The Darkness of Perfection (10 page)

“I’ll be right there.” I stood as he ended the call.

“Nicholas-“

“Drop it. No one touches her but me.”

A soft feminine voice penetrated the darkness along with the gentle hand that stroked my head. I couldn’t focus on the words being said, but the tone gave me a sense of warmth and security. The voice conjured an image of baking cookies with a woman with soft brown hair. I could almost smell them.

“That’s right, Jayden, squeeze the handle and the cookie dough will come out of the scoop. This way
the cookies are all the same size.”

I looked up and smiled at the nice lady. “I’m-m-m d-ddoing good?” My hands were shaky when I tried
to squeeze the ice cream scooper.

“You’re doing a very good job, sweetie. I don’t know howI ever made cookies without you. You’re a
wonderful helper and such a good girl. Everyone is going to love your cookies.” She put her hand on
my head. “They’re even better than mine.”

I put my head on her tummy and she kissed me on my head and put her fingers through my hair. It
made me think of Momma.

“Can I m-m-make a sp-sp-special cookie f-f-f-for my momma? Y-you could send it to her in the mail.

You ddo-don’t have to t-tell her it’s f-f-from me,” I whispered sadly.

I looked down, not wanting her to see the hurt in my eyes. Daddy Harrison told me Momma and Daddy
didn’t want me anymore, that I was too ugly and too much trouble. He said my daddy took money to
get rid of me. I was like a kitten from the pound that nobody wants and throws away. He said he only
wanted me because of my pretty eyes like my momma has, but my stupid words made me ugly.

“Shh, Jayden, it’s all right sweetheart.” She hugged me real tight.

I was crying like a baby again. I just missed my momma and daddy and wanted to go home. It’d been a
long, long time since I sawmy momma. I was bigger now and lost two teeth, and had another one that
was loose. Nicky’s momma was teaching me to read and spell and I could even add numbers. My
birthday was coming up soon and I knewwhat I was going to wish for. I only wanted my momma and
daddy to love me and want me again.

I dropped the scoop and hugged her back. There was a hurting inside me. Why couldn’t I say my words
better? I used to say words real good. Momma loved me then. Now I was stupid and ugly. Nobody
would ever want me except Nicky. I tried really hard to be good so Nicky wouldn’t drown me like an
ugly kitten like his daddy said. Nicky said he was my friend and he promised he’d always keep me and
not throwme away.

She kissed both my wet cheeks. Her eyes were always soft and kind like my momma’s, but not the same.

She leaned in to whisper in my ear for one of our special talks. We had lots of special talks when no
one was around to catch us. She said special talks were secrets just for girls and I couldn’t tell even
Nicky about them. She always told me my words weren’t stupid, just scared, and that I was going to
growup and be just as beautiful as my momma.

“Jayden, your momma would love to have a cookie from you. Your momma loves you and misses you so
much. Don’t ever doubt that,” she whispered. “I love you, too, so much, you sweet, beautiful girl. I
always wanted a little girl just like you to love. I don’t knowhowor when, but I promise we’ll find a
way for you to see your momma.” She kissed my cheeks again and gave me another big hug. “Nowwipe
those tears and let’s finish these cookies so we can read a story before starting supper for the boys.”

I rubbed my nose with the hem of my apron that was just like hers and tried to smile like a big girl.

“Can we read about the tree and the little boy again?”

I struggled to climb out of the darkness I was trapped in. I finally opened my eyes and blinked to try and focus in the dim light. I licked my dry lips as I studied my surroundings in confusion; I wasn’t at home or in my dorm room. My dorm was white and my bedroom at home was a buttery yellow. This room was large, stark, and cold. A couple of pieces of modern art hung on the tan walls providing the only color, and a dresser set against the far wall was stained a dark lacquer with black iron pulls. A matching desk and black leather chair sat in front of large windows covered by black and tan drapes.

The drawn curtains hid what lay beyond.

As I shifted on the bed I felt an ache in my right shoulder, making me aware that my arm was numb and stretched above my head. The sound of metal scraping against metal as I flexed my fingers startled me, and I turned to find the cause, shocked when I saw my wrist encircled in a metal handcuff attached to the iron headboard. I tugged uselessly and cried as my memory came rushing back: the creepy guy in the club, seeing the man from our summer cruise, getting sick at the club, and then nothingness. A pair of cold blue eyes flooded my mind, bringing all the pieces together: Nicky.

“No. No. No,” I wailed in denial. I looked around the room quickly to see I was alone. I heard water running from beyond the bathroom door and knew I had only seconds to escape, however hopeless it appeared to be. I rolled over and rose up on my knees for leverage, groaning as my stomach twisted in pain. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and began jerking and tugging at the cuff and headboard. “Please God, help me. I can’t be here,” I cried urgently.

The bathroom door opened behind me and I screamed, quickly turning to press my back against the headboard, instinct kicking in to protect myself from being attacked from behind.

Instead of Nicholas, though, it was the woman in my dream. She was older than in my memory, her hair a little shorter, and fine lines surrounded her eyes, but I still saw the same gentle woman who used to read and sing to me. Her eyes were filled with so much sorrow as she looked at me. She walked forward cautiously like she was approaching a wild animal, her hands held out showing me the cup of water and damp washcloth in her hands.

“Jayden, calm down. I know you’re scared, but I swear I’m not going to hurt you,” she assured me gently. She stopped beside the bed and set the glass and washcloth down on the bedside table, slowly reaching for me, observing my reaction carefully.

