The Courtship Basket (25 page)

John nodded. “Okay.” Then he buried his face in Mike's shoulder, and Mike held him close while he sobbed.

R
ACHEL WAS WALKING OUT OF THE CHICKEN COOP WHEN SHE
heard the phone ringing. She set the basket of eggs on the ground and rushed toward the shanty.

“Hello?” she asked, working to catch her breath.

“Rachel. It's Malinda.” Her cousin's voice was grave.

“Malinda.” Rachel leaned against the desk. “
Was iss letz?
”

“I just heard some terrible news. Raymond Lantz passed away last night.”

Rachel swallowed a sob as tears saturated her eyes. “
Ach
, no.”

“I had to call you as soon as I got the news. I knew you'd want to know.” Her voice quavered with emotion.

“
Danki
.” Rachel sniffed as tears poured from her eyes.

“We're going to cancel school.”

“Of course.” Rachel's voice quavered. “I need to go.”

“I'll talk to you soon.”

Rachel hung up and hugged her abdomen as sobs consumed her. Memories of Mike, John, and Raymond during their dinners together drowned her as tears clouded her vision.

M
IKE FELT AS IF HE WERE IN A DAZE AS HE STOOD BETWEEN
Onkel
Tim and Marie and mechanically shook hands with the community members who filed through his house to offer condolences and pay their respects to his father. From there the visitors moved to the open casket, which sat at the other end of the family room.

Mike's mind had registered that
Dat
had passed away, but his heart refused to admit it. Although two days had passed, Mike still expected to hear
Dat
call his name or laugh. But the house remained hollow and desolate, despite the flurry of visitors.

Many of the community members had also dropped off meals. Even though his kitchen table, counters, and refrigerator were cluttered with various dishes and desserts, Mike hadn't been able to eat. He also hadn't slept. Instead, he'd numbly floated through the days, hoping to wake up from this horrific nightmare.

His glance moved to the opposite side of the room where Janie stood with John. Holding his hand, Janie bent down and whispered something in his ear. A wave of grief doused Mike as he recalled how difficult it was for him to tell John that
Dat
had passed away. His spirit crumbled at the memory of the sound of his brother's sobs.

Hand in hand, Janie and John walked over to Mike.

“We're going for a walk,” Janie said. “We've decided we need to get some fresh air.”

“That sounds
gut
.” Mike smiled at John. “I'll see you in a little bit.”

John nodded before Janie led him through the crowd of people.

Janie and Marie continued to be a tremendous help to Mike. Not only had they handled the household chores, but they had also kept John occupied while Mike and
Onkel
Tim took care of the funeral arrangements and paperwork.

“You should get something to eat,” Marie whispered after a new line of mourners disappeared. “You haven't eaten all day.”

Mike nodded, realizing the cold and hollow feeling in his stomach wasn't only grief—it was also hunger. His stomach rumbled in response. “I'll eat something on one condition.”

“What's that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I can take the food out to my woodshop.” Mike breathed in the humid air. Janie was on the right track when she said she and John needed some fresh air. Despite having the windows open, the house remained hot and stuffy. “I need to get some air, and I need to get away from the crowd for a while.”

“Fine,” Marie whispered. “Go on and take a break. My parents and I will handle the crowd.”

“
Danki
.” Mike touched Marie's arm before weaving through the knot of people, only stopping to shake hands when familiar faces blocked his path. He filled a plate with food and started for the back door, again stopping only when prompted by well-meaning members of the community.

After nearly twenty minutes, Mike finally made it out onto the porch. He was greeted by dark, threatening clouds, which seemed appropriate the day of
Dat
's wake. He rushed down the path, through the barn, and into the solace of his woodshop. He breathed a deep, cleansing breath, enjoying the quiet and the smell of animals and wood. He was thankful to be alone with his thoughts.

Mike sat on the stool in front of the workbench and moved the food around on his plate. Despite the delicious aroma wafting up
from the various casseroles and pasta dishes and his earlier pangs of hunger, the food didn't appeal to him. He placed the plate on the workbench and picked up a block of wood. After turning it over in his hand, he began to sand it.

The tedious work felt like a balm to his soul, and for the first time since
Dat
passed away, Mike was able to clear his mind.

