The Executive's Decision (26 page)

“I hope so. I’ve told her to give some thought to that as well, but she’s stubborn.”

“Okay, okay.” Regan pulled herself from John’s arms and wiped away her tears. “I’ll marry you both, but I want my own bathroom.”

“Well at least we could design and build you one.” John smiled.

“Under budget and on time,” Zach added.

Regan laughed. They all did, and it felt good. Then she turned her attention back to Zach. “I’ve finished the funeral arrangements. Will your mother want to have a reception here afterward?”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t have it any other way.”

John patted Zach’s back. “I’ll go find Mrs. Benson.” He turned back as he walked out of the office. “Hey, Regan. What’s your sister’s name again?”

“Arianna. Why?”

“Well, maybe if I can’t coax you into marrying a man pushing fifty with both feet, I can convince her.” He winked and left them alone in the office.

Zach took Regan’s hands in his. “Thank you for doing all of this for her, for us. I think it’s helped.”

“It’s my pleasure.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I love you. I haven’t gotten to tell you how sorry I am.”

His eyes had gone sad again, and his shoulders rolled forward. Zach let out a quick breath and shook his head. “I just can’t believe our children won’t meet him.”

Audrey was pleased that there had been over a hundred people at the funeral. The reception at the house attracted even more mourners who came to pay their respects. Her husband would have been furious with the attention, but she thought he deserved it. The Benson family filled the house… but the Keller family made it a home.

Alan and Emily Keller made food and helped serve it. Curtis and Carlos picked up glasses and coffee mugs and cycled them through the dishwasher. Arianna greeted people at the door, and Regan stood by Zach’s side with their fingers interlaced. Even Carlos’s ex-wife, Madeline, and their children were there helping and paying their respects to the father of the man Regan loved.

Audrey couldn’t have made it through the week without the Kellers. They were an amazing family. And when she laid her head on her pillow that night, she sent a prayer to her husband and to God.
Let them stay in love and marr
y, she whispered in the dark.
I pray they find the same happiness I had. They both deserve that.

Chapter twelve

Regan watched Zach nearly drive himself mad going over old plans of his father’s just to make sure he’d done his own job right. He checked and double-checked every detail of every plan of every building, trying to make sure he was living up to the standards of what his father and grandfather before him had done. He was the only male Benson left, and he told her time and time again that it felt like the world weighed on his shoulders.

She watched him go from a high-powered CEO to a young man who was looking for his father’s approval and wasn’t getting it because there wasn’t anyone left to give it to him. It broke her heart.

Regan opened his door at lunchtime, and his head snapped up. His eyes were narrow and his cheeks flushed. “I told you I didn’t want to be disturbed.” He ran his fingers through his already messed sandy hair. The tousled look made her want to smile, but she held it in.

“Can it, Benson. You know, I’m sorry your father passed away, but you don’t have to talk to me like that.” Her voice was steady and calm. She’d expected him to burst out at some point, but even if he did she knew it wouldn’t be like Alexander’s fits of fury. There might be words, but they wouldn’t be hurtful. There might be action, but it wouldn’t be forceful; in fact, he was most likely to take a long run. She could address him the way she needed to and didn’t have to fear him. There was a power there. A force that wasn’t about who owned a company or made more money. It was a partnership and she was part of that—and so was he. Her skin warmed and peace filled her.

“If I remember correctly, you were the one who drew the line about the workday. Between the hours of eight and six, we’re on company time. You’re my assistant and that’s that. So I told you I didn’t want to be interrupted, and here you are.” He stood behind his desk, trying to look professional and missing the mark terribly.

“That’s right. Here I am in your office after you asked me to stay out. I guess you’ll have to fire me.” She laid out their lunch on the small coffee table by the couch. She fixed each of them a sandwich on a plate and opened a bottle of water as he looked on. “Even if you’re behaving like an asshole, you have to eat.” Regan stood with her fists on her hips and her lips tucked between her teeth.

“Don’t you have any compassion for how you speak to me?” He walked toward the table, keeping his eyes to the floor.

“It’s been three weeks, and I was by your side the whole damn time after your father died. And if I remember correctly, I wasn’t looking my best.” She knew he still felt guilt over her attack, and by God she was going to use it to shut him up. “Now sit down and eat.”

He reluctantly crossed the room and sat down on the couch, shoulders hunched and head down. She knew he was reconsidering the way he’d come across.

Zach lifted his head, and his eyes had softened. “Regan, I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” She leaned closer to him and kissed him gently.

He sipped his water and sat back on the couch. “I haven’t been very good company lately.”

“No you haven’t, but I understand.” She snuggled closer to him. “It’s been a hard few weeks. It’ll get easier.”

“I just feel like I have to do it all right now. I can’t miss one step or he’ll be disappointed. I’m afraid of messing up what he and my grandfather built together.”

“You’re amazing at what you do. Do it your way, and you’ll be fine. John and I will be here to catch your back.” She smiled and he pulled her closer.

“I know you will be.”

“Just think. In another week you’ll be in L.A. finalizing your biggest project. The one
you
brought to the company. The one
you
designed yourself and will see through until the end. I’m very proud of you for that.”

“It will be the finest building we’ve ever done,” he said as he pushed her back on the couch.

She forgot about his mood and the lunch that went uneaten as he pressed his lips to her neck. There wasn’t anything better than breaking her own rules over lunch.

The moonlight gave the bedroom a silver hue. Zach stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched Regan sleep. He hadn’t slept well since his father had died, and this night had been no exception. It was two in the morning, and he’d had to leave the bed that the woman he loved slept so peacefully in, and take a shower to release the tension in his shoulders and neck.

Zach ran the towel over his wet hair and ambled back toward the bed. He pulled the robe from his warm skin and slid into bed next to her. He watched her and smiled. Her eyes darted beneath her lids. She was dreaming. He wondered what went on in her head when she slept.

