The Dawn of Christmas (17 page)

Jonah raised the blinds all the way to the top before taking a step back. “Can you see outside well enough now?”

Beth sat in bed, propped up by numerous fluffy pillows as she eyed his handiwork. “Almost.”

Seeing her here, safe and smiling, brought a catch to his throat. He was so happy she was all right, he wouldn’t care if she wanted him to rearrange the bedroom ten more times. Twenty. However many.

The midwife, Mandy, said that Beth had only been having Braxton Hicks and that the baby’s huge flop was the positioning of the head in the birthing position—all of which were normal and good things. Even so, Beth’s blood pressure and heart rate remained high. So Beth was on bed rest for a few days, just to be safe.

Jonah went to her side, looking out the window from her angle. He shifted the bed a few inches. “How about this?”

“Perfect.”

“Gut.” He winked, taking the blood pressure cuff off the dresser and sitting on the edge of the bed.

She frowned. “Again?”

Jonah put his index finger over his lips before wrapping the band around her arm and pressing the bulb, watching the digital numbers that blinked her heart rate and blood pressure. The machine beeped time and
again before it finally gave a long beep. He read the display, then grinned and removed the cuff. “It’s normal.”

He put the blood pressure machine on the bed beside her. Was she ready to hear his plan concerning the store and the rest of her pregnancy? He’d been waiting, not wanting to add any stress to the situation. “Listen, sweetheart.” He fidgeted with the blankets. “The busyness of the store at Christmastime is enough to make anyone’s blood pressure go up. It’s only twelve more business days until Christmas. Maybe you should stay out of the store.”

Her face clouded, and tears welled, but she nodded, confirming what he’d already suspected: yesterday’s event had frightened her as much as it had him. “I don’t know if it’s necessary to be this careful, but I won’t take any chances.”

He kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

She pursed her lips, wiping tears before she cleared her throat. “You’ll need to hire some more workers.”

“About a hundred to make up for you not being there.” He winked. “Or a few well-trained ones who are familiar with how the store is run.” He brushed a wisp of hair from her face. “I’ve been working on that. I left a message yesterday for Levi to see me today, and he came while you were sleeping. He’s agreed to work as needed between now and when the baby is born.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’ve talked to Lizzy, and she’ll work more and not leave town with Omar until after the baby is born. I think that’ll get us through.”

“I’d always heard it takes a village to raise a child, but I didn’t know it took one to get a woman through a pregnancy.”

From a love seat in Mammi Lee’s sitting room, Sadie watched the snow fall outside the window. Night began to hinder her view as darkness crowded out the day. Her eyes burned from hours of crying, but she now had no more tears to shed.

At least she had all the funds for the mission trip. A trip that could not come soon enough.

Mammi’s floor creaked as she entered the room. She had a cup in her hand and held it out to Sadie.

“Denki.” Sadie took it, breathing in the aroma of hot apple cider.

“You’ve been in here for hours, child. Do you want to talk about it?”

Sadie wasn’t sure, but she patted the cushion beside her.

Mammi sat beside her and took her hand. “What happened?”

Her throat constricted, and she took several sips of her drink. “I’m sorry, Mammi.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been lying to you and everyone. I guess I got what I deserved today. If I hadn’t been willing to deceive everyone around me, Levi wouldn’t be so quick to think me a liar.”

“What have you lied about?”

Sadie explained about pretending to court Levi and how she’d fallen in love with him. “Last Sunday, on our way home from an evening with Beth and Jonah, Levi asked me to take this week to think about where I wanted our relationship to go. He said we should stop lying to ourselves, no more hiding from each other behind our walls of pretense.” She took a sip of her cider before setting it on an end table. “We were supposed to talk about it last night. But after he didn’t arrive when he should’ve, I went to the phone shanty and got the messages and learned he wasn’t coming. That’s why I went to see him this morning. For answers.”

Mammi pursed her lips. “I told you not to go there this morning. A girl shouldn’t be traipsing—”

Sadie jumped up, her hands balled into tight fists. “Why does it always have to be
me
who’s wrong?”

Mammi stared at her, mouth slightly agape.

Sadie moved to the window. It’d stopped snowing, and a thin blanket of white covered the yard and fields. “I did everything you and Mamm and Daed and the church leaders asked of me, from the time I began courting Daniel to the day before we were to wed. You know that’s true.”

Mammi nodded. “I remember it as you’ve said.”

“I put great effort into dotting every
i
and crossing every
t
, but when I saw him with Aquilla, it broke more than my faith in him and my heart. It shattered me.”

Now Levi had smashed her heart, and all she could do was long for the day she’d leave for Peru—but this time that thought caused an odd sensation inside her. She went to the end table and lifted her drink before sitting on the edge of the chair. The cider was now tepid, but she drank it, trying to examine her motives for taking—and enjoying—her mission trips.

What was it Levi said to her the day they began their pretend courtship? Oh, ya—
I’m beginning to doubt the purity of your motives about mission work. Maybe you just don’t want to cope with your parents’ expectations
.

Clearly she’d given him more cause to doubt her ability to be honest than she could admit to.

Was she going to Peru to minister to others or to hide from herself? She’d been a nineteen-year-old child when Daniel broke her heart. She’d believed his value as a person was far above hers. She’d thought that by marrying him she’d become more valuable. When he humiliated her, she’d found a way to hide.

Mission work was a worthy goal, and she had no right to use it to
hide from disgrace. Truth was, she’d landed herself in an even more mortifying situation.