R
ACHEL
'
S BODY TREMBLED AS SHE SCANNED THE KNOT OF PEOPLE
milling around the room. Mike's handsome face was nowhere to be found.

“I don't see him,” Rachel whispered to Emily. She looked toward the far end of the room, where she found Marie standing with a middle-aged couple. “He should be standing with his cousin.” She nodded toward Marie.

“Maybe he stepped outside for a minute?” Emily suggested. “Let's go ask her.” She took Rachel's hand in hers and steered her toward Marie.

Rachel shook the man's and woman's hands, assuming they were Mike's
aenti
and
onkel
. When she stepped over to Marie, Rachel pulled her into a hug.

“I'm so sorry,” Rachel whispered, her voice trembling.

“
Danki
.” Marie gave her a bleak smile.

“Where are Mike and John?” she asked.

“
Mei schweschder
took John for a walk.” Marie gestured toward the doorway. “Mike said he needed some air, so he took a plate of food out to his shop in the barn. He wanted to get away for a bit.”

Rachel bit her lower lip while debating if she should go talk to him. Would it be rude to barge in on him, or would he want to see her? The questions whirled in her mind as her stomach tightened.

“You can go see him.” Marie gave her a knowing smile. “His shop is in the back of the largest barn.”

Yes, I remember.

“
Danki
.” Rachel touched Emily's arm. “I'll be back.”

Emily nodded. Rachel slipped through the kitchen and waved to her parents, who were talking with another couple. Then she hustled out the back door.

Cool raindrops sprayed her face as she hurried across the lush grass to the barn. The aroma of dirt and animals assaulted her nostrils as she entered the barn and walked to the woodshop.

She stopped in the doorway. Her hands shook and her back stiffened as she took in Mike's handsome profile. Her eyes prickled with fresh tears as he sanded the piece of wood as if it were the most important task in the world.

Several minutes passed, and she wondered if he didn't see her in his peripheral vision or if he was ignoring her. The rain beat on the roof above them. The window was open just enough that its sweet smell blended with the scent of animals and dirt.

When Rachel thought the silence between them might suffocate her, she finally spoke. “Mike,” her voice croaked.

Mike slowly turned toward her, but his face remained stoic. Violet circles outlined his dull eyes, and his mouth was turned down in a deep frown. He didn't speak. Instead, he held the block of wood and sandpaper in his hands as his cool, blue eyes assessed her, as if she were a stranger. His icy stare caused her breath to hitch in her chest.

“I'm so sorry about your
dat
,” she said, her voice still trembling with grief and regret.

Mike placed the wood and sandpaper on the workbench behind him and then turned toward her again. “I'm surprised to see you.” He gave her a murderous look.

She shivered. “Why are you surprised? You didn't think I would come to your father's wake?”

“No, I really didn't think you'd come.” He folded his arms over his chest.

His cruel words stabbed at her chest. “Why not?” she asked.

“You stopped speaking to me,” he said, holding up his hands. “You just dropped me as if I didn't matter to you. I've been trying to figure out what changed between us. Did you get back together with David?”

“No,” she said quickly, stepping into the small woodshop. “I didn't get back together with David. I was wrong not to call you back last week. I'm so sorry.”

He studied her again, and her mouth dried. “Why did you suddenly stop talking to me?”

“It was a misunderstanding,” she said, her words tumbling out of her mouth in a rush. “I went to visit you at work a couple of weeks ago because I was worried about your
dat
. When I went back in the shop to see you, you were talking to a pretty
maedel
, and I misunderstood your body language. Your conversation seemed so intimate, and I thought she was your girlfriend. I thought you were seeing someone behind my back. I was so hurt that I left without talking to you.”

“You saw me talking to a
maedel
?” Mike paused for a moment, and then realization flickered in his eyes. “Did you see me talking to my cousin Janie?”

“
Ya
.” She cleared her throat. “I didn't know who Janie was, and I wasn't just hurt because I thought you were seeing someone behind my back. I was also jealous. I know jealousy is a sin, but . . . she was so pretty. I was so wrong not to trust you. I'm sorry, Mike. Please forgive me.”

“You saw me talking to a
maedel
you didn't know, and you immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion?” His voice was acidic. “You didn't even give me a chance to explain. You just assumed I was betraying you, just as David did. When did I ever give you the impression that I was like David?”

