The Embers Of My Heart (29 page)

"Of course it is," she said. "Actions have consequences, Kevin."

"What if I need it for some sort of mission?"

"Why would you be assigned to any sort of mission?"

"You need me!"

"No, we don't." I clenched my jaw. Her voice was cold. "You're unreliable. You're not trustworthy. You've been a huge pain in the ass since day one. Do you even understand how lucky you are to be alive right now?"

"You mean other than the mindtwist that almost killed me?"

"I mean Alistair was forced to call a vote to terminate your powers for good," she snapped. "It was too close for anyone's comfort. Obviously, you're still here, but the opposition demanded severe restrictions on you or they'd start a vote of no confidence against him. You're lucky your training is continuing. You're lucky, Kevin, do you understand that?"

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked. "What the hell are you going to do with me?"

"You need to be a model trainee for the rest of your time here," she said. "Stop being a childish brat when it comes to knowing everything. No one trusts you. No one has any reason to trust you. Fall in line and you'll get what you want eventually. It's going to take time. You need to rebuild some bridges."

Her words stung, but she was right. Even if I had an agreement with Todd, I had to take care of business here. "You're right," I said. She raised an eyebrow. "No, seriously. You're right. I'm sorry."

"Good start," she said. "Give it time. Apologize to Alistair in a few weeks."

"Should I really face him?" I asked.

"I think you'll be safe," she said.

"All right." I sighed. "I don't suppose you found anything out about the mindtwist?"

She nodded. "Burke did it once Davidson was out of the picture."

That was unexpected. "He's rusty, isn't he?"

"He underestimated you. Significantly."

"How'd you explain it away?"

She frowned. "You contacted a highly specialized biokinetic in Seattle and your Resistance contact was the reference. No names. He wasn't known for his biokinesis abilities."

"Thanks," I said.

"Don't ever put me in this sort of position again."

"I won't."

She cracked a smile. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'll try," I said. "I can promise that much, right?"

"You're nothing but trouble," she said. "Do what you can this trimester. I'll request that your PSInet access be restored. I think I can convince them to give you limited access back, for training purposes."

"Thanks again," I said. "Sorry I came rushing in screaming."

"Don't do it again," she said.

The mental connection broke and I snapped back to myself. My screen still showed the suspension notice. I closed out of it, grabbed my keys, and walked out of the dorm. The back garden was still bright and green. Within a couple of months, that would change. Leaves would cover the ground and we'd be wearing layers. I thought back to how I had first met Nikki, teasing me about wearing enough layers to stay warm in the bitter cold that winter. For just a moment, I wondered how she was doing in England.

I wrenched my mind away from her and found the burner phone I kept hidden. My fingers punched in Star's number. "Hey," I said as she picked up.

"What's up, my love?" she asked.

"Feeling down," I said.

"It's only been a couple of days. Missing me already?"

"Yeah. I got in shit with my bosses, so that's fun. My roommates are out on dates. I'm all by myself out here. It sucks. I wish I had dropped out of everything and stayed with you."

She sighed. "I know. You told me all the reasons you couldn't. Your friends and family would pay for it. I don't think we could fake your death like mine. They'd do everything they could to track you down. There's no way they'd believe it was an accident."

"It wouldn't work, you're right. They're going to keep me from doing anything, and they stripped my PSInet access. I'm being isolated."

"We'd probably do the same," she said. "No offense intended."

"None taken. I understand the reasons. I'm trying to be a good little boy now." I kicked at a stray rock. "It still sucks. At least they partnered me with someone else now that Nikki's off training with the Illuminati in England, according to official sources. Not far enough away for my tastes."

"Maybe I can call in some favors for a hit on her," Star said. Her voice turned thoughtful. "I'm pretty sure we have a cell or two out there. Couldn't be too hard, right?"

"I don't think killing her for being my ex is really a good way to abuse your authority," I said.

"I didn't say anything about killing her!"

"It was only heavily implied."

"Maybe."

We both laughed and I sat down on a bench. "You have anything pressing going on?"

"No," she said. "Why?"

