The Courtship Basket (18 page)

“Oh?” He snatched another brownie. “These brownies are just too
appeditlich
. Are you trying to fatten me up?”

“Now why would I do that?” she teased and broke off a corner of the piece of brownie he had shared with her. She enjoyed joking around with Mike. David had always been so serious. He rarely understood her jokes, and if she teased him he would ignore her or become angry.

“So what were you thinking?” Mike asked.

Rachel brushed some crumbs off the tablecloth and onto the
ground as she thought about how much of her past she was ready to share. Then as she looked into Mike's warm eyes, she found the strength to share the truth about why she became a teacher.

“I told you I thought I'd be engaged by now and planning a wedding in the fall.” He nodded, and she continued, “I was dating someone. His name was David, and we'd been together for four years.”

Mike raised both of his eyebrows and studied her. “Four years. That's a long time.”

“
Ya
, it is.” Rachel rested her elbow on the table and her chin on her palm. “We went to school together, and we're in the same church district. I was certain we were going to be married and grow old together, but that wasn't what he wanted.” She recalled the scene at Veronica's wedding, but it suddenly didn't feel as painful as it had a few weeks ago. “The breakup was completely unexpected. I overheard him talking with my best
freind
the day of my sister's wedding.”

“What did you hear?” he asked.

“She asked him when he was going to break up with me so he could be with her.”

“
Ach
, no.” Mike looked pained. “I'm so sorry.”

“Thanks.” She brushed more crumbs off the tablecloth to avoid his concerned expression. “I was devastated, but my family took care of me. Malinda's former co-teacher had gotten married, and Malinda was looking for someone to help her out since John was going to join the class. She asked me if I would help her as a way to start fresh and get my mind off what David and Sharon had done.” She looked to where John was playing with a couple of sticks. “I hadn't thought about teaching until Malinda asked me.”

“I'm glad she did.” Mike's voice was full of warmth, and Rachel's nerve endings tingled at the sound.

Rachel smiled at him. “I am too.”

They were silent for a moment as they both turned toward
John. Rachel's mind spun with thoughts of Mike and his brother. She realized she was thankful David had changed his mind about her. He had unknowingly changed her life by setting her free.

“You were with David for four years,” Mike said, more as a statement than a question.

Rachel nodded, wondering where Mike was going with his observation. “That's right.”

“I dated a
maedel
for about two months when I was seventeen.” Mike's smile seemed embarrassed as he leaned his elbow on the tabletop. “My stepmother passed away when I was eighteen, and I haven't dated anyone since then. After she died, my life changed completely, and I stopped going to youth group and spending time with other young people. My best
freinden
are my cousins. I have
freinden
at work, but my cousins are the ones who have been there for me in the tough times.”

Rachel nodded slowly, taking in his words. “That had to be so difficult for you.”

Mike broke another brownie in half. “Losing Vera, my stepmother, was one of the most difficult things I ever went through. I really never thought much about giving up my time with
mei freinden
. I was most concerned about John and
mei dat
.”

He flicked a pile of crumbs off the table. “
Mei dat
was broken when
mei mamm
died when I was ten, and it was just as bad when Vera died, if not worse. When he married Vera, he told me he felt like he'd finally gotten his life back. He'd wanted to give me a
mamm
, and he also wanted to have more
kinner
. Vera was the answer to his most fervent prayers, and then two years after they started their life together, just when they were going to have a child, he lost her. He was completely crushed.” He shook his head, and his frown deepened. “I didn't know what to say to
mei dat
, so I just tried to take care of everything I could. I figured that by helping him, I was carrying some of his burden.”

Rachel's chest constricted with sympathy. “I'm so sorry.”

Mike looked out toward the pond.

“How has your
dat
been this week?” she asked, longing to read his thoughts.

“He gets weaker all the time.” He stared off toward John as his expression became grimmer. “I'm really concerned, but I'm doing my best to shield my worry from John. I don't want to upset him.”

Rachel fought the urge to place her hand on his arm to comfort him. “I'm sorry.”

Mike gave a brisk nod and then glanced up toward the sky. “It's so
schee
out today. And next week it will be May. The year is passing quickly,
ya
?”

“
Ya
.” Rachel suppressed a disappointing frown as she studied his sad eyes. She longed for Mike to share more of his feelings instead of discussing the weather and season to avoid what was truly in his heart.

“Rachel!” When she turned to look, she saw John tenting his hand over his eyes to block the bright sun. “Would you show me how to skip stones now?”

“I'll try.” Rachel stood and smoothed the skirt of her blue dress. “Do you know how to skip stones?” she asked Mike.

“I'm not an expert like your
schweschder,
but I've been known to skip a few.” He walked with her toward the pond.

“Okay, John.” Rachel leaned down and perused the bank of the pond. “First, you find a flat stone.”

