The Devil and Danna Webster (14 page)

I didn't respond, but couldn't help considering his comment in the context of my own situation. We didn't discuss anything else personal at the library. It was strictly a tutoring session, and a very good one at that. Afterward, Gar suggested that we stop for burgers.

"Shouldn't you be spending your time with Caron?"

He shrugged. "I spend enough time with her, too much."

"You think you're God's gift to women, don't you?"

"I never said that!" His eyes flashed like blue lightning.

"Kevin told me that Caron is wild about you, that she phones you all the time but you don't call her."

His face began to redden. "Just wait a minute here! Caron calls because she wants 
to. I don't think she'd be interested in me if I chased her the way some guys do. She loves the challenge, the chase."

"But you like her chasing you, don't you?"

"I don't care really." His voice was indifferent.

"See what I mean? You look down your nose at girls. You think you're so superior. You don't really like girls very much, do you?"

"That's not true. I just know what the female of the species is really like. Guys can't trust them. If you let yourself care about them too much, you get hurt, because they walk away."

"Like your mother did?" Our eyes met.

"That's right. Just like that."

"So, it's all a pose with you, just so you won't be hurt. Have you ever let a girl get close to you?"

"I don't date much, never have. I'm too busy with schoolwork and sports. I don't have the time."

"That's just an excuse," I told him. "All girls aren't like your mother, but you're going to have to give us a chance or you'll never find out."

"Maybe I should give you a chance," he said. He moved toward me and kissed me gently on the lips. It probably didn't mean much to him, but I felt that kiss right down to my curling toes.

Suddenly Gar pulled away and quickly started the car. "Sorry," he said formally, "guess I shouldn't have done that. I know you're going with Moore. Just forget it, okay?"

“Right, sure.” Easier said than done.

We drove along in silence for a time, each imprisoned in our own thoughts.

“I just found out that I was adopted,” I blurted out finally. I needed to talk to someone and Gar was available.

He glanced over at me. “You upset?”

“Yeah.” I dug my fingernails into the upholstered seat. “The woman I always thought was my mother is really my aunt. She never wanted me to know the truth.”

“She must have had a good reason not to tell you. What happened to your real mother?”

I lowered my gaze. “She killed herself.” Strange how I felt I could confide in Gar Hansen but not in Kevin who I'd come to know so much better.

Gar pulled over to side of the road, hit the brakes and shut off the ignition. “Wow, that's harsh. I'm really sorry. I know me saying it doesn't help much, but I am.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Your adopted parents are good people. And they really love you.”

“How can you tell?”

Gar shrugged. “You could say I've got an instinct when it comes to people.” He gave me a hesitant smile. “If I were to tell you something kind of weird, would you promise not to mock on me?”

“Cross my heart,” I said. What could Gar possibly tell me that would be weird? He was so normal, so perfect, not like me.

Gar eyed me with a steady gaze. “Before I was born, my dad used to travel a lot for his job. He was in Rome when the Pope received Father Bart.”

“The priest who everyone says is a saint?”

“Yeah, that guy. Anyway, the priest was walking through a crowd of people who were asking for his blessing, and he was blessing them. Dad was just a bystander. All of a sudden, my dad saw some guy pull out a gun and start to aim it at Father Bart. Dad was closer to the priest than the killer, so he pushed through the crowd shouting a warning and knocked Father Bart to the ground just before the bullets went whizzing by.”

I knew my mouth was gaping and shut it. “Did they catch the assassin?”

“The police took him into custody, some crazed lunatic. Father Bart was really grateful to Dad. He blessed my father, said he would have a son who was an angel. That's why dad sometimes refers to me as his angel. Crazy stuff, huh?”

I studied Gar. “You do look like an angel. But they say no human being can be perfect. Still, I bet you come pretty close. But I would like to see you improve your attitude toward girls.”

He smiled at me. “I'll give it some thought.”

“You do that.”

”Why don't we just consider ourselves both works in progress, okay?” He leaned toward me, I moved toward him as well and our lips met.

I felt so great, transfused with a sense of joy.

After talking with Gar and exchanging confidences, I really did feel better, more focused and together. I realized being friends with him was good for me. Still, if I was going to be honest with myself, I felt more than friendship for Gar Hansen. I was seriously attracted to him. Of course, I was attracted to Kevin too. It was confusing. Gar might be my angel, but Kevin thought I was his angel. It would have been great if I could have talked about all of this with Joyce. I really missed her friendship a lot. But I couldn't bring myself to phone her.

