn't keep the hint of regret from her voice when she was still recovering from her up close and personal painting tutorial.

‘Why not?' Sou tilted her head to one side and stared at her as though she was trying to work out what was wrong with her.

‘We're colleagues and I only arrived twenty-four hours ago.' Emily dodged eye contact and concentrated on staying between the lines so no one would see the naked desire for him she was fighting with every breath.

As she stared at her discoloured fingertips and shuffled position so her legs didn't fall asleep, it struck her how off track her itinerary for this trip had gone. Other than the ladies promising to drop in at the clinic, this had nothing to do with her duties as a doctor.

Sou made a strange grunting noise, which sounded like something between disbelief and bewilderment. ‘I can tell he likes you.'

The others nodded and clucked their agreement like hens around her.

‘Really?' As much as Emily was uncomfortable about her and Joe being the topic of conversation, their reassurance created a warm glow inside her. She wanted him to like her, to see her as more than his mate's kid sister he was obliged to take under his wing, and to think of her as more than a colleague. The way she was doing about him.

There was more clucking.

‘I can see it in the way he looks at you. The way he touches you.'

‘Oh, yes!'

‘Mmm-hmm.'

Another chorus of oohs and laughter sent Emily's temperature rising with the heat of being in the spotlight. Perhaps it hadn't simply been a case of wishful thinking after all.

She cast her mind back over their interaction with a different eye. Had there really been a need to hold her hand? Or sit that close? There was also the matter of that kiss. Dared she hope there'd been more to it than she'd convinced herself? And what if there was? Did she want to go there and start kissing a man she barely knew and wouldn't see again?

Every time she envisaged going through the same heartache Greg had caused her, she pictured Joe instead with his smile and gentle consideration. The answer was overwhelmingly yes, she wanted to kiss him again.

It was the possibility of rejection that frightened her, that abandonment she'd suffered too often, but at the end of this trip
she
would be the one walking away. The whole idea was that she went back to England a stronger person, a braver one for the risks she
should
take. It was time to woman up and live dangerously, and there was nothing more terrifying than the prospect of dipping a toe back into the dating pool. What better way to reintroduce herself than with a holiday romance?

She smiled to herself.

The room erupted into laughter around her.

‘Just co-workers, huh?'

‘Emily, you've got it bad.'

Yes, yes, she had and it was within her power to turn it into something good.

CHAPTER SIX

J
OE
SWUNG
THE
axe and brought it crashing down to split the timber in two. It was a powerful blow designed to be effective both physically and mentally. He'd needed to be in the company of men, doing manly things. Not more hand-holding and making memories with his pretty co-worker. It was all very well making sure they were in a public place but it kind of defeated the object of avoiding close contact if he couldn't leave her side.

He'd been carried away with the whole tour-guide demonstration with the
masi
process because she'd been so open to it. A complete attitude turnaround since the kava ceremony and he hadn't been able to resist capitalising on her new willingness to participate in the local culture. It wasn't often he got to share new experiences with anyone and showing her how to paint the mats had given him the same buzz as when he'd tried it for the first time.

So engrossed in that moment of her new discovery, he'd forgotten the reasons they were there in the first place. Patients. Work. Education. Definitely not taking part in couples' activities as if they were at a holiday camp together. He'd remembered that too late—after the touching and the quickening pulse as he'd leaned too close to the flame.

He'd made a bolt for it in an attempt to direct the adrenaline coursing through his body toward something more practical than neck-kissing his colleague in public. The sculptors had given him the job of sanding the wooden bowls they sold for mixing kava but the smooth, silky texture hadn't really detracted his thoughts away from Emily's skin beneath his touch. So he'd moved on to the more demanding task of preparing the raw material for them in the hope he'd be too exhausted to keep thinking about her. It clearly hadn't worked.

His time hadn't totally been wasted as he'd persuaded a few of the men to stop by the clinic before the end of the week for blood-pressure checks and a general ‘MOT'. If Emily had stuck to the plan she'd have a few more recruits on her side too.

‘I think we have enough now, Joe, and the light's starting to fade.' Tomasi, Sou's other half, was the one to finally call time.

Joe had been concentrating so hard on making sure he chopped the wood in half and not his foot, he hadn't noticed the sun beginning to set. In the name of health and safety he would have to call it a day. Besides, they had enough wood stacked now to last for weeks.

‘I guess I was enjoying my workout too much.' He snatched up his shirt from the top of the wood pile where he'd thrown it after working up a sweat.

‘Sou says we're welcome to stay for dinner...'

