THE CRITIC (10 page)

He was aware he was being mean, but this mere slip of a woman was making him feel about as welcome as an ant at a picnic.

She was trying to pull away from him but he tightened his grip. “Not every man will accept sex just because it’s offered. Who the hell do you think you are coming in here and saying you want to use me for research?  I am not going to be part of your research.

“And whatever fancy word you want to use, it’s still prostitution and the last I heard it was illegal. I could have you arrested for solicitation. Imagine if I put your proposition on the air.”

He released her then. He saw the fear enter her eyes and something glistened. Oh hell, he hoped she wouldn’t cry. Sure, he’d been hard on her. But she was treating him worse than a piece of meat. She was treating him like dirt.

Her lips were open slightly. She had a pleading look but he wasn’t going to relieve her fears. He wouldn’t deny the possibility of airing her proposal. If she thought that he was that big a jerk, then to hell with her.  Let her think whatever she wanted.

Jared sat waiting for her to gather her things and run out of the restaurant. She gathered her things all right, but she didn’t run. She turned toward him, her right hand extended.

“Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Stone.”

He continued to watch as she opened her purse and placed money on the table.  He let her.  He was relieved to see the slight tremble of her fingers.

For some strange reason he was relieved to know that she’d never asked another man to go to bed with her.  He didn’t doubt her honesty.  She’d barely been able to ask him, and then only because she thought he was a jerk.  True, it wasn’t a compliment for him, but still he was glad.

Jared sat at the table alone, watching her as she made her exit.  She was walking naturally, unhurried, but the trembling in her fingers had given her away.  This was probably the hardest thing she’d ever done.

He knew he was right about her.  There was something fierce inside of her that gave her a strength that he admired.  With a groan, Jared closed his eyes, realizing how close he’d come to having her.  He fingered the papers she’d left, smiling at his own bruised ego. 

She’d offered exactly what he said he wanted.  He should have been happy, but he wasn’t.  Suddenly it was important to Jared to prove to this woman, this tiny romance writer, that he was not a demon.

When I prove that to her, when she trusts me completely, then I’ll have my fill of her.  It won’t be for research and it won’t be once. No, Ms. Toreas Rose, I may be a jerk, but before I’m finished with you, you will be begging this jerk for more
.

C
hapter Nine

Toreas walked out the door of the restaurant counting slowly to herself.  She wanted nothing more than to run but Jared was watching her.  She’d already made a fool of herself.  To run would be like slapping her own face.

Liz was right.  He had turned her down.  It wouldn’t hurt so much if it was only the sex he didn’t want.  It was her he didn’t want.  He said she looked like a scared child.  And he’d called her a pimp, or was it a john?

It didn’t matter.  He’d actually used neither of the words but he had told her she was soliciting.  And he’d been angry.  Why, she wondered, should he be so upset?  It had been his suggestion that she get more experience.

Oh my God
, she thought.
Liz
.   She wished she had kept her big mouth shut. Then she wouldn’t have to explain that he’d turned her down cold.

What if Jared made good on his threat and told his audience what she had said? 
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
   She’d forgotten who she was talking to.  The man could have been taping every word she said.

All Toreas wanted to do was go home and curl into a ball and not come out.  She wouldn’t talk to Liz.  She didn’t want to lie, but she wasn’t going to admit that the man had more or less told her flat out that he wouldn’t sleep with her if she was the last woman on earth.

She felt a tiny twinge of conscience.  She always told Liz the truth.  What did it matter now?  Liz wasn’t the one critiquing her behavior.

Toreas lifted her eyes toward the heavens. “Back off,” she yelled, ignoring the curious looks on the faces of passersby.  “Can’t I sin and be humiliated in peace?  Do you always have to get in on the act?”

Toreas wished suddenly that she were Catholic.  She could find a church, confess her sins, pray the rosary and be given absolution.  That was the way to go.

But Baptists, nope, they had to milk sin and guilt to death.  You sinned when you were three and you remembered that sin always and took it to the grave.

She had a whole pile of sins now, but in all her twenty-nine years she had never sworn. Not swearing was the one big thing her father had drummed into her head.

“Damn, damn, hell and ahh…shit.”  There, that should do it.  She lo
oked up again at the blue sky.
Now all I have to do is go and covet my neighbor’s house and commit murder. That should take care of my breaking some more commandments.

The next day Toreas forced herself to turn the television on to Jared’s show.  She had to know if he was going to mention their meeting.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it wasn’t Jared hosting the show but his boss, Derrick. She quickly turned up the sound, hoping that this meant Jared was fired.