Back at home, I knew I had to face my parents. The moment had come. I couldn't put it off any longer. My parents were sitting together in the kitchen. I took a chair and sat down opposite my mother. "Mom, I want to apologize for the way I acted. I guess it was sort of childish. It's just really hard to adjust to something like finding out you're not who you think you are. I didn't want to accept it and because I had to, I got angry and took it out on you. I was wrong and unfair."

Mom looked relieved, as if a great burden had been lifted from her shoulders. "Maybe we should have told you before, but it's been too painful a subject for me," my mother said in a soft voice. "I just wanted to forget about the past."

My stepfather didn't say a word. He just wheeled himself out of the room.

"He's still angry with me, isn't he? I guess I kind of always thought he disliked me because I wasn't worthy, didn't come up to his high standards. Well, now I understand better why he doesn't love me."

My mother touched my shoulders. "You don't understand him at all. He's a proud man, and you hurt him. He does love you very much. He wanted to adopt you every bit as much as I did. When he came back after the accident, there was no question of our ever being able to have children of our own. And there you were. Of course, we wanted you. Remember, your dad knew Lori too. That was why he vowed you'd be brought up so you'd never be in her predicament. 'She's got to avoid romantic nonsense,' he'd say. 'We'll have to see to it.'"

"Lori didn't die because she believed in love.” I shook my head with vehemence. “It was because she lost her love, and that's like losing your dreams, your hope. Dad might think I'm like Lori, but I'm not."

"Just the same, I wish you'd talk to him, apologize. He needs your love just as you need his."

"You don't ask much of me, do you?"

"He's a sick man. He never complains about his health but he's always in pain. I know he might seem angry and bitter at times, but he's suffered a great deal. Make your peace with him. In his own way, he loves you very much. You won't regret it, I promise you."

"I'll try."

I went up to the attic to try and think. I felt restless. I started going through the drawers of the old bureau in the attic finding old clothes that I hadn't noticed before. So Mom obviously hadn't given away everything. I took my time, no longer worried or afraid about irritating my parents. And then I saw it. The fringed leather vest had been put away in a plastic bag, and along with it was a headband that said: "Love not war." Had that also belonged to Lori? Probably. In another drawer, I found my stepdad's old army uniform. I took out the shirt and looked at it. I carried these things reverently downstairs with me and put them away in my room. I would have my own Halloween costume after all, one that meant something to me.

****

I didn't hear from Kevin all week. He didn't come by the art room to pick me up on Friday the way he usually did. I thought he was probably angry with me or at least disappointed. I could understand his point of view. Maybe he'd decided to dump me. Well, actions always had consequences, didn't they? I'd be sorry losing Kevin, but I couldn't fault my decision not to have sex with him when I wasn't ready for it. I decided I was right not to let him pressure me into doing something I might later come to regret.

On Saturday, he finally called. "I can't take you out tonight," he said. "I feel as though I'm coming down with a cold and I don't want to pass it on to you."

I said I understood.

"Oh, I'm going to put in our costume order. What would you like to be? Caron suggested Snow White for you. I prefer Cinderella. I think you'd look cute in a blond wig. What do you think?"

"Neither. I figured out a costume for myself."

"What's it going to be?"

"A surprise."

"Now you've got me curious. Well, I'll call you during the week if I don't see you in school." He seemed anxious to get off the phone.

"Sure, just take care of that cold," I replied. I had the distinct impression he wasn't being honest with me, but it was just as well that we weren't going out. I wasn't in the mood for a date anyway.

****

On Sunday afternoon, Gar showed up again for tutoring. Afterwards, my parents spent some time chatting with him. They really did enjoy his company. My mother insisted that he stay to dinner, which embarrassed me. She was transparent. But Gar accepted without any hesitation. My mother went all out, even setting the table with her best tablecloth and linen napkins. She baked chicken and fixed mashed potatoes and peas. Gar complimented everything.

As far as my stepdad was concerned, Gar was the perfect dinner guest. My stepfather really warmed up to him. My parents both seemed in a good mood. I wasn't certain how I felt. I decided to reserve judgment.

I walked Gar to his car after dinner.

He took my hand and studied it. "You do have artistic fingers," he said, "very long and graceful. The fact is I like all of you a lot." Then without warning, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me smack on the lips. He had a great expressive mouth.

I found myself kissing him back and enjoying it a whole lot. Then he pulled away, just like that other time, and I felt a sense of loss and disappointment.

