The Feria (14 page)

For two decades of living in Emmanuel’s house, Soledad left with very little. She didn’t want or need anything tainted by her prison.

Abril easily adjusted to her grandmother’s house. She was painfully angry at her father. She chose to side with her mother and didn’t care less what anyone thought about it.

Soledad worried that Abril would have a hard time leaving the only home she’d ever known, and a beautifully large one at that, but at heart, Abril was a simple girl, just like her mother. Soledad, while sorry for Abril about how everything ended, was hopeful this would help somehow, someday, when she finally had to confess to her daughter that Emmanuel was not her father.

Abril spent a lot of time away from home. Undoubtedly, with Alex. It was all Soledad could do to not scream the truth out at her daughter or tie her up so she couldn’t leave the house anymore. Only God knew what she and Alex were doing together. Soledad was sick over thinking of it, but she also took comfort in the fact that she raised a solid, moral girl. Something else that made her sick, though, was the fact that she was certain Abril had already told Alex what had happened with her parents. He in turn would tell his parents, and now Xavier would know how pitiful Soledad was. Instead of finding a bold, college-educated woman in love, he’d found a pathetic woman who did not go to college as she’d promised him, who could not keep a husband, and the very last flame of self-confidence had been blown out.

“How are you holding up?” Flor came into the kitchen.

“To tell you the truth,
Mamá
, I’m great. Is that bad?”

“Actually, no. I’ve been sick over this. I feel for you, and I feel for my granddaughter.”

Soledad thought of Abril’s real father when she replied. “She’s built strong, I promise you.”

Her mother cracked some eggs into a black iron pan and began frying bacon in another. It took Soledad back to a time when she was a child and sat in this very same spot while her mother did exactly that.

“I’m so glad your father isn’t alive to see this. No telling what he would’ve done to Emmanuel.”

Soledad was suddenly angry. She was certain this would not have affected her father at all. Especially not if his business was going smoothly. Emmanuel had held her father by a leash the moment they’d finalized their business together on her wedding day. In fact, it was only death that had finally freed him.

“Who’s to say?” Soledad gave her best attempt to shroud her disgust with respect for her mother, and her mother quickly caught on.

“I think I’m going to move into your old room and let you and Abril have the master,” she said, quickly changing the subject.

“Oh,
Mamá,
that’s not necessary.”

“I won’t have it any other way. You two need more room than the rest of us,” she said, with what seemed like disappointment that the twins still lived at home. They saw it as staying with their mother to care for her since their father was gone. She saw it as two bachelors who wanted to take advantage of the set-up their father worked hard to build and a mother who could never say no when asked for pancakes and coffee in the morning or enchiladas at night or for washing their clothes. Soledad found it quite despicable.

She and her mother both jumped at the knock at the door. It was a telegram. Seeing the little yellow envelope reminded Soledad of her cousin, Claudia. She used to fear the telegrams back during the World War since the War Department used Western Union to deliver telegrams of deaths, injuries, or other mishaps to the men at war. She wondered how Claudia was doing so far away in North Carolina. She made a mental note to write to her.

“Thank you, sir.” Flor let the porch door slam. “It’s for you.”

Soledad was certain it was from Emmanuel. But what would it say? They’d never had a relationship where he’d professed his love for her, sent her singing telegrams, or wrote her love notes. Could he possibly be begging for her to go back? She would die first.

With a fast glance, Soledad verified that there was nothing on the telegram to indicate whom it was from. She was certain it pertained to something Emmanuel had forgotten to tell her or regarded something she’d forgotten to take. She dropped it unopened on the table.

“
Mamá
, what do you think of Abril going off to work for Pan Am for a year?”

Before her mother could respond, something struck her. If Emmanuel needed something, he would surely have just picked up the phone and called her. Soledad grabbed the telegram off the kitchen table and read it aloud.

“Can you please find time today to make it to the south on the bank?” She stumbled with the awkwardly chosen words.

Her mother approached her. “
Todo bien
?”

“Oh, yes. I’m fine.” She continued staring at the telegram.

The bank in the south. Well ... there wasn’t one. There was one in the northeast side of town. She often made it there in minutes from her former West-side home, if she drove through the Franklin Mountains. It was also twenty minutes away from her mother’s house in central. But there was nothing on the south side of town. Well, except for the bridge into Mexico.

Who would know she was no longer at her home? Could it be one of her charity donors? She checked her mental calendar. Nothing pending that she was aware of.

She worried about the simplicity, yet possible importance, of this telegram, but for now, she’d have to let it go. She was sure that the purpose would be revealed soon enough. She was also sure that the telegram had been delivered in error, and perhaps the correct one would arrive soon. Perhaps Emmanuel or the house staff had had it forwarded, which would explain how it reached her here. She could see Emmanuel being that inconsiderate, to just toss it over to where she was now staying, not even feeling the need to call to let her know it was on its way. He had never supported all she did for the community and several charities. Still, the telegram was a puzzle.