Joe glanced up as Emily's voice trailed off at the doorway to find her staring again, her mouth open but no further words forthcoming. Her eyes travelled up and down his body without ever reaching his. There was no other word for it. She was
ogling
him.

He made a bigger deal of unfolding his shirt and pulling it over his head than he really needed to, giving her more time to look. No woman had stared at him with such naked desire since the explosion, or if they had he hadn't noticed or found it quite so enjoyable.

He'd flirted and slept with women since leaving the army but a part of his male pride had died along with all his other losses. Although it was only his hearing that had been damaged in the blast he'd stopped thinking of himself as a ‘whole' man. With Emily watching him dress as though he could've been the world's sexiest male model instead of a disabled ex-soldier, he made the most of every second of it. She was a doctor who'd probably seen better bodies than his over the space of her career but her apparent fascination was proof this attraction wasn't one-sided. Not that he knew what he should do about that, if anything, when it would only complicate everything.

‘Sou has...er...invited us inside for a bite to eat.' Emily slowly came out of her trance now that those hypnotic abs of steel had been hidden from view. Thanks to the T-shirt's shield of invisibility, his hold on her was temporarily suspended. She pretended she was squinting into the semi-darkness, trying to see him, rather than getting her rocks off staring at him half-naked.

‘Is that what you want to do?'

Damn him, he'd deployed that adorable smile to disguise his dirty tactics. He was forcing her to make the decision.

‘It would be rude not to.' She'd spent the past couple of hours in their company, being part of their group, as Joe had done with the men. It wouldn't be right to shun their invitation now, especially when she had nothing to rush back to. Unlike her
real
life, she wasn't planning her evening to catch up on paperwork or binge-watch episodes of her favourite TV shows.

Dinner with friendly islanders and a hunky ex-serviceman could be the most exotic meal she'd ever have in her life.

Take that, boring old Emily Clifford!

* * *

It turned out to be every bit as extraordinary as she'd imagined. The men and women all gathered inside Sou and Tomasi's house and took up their places on the floor mats. The women had put together a feast while Emily had finished up her painting and Joe had been flexing his muscles outside. Although she remained wary about the contents of the dishes laid before her, she had Joe on hand to sample the menu for her first.

With no cutlery available she had no choice but to follow suit and eat with her hands. She chose a pork dish and something delicious called
palusami
, which Joe explained was spinach prepared in coconut cream, and washed it down with a cup of black tea. With her belly full she realised she was getting the hang of this immersion into Yasi society. The only times her nerves had bunched together to remind her this wasn't the norm for her had been when Joe had brushed against her and made her tingle with sexual awareness.

It was a blessing the others hadn't continued with their teasing because she was pretty sure she was doing a bang-up job of making a fool of herself without their help. She'd been positively drooling as she'd watched his topless axe work and tensed every time he leaned in to explain the menu to her, like some virgin schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher. Her emotions had been stretched to every conceivable extreme today and although she was glad to end it in such good company, the walk home was playing on her mind. Their last one had ended in
that
kiss and she was so tightly wound after this evening she might explode if she didn't get the release she'd been craving since his lips had first touched hers.

‘Don't forget to take your
masi
with you.' Sou presented her with the finished mat, which already held so many memories for her, when she stood to leave.

‘Thank you. That's so kind of you.' They'd spent hours working on it. Time that should have been channelled into their livelihood. It was a wonderful gesture that choked her up even though she should expect this level of kindness by now.

‘A souvenir of your time here.'

Emily didn't miss Sou's gaze flicker between her and Joe, a silent insistence she attributed significance to
all
of tonight's events.

‘I'll cherish the memories of everyone here,' she assured her with a wry smile. Tonight wouldn't easily be forgotten, with or without the satisfactory conclusion of a second, perhaps more passionate lip-lock.

Emily retrieved her long-forgotten medical bag from the corner of the room. If today had taught her anything apart from her apparent weakness for muscular medics, it was that an office and an appointment book was no substitute for getting out and experiencing life. It was no wonder Greg had grown tired of her if this was what he'd been doing while she'd remained stagnant.

After all the sweetness she'd tasted today, the thought that her inability to spread her wings beyond her own living room had killed her marriage left a sour taste in her mouth. The only consolation she had was that wherever Greg was, whatever he was doing, it couldn't compare with her current adventure.

‘Is everything all right, Emily? I know you didn't particularly want to leave the clinic but, honestly, we'd have heard about any emergency.' Joe's concern as they waved their goodbyes reinforced the idea she spoiled everyone's fun by always playing by the rules.