"I just want to talk to you for a while. Until the battery dies."

"All right."

Chapter Nineteen

I pulled at my collar. "I can't believe you talked me into this."

Lisa stepped in and grabbed my tie, adjusted it, and then tugged it to lie flat. "You're going to turn all sorts of heads, Kev!"

"Not when I'm surrounded by girls like you three," I said.

"You're such a sweet talker." She smiled up at me and stepped back. Her red dress clung like a second skin. "But you're the center of attention tonight. You're going to have more wingmen and wingwomen than you know what to do with! It'll be great!"

I raised my eyebrows and looked toward Drew. He shrugged. No one knew about Star. As far as they knew, I was single. He was wearing a shirt and tie as well, but had decided against the full suit jacket. He filled out his shirt far better than I did. "Not my idea, dude," he said. "Just roll with it."

"Seriously," Jess said. She leaned against the wall next to Max. Her dress was looser and longer than Lisa's, while Max wore a suit jacket even looser than mine. "I hate dressing up for this sort of shit. It's just a dinner."

"It's a formal dinner," Lisa pointed out. "It's going to have a lot of people there from a bunch of schools around here. Andreas and I planned this out. Be glad we got tickets. It's a great way to meet people! That's for you, Kev!"

I sighed and shook my head. "Like I said, I can't believe you talked me into this."

There was a knock at our door and Andreas walked in with Kaitlyn just a step behind him. He wore a vest with a pocket watch chain hanging in a neat arc, while Kaitlyn wore a tiny white dress that left next to nothing to the imagination. She made eye contact with me and frowned slightly before looking away. I still hadn't had a chance to talk to her. Andreas smiled at everyone. "It seems we are all ready to leave."

"Let's get going!" Lisa said. "So, I'm driving me and Drew. Everyone else in Andreas's van, right?"

"Yes," Andreas said. "Unless you changed your mind, Max."

"No, I plan on drinking excessively," he said. "Kev, you're all right with this, right?"

"Kev and I already volunteered to be the designated drivers," Lisa said, grabbing my arm. "Right?"

"Right," I said.

"Responsibility is attractive!" she declared. "Let's go!"

We headed out to the parking lot in a group. Lisa stayed by my side until we reached her car. "Are you sure you don't want to ride with me? Drew won't mind," she said quietly. "I don't want you to feel lonely."

"Thanks," I said, and I meant it. "But I don't mind going with the big group."

"All right." She raised her voice and called Drew over.

I walked to the van, which was still as ugly and disreputable as the last time I'd seen it. Andreas nodded to me as Kaitlyn stepped into the passenger seat, holding her dress down with one hand. "Anything I should know?" I asked as he closed the door for her.

"It is not nimble," he said. "Nothing else of note."

"Why did you buy a van?" I asked.

"It is the most effective way to transport equipment in bulk," he said. "In the future, I will retrofit it as a mobile lab. I have already begun planning for that day."

"Mad scientist," Max grumbled as he climbed into the back.

"Viking," Jess added as she followed.

I smiled as Andreas rolled his eyes. "You want me to drive down?"

"That will not be necessary," he said. "I will give you the keys when we arrive."

Jess and Max were in the back seat, so I took the middle seat for myself. We set out on our adventure and Lisa followed. Naturally, separate conversations sprung up in the front and back of the van, neither of which included me. I stared out the window and made sure to remember the route we were taking. Star hadn't liked the idea of me going out to a formal event without her. "I haven't even gotten to see you dressed up yet!" had been her main protest. "Take pictures," followed right after.

I hadn't wanted to go, but Lisa had guilted me into it. I knew I'd end up by myself all evening. For all of her promises to wing for me, I knew she'd just end up orbiting Drew. Still, it was nice to have something to do. The first couple of weeks of the trimester had passed without even a whisper from Absynthe or Burke. I didn't bother trying to get a hold of them. Lying low seemed like the best thing to do.