Soledad and Abril made plans to visit San Jacinto Plaza later in the day. They were going to the alligator park to talk about how things were going. It was nice to be away from the pinnacle of all the stress. Even at Soledad’s childhood home, bad Karma had settled in and even traced the stairway where she had realized her terrible fate so long ago.

“I love it here,” Abril said, “but it disgusts me that they would torture these beautiful creatures this way.”

Her daughter was right. Today, with about a dozen onlookers resting against the wall that surrounded the alligator pond, was peaceful. But in the past at
La Plaza de los Lagartos
, the Alligator Plaza, and even as a child, Soledad had witnessed people there waving objects to try and attract the attention of the alligators. One alligator was even killed from internal injuries when people tried to steal him. They dumped him back in the gated area when the police arrived. Another time, one was stolen from the pond by a Texas Western student as a prank, and transported to the office of a professor so that he’d be welcomed by a living alligator. “Yes, it is a shame that people don’t understand respect.”

Silence.

“How is Alex?” She hoped her daughter would announce that they’d broken up.

“Actually, really well.”

Soledad’s heart sank. “That’s good.” She forced a smile. “How is my Abril?”

“I’m really okay, Mom. Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself.”

The chatter from the crowd buzzed in the background like bees, as the women stood side-by-side watching the alligators.

“Of course I worry about you. What’s happened to you is a very big deal.” She hated Emmanuel for so dramatically affecting both of their lives. She’d tried her best to protect her daughter, and now realized that nothing had ever been in her control.

“If you need to talk, I’m here. You understand that, right?”

Abril slipped her hand into her mother’s. “Momma, I know. I promise I do. I hope I don’t offend you, but I’ve been sharing a lot of this with Alex. He is such a good listener. He makes me feel better.”

“I understand.” Still holding her daughter’s hand, she tapped it on Abril’s side. “I’m glad you have someone to do that for you.”

“Who is that person for you? You need one, too.”

“You don’t worry about your mom. I’ve got it under control.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about Pan Am,” Soledad said hesitantly. If her daughter went to work for them, she would be forced to leave Alex.

“Really?” Abril’s voice rose an octave. “Are you joking?”

“Not at all.” Relief spread through her at her daughter’s excitement. “I’ve begun speaking to a few people locally who might be key in helping you get in. Not that you would need any help, of course.”

Abril threw her arms around her mother.

“My gosh, I can’t believe it. I really can’t!”

Soledad returned her daughter’s enthusiastic hug. The first phase of her plan was going well.

Changing the subject, she said, “You know, these alligators remind me of swimming, and the boy would always tell us that if we went into the river, we were going to be eaten by alligators since girls smelled better, and spit out into the Gulf of Mexico.”

They both laughed noisily.

“Did you believe them?”

“Well, I don’t know about the other girls, but it kept me on the bank!”

They laughed again, but Soledad’s laughter fell short.
On the bank. On the bank!

Soledad faced her daughter, smoothing a strand of hair from her beautiful face.
“
Mi amor
, where are you headed from here?”

“Not sure, just off to do nothing with Alex. Why?”

Although her stomach turned at this, Soledad was pleased that her daughter had carved out time for her and felt badly about rushing off.

“I forgot about an errand I need to run. It’s urgent.”

“I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yes, of course.”

Soledad kissed her daughter and, on foot, headed south to the Santa Fe Bridge.

As Soledad walked on the dirt path leading to the river, she was trembling. She wasn’t sure she had even solved the riddle, but with everything in her heart, she hoped she was right.

She approached her
Abuelita’s
house on the left. A small, dirty-faced little boy hung from one of the pillars on the porch. She couldn’t help but tear up. So many memories were stored in that house, and she could only hope that the family there had enough love to do justice to
Abuelita’s
home. It felt weird not being able to just go inside the house she had once called home. She was a total stranger to it now. She was a total stranger to herself now.

As the sturdy dirt road leading to the riverbank began to mush into mud, her heartbeat pulsated into her ears. This happened to her only in the most intense of situations. One of those situations, coincidentally, had taken place here, hidden in the tall grass on the river.

Soledad made her way through the muddy dirt road, now growing thicker, as fast as her weak legs would carry her through the mush. She had not been prepared for this march, and stopped to remove her sandals.

What in the world did she honestly hope to find here? Him? She didn’t even know if the telegram was from him. She could not even make sense of the language. Perhaps she was putting her imagination, or rather her longing, to work. She didn’t even have a solid timeframe.

She now accepted that she was insane, but her feet kept moving. Somewhere overhead, several crows squawked out their complaints over her invasion. With a racing heart, she finally made her way onto the bank. She was here, South of El Paso, in Mexico, and
on
the bank, the very bank where she and her true love had spent their time together so long ago.