She'd gambled a few times over this last couple of days and the world hadn't stopped turning because she'd swapped her sensible shoes for some frivolous flip-flops. Far from creating a catastrophic shift in the universe, these spontaneous acts had added a new, fun dimension to her existence.

Each new accepted challenge had enriched her time here with new friends, new skills and tastes, and the new memories were starting to dim the unpleasant ones she'd accumulated recently. One of which topped them all. Every time Greg's cruel words came back to haunt her she'd replace the image of his mouth curled in a sneer as he turned her heart inside out with one of Joe. His lips soft and tender on hers and leaving her fuzzy inside instead of cold.

She sighed. ‘It's not that. I just couldn't help thinking that perhaps if I'd been a different woman then, this woman, perhaps Greg wouldn't have left me for someone else.'

Joe frowned at her with a scorn she hadn't expected after their evening playing nice. ‘Is that what you want? To waste your life on someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are? Did you ever think that
he
should've been a different man, a better husband, someone you weren't afraid to try new things with?'

Someone like Joe.

She'd never considered that take on the situation and had simply accepted the blame for the breakdown in their relationship as she had when her mother had left. Neither had wanted to be with her any more and since she had been the common denominator it was logical to assume she had been the root cause. They had wanted her to be someone else to suit their needs but she hadn't found that out until it was too late.

The truth was she couldn't pinpoint one specific reason why Greg had cheated on her and effectively ended their marriage. Yes, he'd said she was boring but she'd been the same woman he'd married. She hadn't changed, he had. One morning he'd simply woken up and decided he could do better. He'd simply grown tired of her and decided he no longer wanted her in his life. That thought had kept her awake and tearful for a long time. It didn't do a lot for a girl who was faced with her own faults in the mirror every single morning. She didn't want to hold on to that negativity any more.

‘No.' To all of it. Including Greg.

‘Good.' Joe took the mat and helped share her load.

She'd been clinging to the idea of marriage, not the realities of it. Working long days and being expected to have dinner waiting for her husband the minute he walked through the door had been a juggling act. In order to be the perfect wife she hadn't even confronted him on those times he'd arrived home late without an explanation, food ruined and a complete waste of her time cooking it. After the shock of his infidelity those overrunning meetings and last-minute business trips had taken on a sinister new meaning. She'd taken his word his absences were work-related, too trusting to even contemplate it was all lies to cover his dalliances with another woman. Or women. Her trust had been shattered to the point she'd no longer known who it was she'd married.

She'd never forgive him for what he'd put her through, regardless of how much he'd insisted it was her fault he'd chased excitement elsewhere. A marriage was supposed to be a partnership based on love, trust and communication. None of which it turned out they'd had. He hadn't even given her the chance to fix anything when he'd ditched her rather than discuss their problems like a normal couple. Although it hadn't seemed like it up until now, being on her own was probably better than going through the motions of a sham marriage. It had only taken some good company and straight talking for her to finally see that.

She didn't want to waste another second on regrets. That included not acting on the sexual chemistry between her and Joe. Not that she was intending to seduce him or anything, that would be a step too far, but even initiating another kiss seemed such a thrilling prospect it was all she could think about. The spectre of rejection always haunted her actions but he'd kissed her first, looked at her the way she'd lusted after him and lessened the chances he'd spurn her. It was the next big step in becoming Emily Jackson again.

Except she'd spent so long overthinking how she should approach this they were almost back at her door. So much for being spontaneous. She'd never learned how to flirt, had never had reason to. The ugly duckling would've been laughed out of high school if she'd even attempted it and it had been Greg who'd done all the running after they'd first met. She tried to convince herself this was only carrying on from where they'd left things last night when Joe had started this chain reaction inside her. He'd lit the fuse so he'd have to take responsibility for the fallout.

‘I had a good time today.' She stopped short of Miriama's house so they weren't under the porch light and reduced the pressure to make something happen there and then.

‘Me too.' Joe's bright smile lit up the semi-darkness and took the chill off the evening air.

She reached out to take the mat from him and Joe brushed his thumb along her fingers in the handover. The only sound she could hear was her own breathing as he watched her intently with no sign of backing away. It was now or never. She swallowed hard as she took a step closer to him.

They were both holding onto the mat as she closed her eyes and offered her lips up to his.

For a heart-stopping moment there was only cold air to meet her. Then the weight of his mouth was on hers, accepting her, loving her and bringing her almost to tears with relief. Each caress of her lips, every flick of his tongue to match hers made her confidence stronger and her body weaker. She'd taken a gamble and this was her reward. In future she'd remember how utterly satisfying, and hot, victory tasted.