The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong (10 page)
Read The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Online
Authors: A.J. Adams
M
E:
“No.”
C
USTOMER:
“Scampi?”
M
E:
*hangs up phone*
(The phone rings again.)
M
E:
“Hello, [pizza place].”
S
AME CUSTOMER:
“Tuna?”
V
IDEO
G
AME
S
TORE |
G
REENSBORO,
N
ORTH
C
AROLINA
(I work at a video game store, and I’m one of the few female employees.)
C
USTOMER:
*hands me a 360 box* “I need this game on the PS3.”
M
E:
“I’m sorry, but this game is actually only made for the Xbox 360 and PC.”
C
USTOMER:
“Are you sure? I know I’ve seen it on the PS3!”
M
E:
“N
O
… the company that makes this game works exclusively for Microsoft. Sony doesn’t have the rights to sell this game on their consoles.”
C
USTOMER:
“Well, let me talk to one of the MALE employees. Maybe he can find this game on the PS3 for me.”
(The customer walks over to my fellow employee.)
C
USTOMER, TO MALE EMPLOYEE:
“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Can you show me where I can find the PS3 version?”
M
ALE EMPLOYEE:
“Umm … she is correct. That game is made by a Microsoft-owned company. It will probably never come out on the PS3 unless Microsoft decides to sell the rights to that game to Sony.”
C
USTOMER:
“That’s it! I’ve had enough! ALL I WANT IS THIS GAME ON THE PS3! IT SHOULDN’T BE THAT DIFFICULT! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”
M
ALE EMPLOYEE:
*points to me* “There she is.”
C
USTOMER:
“Ah!!!”*throws game on floor and storms out*
V
IDEO
R
ENTAL |
A
LBUQUERQUE,
N
EW
M
EXICO
(This tiny little woman who is all of five feet tall comes into our video rental store and browses the action/adventure section for a while. She eventually comes up to me at the front counter.)
W
OMAN:
“Do you guys have
Fight Club
in stock?”
M
E:
“It should be in the Adventure section if we do.”
W
OMAN:
“No, I checked there, and I asked another guy too. He said to come up here if I couldn’t find it.”
M
E:
“Okay, let me check behind the counter. It may just not have been put away yet.”
(I look behind the counter and then check the computer to make sure, but cannot find a copy of Fight
Club
anywhere.)
M
E:
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it looks like we don’t have it in right now.”
W
OMAN:
“Oh, that’s okay. I just left work today feeling the urge to punch things and never wear a tie again. Thanks anyway, and have a good night!”
(Thankfully, all five feet of her leaves peacefully.)
M
OVIE
T
HEATER |
R
ALEIGH,
N
ORTH
C
AROLINA
M
E:
“Welcome to [movie theater]. Can I help you?”
C
USTOMER:
“T
WO
for [R-rated movie].”
M
E:
“Can I see your ID, please?”
C
USTOMER:
“I don’t have any.”
M
E:
“Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”
C
USTOMER:
“But I’m seventeen! I’m allowed to see it!”
M
E:
“Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be twenty-one to buy more than one.”
C
USTOMER:
“I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”
(At this point he flashes Daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)
M
E:
“S
O,
let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”
C
USTOMER:
“Yeah! What of it?!”
M
E:
“I’m sure the Raleigh police officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”
C
AMERA
S
TORE |
P
HILADELPHIA,
P
ENNSYLVANIA
C
USTOMER:
“Does this camera come in different colors? I really want blue.”
M
E:
“Yes, but I’m sorry … I don’t have any blue ones. I only have black, red, and bronze.”
C
USTOMER:
“Blue takes better pictures.”
M
E:
“I’m sorry?”
C
USTOMER:
“Yes, my brother takes pictures and says the blue ones are best.”
M
E:
“Well, to be honest, the color only affects how it looks. It has nothing to do with the performance.”
C
USTOMER:
“Are you calling my brother a liar?!”
M
E:
“No, I’m just saying he’s misinformed—”
C
USTOMER:
“I SAID he’s a photographer and he knows what he’s talking about. He’s been published.”
M
E:
“I’m sure he has, but I’ve done hundreds of weddings myself and I’ve been selling for years.”
C
USTOMER:
“Stop it! I want to see the manager.”
(I get my manager and explain the situation.)
M
ANAGER:
“So, I understand you want a blue camera because it’s supposed to be better?”
C
USTOMER:
“Yes, I thought you guys would know that!”
M
ANAGER:
“You know, I think your brother was mistaken.”
C
USTOMER:
“But—”
M
ANAGER:
“Let me explain. You see, sports cars come in all colors, right? You ever notice that they always seem to sell the red ones most? Porsches, Lamborghinis, and Corvettes?”
C
USTOMER:
“Well, yeah …”
M
ANAGER:
“S
O,
I think it’s an obvious choice.”
C
USTOMER:
“I’ll take the red one!”
T
HEATER |
A
USTRALIA
(A customer comes in at about 7:45 p.m. for a show that started at 7:30.)
C
USTOMER:
“Where is everyone?”
C
OWORKER:
“They’re already inside. The show started at 7:30 p.m.”
C
USTOMER:
“What? Why don’t they put that on the ticket?!”
C
OWORKER:
“They do.”
C
USTOMER:
“But the ticket says 7:30 p.m.! Why does it say 7:30 p.m. if it actually STARTS at 7:30 p.m.?!”
M
OVIE
T
HEATER |
V
ANCOUVER,
B
RITISH
C
OLUMBIA
(I’m working at a movie theater when a woman and her son, who looks about eight, storm outside and up to me at the box office.)
C
USTOMER:
“I demand my money back for our movie!”
M
E:
“Okay, no problem. Because it’s been within the first thirty minutes I can refund you the full price. What movie was it that you went to see?”
C
USTOMER:
“Sin City!?”
M
E:
*begin to refund the two tickets*
C
USTOMER:
“You know, this is ridiculous. You should have told me that this movie was inappropriate for my child. There’s not even a notice anywhere telling me this!”
M
E:
“Uh …”
C
USTOMER:
“H
OW
on earth was I supposed to know that this movie is inappropriate? You really should have told me!”
M
E:
“Are you serious? The movie is rated 18A, the poster right in front of you has a half-naked lady dancing, AND it’s called
SIN City!
Did you expect it to be about bunnies and rainbows?”
C
USTOMER:
*grabs her money and storms off with her son*
D
ENTIST |
M
ICHIGAN
(I overhear this at the dentist’s office, where the receptionist is scheduling an appointment for an elderly lady.)
R
ECEPTIONIST:
“Okay, now I’ll need your phone number.”
P
ATIENT:
“My number is 6.”
R
ECEPTIONIST:
*writes that down* “Okay. What’s the rest?”
P
ATIENT:
“My number is 6!”
R
ECEPTIONIST:
“But what’s the rest?”
P
ATIENT:
“My number is 6!”
R
ECEPTIONIST:
“Ma’am, what is the rest of your phone number?”
P
ATIENT:
“MY NUMBER IS 6!”
(This goes on for a while.)
R
ECEPTIONIST:
“Okay, listen, lady, your number can’t be 6!”
P
ATIENT:
“YES, IT IS! My number is 6! When my daughter calls me, she dials 6!”
(It turns out the elderly lady’s daughter has her as number 6 on speed dial. The receptionist never did get her real phone number.)
C
OFFEE
S
HOP |
I
OWA
C
ITY,
I
OWA
C
USTOMER:
“I’d like a large coffee.”