The Exception (15 page)

“Beautiful,” he said when my eyes met his, sending a rush of warmth through my body. “Now come on, Blondie, there is an ice cream place in town you have to try,” he finished with that perfect smile of his.

We spent the entire afternoon in Fredericksburg. As promised, one of our stops was to get ice cream. And, oh man, was it good! No, more like amazing. I sampled a few flavors while everyone else gave their orders and by the time it was my turn, I, of course, didn’t have it narrowed down. Without missing a beat, Jake ordered the three I couldn’t choose between, in the largest cup, and then grabbed us two spoons. Heath made some wisecrack about it, but I was too busy gushing to care.

We ate our ice cream while walking around checking out all the shops on the main strip. We had just stopped, so Alli could go inside one of the shops we had come to, when Jake found a bench and motioned for me to sit with him. I looked up right as Jake scooped another bite of ice cream out of our cup and found myself wondering what was going to happen next year when Jake went to college.

Was he going to want to break up or try to make it work? If we did try, would it work? Long distance can be tough, and I’ve heard most high school relationships don’t make it. I quickly shook the thought out of my head. I didn’t want to dwell on something that could interfere with the rest of our weekend.

We stayed in Fredericksburg to eat dinner before heading back to Jake’s ranch house. It was about an hour drive, and by the time we got back it was dark outside. We remembered to grab marshmallows while we were in town. So as soon as we got back, the boys built up the campfire and the girls got the s’mores supplies ready to go. We spent our last night at the ranch around the fire and eating more s’mores than I have ever had in my life.

When it got late, we put out the fire and everyone departed to our own rooms. This had been the perfect weekend, and I was in no way ready for it to be over. After spending the weekend falling asleep in Jake’s arms, I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to go back and sleep alone in my own bed. We were definitely going to have to make more ranch trips. Because the answer is, I can’t. I can’t be fine sleeping without being pressed up against him and him being the first thing I see when I wake up.

Once we were back in our room, Jake closed the door and then laced his fingers with mine. “This is going to be a problem for me,” he said, looking directly in my eyes.

“What is?” I asked, reaching out and brushing his tousled hair to the side. Though, a part of me was wondering if he was feeling what I was feeling about this being our last night together – our “last night” being the problem he was referring to. At least, I was hoping that’s what he was going to say.

“Emma, how I feel about you…” his brows pulled together. Wouldn’t you know, that boy even makes frustrated look good? I was trying to focus on what he was trying to say instead of how bad I wished he would lean forward and kiss me, but the look on his face and how his lips were just inches from mine made that very difficult. “Emma, the way you make me feel…I don’t ever want to give you up. I don’t want to have to take you home tomorrow, and I definitely do not want to not have you wrapped up in my arms when I close my eyes at night.” Once he started speaking, the urgency in his words made my heart flutter. All I could think about was needing his lips on mine.

I reached up and circled my arms around his neck and connected my lips to his. There was no hesitation. As soon as Jake felt my lips beg for his to open, he had one hand gripping my lower back and the other tangled in my hair, pressing me into him. He kissed me like he needed me to breathe – like I needed him to breathe. His fingertips gripped into my back, causing a moan to escape my lips and my mind to get lost in that beautifully hazy fog. He trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck, focusing on that sensitive spot that he discovered drives me crazy. By the time he made it back to my lips, I was completely breathless. I stepped back and lifted my arms, and a smile broke across his lips. I don’t know what it’s going to be like once we get home, but tonight I’m with Jake and tonight I don’t have to worry about that just yet.

Chapter Thirteen

The drive home seemed to go by so much faster than the drive to the ranch house, probably because no one was ready for our weekend getaway to be over. When we got to our cars, we all said goodbye and agreed that we were going to have to make this happen again soon. Jake and I lingered longer than the rest of the group – not able to leave each other just yet.

“Call you later?” he asked, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

“Can’t wait,” I murmured against his lips as he kissed me one last time before shutting the door to my Jeep. He tapped my window three times, causing me to smile as I remembered his words from the night before.

He was laying on his side with his head propped up on one of his arms. “You know, we need a signal,” he spoke softly, focusing on the circles he was drawing on my stomach.

“A signal? For what?”

He raised his eyes to meet mine. “For when I want to tell you I love you. When I can’t say it out loud, or when we’re in a group and I want to be able to tell you what I’m thinking.”

I smiled as my body warmed and my heart beat a little faster. “OK…like what?”

He let his free arm drape across the bottom half of my stomach, wrapping his hand around my side. “How about I give you three little squeezes. One for each word.” He gently squeezed my side three times. “And if you want to say it back, you can do it four times.”

“Four? Why four?” I giggled.

“That way I’ll know you’re saying ‘I love you too’.”

“Oh.” I bit my lower lip in an attempt to keep myself from grinning like an idiot, but in that moment it was hard not too. It had been a perfect moment.

