The Feria (16 page)

Soledad was touched by the genuine love coming from her. She could see how Xavier found such comfort in her.

When they pulled apart, Soledad automatically reached up and removed the shades out of politeness, and Ramona gasped.

“
Señora,
what happened to you?” she asked, her voice alarmed. The brief moment of celebration had taken a bad turn.

Soledad quickly put her glasses back on, staring at the floor embarrassed. Although now like family, she hardly knew this woman. What would she think of her?

“Who did this to you?” Ramona’s voice was more pronounced with suspicion than question.

“I’m so sorry you had to see this.” Soledad quickly backed away and departed in search of her mother, praying Ramona wouldn’t tell Xavier.

Her fear came to fruition when, a few hours after they’d returned home, Xavier arrived at the door.

“Mother, please see him off,” Soledad said, even though it killed her to know that Xavier stood only a few feet away.

She could hear her mother not trying too hard to dissuade Xavier from coming inside, and so she wasn’t surprised to hear the tap on her bedroom door.

Xavier came charging at her so madly that she winced in preparation to receive him.

As if realizing his force, he slowed as he approached her, and gently took her in his arms. He planted a kiss above her injured eye. “Was this Emmanuel?”

She gave a small shake of her head. “It doesn’t matter.” All that did matter was that Xavier was here, with her. And he was real.

Anger flushed Xavier’s cheeks. “That’s all I need to know.” He balled a fist.

She stayed him with a hand on his arm. “He’s not worth it.”

Xavier shook her off, then shot to his feet. “No one treats you like that, Cholita. No one.” With that, Xavier left.

It would be exactly two days, six hours, twenty-eight minutes, and too many seconds, before Soledad was to see Xavier again. This time, it was at the airport. His absence pained her, and once again, she found herself envious of her cousin, Claudia, who when becoming engaged, had shouted it across the world.

Soledad desired to scream to someone about what was happening to her. These precious thoughts overpowered the memory of the last time she saw Xavier, when he was on fire over what Emmanuel had done to her. She’d heard rumors that Emmanuel had been seen around town sporting what looked like a broken nose. She felt a sense of pride in Xavier’s having defended her honor.

But today was not about her. She’d been able to contact one of her fellow benefit members whose husband was an integral part of Pan Am. Today, family and friends, not including Emmanuel, had gathered to send Abril off. Although bittersweet, Soledad knew this was exactly what her daughter needed.

When she spotted Xavier and his family turn the corner, she felt her stomach clench. It appeared for a brief moment that Ramona smiled knowingly at her.

It didn’t take long for the tears to come and the goodbyes to commence.

“Before you go, I have something for you.” Soledad wiped the tears from her daughter’s face and fished in her purse for the small box she had guarded.

“What’s this, Mom?” Abril scolded her mother with her voice. “You didn’t have to get me anything. You are enough.”

“It’s nothing much. Go on. Open it.”

There was no privacy for the moment, but the others tried to busy themselves in fake conversation during the exchange between the women.

“My God, it’s beautiful.”

“Do you like it?”

“Mom.” Abril held up a beautiful gold medal of the Saint Bona of Pisa, the patron saint of travelers, on a short gold chain. Her voice broke. “I’ll treasure it always.”

Kisses and hugs started and finished one last time. It was true when parents say they blinked and their children were grown. Soledad looked at this beautiful young woman walking away from her, only she saw a 5-year-old little girl. Abril, as if feeling her mother’s intent stare, turned one last time and mouthed something. She was still trying to replay the movement of Abril’s mouth when she noticed that her daughter held the gaze of Xavier, smiled, and gave him a slight nod. And then she realized what her daughter had said. “I love you both.”

Could she have said that? But how? She was certain that she was making herself see things that she wanted, but not what was real. Soledad glanced over at Xavier, who seemed lost in thought. When he saw her staring at him, he tilted his head and gave her a lopsided smile and shrugged his shoulders. He was as dumbfounded as she.

Soledad waited until her daughter had left, then clasped her hand over her mouth to hold back her grief.

This was a good thing, she kept reminding herself. While she carried in her the sweetest feeling of love and joy that she’d known in years, there was a storm looming over this family right now. With the problems with Emmanuel, her father’s failing business, and the hurt Abril would feel in learning that Xavier was her father and Alex was her uncle, the best place for her daughter to be was above the storm, in the sky.

A long-awaited letter finally made its way to the blue mailbox on San Diego Avenue. It had only been a week, but Soledad had lived on a bed of pins and needles. Her baby was on her own, and the constant anxiety and fast-beating heart seemed almost second nature. This letter came from New York.

“New York!” The location had surprised her, but not as much as the violet- and blue-trimmed envelope that she held. While desperate to tear it open, she worried about what it might say. Since that day in the airport, Soledad had felt confounded about the words she was certain her daughter had said. “I love you both.” Who did she mean? And if she had any knowledge that Xavier was her father, who had told her? And if she knew the truth, she surely must expect that her mother would soon come clean. And since she had not yet come clean, would Abril feel betrayed? Would this be the letter from her daughter holding her accountable? To be fair to herself, she hadn’t had a chance to come clean. Abril was never in one place long enough to make contact. In fact, while this letter had come from New York, Soledad was certain that Abril was not even there anymore.

