THE DEAL: Novel (33 page)

She tried to reassure them because she wanted to convince herself as well that she would be better, that one day she could get over JP. When her sons talked with the doctor, he confirmed that she was out of danger and was recovering well, having spent the night well and the confusion of anaesthesia had passed almost entirely. If she continued recovering well, the doctors saw no need for her to stay in the hospital much longer. Carolina knew she was recovering well from the surgery, but she knew she was not recovering from the shock of knowing about JP, she knew something was not right, she was different. She feels incredibly sad, she doesn’t want to live and she doesn’t have strength to change that, not even to talk with the doctor about it. Carolina stayed two more days in the hospital and was discharged when the boys helped her to get home, still concerned to get the mother with all the care she deserved.

At home with the children, she noticed the apartment was beautiful and everything clean, she knew most of the work had been from the cleaning lady that had passed there in the morning, as she usual use to do from Monday to Friday. But the flowers around the house, it had been Leo's work, he's the one who likes to offer flowers to his mother because he knows that she loves it, and he made her this surprise.

Physically by the end of one week Carolina was ready to return to work. However psychologically he wasn’t feeling very well at all, she felt sad, depressed and despite all the love and affection the boys gave her she could avoid but feeling miserable. Life was like it had always been before the operation dedicating her life to her sons, went to work, meeting up with some friends for dinner and went only to the most important events during the week. The way she felt well was shut at home all weekend alone, she didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. She used to stay the entire weekend alone lying in bed or sitting on the couch watching TV. Most of the time she was not even watching TV, she almost didn’t paid attention to her favourite series, she find herself looking into infinity, remembering the dream over and over again, that seemed so intense of feelings and felt so absurdly real.

She revisited in her memory the dream to the detail over and over again she just can’t help it, when she was distracted she was already dreaming awake. The dream she had under the effects of anaesthesia was exactly what she was searching in her life, she thought she had found with the father of her sons at the time she got married, but as soon she had the second son he started to give more importance to his friends then to his own family, leaving them night over night alone at home and going out to be with his friends, it came a day she decided that she was better alone, but she never give on hoping to find one day one man who cared genuinely for her and could be a real family man. The dream she had was what she wanted a long time, and it had been hidden in her unconscious all this time, making her aware and know exactly what she needed to look for, she needed to search for JP.

She felt the dream as if it was for real, her pain was real, she had never really been aware that she needed something more in her life to complete her happiness until the day she woke up from the surgery. She wanted to find a man in real life to make her vibrate with passion like JP because she wanted to be loved by a man like JP learned to love her in the dream.

Carolina couldn’t forget the man from her dream and she couldn’t forget how he looked at her with his intense blue eyes. When she was concentrated in her thoughts she could see the way he looked at her, she could almost feel his kisses on her lips and she could swore that she could often smell him around her. She knew it was her mind tricking her and none of this was real, but when she was away in her thoughts it seemed all so true. Realizing that what she had lived in the dream had been as intense and authentic as if she felt his loss in real life, as if he had existed in her life.

It took weeks, months and Carolina was still feeling that unsettling unhappiness craving for someone who never existed, missing someone who never real touched her, grieving for someone who didn’t died. Time was passing, but she continued whenever she had a spare minute absented remembering all times with JP, especially when they share that wonderful love they lived together, and when she feels that full happiness she longed for him, she misses him badly. Over the months the memories are no longer as sharp as they were after the surgery and colours were now less vibrant as they were before.

Now she wanted to remember how they had met in the dream but she couldn’t. Her sons seeing her every day with that sadness engraved on her face, they didn’t know what to do and in an attempt to cheer her, they installed a dating application on her phone. A flash of memory appears in Carolina’s mind and she remembers right now how exactly she met JP!