Like last night, a big goofy grin took over my face as I tapped the other side of my Jeep window four times before driving off. 

When I walked into my house, I stopped and talked with my parents before heading up to my room. They asked how my weekend was and what Maya and I did all weekend. I told them we just hung out and ate s’mores. That way it wasn’t a total lie because, I mean, we did just hang out and we did eat a lot of s’mores. Regardless, they were none the wiser. They said they were glad I had a good weekend and that they were happy I was home. Then I retreated upstairs.

My sister must have been waiting for me to get home, because as soon as I walked into my room she was not far behind. “Did something happen this weekend?” Kenzie accused.

“No why?” I replied, slightly defensive.

“Yeah…OK.” She raised a brow. “Look, I don’t know what happened this weekend, but I thought you should know Gabe called the house like a million times looking for you. Lucky for you, every time I saw his number on caller ID I picked up the phone.”

Oh crap! Gabe was the one factor I didn’t think about in regards to my parents finding out the truth about this weekend. Why didn’t I just tell him about this weekend beforehand? It’s not like he wasn’t going to find out anyway. Then I remembered I never returned his call from Friday. Why did I not think to do that on my way home?

“What? Gabe called the house? Why wouldn’t he just call my cell?”

“He said he tried, but you wouldn’t answer. I told him you were staying with Maya for the weekend, so he should try getting ahold of her. He said that he did. But when he called her house, her mom said she was staying with us for the weekend.”

I didn’t have any missed calls other than his initial one. Service must have been bad at the ranch house. God, I hope my parents hadn’t tried to get ahold of me too. My eyes went wide.

“Do mom and dad know?” I panicked.

“Also lucky for you, I am great at running recon. So no. And look, I don’t know where you two were this weekend, but you should really call Gabe because he seemed concerned.”

“Thanks Kenz. I owe you. You’re the best!”

“I know, I know. Just add it to my tab,” she said with a smile as she walked away, waving her hand in the air dismissively.

I seriously had the coolest little sister. If it weren’t for her, I would currently be in deep trouble. I would have to make it up to her. I also needed to call Gabe back. I made another mental note to do that as soon as I unpacked. Although by the time I unpacked my stuff it was time for dinner, and then Jake called, and then I got ready for bed and totally forgot. It wasn’t until I heard my window open that I remembered I never called Gabe back.

“Jake?” I called out. I’m not sure why I would assume it was Jake. Jake had only crawled through my window once, and Gabe had done it more times then I could even remember.

“No. Just me. Sorry to disappoint you.” I could hear the irritation in his voice as Gabe made his way inside my room, causing me to immediately regret mentioning Jake’s name. “Why would you assume I was him anyway? There is only one time to my knowledge that he has even done this. Unless you would like to correct that?” he spit out and then stalked into my bathroom.

“No! He has only done it once!” I don’t know why my first reaction was to go on the defense. I mean, Jake is my boyfriend. He has just as much right – no, more right – to crawl through my window if he wants to. “Wait. Why am I defending what Jake does or does not do? That’s none of your business anyway,” I stomped after him, “And you shouldn’t be here.”

He stopped and turned to face me. He didn’t look angry like I expected him to. He just looked – sad. “Why? Because of him?” If I wouldn’t have just heard it in his voice, I would have known just by looking at him. Gabe was a wreck. I could see the hurt all over his face, which made my next words that much harder to say.

“Yes,” I choked out. “He doesn’t like that you crawl through my window, Gabe,” I said in a small voice.

“So what? You get a boyfriend and he gets to dictate when you hang out with your friends? You don’t get to make your own decisions any more? Is that it?” The irritation was back in his voice. That, mixed with the fact that he was accusing Jake of being some controlling jerk, did not sit well with me.

“Would you like another guy – one who you knew was in love with your girlfriend – to crawl into her window at night? I don’t think so,” I snapped. I knew that was harsh, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming out. “And I don’t like you making it sound like Jake controls me. Because he doesn’t. But I know this bothers him; it would bother me. And I love him so…” The look on his face when those words came out was enough to shut me up. It made me want to fix it somehow. But what was there to fix? I can’t apologize for loving Jake.

“Did you sleep with him?” His words were strained and there was no hiding the devastation in his voice.

“What?” I managed, his question taking me by surprise. Where did that even come from? One minute we were in an argument, and the next Gabe was asking me this and looking worse than I had ever seen him. How could I answer him when I knew the answer to his question would crush him?

“Answer the question, Emma. You were gone all weekend. I know you were with him. Did. You. Sleep with him?” The look on his face alone was enough to break my heart.

“Why does that matter?”

“It just does. Now answer the question.”

“Gabe…” My eyes filled with tears. Just because I am not in love with Gabe doesn’t mean I want to hurt him. He is one of my best friends, and I hate that his feelings grew stronger than mine. I knew because of that, I was about to ruin the friendship that we had. I never asked for my friend to fall in love with me.

