The Fall Of Jacob Del Garda (12 page)

Josh could see his friend's mind racing.

Jacob sat up, leaned his elbows on his knees.

"Ella's only ever had Sophie and me and Tobin. Their parents were killed in a car accident when the twins were seventeen. In many ways, Ella's always been very driven, the strong one of the twins. That strength of character was one of the things about her that appealed to me. When she was seventeen, she was spotted by a modelling scout for one of the big agencies and her career rocketed. Tobin Gillespie has represented her right from the beginning. She has always been career focused. No parties. No drugs. No booze. And, until she met me, no men."

A true picture of Gabriella Dolman emerged in Josh's mind. And the more he learned about the woman, the more he admired her.

He leaned forward. "So, through necessity, Gabriella has always been in charge of her own destiny. She's used to being in control of every aspect of her life. Perhaps when she left you, she was in shock, not thinking clearly. She didn't have anyone to talk through her feelings. When did she tell her sister?"

Now that question was one that appeared to seriously piss off his pal.

Jacob's eyes went as black as pitch.

"Sophie should have told me," he growled.

"Perhaps Gabriella did not want her to tell you. And you can't blame Sophie for that. You need to tread very carefully here, Jacob. If you alienate her sister how does that help Gabriella?"

Jacob nodded.

"You are right.
Gracias
, Josh."

"You're welcome. Something else to think about is that perhaps Gabriella found that she wasn't strong. Perhaps she found that she couldn't cope with the emotional grenade that exploded in her world when she was diagnosed. My mother helps other women come to terms with the immense power of the word
cancer
. And many of those women, women who are normally kick-ass and strong, simply crumble emotionally. Gabriella made a decision. Whether it was the right decision isn't the issue. It was the decision she made at a time when life as she knew it was turned upside down. Perhaps you need to cut her, and especially yourself, some slack. Take a step back. Go with the flow."

Jacob's hands were clasped together, the knuckles white.

He raised his head and looked Josh dead in the eye.

"I cannot step back. I love her. But I do not know if I can forgive her for walking away."

"If you truly love her, pal, then forgiveness would not be an issue. It would be a given."

Gabriella existed in that lovely place between sleep and awake.

Her body ached in the most delicious way. And she was so, so, very tired. But replete and... she searched for the right word... happy.

Jacob was back in her life with a bang.

She grinned and rolled over, stretching out her arm to find... empty space.

Her eyelids weighed too heavy as she struggled to open her eyes.

Listening for sounds of life in the bathroom or the rest of the suite, the reality that she was quite alone threw a bucket of ice water over Gabriella's blissful state.

Sitting, she shoved back the weight of her hair, peered around the room. Bleary-eyed, she checked the time on her cell, six-thirty in the morning. And Jacob had gone.

Sliding out of the bed, she hobbled to the bathroom.

Man, her joints ached like a bitch this morning.

Under a steaming shower, she permitted her mind to replay the night before.

What on earth had she done?

They'd made love, earth shattering love.

She hadn't been strong enough to deny him.

Yes, Jacob was back in her life, but this was no big reunion with a happy-ever-after, like there was in the romance novels she loved so much.

This was reality.

The damage she'd inflicted upon the man she loved was clear for anyone to see.

And she was certain a part of Jacob would never forgive her for leaving him.

Hell, she'd never forgive herself for leaving him.

How had she made such a mess of their lives?

What had she been thinking?

Tears mingled with the foam of her shampoo as she rinsed her hair until it was squeaky clean. And Gabriella wondered how on earth she was going to make things right.

Once she'd dried her hair and dressed, she wandered into the sitting room and found the note placed on her laptop.

Ella,

I am on duty until twelve-thirty. I know you have work to do. If you have time, we can meet for lunch. Do not worry if you cannot make it. I will see you later.

J.

She read the note three times.

Not
love, Jacob.
Just signed
J.

There was no point in being disappointed that he hadn't wakened her. What did she expect? Perhaps Jacob had found the closure he'd been looking for? Then she told herself she was being stupid. When had she become all needy and pathetic? Hadn't he said he wanted to be there for her? Yes, he might still be very angry with her because she'd run from him. Who could blame him?