“I
HAD A
WUNDERBAAR
TIME
.” R
ACHEL STOOD WITH
M
IKE
beside the passenger door of the van later that afternoon.

After skipping stones for nearly an hour, they had gone back to the house, where they talked on the porch for the rest of the afternoon. It had been such a wonderful afternoon that Rachel
didn't want it to end. She had laughed until her side ached while they were skipping stones and then she enjoyed the quiet conversation with Mike. But now it was time to go home and help her mother and Emily.

“
Danki
for inviting me to go on the picnic with you and John.”

“You know, it wasn't my idea to invite you. It was all John's idea.” Mike's eyes twinkled with mischief as a smile played at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh, is that right?” Rachel enjoyed seeing this teasing side of Mike. She longed to see it more often. “Well, since John is doing his chores, I will thank him for the picnic when I see him at school on Monday.”

“That's a
gut
idea.” Mike paused and his expression became serious. “I had a great time.
Danki
for bringing more
appeditlich
food for us to eat. I still think you're trying to make me fat.”

Rachel chuckled. “No, that's not true.”

They studied each other, and something unspoken passed between them. Rachel's breath hitched in her chest. Did Mike like her, truly like her as more than a friend?

“Would you like to join me at my youth gathering tomorrow night?” The question burst from her lips before she could stop it. Then she held her breath, awaiting his response.

“I'm sorry.” He shook his head and frowned. “I can't.”

Rachel's hope deflated like a balloon.
Oh no. I've been too forward, just like I was with David
. “I understand.” Her voice was soft and shaky. She gestured toward the van. “I need to get home and help
mei mamm
and Emily with chores. I'll see you soon.”

Mike nodded and opened the passenger door for her. After greeting her driver, Charlotte Campbell, he turned toward Rachel. “Have a
gut
evening.”

Rachel waved before he closed the door.

During the ride back to her house, Rachel stared out the
window and silently analyzed the events of the day. Had she misread Mike's teasing for flirting? Did he only want to be friends?

Regret boiled in her gut. She'd allowed herself to get too wrapped up in Mike's and John's lives, just as Malinda had warned her she might. When would she learn to stop trying to force love and marriage?

“Are you all right?” Charlotte asked, giving Rachel a sideways glance.

“
Ya
, I'm fine.” Rachel forced a smile. “How is your family?”

Charlotte began to discuss her grandchildren, and Rachel smiled and nodded. Her thoughts, however, were still stuck with Mike and her confusion over their friendship. Had she done something wrong today or had she misinterpreted Mike's behavior toward her?

Rachel's mind whirled with questions as the van bumped down the road toward her farm. She longed to stop the familiar apprehension and dread that seized her chest. Mike was her friend, and she could be satisfied with only being his friend.

Rachel closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She had to find a way to convince herself that any romantic feelings for Mike were immature and pointless.

Deep in her soul, however, that seemed like an impossible task.

“H
OW WAS YOUR PICNIC YESTERDAY
?” S
AM ASKED
M
IKE AS THEY
converted benches into tables after the Sunday church service.

“How did you know about the picnic?” Mike was immediately aware of what a stupid question that was. Naturally, Marie told her
mamm
about the picnic, and then the news spread throughout the family as if a match had been dropped on the barn floor during a dry summer.

Sam shook his head as they lifted another bench. “Do you really have to ask how I know? Marie talked to Mandy, of course.”

“Right. It was
gut
.” Mike slipped his end of the bench into the stand. “We went out to the pond and talked, and then Rachel taught John how to skip stones. After that, we came back to the
haus
and sat on the porch and talked. It was nice.” He shrugged, deliberately downplaying how wonderful the day had been.

As they lifted another bench, Sam grinned. “It was nice, huh?”

Mike ignored the smile and trained his eyes on the bench. “
Ya
, it was nice.”

“Is that why you looked so distracted during the service?” Sam asked as they slid the bench into the stand.

“What do you mean?” Mike followed him to a corner of the barn. “I wasn't distracted. I was concentrating on the message.”

Sam crossed his arms over his white shirt. “You looked like you were staring off into space. Were you thinking about Rachel instead of listening to the sermons?”

Mike blinked. Sam was right. As much as Mike had tried to concentrate on the minister's and bishop's holy words, his thoughts had remained with Rachel and how much he had enjoyed their afternoon together.

When he closed his eyes during the prayer, he found himself recalling every detail of her face and beautiful smile. After praying for his father's health, he thanked God for bringing Rachel into his and John's life. It was as if something warm and beautiful had taken root in Mike's soul, and a new sensation he'd never felt before seeped through his veins.

Was he in love with Rachel?

“So, I'm right,
ya
?” Sam's grin deepened.