It was through that application that in her dream she had meet JP! She wasted no time and began her quest to find JP in that application, she didn’t sleep that night in a constant search for him. She knew she was crazy running all those pictures looking for him, but she had nothing to lose. Like in the dream he could be real and he could be out there, she just needed to look for him. Already early in the morning, the photos and the names started to repeat and were the same from the beginning when she started. Disappointed Carolina gave up tired and fell asleep.

In the following days Carolina continued her search in the application for JP, without finding him. The hopes that she had deposited to find him now in real life through the application had revived the memory of all moments that she had lived in another world. If he was out there she was determinate to find him, she had to find him urgently before sadness took over her forever.

After a few days the relentless pursuit with little hope had faded and sadness ends up taking over her again.

She strives to not succumb to the misery that plagues her on a daily basis, accepting with all her strengths all invitations available for events and dinners, in order to get distracted and leave the obsession of trying to find him behind. Unwittingly finds herself trying to compare all men to JP, but none are like him, none has the same effect as JP had on her. It was difficult to move on when she knew exactly what she was looking for in her life and couldn’t find it.

Hope is always the last thing to die

One of the events she went she was introduced to Tess, and as a déjà vu, she remembers that in the dream Tess had been the one who tried to set a meeting with JP.

And if she could do it again?!

Carolina sees hope again, and all her life started to be seen in colour again, putting all her faith in Tess.

Could she in real life find him for me? It was certainly worth to try
.

It was the first thought that came to her mind immediately getting excited about the idea, a feeling that she has long forgotten. She wanted to believe Tess could safe her from her misery. Carolina couldn’t help it but feeling happy and hopeful, because if Tess existed in real life, so could JP exist as well. Tess was exactly the same person as in the dream and she was really famous for bringing together the most unlikely couples and Tess continued to expand her success bring up couples very successfully. So Carolina had all interest to talk to Tess, they started talking during the event, at first general conversation, when Tess asked Carolina if she had a boyfriend or was married, and Carolina said no, Tess didn’t loss time and asked her if she was interested to find the man of her dreams.

Tess never waste time, she is always looking for new clients, she initiate questioning Carolina bluntly, a little flustered Carolina says she hasn’t had time to meet any interesting men, but the idea of hiring someone to help her to find the perfect match it seems right now an excellent idea. But she couldn’t give it away what she was thinking but she couldn’t tell Tess that she was looking just for one man specifically and if he was out there Tess was her best chance to find him. But if he didn’t existed she could try to find someone who could be very similar to him, that was possible, wasn’t it?

Carolina’s mind lightened all up of hope. In fact she thought it was time to move on and stop thinking about the madness to continue looking for someone that probably doesn’t exist. Tess being real doesn’t mean JP was real as well she needed at all cost keep her feet on earth. Carolina didn’t want to talk about JP to Tess because she hadn’t spoken about him to anyone of fear that no one would believe in her story, people would probably starting saying instead that she could be crazy or be lying.

When Tess asks Carolina to describe what she wants from a man, how she view herself with another man in 10 years, her goals for herself, what goals should they have together as a couple and how need that man looks like. Therefore to Tess request Carolina describes the man she idealizes to stay until the end of her days, while making a detailed description of him, based on the physical and psychological description of JP the best she could. Carolina someone very similar to him and if JP existed, she wanted him. When Tess hears all what Carolina has to say, she gives Carolina a very open smile, and enthusiastically Tess tells her immediately:

"My dear Carolina, you are a lucky girl I have someone who you can be interested in, he is everything you described me. Believe it or not, but I’ve been looking for someone like you to introduce my client. He was very specific in who he was looking for. I will send all his info by e-mail for you to see and then give me your feedback, is that okay for you? If you like what you read, I will book a date with him!"

Said Tess very excited already previewing the next couple. Carolina was very surprised by Tess, how was she able to know that she had already a man like Carolina described, pulling someone from her sleeve like that for her, what it really so easy?