But it was hard for her mood to be upbeat when another wave of disabling tiredness rose up and crashed over her again. What she needed to do was focus on the task at hand. And that meant working through the digital images to give Coco and Rafael a record of their engagement party that they'd never forget. There would be plenty of time for her worry about what had happened between her and Jacob.

But she knew her body needed rest.

Well, there would be plenty of time for rest after she'd finished her work.

Tobin Gillespie sat in Jacob's office and sipped an espresso.

After a night where he'd tossed and turned, wondering if he was doing the right thing, God knew he needed the jolt of caffeine to help him think.

Jacob was talking on the phone to Alexander Ludlow in the Bahamas. And it sounded as if things had gone well in Jacob's absence.

Thank goodness something was going right in Jacob's world.

Tobin listened with half an ear as Jacob wound up his conversation, his attention was on his friend. And his friend looked like shit this morning. Waves of tension were rolling off him and the man looked exhausted.

Poor bastard.

Tobin topped his cup and poured Jacob one, too.

"I won't ask how things went with Ella, because I can tell by the look on your face. I can't tell you how fucking sorry I am, pal. If I'd had any idea that she was sick then I'd have played all this differently."

Now Jacob's dark eyes met his. "You mean you would not have told me?"

Would he?

"I dunno," Tobin said. "In truth, I probably would have. But if she'd made me promise to keep schtum then my hands would have been tied." He frowned. "Maybe that's why she didn't tell me either. Maybe she knew I'd tell you. Maybe she didn't want to put me in a tight spot with one of my best friends. That would typical of her."

"
Si
," Jacob growled the word. "The question is, what happens now?"

Tobin's heart fell.

Shit.

Did that mean that Ella hadn't told Jacob that there was trouble ahead?

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face because Jacob's dark eyes narrowed on his.

"Tobin, is there something I should know?"

Tobin closed his eyes and gave a single nod.

Jacob was on his feet.

"I knew it," he said as he swung round to stare unseeing out of the French doors of his office. His hands fisted in his hair. "I knew there was something. But I did not want to push it with her."

He spun back to stare at Tobin.

And Tobin's gut ached for the mix of pain and fear he read in Jacob's eyes.

"You need to talk to Ella. She's gonna kill me anyway, so I'd rather be hung for a sheep than a lamb. She's still sick. That's all I'm gonna say."

Jacob slumped into his desk chair and gave a heartfelt groan.

Then he took a breath. "How bad is it?"

Tobin shook his head. "She's having tests, that's all I know."

Jacob nodded.

"Last night I was so hard on her. I verbally battered her into the ground. Forced her to tell me. I was not gentle with her, Tobin."

"She'll forgive you, pal. She loves you. I'm the one she's gonna de-ball."

"You are a good friend. I will not forget it."

"Dunno about that. I'm the one who got y'all wound up and as mean as a pit viper."

Jacob's hard mouth kicked once.

"You have just called me a rattle snake."

"That's nuthin. Sophie looks as if she wants to stick red hot needles in my eyes."

Jacob bit his lip.

"Things not going smoothly?"

"You kiddin me? She hates my guts."

"Still no idea why?"

Tobin shrugged.

"Who the hell knows? She's a woman, man. Nuff said."

Jacob stood before the door of Gabriella’s cabin and raised his hand to knock, and wondered what he was going to find behind the door.

He paused.

And knew he would never, ever, be able to repay Tobin for his support and for his friendship.

But now Jacob was beginning to get inside Gabriella’s head, and he hoped he had a handle on her thinking. She’d left him to protect him, believing he,
‘Deserved a better future.’
But didn't she understand that without her he didn’t have a fucking future?

His hand rested on the handle as his throat closed with emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't seem to help the anger with her that warred with adoration.

Hurt.

He felt a soul deep hurt that she’d not turned to him in her hour of need.

Despair.

He felt such despair that she’d been all alone when she'd received the bad news and undergone tests.

The thought of her going through surgery, alone, made his throat ache.

It broke his heart in a way that made him swallow a groan.

But none of this was about
him
, was it?

It was about helping the woman he loved.

He knocked.

And Sophie opened the door.

Her face went white.

"You should have told me, Sophie," Jacob said by way of a greeting.

The girl nodded.

"I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you. But she made me promise, Jacob. I had to respect her wishes."

Dismay and hurt were emotions that were easy to read in Sophie's eyes. However, it was the pity for him that he saw there, too, that killed him.

