The Darkness of Perfection (15 page)

My mother didn’t care that my young immature heart was breaking over my loss, or that I was scared that Jayden may be suffering away from everything she knew. She needed me. She had nightmares and depended on me to get her through them. She didn’t even have her stuffed animal for comfort. I-it, I amended, had been left behind, forgotten.

I stiffened my spine and threw back my shoulders as I shook off the melancholy of old emotions. That was in the past, and I wasn’t that sniveling little whelp any longer. I had been helpless to change things back then, but I wasn’t helpless now. I’d proven it by bringing her home, and I’d make sure she never escaped again.

“What do you want, Mother?” I sighed, exasperated with her silence. “I need to get back to Jayden.” It was an unnecessary reminder, but I really didn’t feel like standing here while she figured out whatever it was she wanted to say.

She stood and walked up to me. Her eyes, so much like mine, searched my face, for what I couldn’t begin to fathom. After a moment, she finally said, “Did you-” She began and then hesitated, shaking her head, her expression almost - proud? “You didn’t put her in the cage.” It was a statement, not a question. She reached out and touched my cheek with her fingertips. “He’s buried, but he’s still in there. Whatever you think, I do love you, Nicholas. I have always loved you and your brother, and only wanted what’s best for you. Please try to remember who you were.”

Then she kissed my cheek swiftly and hurried past me into the house, leaving me standing in confused silence in the darkening night. For lack of anything better to focus on, I gazed at her basket still resting on the arm of the chair she’d vacated, unable to explain the tightening in my chest her cryptic words created. I tried to shake off the feeling. She hadn’t said anything like that to me in years, mainly

because I had given her no opportunity to speak to me unless it was absolutely necessary.

I half-turned to go into the house, but paused and walked back to our chairs, picked up my discarded beer bottle and her basket, and carried them in with me. I tossed the bottle in the recycle bin and set her basket on the island. She would find it in the morning.

The room was dark, other than the sliver of light coming from the bathroom door that was slightly ajar. It provided just enough illumination to enable me to watch over Jayden while she slept. The sedative would be wearing off soon, and I knew she would probably panic the second her eyes opened.

I didn’t want her to hurt herself, and if I listened to the selfish side of me, I was still tired from all the traveling and stress of the last few days and needed some sleep, too.

At the first sign of consciousness, I braced myself for her reaction and wasn’t disappointed when she stiffened and then fought her constraints like a wild animal. She screamed and thrashed, though her movements were limited due to her right wrist being handcuffed above her. I had my arm wrapped around her torso, my leg thrown over hers as I tried to subdue her movements. I tightened my hold and continually reassured her until my words got through to her.

“Shh, Jayden, calm down. You’re all right. You’re not in the cage. You need to be still or you’re only going to hurt yourself,” I kept reassuring her as she screamed and undulated, trying to break free. Each time she would still, I would loosen my hold slightly, only to tighten it again when she renewed her struggles. While I waited for her to wear herself out, a part of me also admired her spirit. Our dance went on for almost a half hour.

She sobbed brokenly as she finally accepted defeat and lay limply in my arms. This time when I raised my leg, she didn’t move. I rolled onto my back, bringing Jayden with me so she was resting against my side with her head on my chest. I stroked her head and down her back for several minutes, giving her time to come to terms with her surrender, though it was awkward with her wrist still cuffed to the headboard.

I grasped her chin gently to tilt her face up to look at me, using my thumb to brush away the tears. The mixture of fear and despair in her eyes stoked my anger again that it had to be this way. I pressed my lips to her forehead in sympathy and spoke against her skin. “If you promise not to fight me, I’ll take the cuff off your wrist.”

“Are-are you going to rape me?” she shuddered.

Her question only added insult to injury as far as I was concerned. It was another crime to lie at someone’s door that she would even ask me something like that. I had never raped a woman in my life and I would certainly never do that to the one I planned to marry soon. Her unfounded accusation didn’t deserve an answer.

“Are you going to fight me?” I snapped, sticking with my original question and ignoring hers. It seemed her gaze was riveted to the tic in my jaw, a clear indication of how angry her question had made me. “Answer me now or the cuff stays on.”

Her throat moved as she swallowed. Her next words, though spoken quietly, were not what I expected.

“Yes. I won’t just lie here and let you rape me. You may be bigger and stronger than I am, but I promise you’re going to know you’ve been in a fight before you succeed.” The determination that resonated in her voice assured me she meant every word, but was in direct contrast to the absolute terror in her eyes. “You won’t get away with this. My parents are looking for me. I call home every day, no matter what, so they’re going to know I was kidnapped and they’ll send the police. You’re gonna go to prison if you don’t let me go. If you rape me, you’ll only make it worse.”

Despite my anger, I had to smile at her tenacity. It was admirable how she rallied her courage to make her spirited speech, though I could still feel her trembling. But as much as I admired her spirit, it was time to set her straight.

I rolled her onto her back, causing her to gasp, and all her bravado crumbled. “Nicholas, please don’t rape me. I will fight you. I swear I will. My parents will find me,” she sobbed, renewing her struggles, though we both knew they were in vain. She wasn’t going anywhere.

I let her have her misguided fight, knowing it would make her feel better, so I laid on my side with my hand propping up my head as I waited for her to give in to the futility of her fight. My continued smile only fueled her fear. Every time she tried to take a swing at me, I calmly batted her hand away. She thrashed around, occasionally kicking at me. Finally I grew bored with her antics and rolled on top of her, effectively halting her movements.

Her wracking sobs tore from her chest as she was forced to admit her defeat once again. I smoothed her hair back from her face and her eyes were closed tightly so she wouldn’t see what she assumed was coming next.

