The Feria (12 page)

No words or explanations were ever exchanged. In her eyes, her father would never, could never, know what he had done to her, but her grandmother’s words rang in her ears and deep in her mind. While traces of anger clung to her, she hugged her father even tighter. She did this for her grandmother, for her daughter, for herself. Healing needed its passageway.

An uneventful summer led to a robust fall. Soledad hated summers as they marked the anniversary of a time that was now nothing more than a painful memory. Now, she gladly welcomed fall. Her cousin, Claudia, had given her a gift. Claudia was getting married and had asked her to be her maid of honor.

Claudia was going to marry a soldier. With World War II in full swing and many servicemen off to war, women were, for the first time, entering the workforce in waves. Claudia got a job on Fort Bliss. She worked sewing parachutes for the paratroopers. One day on her lunch break, she met a boy, Private Howard. He was a sweet young man with red hair, fair skin, and freckles, but he was quite handsome. He got along very well with Claudia’s family, and she (long-distance) with his. He was from Alabama and looked forward to a visit with his family on the way to their honeymoon. Claudia was often teased that she was marrying a
Gavacho
, but no one ever gave her any trouble. Soledad was thrilled for her cousin, but at the same time shamefully envious. She wondered how it felt getting to fall in love and pick the man you wanted to marry. She wondered how it felt to be confident enough to bring a young man home to meet your parents, and have everything be fine.

Claudia spent hours telling her stories to Soledad, grateful to have a willing ear to hear her ramble on what she thought were the most interesting stories in the whole world. Love can sure talk a lot. She sometimes apologized to Soledad for rambling, but what she didn’t know was that Soledad clung to her every word. She lived through Claudia’s stories. Soledad found it so unfair that she had been so slighted in life. Before fruitless feelings could return, Abril entered and clung to her legs, reminding her of every blessing that she now had.

“Hello,
my niña
.” Soledad rubbed her daughter’s head. Her beautiful, shy, blue-eyed little girl smiled up at her. She was going to look so darling in her flower girl dress.

Today they were going to Soledad’s parents’ house to visit
Abuelita
.

When they reached the three steps, together mother and daughter called out the blessings that Soledad had said from the time she was Abril’s age.

The porch door opened. “
Abuelita
!” Abril ran and jumped at Flor, who caught her in the air.

“Impressive,
Mamá
.” Soledad laughed. “How is
my Abuelita
?”

“She had a very good morning.” The three shuffled into the kitchen where Flor had already been stirring
Choco milk
powder into a glass of milk for Abril. “She had
atole,
and I rubbed her legs. She was complaining that they were cold and tingling.”

Soledad set her purse down onto one of the breakfast chairs, darting her eyes over to the closed door. She gently lifted and pulled out another chair for Abril before she would loudly drag it out from the table herself, scraping it on the linoleum floor. It was getting harder and harder to keep a toddler’s natural abilities for noise-making under control in a house that required quiet. “Is she awake?”

“Yes, I was in there only a few minutes ago.” Flor sat down in the chair and pulled Abril into her arms.

Soledad came to her grandmother’s door and poked her head into the bedroom. She remembered the day her grandmother had told her that she was glowing. Now
Abuelita
looked like she was glowing. She had a pleasant smile on her face as she slept. Soledad smiled and was about to step away to let her
abuelita
rest when something told her to step closer.

“
Abuelita
?” Soledad said softly, her voice shaky and unsure.
Abuelita
was a light sleeper. One sound, and she was alert, as though she had never been asleep. Panic stirred.
Calm down!

She closed the distance to the bed and stared down at her
abuela
, who was still smiling, but as still as stone. She watched intently, waiting for her
abuelita’s
chest to rise, but it didn’t. Heart in her throat, she touched her grandmother’s cheek and found the skin ice cold.

Emotion clogged Soledad’s throat. She gasped, clasping two trembling hands over her mouth. Finally she spoke in a whisper. “Oh,
Abuelita
,
Abuelita
! Please don’t leave me! I need you. Please, please.” She moved her grandmother back and forth with enough force that would most definitely wake her if she were in fact only sleeping. The reality of what was happening could not be held back any longer and it gushed forward like a broken dam.

