The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong (24 page)
Read The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Online
Authors: A.J. Adams
(As with any coffee shop, it’s not uncommon for customers to request custom drinks made to order.)
C
USTOMER
: “Hi, I have a question.”
M
E
: “Yes, how can I help you?”
C
USTOMER
: “This might sound crazy, but can you make a drink I just thought of?”
M
E
: “Sure, I can try.”
Costumer: “Okay, stay with me. I want a latte, but I thought it would be awesome to add chocolate syrup to it. Can you do that? Doesn’t that sound delicious? You should try adding it to your menu!”
M
E
: “It’s called a mocha.”
C
USTOMER
: “Hey, great name! You should name it that!”
H
OME
| C
ALIFORNIA
M
E
: “Hello?”
C
ALLER
: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and—”
M
E
: “Uh, excuse me?”
C
ALLER
: “That was a #9.”
M
E
: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”
C
ALLER
: “No? Where am I calling?”
M
E
: “My … house?”
C
ALLER
: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”
D
OCTOR
| N
EW
Y
ORK
, N
EW
Y
ORK
(A patient calls to make an appointment to have blood drawn.)
M
E
: “Okay, ma’am, when would you like to come in?”
P
ATIENT
: “Can my husband come in instead?”
M
E
: “No … you need to be here when the tech draws your blood.”
P
ATIENT
: “Well, can’t I just fax it or something? I really don’t have time to come to your office.”
M
E
: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but blood can’t be faxed. You need to be physically at our office so that our lab tech can draw blood from your arm.”
P
ATIENT
: “You just want to make me pay for an office visit!”
T
ECH
S
UPPORT
| N
OVA
S
COTIA
M
E
: “Thank you for calling *** Support, how can I help you?”
C
USTOMER
: “Okay, well, you know how the laptop computers look like chairs?”
M
E
: “I guess I can kinda see how you could possibly think that…”
C
USTOMER
: “Well, I sat on it, and now it’s broken.”
M
E
: “Unfortunately, any sort of warranty will not cover accidental damage on the computer.”
C
USTOMER
: “It wasn’t accidental.”
M
E
: “If you sat on it, then it is considered accidental damage.”
C
USTOMER
: “It’s NOT accidental damage! You think somebody just sits on their computer by accident?!”
M
E
: “Okay … so the computer is damaged, right?”
C
USTOMER
: “YES!”
M
E
: “So, what would you like me to do for you?”
C
USTOMER
: “I want you to fix my computer! It’s broken!”
M
E
: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but any personal damage done to the computer is not covered under warranty. I can possibly send it in to be fixed, but there will be a charge.”
C
USTOMER
: “It’s not personal damage! I sat on it!”
M
E
: “If you sat on the computer, then you damaged it personally, and it is not covered under warranty.”
C
USTOMER
: “Are you calling me fat?!”
F
AST
F
OOD
| T
EXAS
(I’m at the second window of the drive-through where I hand out the food and drinks.)
C
USTOMER
: “Excuse me, I ordered a Coke and you gave me a Dr Pepper.”
M
E
: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll get that fixed right away for you …”
(I return with a Coke.)
M
E
: “Is there anything else that I can do for you?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes, I’m sorry, but my husband wanted a Dr Pepper and he got a Coke.”
(I realize this customer isn’t exactly the brightest person.)
M
E
: “So, let me get this straight: You ordered a Coke and a Dr Pepper, but got a Dr Pepper and a Coke?”
C
USTOMER
: “Yes.”
M
E
: “Okay, ma’am, I’m sorry about that. I’ll be right back with the Dr Pepper.”
C
USTOMER
: “Thank you!”
(At least she was nice about it!)
R
ETAIL
| B
UCKS
C
OUNTY
, P
ENNSYLVANIA
(An elderly male customer approaches me while I am restocking the men’s accessories section.)
C
USTOMER
: “I saw a toy in last week’s ad that I think my grandson would like. I was wondering if you could help me find it?”
(He proceeds to explain the toy to me, and right away I know what it is. It was extremely popular and has been out of stock since the ad came out.)
M
E
: “I’m sorry, sir, but I know for a fact we’re completely out of those. They went like hotcakes! You might want to try back on Sunday, since we’re getting a shipment.”
C
USTOMER
: “Are you serious? My grandson would really like it.”
M
E
: “Well, like I said, we’re getting a shipment on Sunday. If you’d like, I can take your name and number to call you if we get any more.”
(He looks really mad, and goes and grabs a belt from a nearby display.)
C
USTOMER
: *holding up the belt* “Get over here!”
M
E
: *speechless*
(He looks around, finds a stepstool, and sits down.)
C
USTOMER
: *patting his lap* “Get your butt over here, right now!”
(I never found out if he was joking, serious, or crazy, but I called security and he was removed from the store
—
minus the belt.)
P
IZZA
D
ELIVERY
| G
EORGIA
M
E
: “Thank you for calling [pizza delivery], how may I help you?”
C
USTOMER
: “I want a large pepperoni.”
M
E
: “Okay, a large pepperoni pizza. Can I have your phone number, please?”
C
USTOMER
: “Oh, right, it’s ***-****. I also want a cheesy bread.”
M
E
: “Okay, so that’s a large pepperoni and a cheesy bread. Is that for pickup or delivery?”
C
USTOMER
: “Delivery.”
M
E
: “Okay, can I have your address, please?”
C
USTOMER
: “Why do you need that? I already gave you my phone number!”
M
E
: “Well, since you asked for your order for delivery, we need to know the address to deliver it to.”
C
USTOMER
: “Well, I don’t want y’all having my address.”
M
E
: “Sir, if you would prefer to pick it up, we can have your order ready in about fifteen minutes.”
C
USTOMER
: “I don’t want to pick it up! I want it delivered! I have already given you my phone number, so I don’t understand why you need my address!”
M
E
: “Okay, what street do you live on?”
C
USTOMER
: “9th Avenue.”
M
E
: “Okay, sir, 9th Avenue is a pretty long street. How is the driver supposed to find you once they get to your street? We can’t exactly have him honk and yell ‘Pizza’!”
C
USTOMER
: “Well, why not?!”
M
E
: “You’d be surprised how many people would say it was theirs.”
F
AST
F
OOD
| O
NTARIO
(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)
C
OWORKER
: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”
C
USTOMER
: “I just need a minute to decide.”
C
OWORKER
: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”
(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen …)
C
USTOMER, TO HIS PASSENGERS
: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know … tomatoes!”
C
USTOMER, TO MY COWORKER
: “Okay, I’m ready.”
C
OWORKER
: “All right, go ahead …”
C
USTOMER
: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”
C
OWORKER
: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”
C
USTOMER
: *drives off without ordering anything*
R
ECORD
S
TORE
| M
ONTREAL
C
ALLER
: “DO you have the Backstreet Boys CD?”
M
E
: “No, sorry.”
C
ALLER
: “Oh, why?”
M
E
: “Well, we are more into metal and rock music.”
C
ALLER
: “But why don’t you have any Backstreet Boys albums?”
M
E
: “Backstreet Boys is not metal or rock. Did you ever see any of them play an electric guitar?”
C
ALLER
: “Come on! A. J. HAD TATTOOS!” *hangs up*
T
OY
S
TORE
| B
ELGIUM
(Santa is visiting our store, and every kid gets a small bag of candy. Then this happens…)
S
ANTA
: “Here you go, little boy!”
K
ID
: “Thank you, Santa!”
M
OM
: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”
K
ID
: “What, Mommy?”