We finally parked at a small banquet hall and poured out of the cars. Andreas handed me his keys and we proceeded inside to find dozens of people already mingling. He handed out our tickets, which were all marked as being over twenty-one, which earned each of us a wristband and a free drink coupon. I turned mine down. "Should have passed it on to a girl," Lisa whispered to me.

"I don't think they'd let me," I whispered back.

"Still," I said. "I just got here, it's not like there are any girls here I'd want to pass it to."

"What about that gorgeous redhead at the bar?"

"That's Jess."

"Your point being?"

I rolled my eyes and walked away. The tables seated ten and had our names set out already. A couple of swaps and I found myself with Lisa on my left and an empty chair on my right. Three other names were set out, but none of them had been touched yet. We took our seats and I listened to the chatter around us. Nothing caught my interest. The number of attendees continued to rise. We made our dinner selections, ordered drinks, and I watched people walk back and forth from the bar. There were plenty of girls around, dressed up and almost universally gorgeous. Lisa would occasionally lean over and point one out to me. I tried to play them all off.

Our tablemates never showed up. I ate in mechanical silence. My friends drank. The conversations around me got louder and louder, fueled by alcohol and driven by the sociable types. One by one, my friends stood and left the table. Max left for drinks and Jess joined him. Andreas spotted a colleague from another school and went to network. Kaitlyn started to dance. Drew and Lisa joined her. None of them even glanced back at me.

I looked at a half-finished cocktail on the table and slammed it down before I could talk myself out of it. Half a drink wouldn't hurt and I could always burn the alcohol out of my system before we left. A little bit of numbness would help. I wanted to walk out and go home and call Star, but the weight of the keys in my pocket anchored me in place. I pushed the empty glass toward the center of the table and leaned back in my chair. The night had barely begun and I was already done.

"You should totally talk to that one!" I flinched as Lisa appeared at my side. She pointed out a tall blonde at the bar. "She's been looking at you!"

"Probably wondering why I'm sitting here by myself," I said.

"So if she comes over and asks you, what are you going to say?"

"Not much."

Lisa prodded my shoulder. "You're not even trying."

I felt my temper rise and forced it back down. "Sorry I'm not meeting your expectations." I stood up and my chair rattled. She started to say something, but I turned my back on her and headed for one of the side doors. The patio wasn't crowded and I was able to find a place to lean and look out over the city. The chill of September air started to cool my temper down and I sighed. Lisa didn't deserve that.

"I'm sorry." She had followed me out.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Talk to me?"

I looked back out over the city. "I didn't tell anyone about the girl I met in Seattle."

"You met someone? No way! Oh my god, no wonder you're not into this!" She grabbed my shoulder and shook me. "Kev, you have to tell me about these things! I feel like such an ass now! What's her name? What's she like?"

"Her name's Sarah," I said. Over the next few minutes, I spun a whole story about what she did and how we met. The more I said, the worse I felt. I wanted her to be here with me. Lisa was trying her best to listen and support me, but I knew that she'd just go back to Drew in the end and I'd be alone again. I needed to pick up a new burner phone, or sneak the old one in to charge it.

I ran out of words and sighed. "I know it's hard to be separated from the one you want to be with," Lisa said. "I was alone before Drew and I got together. I never really dated in high school. My parents discouraged it. I'm glad you have someone you're into, though."

"It's hard to be so far away from her," I said.

"At least you're not pining over that bitch," she said. "I'd have to hurt you if you were. I didn't think she was all that bad until you know, that happened. Still can't believe she tried to hit me! I could have taken her though."

"I'm sure."

"I'm vicious, you know. Just ask Drew."

"I remember. I'm not arguing the point."

She laughed. "So, if this Sarah ever comes out here to visit, we'll get to meet her, right?"

"Absolutely," I said. "She'd love that."

"Good. Hey, I'm going back to make sure Drew isn't overdoing it. He's already had a few and I'm worried. You going to stay out here? If you stay too long, I'll send Jess after you."

"I'll be in soon," I said. "No need to make threats."

She stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Your girl is lucky," she said. "I hope she appreciates you more than Nikki did. I know that's a low bar, but you deserve someone who cares about you."