What she heard instead was an edited version of her conversation with Jared Stone when she’d left her number for him to call her.

“
How do you prepare for interviews?  Most people take notes.”

Toreas listened with disbelief to her voice answering, “
Kelle teaches us karate
.”

She turned the set off in disgust, vowing never to watch Channel One again.  Jared had told her he wasn’t taping her.  Liar.  Now he’d completely twisted her conversation, making her seem violent and stupid.  God, what a mess.

“Please Lord, help me out of this!”  Toreas stopped in mid prayer.  Hadn’t she told God yesterday to stay out of her life?  Wasn’t that what this whole thing was about?  She’d wanted a man who could finally upstage God and make him leave her alone.

She was tired of doing what was expected of her, saying what everyone thought she should say, doing what they thought she should do.  And she was tired of God and her father being in her head, critiquing her life.  Why on earth would she want Jared?  The last thing she needed was another critic.

Toreas waited for the bolt of lighting to hit her.  Surely it must be coming.  Why was God involved in every aspect of her life that she didn’t want him in?

She closed her eyes tightly, wondering why God was never there when she sent out manuscripts.  He was never there when she received the numerous rejection slips that were vague, just “Sorry, we don’t want this.”

She could hear her father’s answer as clearly as if he were standing there.  “God doesn’t answer foolish prayers.”

“Why are my dreams foolish?”

“
Because they don’t edify the kingdom
.”

Damn, damn and double damn.  She was tired of that phrase.  Most normal people didn’t have an idea what it meant.  Then again, most normal people didn’t have voices in their heads constantly talking to them.

Toreas laughed out loud then, because she’d found a group of people who heard voices.  All writers were constantly having conversations with their characters.  That aspect of course was normal.  The characters weren’t critics.  It was the critics she’d had enough of.

She was tired of hearing those voices telling her she was doing wrong.  She knew that.  She wasn’t stupid.  She wanted to do wrong.

Only thing was, she had no one with whom to do wrong with. Even God couldn’t think what she’d done with Fred was sinning; surely it wasn’t even fornicating.  Heck, if she couldn’t remember it, maybe it never happened.

Toreas laughed once more.  Didn’t she get the chance to commit at least one big, delicious sin, enjoy it totally and completely and then be forgiven for it?

For the next ten days she stayed in her apartment, not answering the phone or going near her computer. There were tons of emails all wanting her to explain her actions. So she avoided all links with the outside world.  She couldn’t write and the callers only wanted to yell at her. Via email or phone, yelling was yelling.

  Maybe it was time she resigned from her chapter.  Forget writing, become a missionary.  That would please her father, wouldn’t it?

She gave herself every conceivable reason for not going to her writers’ group. Her head ached, she didn’t feel like going out, maybe she was coming down with something and was contagious.  None of the excuses worked.  She wasn’t a quitter.  She would go and face the music.

Having made the decision to go, Toreas went to her car and drove to the meeting before she could find an excuse that she would accept. She took in a deep breath before entering the room, allowing it to fill every cell. Then she expelled it and entered.

Glancing around the room, she quickly found an empty seat and sat down and waited.  There was a definite chill in the room.  Kelle was not looking at her, neither was Liz.  Toreas sat quietly looking at nothing but her own notepad, hoping to not draw attention to herself.

She looked up and focused on Becca when she began to speak. Scowling, Becca glanced in Toreas’s direction.

“We’ve received a letter from ARW. They’ve taken out an ad saying that American Romance Writers does not condone violence of any sort.”

Toreas sat stunned. All eyes were on her and she knew it.  “They’re also having their attorneys check whether a member can be suspended for committing such an act.”

Toreas rolled her eyes.  She didn’t believe it. 
Thanks a lot, God
. 
This was one mess where I could have used Your help.  Sure, I said I was thinking of resigning, but I didn’t mean it.  These women are my family
.

Her eyes on Becca, Toreas couldn’t help thinking how her life had become parallel to a romance novel.  If this were mere fiction, however, the door would open and Jared would enter.

Her head did a quick turn in the direction of the door and she watched the knob in anticipation.  Nothing.  She could breathe again.  The last thing she needed was to see him. She took in a breath and waited. When the door handle still didn’t turn she wondered if she was finally catching a break. Could it be possible that her prayers were going to be answered?

For once it seemed God was on her side.  Maybe her life was not going according to any pre-written script.  She could exhale, thankful that this was her life and not some story she’d wandered into accidentally.

