The Dawn of Christmas (16 page)

Daniel’s aim was humor, but Levi didn’t find anything humorous about what he’d said.

“It’s sort of an odd coincidence.” Daniel pulled his coat collar up high, shielding his neck from the wind. “That girl I was engaged to, she was a Sadie too.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Messed up my life.” He waggled a couple of fingers near the side of his forehead. “Did a real tap dance inside my brain.” He stood upright.

Levi began to walk toward the house, ready to get out of the cold. Daniel followed him.

“Ya, I’m well aware that a woman can do that. I saw it happen to Andy, and I imagine Sadie could do it to me.”

Daniel tossed the wrapper on the ground. “You say she’s living near here?”

“Ya, her folks are from Brim, but she’s living with her grandmother.”

Daniel stopped, his eyes wide. “Tell me her grandmother isn’t Verna Lee and her name isn’t Sadie Yoder.”

“How’d you—” Levi’s worst fears swarmed like locusts and devoured every hope he’d imagined. His Sadie was the same girl who’d broken up with Daniel the day before their wedding? The thought of her courting Daniel, of her growing close to him the way she had with Levi sickened him. Worse, she’d run out on Daniel—just as Eva had done to Andy.

“It’s your life, Levi. Maybe she’s changed.” He pulled the gum from his mouth and threw it into the bushes. “But years ago she was sweeter than candy and eventually showed me a side that was battier than bats. My concern is that, given time, she’ll find some excuse and leave you like she did me.” He went to the front door and paused. “Has she said anything about me?”

“Not a word.”

He seemed relieved. “If you talk to her about this, she’ll tell you I was to blame. But it was the day before our wedding, and I just happened to be in a room alone with one of her cousins. Sadie walked in. Maybe she actually thinks she saw something. I don’t know. But I believe she was looking to bolt, and making up lies about what she saw was her way out.”

Levi could easily imagine Sadie getting cold feet and wanting to run.

Even so, he loved her. Every goofy, funny, charming thing about her. How was it possible that he’d fallen for the same woman as Daniel? He
hadn’t been clear on who Daniel’s fiancée was, but if he had, there were five Sadie Yoders that he knew of in the district. Since Daniel was a bit of a nomad, he’d lived in numerous Amish communities, and Levi imagined Daniel knew at least twenty Sadie Yoders.

Realization almost pounded him to the ground. He’d fallen for the same kind of woman as his brother had: a woman who hooked a man and then changed her mind about loving him.

God, why?
He’d thought God was leading him
out
of the wilderness.

His thoughts came in disjointed fragments. All his senses seemed to heighten as his dream world shattered, causing him to see his reality for what it was.

Around him, the empty limbs of trees shook in the wind, and a few brown leaves tumbled across the dead grass—both evidence of the arrival of another long season of barrenness.

The horses he’d spent months training would be sold later today, becoming no more to him than a way to make money.

The woman he loved was incapable of building a life with anyone, banishing him to a life of isolation.

And Levi had to face yet another truth: he was a fool.

But he wouldn’t stay that way.

He turned, seeing Daniel still standing at the back door, waiting in the cold for Levi to get a grip on himself.

Levi drew a heavy breath. The first of many, he imagined. “I’ve changed my mind. I will go with you tonight after all.”

The horse’s hoofs kept rhythm against the pavement, the familiar
clippity-clop
not moving swiftly enough for Sadie’s liking. A muddled gray daylight had edged over the top of the mountain a little while ago. Snow flurries swirled, dancing on air, as the horse and carriage joggled its way down the road.

She shouldn’t be on her way to Levi’s on a Sunday morning. It seemed self-indulgent to
have
to talk to him first thing on the Sabbath. It was God’s day, not hers. Still, she tugged on the left rein, turning the carriage onto Hertzler Drive.

What was going through Levi’s mind? He’d made it very clear they needed to use the week to think about what they wanted. They were supposed to go out last night to talk, but then he left a message on the machine in Mammi’s phone shanty. He said he wouldn’t be coming by to pick her up and that he thought it best if they continued to follow their original plan.

What?

She’d been having second thoughts about meeting up with her mission team and leaving the country. How could she leave when she’d fallen in love with Levi Fisher? She had no doubt about that. So the only question was what God would have her do now: keep her plans to return to the mission field in Peru or stay here.

Levi had to be feeling the same things she felt. Both of them were terrified of making a commitment. But they were different together than she and Daniel had been. She imagined they were different than Andy and Eva had been.

She and Levi were strong enough to let go of their fears and love each other. She’d spent a week praying about it, after which she found that she had no reservations about Levi. But what would it take to convince him? Maybe he
needed
her to leave. Maybe they needed to spend a year writing to each other.

Sadie slowed the rig, preparing to enter Levi’s driveway. It looked as if a lamp was lit in the kitchen. Gut. Maybe she wouldn’t need to wake the house to get someone to the door. After tying the horse to the hitching post, she went to the front door and tapped on the glass.

Andy came into view, mug in hand. He smiled and opened the door. “Sadie. Kumm, get in out of the cold.”

She stepped inside, and he closed the door behind her.

“You going to church with us this morning?”

“No.” The aroma of coffee permeated the air, but there wasn’t a sound anywhere else, as if even the house itself were still asleep. “Is Levi up?”

“Don’t think so, but I can fix that for you.” He set his mug on the table. “Take off your coat and make yourself at home. He was at the auction until late, so it may take me a bit to rouse him. Would you like a cup of coffee while I get him?”

