The Fall Of Jacob Del Garda (17 page)

"Er... I’ll speak to Jacob," he said.

She rose, flicked him a sharp look at his tone, but shrugged.

"Okay. I’ll speak to Sophie. I won't tell her what Gina did to you.
You
need to do that."

"How am I going to make this right with her?"

Anxiety entered her eyes.

"Talk to her. Timing is everything, I guess. You could try not jerking her chain."

"I can only promise I’ll do my best."

She tucked her arm through his as they walked indoors.

"And as far as Gina Gregory is concerned, Tobin. Remember the Goddess Karma, what goes around comes around."

Amen, sister.

With a spring in her step, Gabriella entered her bedroom and stopped dead.

She blinked at the mountain of bags piled on her bed.

Surely she hadn’t bought all this?

"I see you had fun today," Jacob said from behind her.

She turned to look at him.

He appeared all relaxed as he leaned his shoulder on the door frame. But she spotted the glint in his eye and caught the edge to his voice. And wasn't sure if she had it in her to go a round with another man just at the moment.

She sank to the edge of the cream couch and shook her head.

"When my sister gets going, she's a force of nature."

He stood and tucked his hands deep into the pockets of the pants of his sharp suit. He looked so dark and sexy that her pulse jerked and she took a deep breath to steady herself. Too serious dark eyes scanned her face, her hair, as if imprinting her on his memory.

He looked tired.

And a man badly in need of a cuddle.

The atmosphere in the room crackled and sparked with tension.

"Can I take you out to dinner, just the two of us?" he asked.

Her eyes flew to his.

"Tobin is taking all of us out tonight and footing the bill." She stood and walked with jerky little movements to the bed and opened a bag, took out a fabulous red dress. "It’s part of his punishment for opening his big mouth."

She turned to slide the dress on a padded hanger, hooked the hanger over the top of her closet door.

"Tobin did the right thing. Is that why you are avoiding me?" His deep voice went low, the tone tight.

Her heart raced like a hamster on a wheel as she moved back to the bed, lifted the lid of a box and ran a loving hand over her new shoes.

"You’re standing right there, talking to me. How is that avoiding you?"

For a big man, he moved fast.

Strong hands came around her waist and drew her back to him.

Gabriella closed her eyes, leaned back and simply enjoyed the moment.

"I have missed you,
querida
. I am going crazy with how much I have missed you." His voice in her ear was husky with need.

She turned in his arms and stared up into his face. And looked at him, really looked at him, and again noticed the hair that was too long now, the I-need-a-shave look. And the amount of weight he’d lost.

Oh God, what had she done to him?

Then she remembered how he'd hurt her the day before.

"I thought you just wanted to be friends?" She couldn't hide the hurt in her voice.

And cursed herself for being weak.

Now his forehead rested on hers.

The move brought back so many wonderful memories.

"Maybe I want to be more than friends."

"Just like that?" She snapped her fingers. "You’re still angry with me, I can see it in your eyes and I can feel it."

"Just like that, you made a decision to walk out of my life, our life together." He tossed back.

Then he gripped her arms and gave her a shake.

The spark in his eyes should have warned her, but she couldn’t believe she was hearing this. "That was different."

"Was it? You decided to martyr yourself." He shook her again. "Without me,
you
made a decision about my future, our future. Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

Face composed, voice level, she drew back to study the fury in his face.

"I don’t know what you mean?"

"Ella, have you met someone else?"

Temper evaporated as she read the anguished question in his intense gaze.

Jacob had never been insecure.

Had she done this to him, too?

She placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

"No. How many times do I have to tell you? I haven’t met another man. It’s only ever been you. You know that."

Again he rested his forehead on hers. Big hands slid down her body to rest on her hips.

"I cannot tell you the number of nights I lay awake wondering if you were in the arms of another man. It nearly killed me, Ella."

Guilt squeezed her lungs.

"I knew it was the one thing you would never ever forgive." she admitted. "The only way you would let me go."

"So you martyred yourself."

Annoyed, her voice went sharp. "
Stop
using that word. I did what I thought was right at the time."

"I saw you today in town, with a man," he admitted now.

The accusation in his tone was crystal clear and clicked her temper up another notch.

Her eyes went wide. "You followed me?"

The heat that scorched his cheekbones was answer enough.

"Tobin and I just wanted to make sure you and Sophie were okay."

"I don't know what the hell has got into the pair of you," she yelled. She didn't do yelling. And maybe that had been a mistake because yelling at him felt wonderful. It was the first time she'd ever raised her voice to him and the shock was clear on his fabulous face. "What right do you have to keep tabs on my movements?"

With a throaty growl, he pulled her close, pinning her body to the hard length of his and simply held her.

How long they stood like that, just breathing, just feeling, Gabriella had no idea.

But then his hands slid under her T-shirt and stroked her bare back from shoulder to hip as his mouth nuzzled the sweet spot under her ear.

Her whole body came alive under his touch.

With a sigh Ella closed her eyes and just let herself enjoy the moment.

"I have the right because I love you. Spend the next few days with me, a week, just the two of us."

She found herself holding her breath as big hands skimmed down over her ribcage taking care to avoid her breast reconstruction. It appeared he didn't want to touch her breasts, and who could blame him?

Even though arousal throbbed a heavy beat low in her belly, Gabriella could have wept.