Her attention returned to Becca.  This she could handle. This was something she could argue and plead.  This was real.  Toreas almost felt relief hearing she was about to be kicked out of ARW and her local chapter.  It meant her life wasn’t just some random scene.

A minor disturbance sounded outside the room.  Her eyes went to the door handle, all at once knowing what was about to happen. It was becoming apparent to Toreas that God was having fun with her. The door opened and Jared Stone strode into the room as though he owned it and the women in it.

“Mr. Stone,” Becca began.  “You’re not allowed to disrupt our meeting.”

“I’m joining.”  He walked toward Toreas and stopped directly in front of her. “Ms. Rose has been selling me on what a good, forgiving group of women you are.  Isn’t that right, Toreas?”

Toreas didn’t answer him.  How could she with all eyes on her?  The only thing she wanted was what had gotten her in trouble in the first place.  She wanted to slug Jared.

Okay, so
ARW didn’t believe in violence, her chapter didn’t believe in violence, God didn’t believe in violence and neither did her father.

But none of them were her.  Right this moment Toreas believed in it with all her might.  But for now, all she could do was sit like a bump on a log watching as Jared reached into his wallet and walked toward Becca.

“You have no legitimate reason to keep me out, so here’s my money.”

Toreas watched as Jared smiled at Becca.  Toreas absolutely hated the man, now more than ever.  She wished that Becca would kick him out on his wonderfully firm behind.  Instead, what she heard was anything but that.

“You have to join ARW,” Becca informed Jared.

“Not a problem,” he answered. “Sign me up.”

Toreas watched him, noting the smug, arrogant look on his face.  Why was he here?  Evidently to torture her or maybe he was her punishment for sinning.

If Jared had wanted to make an entrance and disrupt the meeting he had managed to do just that.  At least she could be grateful that there was someone sitting on either side of her.  The only chairs left were stacked against the back wall.

She and thirty other women all held one collective breath as he circled the room, then finally headed in the direction of the stacked chairs. 

She closed her eyes for a moment against his image. He was a sight to behold.  He walked slowly, moving with long graceful strides toward the stacked chairs.  He lifted the top one off with ease before turning and looking in Toreas’s direction. As his eyes found hers, she saw all the women looking first at Jared, then at her.

Where the heck did he think he was going to put that chair?  She watched him walking purposefully toward her.  He was going to do it.  He sat directly behind her and there was nothing she could do.  He was a bona fide member.

Not attracted to him.  Wasn’t that what she’d told him?  Every nerve in her body was singing from his nearness.  She still remembered when he’d held her hands tightly in his, telling her that he didn’t want her.  It had been all she could do not to kiss him.  She’d sure wanted to.

Jared stretched, his long legs bumping into Toreas’s chair.  It was an accident but he was glad to be sitting behind her.  He’d unnerved her with his presence but of course she’d never show it.

She was angry with him.  He could tell from the stillness with which she held her body.  What did she have to be angry about?  He was the one out of work.

He kicked her chair again, this time deliberately.  He wondered if she even knew he was no longer on the show.  After Derrick had aired his doctored-up conversation with her, Jared had slugged him and walked out.

Romance writers had ruined his life twice, first with Gina, and now it was their fault he no longer had a job. Correction, it was the fault of Toreas Rose.

He moved his chair even closer, wanting to tantalize his senses with a hint of her perfume.  Nothing.  He couldn’t believe she didn’t wear something so essential.

He was trying to pay at least partial attention to what was being said, but Toreas was proving to be as much of a distraction for him as he’d intended to be for her.

Yeah, it was her fault that he’d slugged his friend and quit his job. It was her fault for making him want her, not just her body, but her respect.  And it was her fault that he sat behind her, wanting her, and hating that she didn’t want him.

The moment he began to believe that this mess was really Toreas’s fault he’d believe again in the Easter bunny.

Jared could keep neither his mind or his eyes off her.  Every time she moved the slightest bit, his eyes followed her.

He was trying to envision what she was hiding behind yet another baggy and this time god-awful-ugly outfit.  The woman needed help all right, in more ways than one.  She needed a fashion consultant.

The women began moving around, startling Jared out of his daydreams.  At first he thought the meeting was over but that couldn’t be.  He’d only been in the room, what?  He looked at his watch.  About twenty minutes.

“Jared, you’re in group two. You’re a new member so you shouldn’t give your opinions until after at least sitting in on several critiques.”