The Douchebag Bible (60 page)

on a platter.

First of all, don't heckle a comedian. It's

extremely disrespectful to try to fuck with someone

else when they're doing a job. Daniel Tosh doesn't

come to burger king and knock the fries out of your

hands when you try to hand them to customers—so

why would you try to fuck up his set?

Second of all, do people even understand what

humor is? Do you know why George Carlin joked

about war and human stupidity and suicide? Do you

know why Louis C.K. jokes about the subtle despairs

of modern life? Do you know why everyone jokes

about Michael Jackson molesting little boys?

It's because laughter is one of the only tools

human beings have to turn life’s tragedies into

something positive. Laughter is a shield against the

darkness. Laughter is human beings trudging up to

their own misery and spitting in its eye.

Rape is horrific, traumatizing and tragic.

That’s why we joke about it (and as I said before, not

even very much)! Of course watching a rape isn’t

funny. Nor is it funny that human beings are oafs

and brutes who slaughter one another, but that topic

has never been taboo for satirists, commentators

and other humorists.

People who make rape jokes are not endorsing

rape. Saying that a joke about rape can be funny or

acceptable is not even in the same ballpark as saying

that rape is funny or acceptable.

Some feminists even go so far to say that joking

about rape is, in and of itself, an act of violence. This

is preposterous! A rape joke in not a violent act.

Violence is when someone affects another person by

physically doing something to their body that they

do not want done. Rape is an act of violence.

Punching someone is an act of violence. Shooting

someone’s dick off is an act of violence. Telling a joke,

even an off-color one, is not an act of violence.

It seems that many feminists are of the opinion

that rape is far worse than any other form of violence.

A girl getting raped is worse than murder. They

believe that. And they are shocked—outraged!—that

anyone would think differently. In their view of the

world, talking about rape isn’t just words and ideas,

it’s a violent act in and of itself.

It is impossible to discuss the subject of rape

without addressing some controversial comments

that I made on reddit some time ago (that

nonetheless continue to haunt me).

COMMENT #1: “I will make you a rape victim

if you don’t fuck off.”

Oh my god? Did The Amazing Atheist really threaten

someone with rape? No. No, he didn’t. The full

context of the remark was nothing to do with rape

and everything to do with this strange new internet

phenomena of “triggers.” Some people now ask for

“trigger warnings” if you post something the least bit

incendiary, because your dangerous words may be

detrimental to those with debilitating mental issues

or emotional trauma.

I’m as sympathetic towards those who’ve

suffered trauma as anyone else, but if you have such

issues, it’s your responsibility to avoid triggers, not

my responsibility to protect you from them.

My comment was meant to make a point about

how silly the concept of triggers is, and I made that

clear several times in the thread when I said: “That

was a joke, by the way. Did it trigger you?”

Did the feminists ever provide that context? Of

course not. I may be an insensitive asshole—but I

didn’t legitimately threaten to rape someone. That is

just stupid.

I will admit to some wrong doing. The comment I

made afterward was pretty ugly. At the time it just

seemed edgy, but in the light of morning I can see

that I did myself no favors by typing it.

COMMENT #2: “Yeah. Well, you deserved it.

So, fuck you. I hope it happens again soon.

I’m tired of being treated like shit by you

mean little cunts and then you using your

rape as an excuse. Fuck you. I think we

should give the guy who raped you a medal. I

hope you fucking drown in rape semen, you

ugly, mean-spirited cow. Actually, I don’t

believe you were ever raped! What man

would be tasteless enough to stick his dick

into a human cesspool like you? Nice gif of a

turd going into my mouth. Is that kind of like

the way that rapists dick went in your pussy?

Or did he use your asshole? Or was it both?

Maybe you should think about it really hard

for the next few hours. Relive it as much as

possible. You know? Try to recall: was it my

pussy or my ass?”

I deeply regret going in that direction. I was trying

to make my point about triggers by writing the most

“triggering” paragraph I possibly could. I should

have at least provided some context. It was poor

wording on my part and I sincerely apologize to

anyone hurt by it. Yet again, it was immediately

followed up by another post explaining my

intentions. Yet again, feminists ignore this in favor

of their assertion that I am pro-rape and anti-female.

Some off-color remarks said in the midst of a

heated internet flame war are not to be taken

seriously. And certainly not to be used as a be-all-

end-all refutation to anything I have to say on the

subject of feminism.

PZ Myers, popular blogger and self-appointed

king of reason, had this to say: “This guy jokes about

rape, threatens rape, and doesn’t seem to recognize