"I'm sorry. Will you forgive me once more?"

"For what? I like you."

"And Kevin?"

"I like him too."

"I wish you'd say you didn't like him."

"Then I would be a liar."

“Are you always so honest?” He smiled at me, and I thought I saw real warmth in his eyes.

“I try to tell the truth.”

“Yeah, I think you're a girl a guy could trust.” Our eyes met and held.

I watched him drive away, all the time still feeling the heat from the kiss he'd given me. I let out a deep sigh.

But I had an essay to write and couldn't postpone it any longer. And thinking about Gar sure wasn't going to help me get it written any sooner.

I decided to carefully reread the two short stories we'd been assigned to compare and contrast. Funny how you see different things on a second reading. Both stories were concerned with men who sold their souls to the devil for financial gain. Washington Irving presented the devil as a kind of spooky woodsman who chopped down the rotted trees that represented the souls of the damned. Stephen Vincent Benet presented the devil as a sinister businessman shrinking the souls he collected and putting them in a black box, like a butterfly collection. Real creepy stuff! I knew those stories were just fiction, but I couldn't help remembering that man at Caron's party, the one who knew my name and said that he was responsible for all the success that Kevin's family enjoyed. It was kind of a strange coincidence — except I wasn't certain I believed in coincidence.

****

October 3lst, Halloween, was a cold, crisp day with a little sunshine in the morning that soon turned gray. I thought of Lori. What had Lori felt in autumn? Was I too afraid to let myself love the way she had? If I didn't, I might lose Kevin. But maybe that was for the best. Then I thought of Gar. How did I feel about him? Would I let myself feel anything for him? Finding out about Lori had forced me to confront myself and question everything. I still hadn't come up with any answers.

I dressed carefully for the Halloween Dance that evening. I found a pair of old jeans and a white turtleneck to wear under Lori's brown leather vest. I put my dad's old army shirt over it. Yes, I looked like a hippie. Even my hair was long enough now. I put the headband on.

"What do you think?" I asked my mother.

“Perfect for an artist.”

“You think Lori would have approved of me wearing her vest?”

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were her." Mom put her arms around me. "Danna, honey, I've got a second chance with you. I hope it works out." She hugged me and there were tears in her eyes.

"Don't worry," I told my mother. "I'm fine."

I sensed her vulnerability. She loved me, needed my reassurance. I finally realized she was my mother in every way that really mattered. I kissed her cheek, and her face flushed with pleasure.

Kevin arrived a little after eight. He was dressed in a pirate costume with a patch over one eye. He looked disreputable. "Well, what do you think?"

“Blackbeard would have been proud. Like my costume?” I whirled around.

"Not bad, but you'd have made a sexy Cinderella."Once in the car, Kevin leaned over and kissed me. I pushed him away.

"Hey, what's the matter?""Nothing, except I smell alcohol on your breath. You know I don't like you drinking, especially when you're driving."

"I just had one," he answered in a defensive manner. "Don't nag me. Even Sheila doesn't anymore and she's my mother.”

“Well, maybe she should nag you.”

His lips tightened. “You're always so proper. Can't you hang loose for once?"

"Kevin, you reek. I'm glad my folks didn't get close to you or they wouldn't have 
let me go out with you tonight.”

“Like I said, it was just one drink. No big deal.”

“But it kind of is. You know it's dangerous to drink and drive." I wanted to drop it, but I just couldn't. I knew he'd had more than one drink. He was lying to me again and I couldn't help feeling uneasy.

"We're going to a dance. It was your idea. Lighten up! Okay? I like to make my own fun. And nagging is not cool."

I could tell Kevin was angry with me but at that moment, I was disgusted with him. I felt almost like getting out of the car and forgetting the whole thing. I started moving toward the door.

He grabbed my hand. "Wait! I'm sorry. Really, I just had one. I won't drink anymore tonight, okay?"

“Let go of my hand. You're hurting me.“

“Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. You know I adore you.”

“All right, but take it slow and easy. I'd like to see my sixteenth birthday.”

The dance was in the gym, and it had been totally transformed. It was outrageous. There were pumpkins and spooky figures, vampires, ghouls, ghosts, headless horsemen all muraled around. Everyone was in costume, even the chaperones. The band was playing and the kids were dancing. It was exciting to be there. This was my first high school dance and I was thrilled.

Kevin danced very well, just as I thought he would. I, on the other hand, stepped on his feet countless times during the slow dances even though he led with confidence. He held me a little too close. I didn't mind though.