"I was not there for her when she needed me most. And Tobin was not there for her either. You should have put her needs first, Sophie. By not telling us you let her down. By not telling us you made the burden more difficult for her to bear. I do not think I will ever forgive you for it."

Jacob knew he was lashing out. Knew the words he'd spoken were harsh and very hurtful to the woman who stood before him.

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were too bright pools filled with emotion, but her chin lifted.

Too late, Josh's words spun into his mind as Sophie's hazel eyes stayed on his.

"You are entitled to your opinion, Jacob. You are hurt and angry. I get that. But what Gabriella wants, Gabriella gets, and if that means she doesn't want you involved then that is how it will be."

The line was drawn in the sand.

Both sides had stated their piece.

Jacob walked past her without another glance.

Gabriella was preparing for a nap.

The late night and an early start at the laptop had taken their toll.

She stuck out her tongue at the too pale face in the bathroom mirror.

"A corpse would look better," she told her reflection. "Come in," she called to the knock on her bedroom door. She washed her hands. "I won’t be a minute," she said, folded the towel and opened the door. "I can’t believe how long I’ve..."

Wearing a sweater the same colour as his eyes, jeans tucked into black boots, Jacob stood at the foot of her bed.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him dressed so casually.

He looked like sex on legs.

Haunted dark eyes bore into hers. "You did not meet me for lunch,
querida
. Are you feeling unwell?"

In all honesty, she was feeling rough. But she went with, "No, I'm feeling tired. I needed to finish working on Coco and Rafe's photographs and I lost track of time."

Which was the absolute truth.

He looked so male, so wonderful, standing there watching her that she felt dizzy.

The room tilted and a roar sounded in her ears.

And she felt herself being lifted in strong familiar arms.

Gabriella couldn’t help it, she nuzzled into his wide chest.

God, she couldn't get over how he smelt just the same.

She was on his knees being rocked back and forth and felt a heavy sigh in her hair.

Jacob just closed his eyes and breathed her in.

"Let me go." She pushed away and off his knee.

And Jacob ignored the sharp sting of rejection as his gaze soaked up the sight of her.

She wore pyjama bottoms and a camisole top in thin silk the colour of wood smoke.

The way she trembled as she climbed into bed, pulled the comforter up to her chin and tucked her arms around her knees in a gesture of self-protection, told him to take great care.

God, she looked too small, too fragile.

He pulled up a chair and sat forward, elbows on knees and studied her thoughtfully.

Okay, this was not the welcome he might have hoped for.

From the look on her face, he knew he was still on a slippery slope.

She didn’t want him here.

His jaw clenched even as his hands itched to hold her, to touch her.

Time for tough love.

Gabriella’s eyes met his.

She recognised the desire, the hurt.

A sob flooded her throat and buzzed in her ears.

Don’t you dare she ordered herself. Don’t you
dare
cry.

"Why, Gabriella?" His voice stuck a chord deep within her soul. The tone was light and easy. A tone Jacob used when he was trying very hard to be reasonable. "I deserved the truth, did I not?"

She studied him, absorbing his carved features, that strong jaw and kissable, sensuous mouth. She loved the black jeans tucked into biker boots, the soft cashmere sweater in pale grey. There was nothing pretty about him. He was all man, her Jacob.

No.

She corrected herself, not hers.

With insight, she realised he wasn’t going to make it easy for her, and why should he. And she nearly jumped out of her skin when he rose, and sat on the edge of the bed.

He took her hand, continued to study her with those dark grey eyes, especially her hair.

Her throat closed.

Oh, God, he loved her hair.

How was he going to feel when she was as bald as a newborn baby?

"I understand you are still sick. Tobin has not given me the details. But before we get to that, Ella." Those eyes pinned hers. "You had absolutely no right to break my heart."

The raw agony in his eyes made her shudder and close her own.

All she wanted to do was to crawl away and hide in a deep dark hole.

Then she wondered what on earth had happened to her backbone?

With another shudder, her eyes opened and met his.

Sophie’s words about facing her fears head on rescued her from throwing herself into his arms.

His eyes never left her face, not for single moment.

"I didn’t know how else to protect you from this," she told him.

He simply shook his head.

"I wanted to give you a different future," she added, desperately trying to pull her hand from his, but he refused to permit it. "A choice."