“Mo-Momma K?” I swallowed nervously, and allowed myself to relax despite my circumstances. She stroked my head and I closed my eyes briefly at the tender touch, knowing she wouldn’t hurt me. I looked around the room again to be sure no one else was with us before focusing on her again. “Please … please help me,” I whispered urgently. “I need to go home before my mom and dad get worried.”

I saw the resigned sorrow in her expression when her eyes darted to the closed bedroom door, and memories long buried in my subconscious started coming back to me, consuming me with the gravity of my situation. I remembered how she had started a grease fire in the kitchen, allowing me and my mom to escape in the ensuing chaos. I knew instinctively she wouldn’t be able to help me this time.

She sank down onto the bed beside me, placing her hand over mine to still my jerky movements as I fought against the restriction. “You’re just going to hurt yourself more if you keep pulling. I’m so

sorry for what Nicholas has done to you. You know I would help you if I could, but there are guards at the bedroom door and the doors to the balcony, and he has the only key to the handcuffs. Right now he’s downstairs with Richard and William. I don’t know when he’s coming back, but I don’t think it will be very long.”

Her eyes filled with tears and I could only imagine the anguish she felt knowing all her efforts to save me had ultimately been in vain. My own hysterical sobs drowned out her words as I let her hold me, knowing her warmth would probably be the only love I would receive now. My stomach lurched violently and I pulled away, slapping my hand over my mouth. She reached quickly beside the bed to hold a small garbage can under my chin as I vomited. I emptied my stomach quickly until all that was left were dry heaves, and then closed my eyes as I gulped air between my wracking sobs, fighting to control my hysteria and slow the spasms in my stomach. When I was finally able to get control of myself again, I offered a smile of gratitude when she pressed the cool cloth to my face and put the glass to my lips.

“Not too much,” she warned, as she tilted the glass for me to drink. “Take small sips to see if your stomach can handle it.” She watched me carefully to make sure I followed her instructions.

I was able to swallow several small sips before my stomach rejected it. My bladder made itself known when the latest wave of nausea passed.

“I-I need to use the bathroom. How-” I left the sentence unfinished in my embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she offered, sympathy etched in her face. I closed my eyes in dread, knowing what she was going to say next. “I’ll have to call Nicholas.”

She picked up the phone beside the bed and dialed, then flinched. “I’m very sorry, Richard, but Nicholas told me to let him know when Jayden woke. She-she isn’t feeling well and-” She paused, looking at me apologetically, “and she needs to use the bathroom.”

Katherine sat beside me on the bed trying unsuccessfully to reassure me. We both knew everything wasn’t going to be okay; nothing was going to be okay ever again unless Nicholas let me leave. It was all empty platitudes, an illusion to calm my ever-increasing fear.

I didn’t understand why Nicholas would go through all the trouble to kidnap me. It didn’t make sense.

Dad was just a fireman and Mom stayed home. They didn’t have a lot of money.

My mom and I left when I was six, so what could he possibly want with me now? I was sure he’d forgotten about me. Why didn’t he just say something last summer or when he saw me at the bar? I knew my family would be worried about me. I talked to my mom every day and Katherine told me I’d been here two days already.

I begged to use the phone beside the bed, only to have her explain it wasn’t an outside line and only worked as an intercom system within the house and surrounding buildings. Also, there wasn’t a landline anywhere on the property. The only phones were the cell phones the men carried. We were cut off completely from the outside world.

I heard heavy footsteps in the hall quickly coming closer. I swallowed hard over my rising panic and stared wide-eyed at the bedroom door, waiting for the unknown as my stomach continued to spasm.

My legs were curled under me in a vain attempt to make myself small and inconspicuous, like I could disappear. If I closed my eyes, could I wake up in my bed and forget this as just another nightmare?

I was startled when I heard a deep voice in the hall and a key in the lock. I watched the knob turn and the door swung open. As I looked at him, my mind fought again to reconcile the boy from my childhood who helped chase away the monsters with the cold, hard man in front of me now. This wasn’t the Nicky I knew before. No, this man bore a strong resemblance to the monster that lived in my nightmares.

My stomach lurched again and I quickly grabbed the garbage can, gagging and coughing as the last bit of water I’d drank left me. I took the damp cloth Katherine offered to wipe my mouth, glancing at Nicholas in embarrassment. It was humiliating to show my weakness in front of him.

“You can leave. I’ll take care of Jayden from here. Bring a tray up with soup and crackers in an hour and leave it with Tomas at the door.” He came to the side of the bed, making her rise and move out of his way. He took the garbage can liner and tied it closed, handing it to her. “Get rid of that on your way out,” he informed his mother, dismissing her. He stared at me, unwavering.

“Nicholas, please.” She placed her hand on his arm to gain his attention.

“What now?” he snapped impatiently.

His tone was so cold, and I curled in on myself even tighter, despite the pain it caused my stomach and bladder.

“You used to have such a gentle soul, Nicholas,” she stressed gently. “Don’t be this person. Please don’t-”

“Enough!” he snapped angrily. “Bring up the damn tray and keep your sentiments to yourself. Leave now.”

She offered me a quick look of encouragement, took the bag from Nicholas, and quickly left the room.

The door closed quietly behind her, leaving me alone with Nicholas. I turned back to him and flinched instinctively as he reached for me, the scrape of metal again reminding me I had nowhere to run.

“Let’s get this off so you can go to the bathroom. After that you can take a shower. I’ll put some fresh clothes out for you when you’re done.” He pulled a keychain out of his pocket, chose a small key on the ring and unlocked the cuff on my wrist, leaving the other one attached to the headboard. Then he grasped my elbow firmly and helped me to stand, holding my arm until he was assured I was steady on my feet. “Other than the nausea, how are you feeling? Any dizziness or headache? Is your vision fuzzy?”