I shook my head sadly that life had brought us to this point. She used to believe in me and trust me.

The Jayden I used to know would never have believed I would do something as horrific as rape her. It just went to show how screwed up our lives had gotten because of other people’s interference.

Using the small key dangling from a chain hanging from the headboard, I freed her wrist, clasping both of her hands in mine above her head.

“Jayden. Jayden,” I admonished, gently. “How could you ever think I would do something so vile?”

Her struggling ceased and she opened her eyes. They were redrimmed and filled with hope.

“You-you’re not going to rape me?” she asked, hesitantly.

I wiped her tears and gave her a reassuring smile. “No, I’d never rape you. When we make love, you will be a willing participant.”

Her eyes narrowed and I was again surprised by her response. “Never. Not if you were the last man on earth.”

I laughed and couldn’t resist leaning down to kiss her nose, causing her face to scrunch up, before responding to her challenge. “Never is a long time and for you, Jayden, I will be the last man on earth,” I assured her.

“My parents-”

I covered her mouth, halting her rant. It was becoming tiresome and served no purpose, and it was time she knew it, too. “There’s no reason to even finish that statement. I heard you the first time, I assure you. If you promise to behave, I’ll let you up and we can talk.” I gave her a moment to think about her response. It was enlightening watching her struggle to be so brave as she faced me now.

Seeing her spirit just confirmed what I had always known: she was perfect for me. “Now, are you going to be a good little kitten?”

Her eyes narrowed in indignation, but she nodded just the same. I gripped her chin once again, forcing her to look me in the eye. “Say it.”

“I’ll be good.”

I rolled off of her and stood, extending my hand to help her up, and indicated she should walk over to the desk. She sat in the same chair as before and fidgeted nervously with the hem of her shirt. I saw the confusion in her expression as she plucked at the material.

“How did I get cleaned up?” she questioned shyly.

Standing behind her, I ran my fingers through her hair and massaged her neck gently for a moment, my thumb skimming over her collarbone as I leaned down to speak near her ear. “Do you honestly think I would allow anyone else to touch you, Jayden? You belong to me, therefore I am responsible for your care and comfort. Look at me.” When she did, I continued. “I bathed you and dressed you. All of your needs and comforts will be supplied by me alone. If you’re a good girl, you’ll be rewarded with those comforts.” I hooked my finger under the strap of her camisole. My knuckle grazed her flesh as I tugged at the strap for effect, and I felt her shudder. “And if you’re bad, they’ll be taken away just as easily. You remember the rules from before; those haven’t changed.”

She trembled violently and tears pooled again in her eyes. “Are you still going to lock me in that cage?”

I knew the question would come up and although I knew I’d never do it, she couldn’t know that. It was too valuable a tool for controlling her.

I sat down in my leather desk chair and pulled Jayden to sit on my lap. I already had her fear to manipulate her actions, but I knew even with the threat hanging over her I needed something more.

My biggest concern was her trying to escape, and only a fool would think she’d give in easily. Fear or no fear, human nature would demand her to try. I just had to squash that instinct.

“Let me explain something to you before I answer your question. There are two qualities I value in a person above all else: loyalty and trust. I give of myself freely to those I consider have earned it, and I expect the same in return. The one thing I will not abide is a liar. Liars are the same as cheaters and thieves as far as I’m concerned, and should be dealt with swiftly and harshly. I expect no less from you, Jayden. As long as you give me no reason to doubt your loyalty to me, then I’ll trust you and should never have to put you in the cage.”

I saw all the conflicting emotions in her expression as she listened: fear, confusion, disbelief. I could almost hear the wheels spinning in her head as she considered what this meant for her, and I knew she would start plotting a way to escape if she felt the threat was gone. Now it was time to bring home how futile those plans were. I would have Jayden’s loyalty, even if I had to use every underhanded, devious tool at my disposal.

“By the same token, if you break that trust, I won’t hesitate to put you back in that cage and leave you there. I know you were too young to mark time before when you tried to run away, but I know how long it was,” I reminded her. She shivered and goose bumps broke out on her arms when I brushed my thumb over the scar on her neck. I leaned in and pressed my lips tenderly against it. “One month, Jayden. That’s how long my father kept you in the cage that time, only letting you out twice a day before you were put back in again.” She cried now, probably imagining going through that again.

“Could you survive thirty-one days locked inside the cold, dark, solid steel cage I built for you?” I pressed.

“I-I- oh God, please don’t.” She collapsed in my arms, shaking her head as the fear washed over her again. “My parents. They’re looking for me. They’ll find me,” she stated, fiercely.

I held her close against my chest and brought my computer to life as she continued to reassure herself.

I hated doing this to her, but it was necessary. I couldn’t allow her to cling to false hope, or it would just take that much longer for her to accept her place.

“Jayden there are a few holes in your theory. The first being, your father is dead,” I stated, calmly.

“No! I don’t believe you. I just talked to him the other day.”

I laughed and shook my head. It was time to show her just how much I knew about her family and the threat I could be to them if I chose. “That man, Terry McAllister, is not your father. He’s a fireman who grew up in the same small town he’ll be buried in. The only time he’s ever left Springfield was to join the army after high school. He was honorably discharged after two tours. The only action he’s ever seen is a house or grass fire.” She listened to me in stunned silence as the realization of just how much I knew about her family set in. “I was honestly surprised the man had the guts and brains to take you and your mother in, considering she was on the run with you. I would love to know how she got him to agree to pretend they were married all these years. After all, he had a young, impressionable son to protect, and yet he took in a strange woman, facing a mountain of medical problems after …” I looked at her in question, though I knew the answer. “What was it? Three major surgeries from the car accident?”