“There is no hiding, is there?” She asked herself the question, but then she looked to Mammi. “I mean, what are the chances that all these years later I’d have to face Daniel again?”

“Daniel’s a part of your trouble with Levi?” Mammi went to the rocker and sat, staring at Sadie. “You’ve got to be mistaken, Sadie.”

Her words were like a razor that opened an old wound. “Are you ever going to believe me about what I saw that day?”

“It was a confusing mess, and you were so young and impressionable.” Mammi stared at the floor, her eyes filling with tears. “I believe you now.”

Although her words had a little salve to them, Sadie had already weathered too much at the hands of Daniel’s lies for Mammi’s response to mean a lot.

“Daed never doubted me.” For the first time in years, Sadie longed to talk to him, to soak in his wisdom, maybe even yield to it. “He was good to let me go when I needed to. It had to be hard to set me free as he did—a brokenhearted kid. I love him for it, but all we’ve done for years is battle each other.”

“He’s no more perfect in his ways than you or I. But this I do know: he tries so hard where you’re concerned.”

Sadie saw that now, and she knew what she had to do. She stood.

“I want to go home, Mammi. I need time to talk to Daed before I make any other decisions.”

For the second time in his life, Levi could not believe he’d treated Sadie so horribly. What kind of a man was he?

“Uncle Levi?”

Even if she were guilty of doing what Daniel had accused her of, she deserved so much more from Levi than he’d given. He should have offered her grace and compassion. He should have been her friend.

But, no, he’d judged her and let Daniel watch as she came undone. He didn’t know why Daniel’s being here ate at him so much. But it did.

If he went to Mammi Lee’s, would she even speak to him?

Tobias slapped the kitchen table. “Uncle Levi!”

Levi glanced up. “What?”

“I’ve been talking, and you aren’t listening.” Tobias pointed at Levi’s plate. “I thought me and Daed fixed ’em real good. You don’t like scrambled eggs anymore?”

“Ya, I like them.” He tousled Tobias’s hair and forked some eggs. “Hmm, these are the best ever.” Then he about choked trying to swallow them. The eggs were fine. They were exactly how he liked them. The same as how he liked life: easy and predictable. “I’m sorry. I’m just not hungry.”

“Again?” Tobias scrunched his face and moved in close. “You sick?”

Levi looked to his brother. “Can you call off the dogs?”

“We don’t have dogs, Uncle Levi. Only horses.” Tobias sprinkled salt on Levi’s eggs. “Just how sick are you feeling today?”

Andy removed the plate from in front of Levi. “Tobias, finish getting ready for school.”

Tobias skipped out of the room and began singing about puppies.

“He’s right about one thing.” Andy swiped bits of egg off the table. “You gotta start eating.”

It’d been three days since Levi had seen Sadie. Three days of not eating or sleeping. Three days without a minute of peace. He kept expecting his mind to stop going over things at some point and give him a break. But it hadn’t happened yet.

Andy put the dishes in the sink. “You at the store today, your workshop, or training horses?”

Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He had to talk about what ate at him before he lost his mind. “Why’d she leave?”

“Sadie?”

“Eva.”

Andy scratched his head. “You know, seeing as it was me who lost a wife, you sure do carry a lot of scars.”

“She was family. Like you and Tobias. But she just walked out. Who does that? And why?”

Andy poured coffee into a mug and sat across from Levi. “I know we should’ve talked about this a long time ago, but I couldn’t.” He swiped his hand across the table. “You and I are better suited for working and arguing, even for building a home worthy of raising Tobias. But we’re not good at talking about the hard things.”

“I can’t deny that.”

Andy rapped his fingers on the table. “But you needed me to talk, and I’m sorry I didn’t. Eva was … a sinking ship. She didn’t have the
emotional strength to get through a day on her own. If you look back, you can see that. She stayed in bed most of the day, and when she got up, she needed help to do the simplest chores. Even at sixteen, I saw hints of that in her, but I didn’t have to see it, because she told me about her struggles. She was completely overwhelmed by life, and despite knowing better, I chose to lie to myself, chose to believe that I had it in me to keep her afloat.”

Levi remembered wondering why Eva had no zing to her, no desire to greet the day and enjoy it for what it was. He also struggled to understand why she’d make such a big deal out of the smallest things sometimes. But Levi had accepted Eva as she came. And now he couldn’t accept any woman for who she was. He made himself sick.

Andy took a sip of his coffee. “I think Sadie is exactly who she told you she was from the start—no angel. But think about that night she helped you, and open your eyes—she’s not Eva. She’s strong and able to see a challenge through.” He chuckled. “And she may always be in hot water with her Daed, but her joy for life is contagious.”

Dozens of memories washed over Levi. “She’s got this unreasonable fear of rodents, but that never stops her from doing what she sets out to do. It’s one of my favorite things about her.” Levi rubbed the back of his neck, grateful he no longer needed the neck brace. “None of what you’ve said helps me understand how Eva could’ve left Tobias.”

Andy looked down the hall, checking for Tobias before he leaned in. “After he was born, she was more overwhelmed. Eva didn’t believe she’d be a decent mother, and the idea of failing him—of having more babies—terrified her.” Andy sighed. “Look, I know I sort of went crazy when she left, and I leaned on you too much. But this is a good life, and I have peace about the decisions I made that got me here. You’ve got to find some peace, Levi. You’ve got to learn to trust that if you ever have to
face the unthinkable, God will be right there to give you strength. And so will I.”