The Do Over (16 page)

"I know he's a good guy. He's the type I can easily fall in love with and dream about making babies with. He's perfect." I paused. "Rick broke me, but Liam can shatter me. It's just a matter of time."

Suddenly, I hated Rick more than I had ever hated him before. I had never been so scared of losing Liam.

Candace leaned toward me. In a gentle but commanding voice, she said, "Don't you dare allow that son of a bitch to bring doubt to what you have with Liam. Liam is
not
Rick. You should talk to Liam about this, but do not, under any circumstances, consider that Rick is the standard by which all men should be graded. Do you understand me?"

My hot chocolate was cold, and my diet soda was flat. Sitting in my seat, I stared at my untouched beverages. "Candace, my head knows what you're saying, but my heart is a different story. Honestly, I don't even know what I would say to Liam."

"Dani," Macy chimed in, "you're complicating things. Just bang him."

I threw my head back. Exasperated, I said, "No disrespect, but sex is not the answer for everything."

"This is coming from the woman who had sex with Rick on the first date. You used to use sex for everything. Yeah, pot calling the kettle black. I know your inner sex goddess is dying to jump him."

I rolled my eyes as Candace gave Macy a stern look.

Candace placed her perfectly manicured hand gently on my arm. "Repeat after me: Liam is Liam. Liam is not Rick. You need to remind yourself that Liam is Liam, and he has done nothing but show you that he's very enamored with you."

"He has." My lips curled into a smile. "I really like him." Now knowing what I had to do, I pulled my phone out of my purse. "I'll be back." I didn't even look at them long enough for them to acknowledge.

I went around the corner and leaned up against the building. I tapped the screen of my phone and placed it by my ear.

"Hey. How's my beautiful girl?" Liam answered.

"Hi." Just hearing his voice was like a calming balm to my soul. "I'm okay. How was your shift?"

"It was a quiet night. Thanks for asking." He paused. "So, just okay, huh?"

"That's what happens when you're there, and I'm here." I giggled. "I was calling because I wanted to…" I paused. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to be reassured that I wasn't making him up. I needed to be reminded that we had the beginning of something great. "I'm finishing up here with the girls, and I wanted to confirm what time you'd be picking me up tonight."

"You were calling for a time? Really? I don't believe you. I think you missed me."

"Ugh, you're so arrogant," I said playfully. "Yes, I was calling for the plan, which by the way, you haven't given me. How will I know if I'll have enough time to get ready?" I rolled my eyes, wondering if I was being obvious.

He laughed. "I'm not arrogant. I just know these things. For the record, I'm picking you up at six-thirty, and I miss you, too."

"I just know these things? That's not arrogant? I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"Baby, you can do whatever you want to me. Now, tell me if I'm arrogant or if I just know. I'm picturing you right now as you bite your lip and try very hard to keep a straight face."

How did he know?
"You're impossible."

"I can't wait to see you tonight."

"Good. You should be consumed with anticipation," I said, smiling. "I have to get back to my friends. I'll see you later."

"I'll see you soon."

Liam is Liam. Liam is not Rick.
Candace was always right. Feeling reassured by my phone call, I went back to the table.

She told me to go, so I did.
What was I supposed to do?
I'd never tried to get a woman back before. No woman had ever mattered enough for me to bother. I fell on my fucking knees for her and apologized. I meant it. I was sorry for hurting her. I'd been an asshole and a fool.

The walk back to my car was the longest block I'd ever traveled. I tossed my earbuds in the passenger seat as I got into the car.
Fuck
. Feeling like a dick, I threw my head back against the headrest, thinking about what had just happened.

When I was by her chair, for a brief moment, I thought that she was going to touch me. I saw her hand move a tiny bit, and for that split second, I saw that it wasn't over. Her voice and her quivering lip told another story. She sounded defeated and hurt. She tried to look away and hide behind her glasses, but I saw the pain I caused in her eyes. It was like a fucking kick in the balls. I did that shit to her. I royally fucked up. I wasn't about to give up, but the look in her eyes killed me.

I had officially hit rock bottom. For the first time since I was sixteen, I didn't feel like fucking.

I rummaged through my closet, looking for my favorite pair of skinny jeans. They were the ones that made me look like I did a daily Brazilian Butt Lift class. Liam and I had dinner reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, Joe's Stone Crabs on South Beach. Liam got points for listening. Since he was making a great impression, I wanted to dazzle him with my witty sense of humor, beaming smile, and tight ass.

We'd only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but it felt like we'd known each other our entire lives. I sighed, thinking of him. I found the jeans, pulled out the perfect blouse, and grabbed my favorite pair of black boots.

I was still shaken from this morning's encounter with Rick, but I was trying to put it out of my mind. Rick stirred up so many emotions, mainly insecurity. I decided that not thinking about it would defuse its power over me.
Liam is not Rick
became my mantra for the afternoon and early evening.

I knew Liam and I had something very promising, and I didn't want Rick to poison it. I'd already wasted almost two years of my life living cautiously and closed off. Enough was enough.
Liam is not Rick.
Liam was an amazing man who rocked my world. Thoughts of him warmed my heart as he filled my daydreams.