Her hands trembled, just a little, as her finger found an opening under the seal. She tore the envelope, then opened the tri-fold stationary that matched the bright colors of the envelope.

Momma, Mom, Mommy,

It’s only been a week, but I long to say those names out loud. I already miss you. I wish I had an address for you to write to, but take heart that I’ll be home soon. We have a two-day break in Dallas, so I’m stowing away on a flight into El Paso. It will be a short visit, maybe not even a full day, but it will be just what I need. I’m still figuring out the details.

Well, as you can see, I’m writing from NEW YORK! Momma, I just wish you could be here. Everything is so completely different here than it is at home. It’s faster here, louder, bigger ... taller! There are rumors that soon they will begin building a set of two towers that will be over a hundred stories! I’m not kidding. Well ... I’ve toured the Statue of Liberty, eaten the most unique and delectable foods, and taken in a show. I met a young man on the flight in. Momma, he is a New York Yankee! Like a baseball player. I would never fraternize with our patrons, but he waited for me to depart from the plane and would not leave me alone until I agreed to dinner! He basically followed me, Momma, and as we walked through the airport, people were stopping him left and right to ask for an autograph. When we went to dinner, we were photographed and put in the paper with a caption that read “Prized Pair!” I have a copy for you! I didn’t mail it because I didn’t want to fold it. It’s a hoot. He bought me a Beatles’ record. He is a sweetheart. These last few days have been a whirlwind. I’m popping into a church this afternoon, having dinner with my new “friend,” and then I’m boarding for another trip. I’ve had a lovely small break. This job is quite busy. I’d tell you where I’m going next, but, Momma, I’m sitting down for the first time today, and I just can’t muster up the strength to go get my itinerary from my bag. Now don’t worry! I’m exhausted, but in a good way. Momma, I can’t thank you enough. My life is already new, and I’m only a week in. This by far is one of the greatest experiences I will EVER have. Give my love to all. Mom, one more thing. Be happy, okay? No matter what, do what will make you happy. Do what will make YOU feel like YOUR life is new. Don’t worry about what anyone has to say. BE HAPPY!

I love you always,

Abril

Soledad folded the letter, though not as nicely as it had been when she’d unfolded it. She was reeling over her daughter’s happiness, but just as much, the mystery that Abril continued to disclose in small droplets, the kind that announced the oncoming rain. But rain wasn’t all that bad. People often associated rain with the misery of a storm. Soledad, instead, wanted to associate rain with cleansing. She realized her forehead was creased as she strained to see ahead to a new time when the truth set everyone free, when the rain released a cleansing, when secrets and stress no longer had a place in her life. Soledad thought that Abril perhaps was too timid to let her know that she knew the truth. She seemed like she wanted her to know she was okay with everything. Or maybe that was what she wanted to believe. Maybe Abril really just felt sorry for her mother. Now Soledad felt guilty. If Abril was still dwelling on everything that had happened with Emmanuel, how fair was it for her not to know that her mother was actually truly happy now? Well, on the brighter side, it wasn’t too bad hearing about Abril’s date with the baseball player in light of the worries about her and Alex.

Startled, Soledad realized she’d been holding the letter so tightly she was crumpling it. She breathed in with surprise as she tried to smooth the letter out on her pant leg.

There wasn’t much time to sit around entwining herself in deep thought. While she was very good at it, there was something more pressing. Packing. She and Xavier were headed for California to peek at the failing cherry tree plantation. A major overhaul would need to be done. While Emmanuel held half the company, she and her brothers held the other. She had to be aware of what was happening. She was tired of getting her information second-hand from a liar. And now that he was out of her life, she would control what she could.

If Soledad did not know better, the drive to California with Xavier could have been a honeymoon. His mere presence brought back feelings and the sexual drive of an 18-year-old girl in the Rio Grande.

They were young again, and the energy between them could have run the automobile. Every few minutes Soledad would glance over at Xavier in disbelief. He was really there, holding her hand, their fingers dancing. She’d often catch him stealing looks at her, often mirroring her same disbelief. When they could not contain themselves, they’d pull over to satisfy their need for one another. The excitement of being
his
again pulsated through every part of her body.

The twelve-hour drive did not last long enough. Soon, they were driving along a dark road shaded by a hundred trees.

“There’s a turn-off a few miles up.” Everything looked different, but Soledad still held dear the place she had not seen in more than twenty years. This place was once her kingdom. It was a manifestation of her childhood, of her protection, of her life. How she would have loved to have shared this with the young Xavier. A whole part of their early life together would have had so much to do with this family business, and they would have tended to it with the tenderness and unity that had exhumed from their relationship. But she’d never had the chance to make him a part of this. And along with losing him, she’d lost her hold on this once magical place.