Jacob captured her other hand, brought both to his lips.

He was so close she could see the tawny ring around the edge of his eyes.

"But you did not give me a choice. Did you? You made the decision to leave me and that was wrong of you, Ella. I chose you the first moment you walked into my life."

His voice was husky, intense and low. Brimming over with pain and hurt.

Indeed he had chosen her.

Jacob Del Garda had had enough experience in life to know what he was prepared to settle for and what he couldn’t. He couldn’t live without her. No other woman had fired his blood and had captured his heart like Gabriella Dolman.

And now his heart broke for the devastation life had dealt them.

In the expression in her huge eyes, he read the loss of their dreams and their plans for the future.

But didn’t she understand that without her he had no future?

That without her, he wasn’t even half a man?

Dio Mio
, he’d had a hellish taste of what life was like without her. How would he go on if she... He ruthlessly cast aside his own fears for her.

Now was not the time to break down.

He needed to be strong for both of them.

But when the going got too tough for Gabriella, she’d run from him.

Why?

If it had been four weeks later, they would have been married.

What would she have done then?

He acknowledged the hurt, took it on the chin.

But deep, deep inside he was dismayed.

On the whole, Gabriella was easy going.

She could be stubborn and dig her heels in if she wanted something badly enough. But her nature was a sweet one. Surely, if she’d loved him, she would have trusted him to love and support her and to rely on him?

The only explanation he could come up with, that made sense, was that although Gabriella thought she loved him, she didn’t love him quite enough.

Not the way he needed to be loved by her.

Fully and completely.

Through the bad times as well as the good.

Gabriella recognized his withdrawal, and icy fingers of dread clutched her belly, her heart, and squeezed too tight.

He had an expression in his eyes she couldn’t read as his hands gently pressed her fingers before breaking contact.

Confused now, the ice slid through her blood.

The man she knew would have taken her in his arms and promised her everything would be fine, that they’d fight this together.

Jacob stood, and moved to circle the room.

He flicked a finger over the back of a small cream sofa, and over the fragile petals of a white rose nestled in an arrangement on the dressing table.

In the jeans, the sweater, he looked amazing.

But he’d changed.

The heavy lines of tension around his mouth, his eyes, spoke of a deep suffering. And guilt dug her hard in the ribs.

Now he turned to her. And what she read in those dark eyes, the judgement, made her want to weep.

"I have loved you with all of my heart. You know it. But it was not enough for you, was it?" His tone was soft and easy, friendly even.

And it terrified her.

Her heart jack-hammered against her ribs.

She stared at him.

"You’ve lost me."

Hands tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, he studied her face carefully.

"I was not enough for you. Was I?"

Sincerely shocked, Gabriella could do nothing but gape at him.

Then she threw back the light comforter and rose unsteadily to her feet.

"If you truly believe that, why did you make love to me last night? And why are you here now?"

He moved to hold her, but she shook her head.

Dark eyes blazed into hers.

"To show you I care. You did not trust me to be there for you and that is an insult to the love we shared. You need to know that I am here for you. Even if you do not love me the way I need to be loved by you, I care enough to be your... friend."

A buzzing mass of sound in her ears replaced every coherent thought in her brain.

His words whirled around her mind, but her mind simply could not compute.

She sank to the edge of the bed and gripped it tight.

"Friend?"

And the truth slapped Gabriella so hard she nearly collapsed from the force of it.

She’d lost him.

How she found the courage to meet his eyes, the energy to pin a smile on her trembling mouth, she’d never know.

"If that’s what you want."

Jacob gazed at her in admiration at her acting skills.

They weren’t quite good enough though.

She was devastated.

And it gave him hope.

"
Si, Ella
. What I want is for you to get some rest. You should know that I am running Ludlow Hall only until the end of October. Alexander Ludlow is running The Prince Felipe. As I said before, The Ferranti Group and Ortiz Group are working together."

He moved towards the door, then turned to study her.

Dark eyes narrowed fractionally. "I am sorry you are ill,
querida
. Very sorry. But I cannot, will not, forgive you for what you did to me. I had no idea if you were dead or alive. I had no idea if you were with another man. What you did was cruel. What you did was the act of a coward."

He opened the door and it closed behind him with a soft click.

How long she sat there after he’d left just staring at the door, Gabriella had no idea.