During the intermission while the band took a break, Caron came over to us, her arm linked through Gar's with an air of possession. As usual, Caron looked breathtaking and beautiful. She wore a low-cut purple peasant blouse of some silky material and a full, multi-colored skirt. Large, gold hoop earrings framed her heart-shaped face. Her shiny black hair was long and loose, her eyes were lined in black while her lips were bright red and pouting. She looked mysterious and exotic. Gar was dressed as a cowboy. He looked ready to rope steers, while Caron's knowing look suggested that she would be capable of telling fortunes and reading the future like a true gypsy.

"Good dance, isn't it?" Caron said with a smug smile.

"They're really all about the same," Kevin answered with an exaggerated yawn.

She gave him a short smack on the arm. "So obnoxious! Well, you're having a good time, aren't you, Danna?"

We were joined by Alicia who was dressed as a black cat and wore a long tail tied with a pink bow.

"Moose doesn't want to dance anymore! He's in a foul mood tonight. Danna, you wouldn't mind if I borrowed Kevin for one dance, would you?"

"That's up to Kevin."

She turned and smiled at Kevin, and then took his arm. "Kevin won't mind," she said with an air of certainty that I found annoying.

At that moment, we were joined by Moose who was wearing a skeleton costume which fit so snugly on his huge, cumbersome body that he looked ridiculous. His hands shot out and raised Kevin off the ground by the shirt collar.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Kevin sputtered. "Let go, cretin! You must be crazy!"

Moose gave him a rough toss. "That's nothing compared to what you can expect from me if you don't stay away from my girlfriend."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kevin said with some embarrassment.

"Oh, you know all right," Moose insisted fiercely. "Lying won't help. I saw you pick her up last Saturday night. I saw the two of you sneaking around. Her telling me she was feeling sick so she could go out with you behind my back."

Alicia stepped between Moose and Kevin. "I'm not your slave," she shouted at Moose. "I can date anyone I want! You have no right to be jealous."

Alicia shoved Moose aside, no small feat, but she was pretty angry herself. Then she walked briskly away. Moose looked uncertain whether to follow her or hit Kevin. Gar stepped in then. He put himself between Moose and Kevin just as Alicia had before.

"This isn't the time or place for settling differences," Gar said with authority.

“Yeah, who says?” Moose rose to his full imposing height.

“I say,” Gar responded, with quiet conviction.

Moose stalked away, and Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. I looked into Caron's cold, black eyes and felt humiliated. She appeared to be enjoying the unexpected entertainment. And Gar, what must he be thinking? I broke away from them all, hurrying from the crowd of people and out the side door of the gym. I could hear Kevin calling after me but I ignored him. I wanted some time alone. Out in the corridor, I tried to put my thoughts together. But before I could decide what to do, Kevin found me.

"I guess you're really angry with me," he said, trying to put his hand on my shoulder. I pulled away.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"All right, I'll take a walk outside for a few minutes. I just want you to know that I couldn't care less about Alicia."

"Then why did you lie to me and go out with her?"

He took the patch off his eye and stared at me. "Because I needed more and you wouldn't give it. She was just a temporary substitute, a diversion. But you're still the one I care about. That doesn't change anything. With us it's the real thing."

I shook my head and turned away.

"I'll take that walk," he said, "but I'll be back."

I was glad to see him go. I wanted to be left alone.

"Danna!" I turned and there stood Joyce. She was dressed as an Indian Princess complete with braids.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Tom and I saw what happened."

“Is everyone laughing and snickering? Am I going to be the butt of jokes and gossip?”

“Of course not! Don't be a drama queen.”

"I'm waiting for the I-told-you-so."

"I'm just sorry. For what it's worth, I wish I were wrong about Kevin."

"Me too."

"If for any reason you should want a ride home, Tom and I came by ourselves. There's plenty of room in the car. He borrowed his Dad's for the evening and the thing is huge."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind.”

"I just want you to know, I still consider us best friends and I wish you'd eat lunch with me again. I miss you and I always eat more when I'm depressed. Phyllis keeps handing me Twinkies. I must have put on five pounds."

I started to laugh except tears came to my eyes and I hugged her instead.

"Glad to see the two of you have made up." I looked up to see Gar.

"I'll be inside," Joyce said slipping away before I could stop her.

"How did you know Joyce and I had argued?"

"Tom told me. Joyce was really upset. He wanted to know if I could do anything, but I told him that you girls had to work it out for yourselves." He removed his cowboy hat and the overhead lights glared off his butter-yellow hair.