Withdrawing, she eased back.

And could tell by the way his grip tightened he didn’t want her to move out of his arms.

He dipped his head to study her face.

"I can’t. I have an appointment on Wednesday."

Tucking a blonde hair behind her ear, his hand cupped her cheek as his thumb rubbed her full bottom lip.

The tiny tremble that the move caused rippled through her system and made his mouth kick.

"What kind of appointment?"

Her eyes met his.

And she knew the time for prevarication was over.

There was no point in wishing he hadn't come back into her life. No point in wishing that he could be spared more hurt. It was too late for that. And in truth, she wanted him here. Now. Back in her life. Sophie was right. She needed Jacob. But dear God, she was about to hurt him again.

"With my breast surgeon and a geneticist."

His eyes were more intense now. "Why?"

She took an unsteady breath.

"Because I’ve found a lump in my armpit. I’m having a biopsy, scans, blood test results, and the results of a gene test.’

"What kind of gene test?"

"For BRCA1/2 hereditary cancer gene."

Genuine distress flooded his eyes. "Tell me."

The moment of truth had arrived.

And she didn't know if she could this.

But then his hands squeezed her.

"If it’s positive, it means an eighty-five per cent chance of breast cancer. Well, I hit pay dirt with that one. Although now I’ve had the double mastectomy the risk has fallen significantly. And a fifty per cent chance of ovarian cancer. They may want to take my ovaries. And that means no children."

He hauled her against his long, lean frame and clung to her.

They held each other so close.

"
You
," he said at last. "Are a serious pain in the ass. Do you know that?"  His voice was muffled in her neck.

The way he said it made her sob his name.

And cry as she clung to him, taking his strength into her.

"I’m so sorry for this, my darling. So bloody, shitty, sorry."

She tried to push him away, but it was like pushing a mountain, immovable and indestructible.

"Stop that right now, Ella. I am going nowhere and I am coming with you on Wednesday." Still, she struggled. "Behave yourself, woman!"

The next thing she knew she was on his knee being rocked like a baby.

And she burrowed right into him and let herself go, just let herself be. And it was like coming home.

With her head resting in the crook of his shoulder and his chin on the top of her head, she stared unseeing out of the wide sliding doors of her bedroom, over the swimming pool and into the gardens beyond.

He cleared his throat as his cheek nuzzled the top of her head.

"We will take it one step at a time. We will get the results of the tests and move on from there." Then he leaned back, hooked his fingers in the neck of her T-shirt to check out her breasts. "You are not wearing a bra."

"I don't need a bra. They fit expanders behind each breast muscle. Once every two to three weeks, I had saline added to re-build the breasts to the size I wanted. Then six months later, they took out the expanders and put in silicone implants."

His mouth nuzzled her hair again. "Were you tempted to have big boobs?"

"Nope. Normal B cups."

"That is a relief."

His tone made her smile.

"Did you have chemotherapy, radiotherapy?"

She shook her head. "Nope, the cancer was contained in the milk ducts. I dodged a bullet. At least, I’d hoped ...."

"When did you find the new lump?"

"Ten days ago. But I wanted to wait until Sophie arrived to receive the test results."

"So you do not know for certain the cancer has returned?"

She heard the hope in his voice.

"No. But I don’t trust my body anymore. And if the gene test is positive, then I’ll need to make a decision about removal of my ovaries. I’ve been told there’s no rush to decide because they’ll take regular blood tests to measure CA-125 to keep an eye on the level. An increased level is an indicator of ovarian cancer. It’s called the silent killer for a reason, because it’s so difficult to detect."

"No children," he said.

His tone didn’t fool her for an instant.

He’d said it like, "Pass the salt."

"I’m sorry."

Now his hand lifted her chin until her eyes met his.

"If you say sorry to me one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions. There is more than one way to build a family. We can adopt," he said without taking his eyes from hers.

Stunned, Gabriella found that she just couldn’t handle his reaction to the total destruction of his dreams, their dreams. Couldn’t handle him and she certainly couldn’t handle herself.

She leapt to her feet and spun to face him.

"You’ve always dreamed of having a big family. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard you say it. How can you sit there and tell me that you’re okay with all this? Now who’s being the martyr? Why don’t you cut your losses? Find someone else?"

Now Jacob was the one on his feet.

The way his hands clenched, the way his eyes went almost black with rage brought her hands to her throat.

"Because I do not want anyone else," he roared. "What the
hell
is
wrong
with you, Ella?" She took a step back and he held up a finger. "Do
not
back away from me. It is insulting and it is wrong."

In a show of utter male frustration, he thrust his hands through his hair.

Then he turned to face her.

Gabriella's heart flew into her mouth.

Oh God, he was so very angry.

His voice was so low and so intense, she had to strain to hear him.

"You need to make a decision,
querida
. Either you love me enough or you do not. But I will tell you something right here and right now. If I am not enough for you then tell me to my face. Do not dare to put the burden on me and expect me to walk out because you have some twisted idea that I cannot live without my own child. Or that I cannot cope with bad news in a relationship. I am here for you and I always will be, but only if you love me and only if you want me."

He stalked to the door, turned and those dark eyes flayed her.

"You had better decide fast what it is going to be. I cannot take anymore of being pushed away."

He left.

Gabriella sank to the edge of the bed and stared unseeing at the door.