The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong (8 page)
Read The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Online
Authors: A.J. Adams
C
OWORKER
: “I don’t know … let me come take a look.”
(When my coworker gets there, she realizes the patron is having trouble with the image verification code at the bottom of the screen.)
P
ATRON
: “It says, ‘Please enter the characters. ‘I’ve tried ‘Donald Duck,’ ‘Mickey Mouse,’ and ‘Bugs Bunny’ and none of them work! I don’t know any more characters!”
S
NACK
B
AR
| A
MSTERDAM
, N
ETHERLANDS
M
E
: “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes, please … but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?”
M
E
: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.”
C
USTOMER
: “Oh, well…just put it in my hand, then.”
M
E
: “… Mayonnaise?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes!”
M
E
: “… in your hand?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes, yes!”
M
E
: “Are you sure?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes!”
M
E
: *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise*
C
USTOMER
: “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves*
M
E, TO MY MANAGER
: “I need a break.”
V
IDEO
G
AME
S
TORE
| M
ILWAUKEE
, W
ISCONSIN
(One day a random guy at the door of my video game store leans in and throws something at me. Out of reflex and self-preservation instinct, I catch it.)
C
USTOMER
: “I’ll be back in an hour.”
(He’s gone by the time I realize it’s a canister of film. As promised, he returns an hour later.)
M
E
: “Can I help you?”
C
USTOMER
: “Uh, my pictures?!”
M
E
: “Your film, you mean?”
C
USTOMER
: “No. It should be pictures by now.”
M
E
: “Sir, this is a video game store.”
C
USTOMER
: “Does it or does it not say on a sign in your window that you develop pictures in an hour?”
M
E
: “It does not.”
C
USTOMER
: “Twenty bucks.”
M
E
: “Excuse me?”
C
USTOMER
: “Twenty bucks says there’s a sign in your window saying you develop pictures in an hour.”
(I extend my hand, which he shakes.)
M
E
: “It’s a bet.”
(The customer storms to the front of the store and out, and spends the next two minutes running up and down the sidewalk in front of the store, frantically searching among the posters for upcoming and current video game releases looking for the sign. He comes back.)
C
USTOMER
: “You took it down!”
M
E
: “Took what down?”
C
USTOMER
: “The sign that says you do one-hour developing.”
M
E
: “Sir, this is a video game store.”
C
USTOMER
: “In that case, I want my film back.”
M
E
: “Sure. Twenty bucks.”
C
USTOMER
: “Excuse me?”
M
E
: “You owe me twenty bucks. You shook on it.”
C
USTOMER
: “I wanna speak to the manager!”
(I turn my head toward the back of the store.)
M
E
: “Hey, Jim! Someone needs to speak with you!”
(I then turn my head to the left.)
M
E
: “Be right there!”
(I then turn to face the customer.)
M
E
: “How can I help you?”
(The customer stews and stares at me for five seconds before slapping a twenty on the counter. I hand over the film, and he leaves.)
V
IDEO
R
ENTAL
S
TORE |
B
OISE,
I
DAHO
(It’s past closing time and I’ve just dealt with a rush of three new membership applications that took fifteen minutes each, and am moving on to the next customer.)
M
E:
“Sorry about that, what can I do for you?”
C
USTOMER:
“Well, these movies aren’t working. They are all scratched.”
M
E:
“Sorry about that. Pick whatever you want and I’ll exchange them.”
C
USTOMER:
“Thank you.”
(A few minutes later, a big, flannel-clad man walks in.)
C
USTOMER’S HUSBAND:
“My wife was just in here for half an hour!”
M
E:
“I’m sorry about that…”*explains situation*
C
USTOMER’S HUSBAND:
“I don’t care! You need to have more than one register open! Where is your manager?!”
M
E:
“He is in the back. We were supposed to close forty-five minutes ago, which is why I’m the only one on the register.”
C
USTOMER’S HUSBAND:
“You idiot! I need to see him now!”
M
E:
“He’ll be here … now calm down!”