"Why did you come out here?"

"Just to see if you were all right. Aren't I allowed to be concerned about you?"

"It'll bother Caron."

"I'll risk it," he said with a dry tone of voice.

We stood together awkwardly for several moments. I had no idea what to say to him. “I'm all right," I told him finally, "just disappointed in Kevin. But I understand how he feels. He has a right to date anyone he chooses. We don't have any commitment."

"I thought otherwise," Gar said, looking directly into my eyes.

At that moment, Kevin returned. He looked from Gar to me.

"Well, if it isn't God Hansen, the big man himself! Excuse me, Hansen." Kevin tried to give him a shove, but Gar ducked away and Kevin stumbled. As his hand went out to steady himself against the wall, a small, silver flask fell to the floor. He scrambled to pick it up.

"Why did you bring that?" I said pointing to the flask.

"This dance is like a morgue. I brought something to liven things up a little.”

"You promised me you wouldn't drink anymore."

"I just had one swallow. No big deal!”

"I don't think I can believe you anymore," I told him.

“You're getting boring."

"Give me that flask," Gar said.

"Why? So you can drink it all yourself?" Kevin's face was contorted with rage. “You're such a phony, you know that? You may have my sister fooled but I know you for what you really are. You want her and Danna too." They faced each other angrily.

"I'm not letting you back inside as long as you're carrying that. You think the chaperones are dumb? This will get you suspended."

“You're a real do-gooder, aren't you, Hansen?” Kevin said with a sneer.

I tried to step between them, but Kevin yanked me roughly out of the away. The dry, delicate leather of Lori's vest ripped as he pulled it. I began to cry and Gar struck his fist at Kevin's middle, misinterpreting the reason for my tears.

"Leave her alone!"

Kevin doubled over in pain for a moment on the floor, then sprang back in a fury, fists balled. "Stay away from Danna! I don't like the way you treat my sister either. You think you're so great, don't you? Well, you're not. You're such a hypocrite! You want both of them for yourself, don't you? Well, I'm on to you." Kevin lunged at Gar who easily side-stepped him.

"Stop it!" I cried.

Mr. McCaully, the grade advisor and chaperone appeared.

"What's going on out here?" he asked, his voice sharp.

“It's just a misunderstanding,” I said, not able to look him in the eye. “Everything's fine, really.”

None of us spoke until Mr. McCaully walked away. Then Kevin turned back to me. "We're leaving," Kevin said, trying to take my hand.

"No way! I'm not going to let you drive with her when you've been drinking. I'll drive you both home. Give me your keys." Gar demanded, holding out his hand.

"Forget it," Kevin said wild-eyed. "Danna, let's get out of here."

Gar stood between us. "You're not taking her home," he said in a quiet but strong voice that denied further argument.

“This is none of your business. Go dance with my sister.”

“Danna's my friend too,” Gar said. His jaw jutted forward with determination. “I'm going to look out for her.”

"Thanks, Gar, but I have to make that decision for myself." They both stood still, Gar and Kevin, waiting expectantly, like two gunfighters facing off at high noon.

"Danna, are you coming?" Kevin said.

I turned away. "I won't ride with you when you've been drinking."

“Suit yourself. I've had it with this place.”

When I heard the exit door slam, I looked back.

"Is everything all right?" Mr. McCaully asked, popping his head around to check up on us.

"Fine," Gar assured him, "we'll be back inside in a few minutes." Gar turned to me when we were alone again.

"I didn't mean to hit Kevin. I usually have better self-control. I'm sorry."

"Me too. Maybe I should have gone with him. I'm afraid for him because he's in a terrible mood."

"You're not his babysitter," Gar said. "Let me drive you home."

"What about Caron?"

He shrugged. "She has lots of friends here. Someone will take her home."

"No," I said. "It would be embarrassing for her. Kids will say her date ditched her."

"I want to be with you," he said. His large, strong hand brushed my shoulder.

"Maybe another time, when it's right." We walked back inside, and I found Joyce and Tom. "When you're ready to leave, I'd appreciate a ride home."

“No problem,” Joyce said.

I moved off by myself, into the shadows. I needed to be alone for a few minutes to clear my head.

“You should have gone with Kevin.”

I turned and stared in surprise. “What are you doing at my school dance?”

“I'm here observing. I am very displeased with Kevin,” the dark man said. “He will pay for his mistakes and he will learn from them.”