The Definitive Book of Body Language (6 page)

Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to study the body language of other people, as well as acquiring a conscious awareness of your own gestures. A good reading ground is anywhere that people meet and interact. An airport is a particularly good place for observing the entire spectrum of human gestures, as people openly express eagerness, anger, sorrow, happiness, impatience, and many other emotions through body language. Social functions, business meetings, and parties are also excellent. When you become proficient at the art of reading body language, you can go to a party, sit in a corner all evening, and have an exciting time just watching other people's body-language rituals.

Television also offers an excellent way of learning. Turn down the sound and try to understand what is happening by first watching the picture. By turning the sound up every few minutes, you will be able to check how accurate your nonverbal readings are and, before long, it will be possible to watch an entire program without any sound and understand what is happening, just as deaf people do.

Learning to read body-language signals not only makes you more acutely aware of how others try to dominate and manipulate, it brings the realization that others are also doing the same to us and, most important, it teaches us to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions.

We have now witnessed the emergence of a new kind of social
scientist—the Body Language Watcher. Just as the birdwatcher loves watching birds and their behavior, so the Body Language Watcher delights in watching the nonverbal cues and signals of human beings. He watches them at social functions, at beaches, on television, at the office, or anywhere that people interact. He's a student of behavior who wants to learn about the actions of his fellow humans so that he may ultimately learn more about himself and how he can improve his relationships with others.

In ancient times, open palms were used to show
that no weapons were being concealed

It was Adam's first day on the job with his new PR company and he wanted to make a good impression on everyone. As he was introduced to colleague after colleague, he shook their hands enthusiastically and gave everyone a broad smile. Adam stood six foot three inches tall and was good-looking, well dressed, and certainly looked like a successful PR man. He always gave a firm handshake, just the way his father had taught him when he was young. So firm, in fact, that it drew blood on the ring fingers of two female colleagues and left several others feeling injured. Other men competed with Adam's handshake—that's what men do. The women, however, suffered
in silence and soon were whispering, “Stay away from that new guy Adam—he's a bruiser!” The men never brought it up—but the women simply avoided Adam. And half the firm's bosses were women.

Here's a handy thought—whether you are heavy-handed or high-handed, engage in sleight of hand to avoid a hand-to-mouth existence, you might have to show your hand sometimes to gain the upper hand. Don't get caught red-handed, or try to wash your hands of a mistake, because if you bite the hand that feeds you, things could get out of hand.

The hands have been the most important tools in human evolution and there are more connections between the brain and the hands than between any other body parts. Few people ever consider how their hands behave or the way they shake hands when they meet someone. Yet those first five to seven pumps establish whether dominance, submission, or power plays will take place. Throughout history, the open palm has been associated with truth, honesty, allegiance, and submission. Many oaths are still taken with the palm of the hand over the heart, and the palm is held in the air when somebody is giving evidence in a court of law; the Bible is held in the left hand and the right palm held up for the members of the court to view. One of the most valuable clues to discovering whether someone is being open and honest—or not—is to watch for palm displays. Just as a dog will expose its throat to show submission or surrender to the victor, humans use their palms to show that they are unarmed and therefore not a threat.

When people want to be open or honest, they will often hold one or both palms out to the other person and say something like, “I didn't do it!” or “I'm sorry if I upset you” or “I'm telling you the truth.” When someone begins to open up or be truthful, they will likely expose all or part of their palms to the other person. Like most body-language signals, this is a completely unconscious gesture, one that gives you an “intuitive” feeling or hunch that the other person is telling the truth.

“Trust me—I'm a doctor”

The palms are intentionally used everywhere to imply an open, honest approach

When children are lying or concealing something, they'll often hide their palms behind their back. Similarly, a man who wants to conceal his whereabouts after a night out with the boys might hide his palms in his pockets, or in an arms-crossed position, when he tries to explain to his partner where he was. However, the hidden palms may give her an intuitive feeling that he is not telling the truth. A woman who is trying to hide something will try to avoid the subject or talk about a range of unrelated topics while doing various other activities at the same time.

Salespeople are taught to watch for a customer's exposed palms when he gives reasons or objections about why he can't buy a product, because when someone is giving valid reasons, they usually show their palms. When people are being open in explaining their reasons, they use their hands and flash their palms, whereas someone who isn't telling the truth is likely to give the same verbal responses but conceal their hands.

Keeping their hands in their pockets is a favorite ploy of men who don't want to participate in a conversation. The palms were originally like the vocal cords of body language because they did more “talking” than any other body part and putting them away was like keeping one's mouth shut.

Palms-in-Pockets: Prince William showing the media that he doesn't want to talk

Some people ask, “If I tell a lie and keep my palms visible, will people be more likely to believe me?” The answer is yes—and no. If you tell an outright lie with your palms exposed, you might still appear insincere to your listeners because many of the other gestures that should also be visible when displaying honesty are absent and the negative gestures used during lying will appear and will be incongruent with the open palms. Con artists and professional liars are people who have developed the special art of making their nonverbal signals complement their verbal lies. The more effectively the professional con artist can use the body language of honesty when telling a lie, the better he is at his job.

It's possible, however, to appear more open and credible by practicing Open-Palm gestures when communicating with others. Interestingly, as the Open-Palm gestures become habitual, the tendency to tell untruths diminishes. Most people find it difficult to lie with their palms exposed because of the law of cause and effect. If a person is being open, they'll expose their palms, but just having their palms exposed makes it difficult for the person to tell a convincing lie. This is because gestures and emotions are directly linked to each other. If you feel defensive, for example, you're likely to cross your arms across your chest. But if you simply cross your arms, you'll begin to experience defensive feelings. And if you are talking with your palms exposed, it puts even more pressure on the other person to be truthful, too. In other words, open palms can help to suppress some of the false information others may tell and encourage them to be more open with you.

One of the least-noticed, but most powerful, body signals is given by the human palm when giving someone directions or commands and in handshaking. When used in a certain way,
Palm Power
invests its user with the power of silent authority

There are three main palm command gestures: the Palm-Up position, the Palm-Down position, and the Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed position. The differences of the three positions are shown in this example: let's say that you ask someone to pick up something and carry it to another location. We'll assume that you use the same tone of voice, the same words and facial expressions in each example, and that you change only the position of your palm.

The palm facing up is used as a submissive, nonthreatening gesture, reminiscent of the pleading gesture of a street beggar and, from an evolutionary perspective, shows the person holds no weapons. The person being asked to move the item will not feel they are being pressured into it and are unlikely to feel threatened by your request. If you want someone to talk, you can use the Palm-Up as a “handover” gesture to let them know you expect them to talk and that you're ready to listen.

The Palm-Up gesture became modified over the centuries and gestures like the Single-Palm-Raised-in-the-Air, the Palm-Over-the-Heart, and many other variations developed.