He touched her shoulder gently, but she shrugged off his touch and rolled away from him, still sleeping. He smiled and touched her again.

“Stop!” she said, her eyes still darting beneath her lids. “Don’t touch me again!”

“I’m sorry.” He pulled back and studied her.

Regan pulled her knees up, and tears squeezed from her closed eyes. “Don’t touch me. No!” she repeated.

Zach took a breath to speak before he realized she wasn’t talking to him. She was dreaming. A moment later, she sat up and screamed, “Take her away! Take her away!”

“Regan, I’m here.” He reached for her.

Sweat had beaded on her brown. Her pulse was racing under his fingers, and she was fighting for breath. Her eyes shot open, but he wasn’t sure she even saw him for a moment. Then the haze that clouded her eyes cleared, and she stared at him.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You had a nightmare.” He drew her close. “What happened?”

“I need water.” She gasped, and tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

“I’ll get you some.”

He was back a moment later with a glass of water from the kitchen. Regan took it with both hands and sipped it slowly as Zach sat next to her. He switched on the lamp on the nightstand and watched her.

She took deep breaths. The water in the glass sloshed from the shaking of her hands. She sipped again and then handed it back to him.

He set the glass down on the nightstand. “What happened?”

Regan gathered the sheets up around her neck. “I just had a bad dream. It’s nothing.”

“I’ve never seen you have a dream like that. Someone was hurting you.”

“No one hurt me. It was just a dream, a reaction from what happened a few weeks ago.”

“Regan, someone hurt you before that.” He pushed on. This wasn’t about Roger Byers and he knew it. “Curtis mentioned it at the hospital. Tell me what happened.” He watched her tense.

“Damn it, Regan, you can’t hide this from me. Not if you love me.” He stood and paced by the bed. “You’re holding on to too many secrets. We can’t have secrets between us. Not anymore.”

Regan shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip, still clinging to the bed sheet. “What happened to me before doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“It does now.” He turned to her, though he knew he wasn’t doing a good job of concealing the frustration in his eyes. “I love you. I care for you. I want to marry you and have a family with you. But if you lie to my face, we can’t have that. What are you hiding?”

Her lip was trembling now, and her eyes filled with tears. “If I tell you, you won’t want to marry me. You won’t want me to carry your children.”

“That’s not true.” His voice rose, and he took a deep breath to calm himself, but it wasn’t working well. He sat back on the bed and gathered her hands in his. “That
is
what I want. I love you.” He couldn’t contain what was on his mind. “Will you marry me?”

She wiped her eyes and stared at him. “Is this my proposal?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Oh.”

“This is you telling me whether you would marry me. It would be nice to know before I set up a romantic evening and buy a ring and then you turn me down.” He set his jaw.

Regan touched his cheek. “You really want to marry me? I wasn’t brought up in a fancy house. I didn’t go to school in France. In fact, the only French I know does not suggest nice things.”

“You think that matters to me?” He tightened his grip on her hands. “I love you. My parents—my mother loves you. That’s all that really matters to me.”

“But what about children?”

“What about them?”

“I’m adopted. I don’t know any history about my parents. I don’t know if they carried genes for disease. I don’t know if they lived to be fifty. What if I pass something on to my children that I don’t even know I could?”

“Our children,” he reminded her with a bite to his words, “and we would deal with it all.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Yes would be good.” He shook his head, frustrated with the whole conversation. “Regan Keller, please tell me you’ll marry me, you’ll have children with me, and you’ll grow old with me.”

Regan tucked her lips between her teeth and then let out a shuddered breath. “Zach, I can’t promise you to marry you just to calm your nerves.”

There was no hiding his disappointment. Obviously, there was no more to say. He stood and walked to the foot of the bed. Picking up his robe, he put it on and pulled it tight.

“I’m going to head down to the office.”

“Zach, it’s three in the morning.”

“I can’t be here now. I’ll have a cab pick you up at seven. We need to pull everything together for our trip to L.A. next week.” Without another word, he pulled a suit from the closet, walked back to the bathroom, and locked the door.

As soon as Zach left, Regan pulled herself from bed. She brewed a pot of coffee, showered, and readied herself for the day. When she looked at the clock, it was only four-thirty. There was plenty of time for her to stew in the misery she’d brought upon herself.

She sat down at the kitchen table and scrubbed her hands over her freshly made-up face. What the hell was wrong with her? She’d told her sister she didn’t think Zach was the kind of man who would walk away from her, but he’d proven her wrong. That was exactly what he’d done. He’d walked away from her at 3:18 that morning.

She shook her head. That wasn’t what had happened, and she knew it.

Zachary Benson loved her, and she was pushing him farther and farther away. It was only a matter of time before she lost him completely.

That was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? She’d never meant to fall in love with him. She’d promised herself she’d never fall in love with the man she worked forever again, but she had. She’d broken that promise to herself.

She wiped at the corners of her eyes where tears collected, before they fell. How could she have possibly let it happen again?

Pain filled her chest and fire burned her stomach. She was furious with herself. Zach didn’t deserve what she was putting him through. What could be worse—knowing she was hurting him or telling him her secret and watching him walk away from her? She wasn’t sure.

She poured the cup of coffee down the drain and washed the mug. The coffee in the pot was still hot when she poured it down the drain too.

Regan checked her makeup in the mirror by the front door. It was now only 5:15. She paced awhile and then fell onto the couch. Breathing deeply, she thought about it. She would tell him. It was time Zachary Benson found out what she had gone through and what she had done. It was better for him to know now and walk away from her. John would be in L.A. with him, and everything was so organized that when he fired her, he wouldn’t need an assistant for the meetings. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t hire a temporary assistant to take a few notes.