“What troubles you, Cholita?” Xavier’s eyes anxiously searched hers.

“I was remembering how we were robbed.”

“Here?” His face scrunched up.

“No, you and I. We were robbed of this, of life, of everything.”

“My love, you can’t dwell. Please, for me. Don’t dwell. Everything happened the way it needed to happen, for a reason.”

“What reason?” She slapped the dashboard. “What could possibly be a good enough reason?”

Xavier spread his hands. “I can’t honestly say. I’m no one to say. The only thing I can do is focus on now.” His blue eyes pleaded with her to calm down. He reached out and tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear.

She loved it when he touched her. “I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She reached for and squeezed his hand. “Turn right here.”

The new turn opened up to sunlight. It filled the car slowly as they crept out from the heaviness of the trees. It was a sign. The warmth passed down calmness, an acceptance. Soledad inhaled deeply, trying to suck it in.

A few seconds later, the infamous cherry trees appeared. Workers in overalls, gloves, hats, combed the aisles. Even children, families for that matter, worked together. This was their place. Now, they knew it better than she did. Ladders and buckets zigzagged the aisles. Smaller children, too young to harvest, played underneath the shade of the fortress of trees. She’d most likely played with many of these people when they were all younger. She took her attention off the song and dance of the workers, and tried to assess any damage that she could, or any scarcity from the fullness she remembered as a child, but there was nothing that yelled distress. And then, the house appeared. Snapshots of her childhood were everywhere. This place, this home was just as integral to her life as her home on San Diego Avenue.

As they pulled up to the house a man and a boy were waiting for them.

“
Buenas Tardes
.” The man spoke in a deep, raspy voice. This voice would scare children who did not know him, but the little one clinging to his leg didn’t pay it any mind.

“
Buenas Tardes
,
Señor
.” She considered marrying herself to Xavier in that moment, but decided otherwise. “I am Soledad Gonzalez, and this is my companion, Xavier
Mendoza.” She refused to use her legal name as it was a curse to her.

“Pleasure. I’m David Hernandez, and this is also David Hernandez.” He placed a gentle hand over the boy’s head. “Say hello,” he said, nudging the boy.

“Hello.” A shy one, little David never lifted his eyes from the ground.

“Your father was a very dear friend of mine, and I am so sorry for your loss.” David’s deep voice seeped with sincerity.

Soledad suddenly realized who he was and felt sorry for his loss as well. She had heard much about David from her father and knew they had been close. She also knew David had lost his daughter and son-in-law in a car accident. Little David barely had any time to get to know his mother. She could actually see pain in David’s eyes but didn’t know if it was there for her father, or if it was always there, forever grieving his own lost. Either way, she could not stop from reaching out to touch his shoulder. “Thank you, kindly.”

David seemed surprised, but he did not flinch. He pointed to the Cadillac. “May I help you with your things?” He glanced behind him. “No one occupies the house. Your brothers stay here, but otherwise, only my wife goes in and out keeping up with the cleaning. Besides anything your brothers have done in there, it remains just as he left it.” David lingered on the
he.
He could not even speak his dear friend’s name.

“
Gracias
, David.” Xavier reached out to shake his hand. “But I’ve got the luggage.” Xavier paused for a few seconds in what seemed like deliberation, then took the words straight from her mind. “Would you and your wife join us for dinner?”

Soledad hoped her surprise was not obvious. It was more that Xavier was in step with her, not because of the forward invitation, but she could not be sure if she’d offended David because he looked bashfully at her, but he also didn’t hesitate. “If you insist,
Señor.
”

Even after such a brief exchange, Soledad was certain that Xavier suspected the same thing she did, that David was the key to understanding what was really going on with the business.

The house had taken a beating over the years, but otherwise its integral pieces had remained intact. It may have needed a little bit of tender loving care, but it was still sturdy and livable. The entire house was designed in the fashion of a log cabin. One large room had been split into a small sitting area with a fireplace, a small kitchen, and a small breakfast area. A narrow staircase led up to a loft that held a bed and a new chest. The house had one enormous picture window that brought in enough sunlight for the entire home.

The house was a classic beauty. When she was a child, her parents had often piled the three children up in the loft with books and arts and crafts while they stayed downstairs, lights low, soft music playing. Soledad would peek over the staircase ledge to watch her parents dance. They couldn’t get away with much more than that, but the way they looked, dancing was all they needed.

They’d push the two green sofas together and make one large bed. In the mornings, Soledad would wake up to more dancing, but this time it was between the aroma of pancakes and bacon. The cozy smell climbed the stairs to the loft, waking the children. Breakfasts were always big in the Gonzalez house. The rest of the day would be spent climbing trees or finding some adventure out in the fields of trees. And then, it had stopped. Soon, she and her father were the only ones who would come out, and they stayed with her aunt. It felt strange that such beautiful memories could carry so much pain.