Mike ran his hand down his face. “
Ya
, she has been on my mind.” Had the rest of the congregation also noticed his lack of concentration? Worry overwhelmed him. He didn't want to embarrass
Dat
or the rest of his family.

Besides, he knew it would never work between him and Rachel. His life was too complicated.

“I think that's fantastic.” Sam patted Mike's shoulder. “Rachel seems like a great
maedel
.” His smile collapsed. “
Was iss letz?
”

Mike glanced around to make certain no one was listening. “I really like her, Sam. I like her a lot.”

“That's
wunderbaar
.” Sam stepped closer to him and lowered his voice. “Let's go outside and talk away from the others.”

Mike followed him outside, smiling and nodding as women walked past them carrying trays piled high with food and supplies for the noon meal. They stood behind the barn, and Sam gave Mike a concerned expression.

“Why aren't you
froh
about Rachel?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

Mike leaned against the barn wall. “I'm not unhappy. I'm just realistic. It will never work between us.”

“Rachel obviously likes you if she spent the afternoon with you.” Sam rubbed his beard, a gesture Mike was accustomed to seeing when his cousin was trying to figure out a riddle. “I don't understand what the problem is.”

“I don't have room in my life for a
maedel
right now.” Mike glanced toward the pasture behind the barn. “
Dat
isn't doing well, and I don't think things are going to get much better. Didn't you notice how weak he was when you said good morning to him before the service? I need to focus on taking care of him and John, not trying to find a
fraa
.”

“You don't need to feel rushed with Rachel,” Sam said. “You can take your time. Let your relationship grow naturally. You don't need to decide today whether it's going to work. You should just get to know her and see where the relationship goes. If it's meant to be, then God will guide your path to her.”

Mike pondered his cousin's words, but doubt continued to roil in his gut. “I care about her, but it's better if I let go of any romantic feelings and just be her
freind
.”

“Have you ever felt this way about another
maedel
before?”

Mike shook his head. “No, but I've never really dated before.”

“I think you're missing the bigger picture here,” Sam insisted.

“You told me she's wonderful with John. She's just what you and John need. You might regret letting her go.”

“I didn't say I was going to let her go,” Mike insisted. “I just need to find a way to stop thinking about her.”

“Why would you want to stop thinking about her? That's just
narrisch
.”

Mike folded his arms over his chest as the pieces clicked into place. “Yesterday she asked me to join her for a youth gathering, and I told her I couldn't.”

“Why would you say no?” Sam asked.

“While we were eating lunch, John said he wanted the three
of us to spend more time together. He said it was as if we were a family.” Mike blew out a long breath. “That was when I realized John and I have become too attached to Rachel. I can't risk getting any closer to her and then having things fall apart. John has already lost his
mamm
. I can't run the risk of dating Rachel and then breaking up. It would be too painful for John. That's why I have to take a step back from her. I can't let it go any further. I have to protect John.”

Sam shook his head. “You can't let your fear get the best of you, Mike.”

“Are you two going to eat?”

Mike turned and found Mandy watching them from the corner of the barn.

“The men are sitting down,” she said, sounding insistent. “Your fathers are looking for you.”

“We'll be right there,” Sam said, his smile returning as he studied his wife.

“Okay.” Mandy hesitated for a moment, and she absently rubbed her abdomen. “Is everything all right?”

“
Ya
,” Sam said. “Everything is fine.”

“We'll be right there,” Mike promised, forcing a smile.

Mandy studied them for another moment longer and then disappeared around the corner.

“We'd better go eat,” Sam said. “Just make me one promise.”

Mike nodded. “Sure.”

“Don't give up on Rachel just yet. God has a way of surprising us with his plans.” Sam started toward the front of the barn. “I'm starved.”

Mike lingered behind Sam for a moment as he considered his cousin's words. If being with Rachel was God's plan, then why did he feel such hesitation holding him back?

“R
ACH
?” E
MILY APPEARED IN
R
ACHEL
'
S
DOORWAY DRESSED
in a purple frock. “Are you ready? It's time to go.”

“You go ahead without me.” Rachel placed the devotional she'd been reading on her bedside table. “I'm going to stay home tonight.”

“Why?” Emily's forehead puckered with concern as she crossed the large room and sat on the edge of Rachel's bed. “Are you ill?”

“No.” Rachel ran her fingers over her maroon Log Cabin design quilt as she leaned back against the headboard. “I just feel like staying home today. You can tell me all about the youth gathering when you get home.”

“There's something you're not telling me, Rach.” Emily tilted her head. “Are you worried about running into David and Sharon? You don't need to feel embarrassed around them. You did nothing wrong. They're the ones who hurt you, so you don't have to hide at home and feel ashamed around them.”