“I know the answer. I can see it all over your face. I just need to hear you say it.” There was a harshness in his voice that I had never heard before, and I knew it was because he was hurting.

“Yes,” I whispered, unable to look him in the eyes as I spoke.

Gabe choked up. “How long?” I could hear the tears that were threatening, and that made it that much harder to answer him.

“Why are you doing this?”

“How long, Emma? How long have you been sleeping with him?” The hurt in his voice was killing me.

A tear escaped down my face. “This weekend was the first time,” I spoke in a small voice with my eyes clamped shut, as if that would somehow make this any better.

“Damn it, Emma, I love you. And I know you love me too,” Gabe cried out. “I can feel it when I’m with you, and I can see it on your face.”

There was no stopping the tears that were now freely falling. “I do love you, Gabe. Just not how you want me too. I’m not in love with you. But you’re my best guy friend, and I don’t want to lose you.”

He reached out and grabbed both of my shoulders. “Then don’t. Choose me instead,” he pleaded. “You just said I was your best guy friend. The fact that you had to clarify has to count for something.”

How do I explain to him that I only said best guy friend because it was that simple. Maya was my best friend, and he was just my best friend that was a guy – not that, that means he was any less special. “Gabe,” my voice trailed off.

“Emma, I’ve waited over a year for you to see that it was me. I knew I loved you from the moment I first saw you. It was when you and Maya walked onto the courts to practice with us for the first time – the summer before school started. Do you remember that?” I nodded. “You were wearing a white tank top and those short pink shorts that I love, that I couldn’t believe you were allowed out of the house in, but I was damn sure glad that you were. You were smiling that big, beautiful smile of yours when you walked up. You didn’t look nervous at all, and all I could think about was how I was going to get you onto my court. Because I had to know you. Then, when you looked over at me and shared that smile, I knew I was gone.”

“I was terrified,” I corrected. Gabe looked at me with a puzzled expression. “I was terrified that day, walking onto the courts with a bunch of high school kids that already knew each other. I was so thankful when you and Dylan asked us to hit on your court. I knew right away that we were going to be friends.”

Gabe let out a frustrated sigh. “Maybe I should have made my move earlier. But, Emma, I just kept waiting for you to see that it was me,” he growled. “Who was there for you when you were upset over losing your car? Me. Who was there for you when that creep broke your heart? Me. Who was there for you this last year when anything bad happened? Me. I’ve always been there for you, Em. It’s always been me, biding my time and waiting for you to realize…” Gabe’s voice cracked, and he looked away as he took a deep breath. “It should have been me.” His voice was heavy with grief as he looked up at me. “I’ve loved you from the beginning. You and your big heart and wide-eyed, bright smile. You took my heart and I can never get it back. You’ve wrecked me for everyone else, Emma. It’s always going to be you. You’re it for me.”

The pain in his eyes was almost too much to bear. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to ruin everything? “Gabe…” I let out in a shaky whisper, “I thought we were friends?”

“We were,” he said defeated, letting go of my shoulders and dropping his head.

“Wait? What are you saying?”

He looked back up at me. “I can’t do this, Emma. I can’t watch you love him. It’s either him or me.”

“Gabe. Don’t make me do this!” I cried. “How can you ask me to choose? I love you both, just in different ways.” I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. Then I set my gaze back on his. “You’re breaking my heart,” I whispered.

“Then I guess you can rebuild it with all of my shattered pieces. Because they belong to you. They always will.”

That was the last thing Gabe said to me before he walked out of my bathroom and crawled out my bedroom window, leaving me standing there as my brain attempted to realize that I was losing one of my best friends. He was asking me to make an impossible choice. How could he ask me to pick between the boy who had become my best friend and the one that I loved? Numb, I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.

***

With each new day, I kept waiting for Gabe to come up and apologize; to tell me that we could go back to being friends; that we could go back to the way things were before everything got all screwed up.

But he never did.

I barely even saw him anymore because, apparently, he made avoiding me his new life goal.

I had broken down and cried when I told Maya what happened originally. She had soothed and said everything would work itself out. That day I thought she was right. “You broke his heart, Em,” she had said as she stroked my hair, letting me cry. “He just needs time. Give it some time and it will all be all right. You’ll see.” I remember thinking she was right and that in time we could go back to being friends. To being us. And I let myself be happy under the guise of “time”.

Well, the days turned to weeks. Before I knew it, we were getting ready to walk out of school for the last time before Christmas break. I got so used to telling myself not to worry because all Gabe needed was time, and that he would walk back into my life when he was ready, that I didn’t realize how long it had been.

That, and I hate to admit it, but Jake is a great distraction. When I’m with him I don’t even think about missing my friend. Truth is, when I’m not with Jake, I’m in a group with Jake, Maya, and Evan. The four of us hang out all the time and go on double dates, even though they swear up and down that it’s not a date and that they are just friends. So all of that, then throw in studying for finals, and I just didn’t realize so much time had gone by since I last spoke to Gabe.