In her head, this made perfect sense. The only problem was that she was alone. It was rather pathetic. Of all the days she’d seen a river full of families, no one was here to distract her. The river was the only witness of her indiscretion. She wished for an alligator to come and swallow her. If she were lucky, that tale would present itself as true.

“I’m so stupid.” She scanned the vast emptiness of the river.

Deep breath in, hard exhale. She needed to get herself together. If she lost her composure here, she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to bring herself back. The memories of what happened here would suffocate her.

Suddenly, her memory burst forward with images of Abril’s pudgy little arms wrapped around her legs.

“Hi
my niña
,” she whispered the words she used to tell her little girl. Her daughter became a beacon.

Soledad turned to leave. She made her way back through the mushy road. Her legs moved much faster on the departure. She forced them to. There was nothing left to hope for. But suddenly, when she exited on the opposite end, something caught her eye. In the distance, the form of a man grew visible. She stopped walking and focused on the apparition, her eyes squinting as though she was angry. For a brief second, a dart of fear shot through her, but without a second guess, she instinctively began to move rapidly to him. Her eyes widened when she saw that he also picked up his pace. As the man’s form became more and more familiar, she was soon running at a full sprint. He was also now running. The distance closed between them. Then, out of breath and in one unforgettable moment, without one second thought, she leaped into this man’s arms.

He wrapped his strong body around her. She fit into every groove of him like always before. For several moments they stood as still as perfect puzzle pieces.

Soledad didn’t need to look at his face to know who was holding her. She clung to him as though any minute she would be pried off and taken away again. He, the same. The sobs came freely between the both of them. The sound of his cry stirred a fire in her. Soledad fiercely clung to Xavier. Although she knew how inappropriate her actions were, she still being married, and he, happily married, she never wanted to let go of this man again.

“My Cholita.” His voice came to him now, tender, deeper than she remembered, and while thick with lament, it was calming. “It has been so long.”

She squealed inside as he spoke his chosen name for her. She didn’t understand how this happily married man would so easily revert back to the old habits that represented their love. “Yes, it has.”

Xavier peeled himself away from her. Holding her face in his hands, he used his thumbs to rub the tears off her face. “You haven’t changed at all,” he murmured, his voice husky.

She stared at the face of an angel. Her eyes locked with beautiful blueness. She felt she had aged so much over the last twenty years, but there, in that moment, she was eighteen again. His dark facial hair and chiseled chin gave him a sturdy look. “You are as striking as ever.”

As they stood there face-to-face, their boldness and free compliments shocked her. She didn’t understand it at all, but she didn’t want it to end.

Xavier took her hand, and she gasped as their fingers intertwined. She could only dream of these things. They had officially gone too far. If she were separated from Xavier again, after these few precious moments, she would surely die. She knew that for sure.

“Can you talk for a little bit?” Without waiting for her reply, he eagerly led her through the road and back to the bank of the river.

“I wasn’t sure how to go about contacting you,” he admitted. “I can’t believe you figured out that mess I tried encrypting to you.”

“Yes,” she said, and laughed. “I would have spent the entire day at the only financial bank I know, trying to figure out the south part.”

“How did you figure it out?” Still holding her hand, he began rubbing her palm with his thumb.

“It hit me like a bottle over the head.”

They both laughed. She memorized everything about these precious moments, his face, his eyes, his voice, their conversation, his laugh. If she did survive this separation, this would be all she had left to take with her through the next twenty years. She shuddered at the thought.

He sat down on the bank and pulled her down to him. There, she leaned into him, and he held her close.

“Is this okay?” He seemed unsure, his voice could not consume his worry.

“This is okay.” She stroked his hand to assure him, then urgently broke their silence. “There is so much to say, Xavier.”

“I know, my love.”

Again, he was killing her with his words.

“Abril,” she began, unsure of how to proceed.

“Cholita, I knew from the moment I saw her with you that day in your home.” His voice cracked once more. “Why didn’t you ever find me to tell me?”

“I didn’t know how. I was put in a prison. Once she was born, I needed to do everything I could as a mother to protect her. I did the only thing I could do.”

“You did right then, my love.”

Soledad began to cry again. Why was he tormenting her with such sweet words that didn’t rightfully belong to her?

Xavier squeezed her tighter. “She’s beautiful. Just like her mother.”

“Yes, she is beautiful.” Soledad could not regain her composure.

“Please, please don’t cry, my darling.” Xavier turned to face her, and brought her into his embrace. She freed her arms and clung to his neck. She had to steal one more opportunity to pull her through the next forever. She brashly reached up and left a lingering kiss on his cheek. She breathed in the scent of his skin.

That was all it took.