But at the same time Carolina is so intrigued by who Tess had to introduce to her, that she would go now to the bottom of the situation, she didn’t had anything to lose as well. She was determined to move on, she needed to distract herself she needs to start to date again, and if Tess was so good to join couples as they said she was, probably Tess could really find someone who was sufficiently consistent to date and maybe even married. The next day there was Tess's e-mail like she had promised to send. Carolina read the email carefully, it was an extensive profile that Tess had sent her, and there was no doubt that corresponded to what she was looking for, and there was no harm to meet him. The profile left Carolina very intrigued and she felt the urge to meet him.

She replied promptly to Tess that she was interested knowing the man in the description from the profile. The answer came immediately from Tess because she wanted to book a date for both, she just needs Carolina’s confirmation for dinner at 20:00 at the restaurant Closs Maggiore for the next day.

Carolina confirmed that she could go and asked how she would recognize him and what the procedures for the meeting. Tess called her to explain better:

"Hi Carolina, I’m glad you accepted to meet this wonderful guy.

Procedures are very simple: I make a reservation for two at the restaurant and you only have to appear, they automatically redirect you to the table that is reserved under my name. If at any point or at the end of the dinner you want to continue to see each other you can exchange contacts. If you don’t feel you want to see him again, friends as before, no need to continue to see each other or exchange contacts if you don’t feel like.

The important thing with this date is to see if you click with each other, if there is any chemistry.

If the feeling is mutual, then you can continue see each other for a mutual discovery. A goodbye kiss is acceptable but however I would strongly advise that the evening can’t under any circumstance end in bed, because very rarely a relationship that begins in sex ends in a serious relationship. So if you want a serious relationship, both have to wait until you meet several times to confirm to each other that they want monogamy and want a serious relationship with each other. It’s important for both to work if you move forward only if both have feelings for each other"

"It sounds all good to me"

Carolina answered satisfied with the initial procedures. Wincing inside as she recalled the torment she had passed trough in the dream with JP at first, now she wouldn’t repeat the stupidity of having sex in the first minutes or the first hour or in the first few dates, that wouldn’t happen again. Now she would wait long enough until she would be sure that this person would like her, he needs to have patience to know her and to value her as a woman and human being. She knew that she needed to value herself first before she let him take the step into intimacy with her, she didn’t want to be considered a sex object again, and she wouldn’t go that road ever again.

Of course, the feeling would need to be mutual, Carolina didn’t want in any way to go out with someone who she didn’t felt any chemistry and attraction for him. He needs to have a number of requirements for her to be interested first. She found herself thinking if she would ever find someone that made her knees go weak and make her feel butterflies in her stomach when she was kissed.

"But ..."

Tess continued:

"Never forget, never delivered the gold to the bad guy, because as soon you give yourself to a man, your power ends. Remember that you have always the power"

"It makes sense Tess, don’t worry"

Carolina agreed with everything Tess told her, and she thought it was quite funny, that she give her the same advises as in the dream, all the rules that Tess liked to impose were basically the same, it was even kind of creepy, and like in Carolina’s dream Tess was bossy and knew whereof she spoke when it came to relationships.

The next day, Carolina decided to take the afternoon off and went to a spa to spoil her body with facial and body massage, to let her stress out before the date later in the evening. After the spa session, she goes to the hairdresser and spoiled herself with shopping, she needed to keep her mind busy and relaxed and this was the perfect way. She end up buying a dress above the knee in tight black lace at the top, and bought classic black heels with red soles. She didn’t want to go too provocative but she didn’t want to look like a nun, she just wanted to give the idea of simple yet sophisticated look.

Usually less was always more.

Finally the time was approaching and she starts to feel nervous and curious at the same time, she reaches the restaurant for the date on time, goes to the reception to ask for a table under the name of Tess B., the receptionist informs the other party had already arrived, giving Carolina the idea that in the restaurant they were already familiar with Tess procedures, or just proceeded without questioning anything, Carolina couldn’t quite understand what it was.