“No, denki.” She didn’t know if she’d be here long enough to drink it, but she removed her coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair. “I’m fine.”

Andy disappeared down the hall. She liked the way he treated her, as
if he had a quiet hope of who she and Levi would become. He seemed to love his brother as much as he did his son. Despite his situation, Andy acted as if he believed in marriage. Why had his wife left him? He seemed pleasant and even-keeled—traits that could make a marriage work even if two people fell out of love.

Had he been unfaithful to her, so she just left? Sadie detested that she’d even thought such a horrid thing, but since she’d discovered Daniel with Aquilla … well, such thoughts came to her far more often than she liked to admit.

Andy returned, a smile on his face. “He jolted up the second I opened the door.” He went to the stove and poured a little more black liquid into his half-full mug. “Any snow sticking to the roads yet?”

“Not yet.” She wanted to ask him how Levi felt about her. If anyone knew, Andy would. But it wouldn’t be right to do so. Levi had the right to insist he and Sadie stick to their original plan and break up regardless of any fondness he had for her.

He did care for her … didn’t he?

“That’s good, although I’m sure Tobias would love for enough snow so we could miss a church day. I imagine Levi and the two other guys who stayed over last night might be tempted to want the same. I don’t think they crawled into bed until around four.” Andy took a sip of his drink. “I was about to start breakfast. Will you stay and eat with us?”

“She won’t be able to stay.”

Levi’s hard words sliced at her heart, and she turned.

He fastened the last button on his shirt and pointed at her coat. “Let’s go outside.”

“It’s freezing out there.” Andy set his cup on the table. “Everyone else is asleep. I’ll go to my room.”

Levi grabbed his coat off a peg. “It’ll be warm enough in the barn.”

She didn’t move to get her coat, and a glance at Andy indicated she wasn’t the only one baffled by Levi’s attitude.

“It was good to see you, Sadie.” Andy nodded and left the room.

Sadie put her hands on her coat, not quite ready to do as Levi had instructed.

“You broke our date rather last minute yesterday, and then you were out all night. Now I don’t even get a hello, and you can’t get me out of the house quickly enough. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a girl you were hiding.”

A look flashed through his eyes—disappointment in her, maybe. But why?

He reached over and picked up her coat. “We began our relationship as one thing, and it turned into another. We both know that’s true. I think a clean break is best. Our breakup was supposed to be inevitable, so we’ll let it begin today.”

He held the coat out to her, waiting for her to slip into the sleeves.

Concern niggled at her, and she brushed hair away from his face. “Did you hit your head or something? You don’t look or sound like the man I’ve come to know these last three months.”

He didn’t pull away, but the rigid look on his face said he wanted to. “Look, Sadie, you’ve been amazing from the start. And I know I owe you more than I can ever repay, but—”

“Owe me?” She backed up, staring at him. Had he mistaken gratitude for true caring? “All you feel for me is tied to my helping you that night?”

“Don’t do this, Sadie.”

“Do what? Try to understand?”

He said nothing.

She couldn’t catch her breath, and her suddenly weak knees plunked her into a kitchen chair. “Maybe you’re just spooked. Have we moved too fast? Because I could keep my missions plans. We could write to each other, and maybe by the time my work is finished, you’d feel ready to—”

“No.” He hooked her coat on one finger and held it out. “I won’t.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she rose. “So this is it?”

He looked at the floor before meeting her eyes. “If it helps, I’m not happy about how things turned out either.”

A door somewhere down the hall opened. It was probably Tobias.

Levi clutched the doorknob. “Kumm, I’ll walk you to your carriage.”

She put on her coat. “No, I’m fine.” She paused in front of him. “When you asked me to spend a week thinking about where I wanted us to land, I thought … I mean, you sounded …”

His eyes locked on hers. “I know, and I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“Ya, me too.” She choked back tears. “But it is what we agreed to.”

He started to open the door, and she placed her hand in front of it. “Jonah was trying to reach you yesterday. He called Mammi Lee’s looking for you. I didn’t talk to him, only listened to the message, but he’d like for you to come by today when you can.”

“I left my phone here last night.”

“You, without your phone?” Her mind spun. People were seldom good at being direct, but their actions often told everything that needed to be said. “You called me to say you weren’t coming, and then left your phone here … so you wouldn’t be tempted to answer if I tried to call back.”

In her peripheral vision, she saw a man walk to a cabinet. She glanced at him, expecting to tell Andy good-bye. Instantly her mind froze, struggling to accept what she saw.

Daniel?

He got a mug down and poured himself a cup of coffee. When he faced her, he gave her an undeniable smirk.

“Sadie.” He nodded once as if her presence here was not the least bit surprising.

She looked at Levi for an explanation. As she stood there, feathery pieces of understanding fell from the clouds surrounding his call yesterday. “How long have you known Daniel?”

Daniel lifted his cup slightly, as if mimicking cheers to her. “A lot longer than he’s known you.”

Levi pointed toward Daniel. “You stay out of this!”

Sadie focused on Levi. “So this is who you really are, a friend to
him
? And you’ve chosen to believe whatever he’s said, haven’t you?” Tears welled. “I will not defend myself.” Her heart pounded so hard she felt lightheaded. “But you know me, Levi, better than anyone ever has. Even if that wasn’t true, how can you understand animals so very well, but you can’t read what’s happening here?”

Levi looked at Daniel and then to her. “I understand enough.”

“You poor, stupid man.”

Levi flinched as if she’d slapped him. “Good-bye, Sadie.”