Soledad rested her head on
Abuelita’s
chest and sobbed violently. She covered her face with a small pillow that
Abuelita’s
arm had been resting on, and she screamed as loud as her lungs would allow. She had to control herself before she left this room. She knew that. Taking deep breaths, she tried to slow down her heart rate. She suddenly felt as though her
abuelita’s
strong hands were once again on her shoulders. She would get through this. She took a few moments to thank God for having given her such a strong tower, such a beautiful angel to accompany her in this life, helping her through some of her greatest trials and tribulations. Then, she spoke to her
abuelita
. “I love you,
abuelita
.” She stroked her shiny silver hair. “Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for helping raise me. Thank you for making me brave when I couldn’t be. Thank you for suffering with me and rejoicing with me. Thank you for letting me spend time getting to know
him
.” She could not name the young man for fear of the feelings that might arise at this vulnerable moment. “I love you.” Her voice caught in her throat as silent tears fell. “I hope you can hear me. Give
Abuelito
a kiss for me. Tell him thank you for being apart from you for as long as he was.” She tried to speak through sobs. “You two deserve this. I will never forget you and neither will Abril. I will never let her.”

She glanced in a mirror and tried to fix her face. There was nothing she could do about her red, swollen eyes. When she walked into her mother’s kitchen, she and Abril were playing with little toy cars that had belonged to the twins when they were Abril’s age. They would be arriving from summer camp any day now, twenty inches taller no doubt.

Her mother glanced at her, smiled, returned her attention to Abril, then quickly returned her gaze to her daughter.

“No,” her mother said slowly, eyes wide with fear. “No. No! No!” Throat knotted, Soledad watched her mother shove away from the table, knocking her chair over, Abril dangling in her arms. “I was just with her!” Her mother’s racking sobs ran freely through the room.

Soledad grabbed Abril with one arm and flung the other around her mother’s shoulders. “Shh, shh,” she soothed, openly crying herself. She squeezed her mother’s face to hers.

Abril’s eyes were wide and tears streamed down her cheeks. Soledad put her in between them, creating a fortress around her precious little girl. Soledad held her mother as her hot sobs wet her shoulder.

Slightly composed, the three returned to the room and spent time kissing
Abuelita
. Flor and Abril told her what they wanted to say from their hearts. Did Abril understand what was happening?

Soledad’s father returned to El Paso two days later, and the family buried
Abuelita
in her beloved Mexico next to
Abuelito
. Yes, Mexico, but it no longer meant anything to Soledad, for the precious ones who held it fondly to her were now gone.

Spring had wished a farewell to winter and 1963 was well on its way.

“Good morning, my beautiful wife.” Emmanuel kissed Soledad’s head.

“
Mi amor
,” she replied, silently calling herself a liar but only out of habit. Time had done its job. It wasn’t that hard to go along with life anymore. She studied herself in the wood-framed mirror. Time had also created a different portrait in the reflective beveled glass. Fine lines now adorned her face. Battle scars. Any hint of youth had now abandoned her. She looked at her husband’s reflection. He still stood tall, but the years on his face gave him a distinguished look.

“This is for you.” He came over and set an envelope on her vanity. One glance told her it was from Abril. “This one’s for me.” He pulled out another envelope, already opened, from his breast pocket.

Their daughter never failed in her letters and soon, after final exams and graduation, she would be home. It had only been two months since Soledad’s father had died, and Abril had been home for his burial, but life stops for no one. She’d learned that all too well. It just keeps going and going. So as hard as it was, they shipped Abril back to finish school, and Soledad kept moving forward on some projects she had under her wing.

While the last several years had presented a second chance for Soledad and her father, things had repaired slowly, and she had never really recovered from all they had been through. So when he died suddenly, she felt relieved that she had forgiven him so long ago, but she also felt guilt that she hadn’t fallen apart at the news of his death like she had with
Abuelito
, or maybe she had not grieved enough. She couldn’t help that there remained a piece of damage that she had locked away and didn’t know how to discard.

“She wants a party when she gets home. A belated birthday party.” Emmanuel laughed, interrupting Soledad’s racing mind. Abril had just turned twenty-two, but it still felt like she was only nineteen, eighteen, five even. “Never mind that she’s graduating.” Emmanuel kept speaking against her silence. “She still hasn’t decided if she is going to participate in the ceremonies. She just wants to get home.” He seemed frustrated, but whether it was Soledad’s lack of contribution to his conversation, or Abril’s lack of comprehension of her great achievement she couldn’t tell.

Finally Soledad pulled herself out of the heaviness and spoke. “We can’t make her do something she doesn’t want to do. What counts is she finished.” Soledad flicked a finger under the crease of the envelope.

Emmanuel’s gaze swept over her. She was certain there was a crease in her forehead, and over the years, he had learned to recognize when her mind was elsewhere. He cleared his throat. “Go ahead and plan a party for her,
amor
. She deserves it.”

“Yes, she most certainly does. She’s been through a lot these past few months.”

Emmanuel frowned as if noting her solemn mood. He nodded toward the still envelope in her dormant hands. “Open your letter. I’ll let you read mine if you let me read yours.”