C
USTOMER’S HUSBAND:
“YOU MADE MY PREGNANT WIFE STAND IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR!”
M
E:
“Well, sir … maybe you should have been a man and come in here instead of your wife.”
C
USTOMER’S HUSBAND:
*speechless*
(My manager had to pretend to fire me in front of him, but we later joked about him in the back room.)
C
ALL
C
ENTER |
P
ORTLAND,
O
REGON
M
E:
“Thank you for calling ***, my name is Ryan. How can I help you?”
F
EMALE CUSTOMER:
“Ryan? That’s not a very feminine name. Why is that your name?”
M
E:
“Because that is what I was named. How can I help you today, ma’am?”
F
EMALE CUSTOMER:
“I don’t like that a girl should have that name. It isn’t right. That’s why there are boy names and girl names. You need a new name. Let’s see, I like Beth. I’ll call you Beth!”
M
E:
“I’d rather you didn’t, ma’am. ‘Ma’am’ or my name will do just fine. So what is the reason for the call today? I’d love to be of assistance.”
F
EMALE CUSTOMER:
“Well, Beth, I was calling because I can’t log in on the Web page.”
M
E:
“Well, I’ll see what I can do. What error message are you seeing when you try to log in, SIR?”
F
EMALE CUSTOMER:
“I’m a woman!”
M
E:
“And my name is not Beth!”
T
ECH
S
UPPORT |
O
NTARIO,
C
ANADA
M
E:
“Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you?”
C
USTOMER:
*distinct Southern accent* “Where am I calling?”
M
E:
“*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your Internet, sir?”
C
USTOMER:
“I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”
M
E:
“I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”
C
USTOMER:
“Canada?! You have Internet up in Canada?”
M
E:
*sarcastically* “Nope … just got radio, in fact I had to drive my dogsled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”
C
USTOMER:
“Oh … well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.”*click*
S
UPERVISOR MONITORING CALLS:
“You can’t be serious.”
C
ALL
C
ENTER |
J
ONESBORO,
A
RKANSAS
(I work at a call center that handles many types of cell phone issues, including the bills.)
M
E:
“Thank you for calling, my name is **** and I’ll be assisting you today. Is this call in regards to wireless number ***-***-****?”
C
ALLER:
“Why y’all done sent me a bill for two thousand minutes?! I don’t even own a cell phone!”
M
E:
“Um … well, does the bill have your name on it, ma’am?”
C
ALLER:
“Of course it does! Right here …”*paper rustling* “Oh, lawdy! I done opened my neighbor’s mail!”
G
AS
S
TATION |
C
OLORADO
(The store where I’m working has literally just been robbed less than two minutes ago. I pull the switch for the silent alarm and am walking to the door to lock it until the police arrive when a customer tries to walk in.)
M
E:
“I’m sorry, I can’t sell anything to you just now. We were just robbed and I can’t let anyone else in until the police arrive.”
C
USTOMER:
“S
O,
I can’t come in? I just want gas, a soda, and cigarettes.”
M
E:
“No, we were just robbed! No one else can come in until the police clear it.”
C
USTOMER:
“But I just want…”
M
E:
“Do you really want to come in and leave your fingerprints around the store when we were just robbed and the cops are probably going to be trying to lift prints?”
C
USTOMER:
“I think I’ll come back later.”
A
UTO
I
NSURANCE
C
LAIMS |
A
NAHEIM,
C
ALIFORNIA
(A customer has run over a loose cement divider in a parking lot and damaged his car. I am trying to explain to him over the phone that he is at fault for the accident.)
C
USTOMER:
“… but that’s ridiculous! That cement divider wasn’t supposed to be there! How was I supposed to know I was going to hit it?”
M
E:
“Sir, when you are driving your vehicle, you are supposed to be aware of your surroundings and looking for possible hazards.”
C
USTOMER:
“Well, that’s just stupid. If someone put their baby in the middle of the parking lot and I ran over it, it wouldn’t be my fault, would it?”