The Douchebag Bible (59 page)

jump scares replace suspense? When did by-the-

book homogeneity of thought and execution replace

innovation and story telling? I'm not saying that

everything new is bad and everything old was

great—what I'm saying is that so much now is bad in

exactly the same way. Because artists don't matter

any more. The creative process of individual

creators has been replaced by test audiences, market

studies, simplifying plots for foreign markets, etc.

It seems like actors are picked for leading roles

based on little more than their ability to have well-

defined physiques and actresses are picked for

supporting roles (almost exclusively supporting

roles) based on how many men around the world

will want to fuck them. It seems like scripts are

chosen based on the fact that they are adaptations of

something already successful or are remakes,

sequels or rip-offs. Nothing original gets a bankroll.

And the same industries that give us this brain-

numbing shlock are also the ones most keen on

depriving us of our freedoms. SOPA and PIPA were

born in Hollywood. And they will be reborn in

Hollywood. The entertainment industry is never

going to relent on its quest to deprive us of internet

freedom. The entertainment industry is one of the

scummiest industries around and their role in the

increasingly shitty modern world we live in is greatly

underestimated.

FEMINISTS (AND

OTHER BORING

PEOPLE TRYING

TO SUCK THE

LIFE AND JOY

OUT OF THE

WORLD)

Feminists
like to act as

though rape jokes permeate

The
our culture. “
Rape jokes

marginalize victims!” we are told.

“They normalize rape! They give solace to rapists!”

With all the anger directed at rape jokes, I’ve had a

lot of time to reflect on just how many rape jokes

there
aren’t
.

Seriously, aside from two George Carlin rape

jokes, neither of which I find very funny (nothing to

do with being offended, they’re just not great jokes),

I can only think of a single rape joke:

4 out of 5 people enjoy gang rape.

This joke incorporates rape as an element. But I’m

honestly not truly sure that you could really even

consider this one a “rape joke.” It’s not making a joke

about rape. It’s just using rape for shock value. The

joke is actually being made about the deceptiveness

of statistics. The implication is, of course, that the 4

people out of 5 who like the gang rape are the rapists

and 1 person who doesn’t like it is of course the

person being raped.

“4 out of 5 people” sets up a certain expectation.

We hear this all the time.
5 out of 6 dentists

recommend Crest! 3 out of 4 vets agree that Science

Diet’s patented formula leads to a healthier life for

your pet! Etc.

“Enjoy gang rape” takes our expectations and

twists them. We’re not going to the safe place we

expected. We find ourselves going somewhere dark.

The shock alone might induce a bit of nervous

laughter.

But what really makes the humor work is that

we see how the statement has a horrible technical

truth to it. If four men are raping a woman or

another man, they probably are enjoying themselves.

And their victim is almost certainly not enjoying

him- or herself.

This technical truth draws our focus back to

the original expectation. We think to ourselves,

“Maybe the methods of arriving at the conclusion

that 5 out of 6 dentists recommend Crest is equally

a “technical” truth rather than a “true” truth.

So, the focus on the joke is really more on

statistics, and the way people use them to mislead,

than it is about rape. The gang rape component is

only included because it’s a dark and shocking

example of how a statistic might be manipulated or

how our perceptions of reality might be misled by

the careful omission of certain data.

The most recent rape joke controversy that got

the feminazi saber-rattlers in a tizzy was when

comedian Daniel Tosh fired back at a heckler by

saying that she should be raped or that someone in

the audience should rape her. Predictably, the

feminists were offended and called for Tosh's head