“
Perfecto
,” she said, trying to add pep to her tone, then slid the letter out from the envelope.

Momma,

I miss you dearly. I hope you’re feeling better. Remember, Grandpa is in Heaven, and he is looking down on all of us as proud as he can be. OK, don’t get sad. Let’s move onto something else. Tell Daddy to stop playing matchmaker, and remind him that his beautiful and loving daughter would really, really like a birthday party. I will see you in just a few weeks. P.S. I still really want to work for Pan Am. Tell Daddy that life is short, I have a college education, and I want to see THE WORLD! THINK ABOUT IT, PLEASE! I’m an adult, you know? I only live at home for you guys. Ha ha.

Love, Your daughter, Rosa Abril

Soledad was reminded in Abril’s writing that her daughter was so much more Americanized than Soledad could have ever imagined. While Spanish was Soledad’s first language, English had been Abril’s. Abril was introduced to Spanish as much as she had been to English, but for some reason preferred English. But at least her roots were thick and strong.

While Emmanuel reeled over Pan Am, there was something else that disturbed Soledad. “Emmanuel, what does she mean about you playing matchmaker?”

Emmanuel winced. He had to know how sensitive a topic that would be for her. Had he felt the shift in the relationship over time as well? Is this what gave him the nerve to dare resurrect such a ghastly act, a disregard for emotions? “It’s no big deal, Chole.”

“Yes, it’s a big deal, Emmanuel!” Soledad startled herself with the slam of her hand on her vanity, the perfume bottles clinking as if in a toast, but this was nothing to celebrate. Suddenly afraid for speaking out, afraid of the feelings she never knew existed, the ferocity that shot forth like a bullet from a gun when she felt a threat toward her precious child, she forced herself to calm down. She swallowed and inhaled slowly to stay herself before speaking. “What is she talking about?”

Emmanuel’s eyes never left her parade of emotions, but he spoke freely anyway. “I’ve found a really nice young man, a little younger than her, but barely.”

“Does she have a choice in this matter?” Her voice held a cold edge, but again, she didn’t care. She would not stand for her daughter to be sold to the highest bidder like she’d been.

“I’m not forcing slavery on her, Soledad. I simply had the luck of meeting a man and his son on a train, and we began talking business. I thought to mention Abril and showed the boy a picture of her. Wouldn’t you want your daughter matched with a handsome oil heir?”

“He could be an heir, a prince, or a shoe shiner, Emmanuel. I want her with someone she is in love with.” When he shot his eyes down to the floor, she could tell her words stung him, and she did feel badly about it, but he never could deny that she was not in love with him. Although, after all these years, in her private heart of hearts, she had grown to care for him. But that was all she could give.

“Soledad, I don’t have to remind you that we are in a time of war. Your father is gone now, and your brothers are imbeciles. I’m struggling to hold his agricultural empire together. Your brothers are abusing their power. I need to lock in backup. I’m in this alone.” He raised two hands, palms up. For one small second, he looked lost, hopeless.

“So you will trade your daughter for wealth?” Soledad crossed her arms over her breasts.

“I would never trade my daughter for anything. Not even my own life. What I
will
do is introduce her to a young man who isn’t at all bad-looking, who is college-educated and has the business smarts of a fifty-year-old man, thanks to his father. You don’t come by those anymore. Look at your brothers!” His hands squeezed his letter now, his knuckles white, but his face was red with anger. He relaxed his grip and blew out a breath.

“Soledad,” he started in a calmer voice, “This is how wealth maintains itself. By carefully and strategically selecting what comes next.”

She wondered if her father ever spoke those words when he had the idea to strategically select what came next in her life.

“
Muy bien
.” Soledad held up a hand. She was done arguing, but she knew one thing. She would die before anything like that happened to her daughter. She may be a housewife, but she was as powerful as her husband. With Emmanuel consumed by his business and money, she had needed to occupy her time, especially when Abril had started school.

She had suddenly found herself rendered useless for a good part of the day. So while her goodwill and charitable activities had had a humble beginning, she no longer spent countless hours volunteering and spearheading charitable events and fundraisers for nothing. She’d known there would be a day when she needed to pull out her Ace card, and that day had come.

God bless summer. Three weeks had passed, and finally her baby would be coming home. Summers had come to mean something new for Soledad. No longer did they commemorate her first love, and loss, but summer meant that her reason for living would come home to enjoy three long months with her family, and she could shower her with enough love to last her the entire semester. But now that Abril was done with school, and while Soledad hoped she’d stay home, there was no telling what her free-spirited daughter would do.