“It's not that.” Rachel sighed. “I don't feel ashamed, and it doesn't bother me anymore when I see them. I just feel like staying home today.” How could she admit she didn't want to go to the youth gathering if Mike wasn't there? Saying those words aloud would sound so immature.

“What's going on?” Emily touched her hand. “This isn't like you. You've never shied away from going to see our
freinden
.”

Rachel gnawed her lower lip and met her sister's concerned expression. She couldn't keep the truth from Emily any longer. It was time to tell Emily how Mike had hurt her feelings yesterday. “I already told you I had a
gut
time with Mike and John yesterday.”

Emily nodded, and concern filled her pretty face. “You said you and Mike really got to know each other.”

“We had fun, but I made the mistake of asking him to go to youth group with me. He said no.” Rachel turned her eyes to the
quilt to avoid her sister's expression. “I just feel so stupid and immature. I thought he liked me, and I misread his behavior, just as I did with David. I can't stand the idea of going to youth group and seeing other couples talking. It will remind me of the mistakes I made with David and now with Mike. I get anxious and I mess things up. That's why I'm alone.” Her voice quavered.

“You're too hard on yourself. Just because he said no to going to youth group doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you.” Emily clucked her tongue. “I can't stand seeing you this unhappy. Come with me and we'll have fun. All our girlfriends will be there. You don't need to be with Mike to have fun. We have fun together too.”

She took Rachel's hand and gave it a quick tug, but Rachel didn't move. “Let's go. We have to leave now or we're going to be late. I already have the buggy hitched up.”

“No, I really don't want to go out tonight.” Rachel shook her head and yanked her hand back. “I've been giving it a lot of thought since yesterday, and I feel like I have to figure some things out. I feel as if something isn't right. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm just too focused on getting married after all.”

She sniffed as tears stung her eyes. “I need to stay away from the youth gatherings before I develop a crush on another man and then wind up with a broken heart again. I'm a detriment to myself.”

“
Ach
, Rachel.” Emily lightly squeezed her arm. “You don't really mean that. You haven't done anything wrong.”

“Girls?”
Mamm
stepped into the doorway. “You're going to be late if you don't head out now.” Her eyes widened as she studied Rachel. “
Was iss letz?
” She crossed the room and stood over Rachel. “Are you crying?”

“No.” Rachel shook her head, but then wiped away more tears. “I don't feel like going tonight.”

“Why not?”
Mamm
pulled a chair over to the bed.

Rachel repeated the conversation she'd had with Emily.

“
Ach, mei liewe
,”
Mamm
began with a sigh. “You worry too much. Mike may have his own reasons for not going to youth group, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have been a
gut freind
to him, and I'm certain he's thankful for your friendship. Just give him time.”

Rachel cleared her throat and took a shuddering breath. “He told me he hasn't dated much. He dated a
maedel
for two months when he was seventeen. He was stunned to hear I dated David for four years.”

“That's why you need to give him time,”
Mamm
said. “Just be his
freind
and see where it leads. I imagine he'll eventually want to come to youth group, but you have to remember he has a lot of responsibilities with his
dat
. It's not as easy for him to go to youth group when he has to take care of his
dat
and John.”

Rachel nodded. “I know. I just hoped we had become closer yesterday. I hoped maybe his cousin would take care of his father so he could come to the youth group, like his family did so we could go on the picnic.” She grimaced, realizing how that had sounded. “I didn't mean to be so selfish. I just wanted more time with Mike.”

Mamm
rubbed her arm. “I understand. It's the excitement of new love. When you first fall in love, you want to spend every minute of every day together. It's natural.”

Rachel's throat dried. “In love?” She gulped. “I don't love Mike.” Did she love him?

Oh no
.

Her chest tightened as the reality hit her. She was falling in love with Mike. All of the signs were there. Thoughts of him drifted through her mind during the day. No wonder she didn't want to go to youth group without him. She wanted to spend all her free time with him.

Rachel closed her eyes and swallowed a groan.

“You should go to youth group with Emily,”
Mamm
continued. “Don't sit here alone and worry about how Mike feels about you. You're young, and you need to be with your
freinden
.”

Rachel shook her head.

Emily scowled before grabbing Rachel's hand and pulling her to her feet. “Let's go. We're late as it is.”

Rachel teetered and then righted herself.

“I can always count on you to get things done, Emily,”
Mamm
quipped.

Rachel sighed with defeat. Emily wouldn't give up until she got the answer she wanted. “Fine. I'll go.”

Emily gave a little cheer as she pulled Rachel into the hallway.

“You two have fun,”
Mamm
said as she followed them down the stairs.

“We're going to have a great time,” Emily said as they climbed into the buggy. “I can't wait to see Malinda. She told me after church that she met a
bu
from another youth group. I wonder if he'll be there. I can't remember his name. Did she tell you about him? He's someone's
bruder
, and apparently he's really handsome.”