He was always doing the most thoughtful things. One day, I'd complained that I was so busy at work that I hadn't had a chance to eat. Within the hour, he had shown up there with food. It had been the most delicious sandwich I'd ever eaten. When he'd left, I had a group happy dance with the office staff.

Liam is Liam
. He was under my skin and working his way into the deep recesses of my heart.

Standing in front of the mirror, I admired the fact that these jeans were worth every penny they cost. I ran my fingers through my hair, getting it to fall perfectly. Then, I put on a little swipe of mascara, a touch of eyeliner, and a dab of lip gloss.

I knew seeing Liam would allay my concerns. As usual, I was overreacting.
Liam is Liam. Liam is not Rick. Liam is not an asshole that will break my heart.

Since the temperatures had dipped to seventy degrees inland and sixty-five degrees on the beach, I pulled out my structured leather jacket and put it by the door. I nervously paced around my tiny living room, fluffed my pillows, and made a stop in front of the mirror to reapply lip gloss.

Liam is not Rick.
I tried to convince myself that I was being foolish.
Liam is Liam.
I pushed my insecurities to the furthest part of my brain, willing them to disappear. I refused to ruin my evening with Liam because I felt doomed to be crushed.
Liam is not an asshole who is going to break my heart.

When the doorbell rang, my heart fluttered.

I opened the door and flirtatiously poked my head out. "I'm sorry, sir. I already have a set of encyclopedias."

"Darn, that's just my luck." Shaking his head, he snapped his fingers and pursed his lips. "Can't you help out a poor fella trying to make a buck?
Please
."

"Maybe. Do you have anything else in that bag of tricks?" I craned my head out a little farther.
He looks amazing.

He held my gaze. "I promise you that if you give me half a chance, you'll be my most satisfied customer."

"Well, when you put it that way, I'd be a fool not to check out the merchandise." I opened the door a little wider.

As he stepped inside, he wrapped his arms around me and grazed his lips over mine. "Hey, baby."

My anxious thoughts dissipated as I felt safe, nestled in his arms.

"Hmmm, I like this magic potion you're selling. I'd like to bottle it up and pull it out every time the urge strikes me."

His hand drew circles on my back. "I have an endless supply, but don't be confused by any imitations. I only carry the real thing."

Liam is Liam
. I was falling hard.

Taking my hand, he said, "Let's go, beautiful."

Our playful banter continued as we made our way to Miami Beach. The city lights shimmered against the black background of the clear evening sky. Along the causeway, the palm trees danced with the brisk breeze as the neon glow of South Beach welcomed us.

At the restaurant, the food and service were impeccable. Our conversation flowed naturally. I hung on Liam's every word, and he listened intently as I shared my own stories. He laughed at all the right moments. Wrapped up in the moment, my guard came down. Everything was perfect.

When the server brought our key lime pie, my all-time favorite dessert, we each had a fork in hand. There was something intimate about sharing dessert with another person. As we began picking away at the corners, my demeanor changed. Rick and I had shared key lime pie our last evening together. When he had scooped up all the whipped cream, I pulled the plate toward me, refusing to share with him. It was the last time we were playful.
Liam isn't Rick.
I'd had key lime pie many times since and never thought of Rick. Seeing him was toxic. I felt vulnerable as I opened myself up to Liam.
What if he does the same thing Rick did?
Liam is Liam. Liam is not Rick.
Unsuccessfully, I tried to snap out of it.

"Hey, where'd you go? Are you okay?" Liam asked, his eyes furrowed with concern.

"Sugar coma," I lied. I didn't want to talk about it at dinner or ever. I hoped that if I ignored it, it would all go away, so we could resume the perfect night. "I don't know what came over me. I'm really tired." I forced a smile. As my guilt compounded with my denial and lies, I started to rearrange the salt and pepper shakers.

Liam saw right through me. "What's going on in your head?"

I didn't want to talk about it, so I gave him the standard answer. "Nothing."

I couldn't deal with the lies. I had to snap out of this. Wine, good food, and key lime pie mixed with emotional baggage was not a good combination for keeping it together. Liam was a great guy. I doubted he'd want to deal with this shit. I certainly didn't. I felt myself entering into a downward spiral.

"I need to use the ladies' room," I said. After standing up, I headed to the restroom.

Sitting in a stall, I pulled out my phone. With elbows on my knees, I tapped the screen, hoping for words of wisdom.

Dani: I'm in a crisis.

Macy: Shit, what happened?

Dani: I don't know. I just started having an internal freak-out.

Macy: Did you call Candace? She's better at talking you off the ledge.

Dani: She had a function tonight. It's up to you.

Macy: Where are you?

Dani: Restroom at Joe's.

Macy: Wow! Joe's? Did you order the key lime pie?

Dani: Yes!

Macy: What's the problem?

Dani: Rick!

Macy: Shit, is he there? I'll kick his ass.

Dani: No. What if Liam is like Rick?

Macy: We can't have therapy over text.

Dani: I have to go.

Macy: Talk to him. He's a good guy. He's not an asshole.

Heading back to our table, I rounded the corner and caught a glimpse of Liam. He was toying with his glass, but I couldn't make out his expression. When he looked up, our eyes met. His lip curled up as his eyes sparkled. His eyes were the windows to his soul. They first got my attention and touched my heart. They were trusting and safe. I knew if I let myself go, he would catch me, but that was what made the eventual drop more painful.