A tear escaped her eye. “You never gave me a reason not to
trust you.” She pointed to her chest. “It was my fault. I let my temper and my insecurities get the best of me, and I was wrong, completely wrong.”

“You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself,” Mike repeated, his voice rising with anger. “Janie and I were talking about
mei dat
and how worried we were about him. I asked Janie how I should talk to John about
mei dat
since
mei dat
seemed to be getting worse. That's all it was—a conversation between cousins. Janie and Marie are more like my
schweschdere
than my cousins.”

His expression darkened. “Sam told me you stopped by, and I couldn't understand why you didn't come to see me. I was worried about you. I tried to call you and I wrote notes to you in the school journal, but you just threw our friendship away as if it were nothing.”

“Your friendship means a lot to me, and I miss you.” Rachel took a step toward him as more tears flowed down her face. “I made a terrible mistake.”

“I needed you this week,” he continued. “I just went through the most difficult week of my life, and I truly needed a
freind
. There were so many times when I wished I could talk to you, but you had rejected me as if I were nothing.” He cleared his throat. “You broke my heart.” His voice quavered, and his eyes sparkled with tears.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered, reaching for him. “I wish I had been there for you. I wish I had been in the hospital with you to hold your hand.”

Mike leaned back on the stool, away from her touch.

“Let me make it up to you,” she whispered. “Please forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you,” he said, scowling. “But nothing will ever be the same between us.” He turned away from her, and facing his workbench, he began sanding the block of wood again.

Rachel wiped away the tears with her fingertips as he worked. “What are you making?” she asked, her voice thin and shaky.

“I'm not sure yet.” He kept his back to her.

She silently racked her brain for what she could say to make things right between them. Several minutes passed, the rain still beating on the roof above them.

“Mike,” she began, hugging her arms to her middle. “When I met you, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had just lost my boyfriend and my best friend, and my heart was shattered. As I got to know you, I could feel myself getting attached to you, and it scared me. I had assumed it would take years for me to meet someone special.” She took a deep breath. “But as much as I tried to resist my feelings for you, they blossomed like the daffodils in the spring.”

She took another shaky breath. “So when I saw you with Janie last week, I panicked. I thought our friendship was too
gut
to be true, and I thought I had misread how you felt about me. I was afraid I had fallen in love too soon, and the best thing I could do was pull away before you hurt me. The problem was, I had already given you my heart, and I wound up hurt anyway.”

While she talked, Mike had stopped sanding and turned toward her. Now he closed his eyes for a moment. She waited for him to speak, but he remained silent.

“I can't tell you how sorry I am,” she said, her voice becoming thinner and shakier as she continued. “I understand why you can never trust me again, but I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss our talks and picnics and ice cream. And I'm going to miss spending time with John. I'm sorry I messed this up.”

Mike bent his head and resumed sanding. She waited a few moments, and when he didn't respond, she took it as a sign that she should leave.

“Good-bye.” Rachel choked back a sob and then ran out of the barn and into the rain. She hid around the side of the barn and leaned against it as she fought to stop her tears.

M
IKE PUT DOWN THE WOOD AND SANDPAPER
. H
E COVERED
his face with his hands and took a deep, shuddering breath. When he first saw Rachel, he'd longed to wrap his arms around her, bury his face in her neck, and cry, releasing all the grief he'd held in since he'd lost his father. Mike craved her friendship and her stability, but he couldn't bring himself to allow her to hurt him any more than she already had.

His stomach had churned with anger when she told him she'd thought he was cheating on her, all because she saw him with Janie. How could she not trust him when he'd opened up his heart to her? To make matters worse, why hadn't she asked him who Janie was? It seemed the misunderstanding could have been remedied with a simple conversation. Instead, Rachel had completely shut him out when he'd needed her most.

Mike looked toward the corner of the small woodshop, where he saw the shelf he'd been working on the first time Rachel visited him here. They'd barely known each other back then, but now they weren't even friends. If only he could go back to that first day she'd tutored John so he could start fresh with her.

Mike missed Rachel. He missed their talks. He missed her beautiful smile and the sound of her laughter. He missed the way she interacted with John. If only they could make things right, but it was too late. Mike's soul was shredded, and he couldn't allow Rachel or any other
maedel
back into his life.