The restaurant was beautiful, giving the illusion of being in a romantic winter garden, the access to other rooms had ivy at the top of the balconies it had an inviting and a very dreamy atmosphere. The receptionist referred her to a room with a huge fireplace, ceiling of glass with flowers and tiny lights, giving the idea of leaves of trees suspended in a garden, here the tables were set only for two, stopping at a table with a board where she said reserved. At the table was already a man sitting entertained reading messages or emails on the latest phone model, when he realizes that someone has arrived at his table, he rises up to greet Carolina:

"Hi, are you Carolina my date? My name is John."

He said extending his hand smiling cordially.

Carolina was so amazed with the restaurant environment around her and she hadn’t noticed that she had arrived already to the table, only when the man started to talk to her, holding out his hand to greet her, waiting for her hand.

When she finally looks at him, she opens and closes his eyes as if she was seeing a ghost, she continues to open and close her eyes several times to make sure it was not having a mirage. She was so astonished with the image that was in front of her, she was absolutely speechless.

He exists! It was JP in front of her!

She was in a complete shock staring at him, open-mouthed unable to say a word. With her mind running in autopilot she squeezed his hand wordless.

She touches his hand to give him a handshake and she felt instantaneity the electric shock going through her body making her shiver slightly. He looked at her with his intense blue eyes, direct into her eyes giving her butterflies in her stomach and he said delight smiling at her:

"I have given the most varied reactions to women, but your reaction is actually the first time I watch someone who seems genuinely surprised to see me. You look like you’ve seen the devil."

He said in a calm and seductive tone never ceasing looking into her eyes almost intimidating her.

"I guess you were expecting to see someone else?!"

He continued, trying to bring her to speak. Carolina was completely messed up, shook his head no, shook her head yes, she blinked, she wanted to talk, she tried too, she opened her mouth but no sound would come out, she gesticulate at the same time she tries to get any word out of her, she closes her mouth again, shrugged her shoulders, but she was speechless. She looked at the table to see if there was something she could drink, saw on the table there was a bottle of water. With a trembling hand she poured some water into the glass and drank visible shaking a little bit. He sees her reaction, he starts to be concerned, nobody had ever reacted to him like this, and she had a face as she had seen a ghost or the devil:

"Are you sure you are okay? Do you need anything?"

She shook her head no, motioned with her hand that she needed only a little bit.

After few minutes and a full glass of water later, she could finally speak.

She was so embarrassed already:

"Please excuse my reaction, but you look exactly like someone I knew long ago, the resemblances are absolutely remarkable, you caught me completely out of guard"

"Well, I just hope that this person was a good person"

He said in a calm tone.

“The best, I need to apologize for my reaction, I’m so deeply sorry”

She said smiling but sincere.

“Don’t worry I’m not use to give that kind of reaction to women”

He said smiling too, clearing the air in complicity. They smiled to each other as if they knew each other for long time already.

"Well let’s dinner, after all Tess joined us for some reason, and it will be interesting to see what she saw in each of us to think we're compatible for a serious relationship, and this is, if you’re able to put up with me until the end of dinner of course and you will be forgiven"

He said teasing her smiling looking back at her with his intense blue eyes trying to read her thoughts.

"Of course we need to have dinner that’s the idea, right?"

Said Carolina also smiling already very animated, gradually recovering from the initial shock, but still a little bit nervous.

It was the same smile and the same intense look as she remembers from her dream, those blue eyes where she lost herself again and again.

Carolina couldn’t avoid keep slide to her memories and find the similarities from her dream. After the initial shock the dinner went extremely well, Carolina talked a little bit about her, about her sons, the new life she had found in London, the new job, new friends. He tells her that he had never been married, but he had a relationship for many years, from that relationship he had a daughter, but unfortunately he doesn’t see her much as he would like because of professional obligations. Even told Carolina that he has several companies, all linked to the fashion business. He confided to her that he has a very hectic professional life, but little time to devote to find the right woman for him.