The Fine Line (15 page)

He took my hand and slowly drew me closer to him as our movement slowed, no longer following the beat of the music.  With our eyes locked, taking each other in, he placed my hand on his lower back, and put his on mine, pulling me so close that our legs intertwined and our bodies pressed firmly against each other as we continued to dance. 

He brought his other hand to my face, delicately moving my damp hair behind my ear with his fingers.  My eyes closed shut from his intoxicating touch as my cheek instinctively buried itself into his hand.  I needed to stop this, but I couldn’t.  I wanted it to happen so badly.

His hand moved from my cheek to my chin, pulling it up so that I would look at him.  Our bodies stilled, even though the music continued.  His gaze moved to my mouth, as he slowly brought his face closer and pressed his warm, wet lips lightly on mine. Even though it was only a slight touch, it sent a shiver down my spine and a quiver through my stomach.  A moment later, our lips parted and began moving in harmony.  What was it about his touch that gave me such a euphoric feeling? 

I wanted to keep kissing him so badly that a wave of pain washed through my chest at the thought of having to stop.  But he had already become too important to me to lose.  My eyes squeezed shut, and a whimper escaped my throat as I shoved him off me.  My body shook while my chest rose up and down from each heavy, fast breath.  It took everything I had to push him away. 

Seeing the pain in his eyes after I abruptly shoved him brought tears to mine.  I shook my head to tell him no, and his pain was replaced by anger.  He took my elbow, pulling me off the dance floor and to a corner of the club where it was somewhat quieter, although the music still pounded in my ears.  With a mixture of impatience and confusion, he stared at me for a moment.

"I'm going to say something.  And it's the only time I'll say it because I don’t ever want things to be weird between us."  He looked me in the eye.  "I like you, Liv.  A lot.  And I know we've got something here."

"Logan, please, don't." 

"Just hear me out.  There's something here.  Between us.  Why are you so dead set on staying friends?"

I swallowed, trying to get the lump out of my throat.  Staying friends meant having a future with him.  If we crossed the fine line between friendship and…more than friendship, the chance of us having any sort of future together would be practically non-existent.  I hated what I would say next, but it had to be done if I wanted to keep him. 

"Because that's all I feel, Logan." 

The devastation in his eyes killed me.  I knew he cared about me, but I didn't know how much until this very moment.  It was a horrible feeling to know that I was the one making him feel this way. 

I could tell he wanted to say something, but he simply exhaled and shook his head.  "Okay.  You can't get any clearer than that."

"I'm sorry, I..."

"No…You know what?  It’s
not
okay.  I
know
you feel it, too, Liv.  What are you so afraid of?"

"What do you mean?  I'm not afraid of anything.  I told you, I don't do relationships."

"Bullshit!  That’s an excuse.  You kiss other people, why can’t you kiss me?"

“What the hell, that’s a rude thing to say!”

He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation.  “Tell me.  Help me to make sense of it because I don’t fucking get it!  You say you want to be friends, but the way you look at me when I touch you is not just friendly, Liv.  Do you know how hard it is for me to control myself around you?  You’re beautiful, smart, you’ve got spunk.  And
damn
you’re fun.  I’ve never met anyone like you before.”  He took my hand. “We could be good together.  Don’t you think it’s worth a try?”

He was right.  We would be good together.  We’d be phenomenal.  The thought occurred to me to do what every part of my body and soul wanted to do…give in.  Be his and have him be mine.  But I knew if I did, it would be only a temporary euphoria.  History has shown that, for me, having a mutual love for another person means having to say goodbye.  It was like some sort of cruel genetic defect.  Being more than friends would never last, and once we crossed the line, there would be no way of going back.  We’d be done.  And the thought of losing him terrified me. 

“And then what?” I pulled my hand out of his and took a step back. “What happens when it ends, Logan?  Because it will.  It
always
does.  I care about you.  I don’t care about Evan or any other boys.  That’s why it’s okay for me to kiss them.”

He was silent for several moments as he stared at me.  "Do you know how back-asswards that is?”

“I’m sorry.  Being in a relationship is just not in the cards for me, okay?  It’s never going to happen.  I don’t want it to.  Being friends is all I have to offer.” 

He studied me for a moment, defeat slowly devouring his expression.  “Fine.  I get it.  I understand.  I promise, I won't mention it again.”

He turned away from me and started towards the bar, but I grabbed his wrist.  “Logan, stop!”  He turned to me with hope in his eyes.  “Are we good?”

He looked down at the floor.  “Yeah, we’re good.”

It was the first time he lied those words to me.

*

It didn’t take long for me to find out just how not good we were.  I stepped out of the ladies room and spotted Logan at the bar doing shots with two beautiful blonds standing on each side of him.  His eye caught mine as I approached, and he smiled at me as if he were having the greatest time of his life. 

“Liv, this is Kelsey and Candace,” Logan politely introduced us. 

“Is this your girlfriend?” a confused Candace asked.

“No, baby,” he looked at me with a smile.  “She’s just a friend.”

He called her baby. 

I politely shook their perfectly manicured hands, then stood off to the side, not really sure what to do with myself now that Logan was otherwise occupied.  Several minutes passed as the girls giggled and cooed, staying attentive to Logan’s every word.  The music was too loud, and I wasn’t close enough to them to be part of the conversation.

“We’re gonna go dance,” Logan informed me as the girls pulled him away.  “You wanna join us?” 

My heart sank at the indifference in his voice.  Unable to speak, I shook my head.  For a moment, I thought I saw a pang of compassion in his eyes, but he quickly brushed it off as he was tugged to the dance floor. 

I tried not to watch, but I couldn’t seem to stop.  While Candace took her place behind him and Kelsey in front, they swayed in unison with him, their hands exploring every part of him.  By the amused, lustful expression on his face, I could tell he was enjoying every moment of it.

As Candace brought her hands to Logan’s stomach, under his shirt, he took Kelsey by the small of her back, bringing her close so that their legs bumped against each other’s.  With his other hand, he swept her hair behind her ear, then delicately pulled her chin up and brought his face to hers.

That’s when I looked away.

I flagged the bartender and ordered my favorite shot.  I reached into my pocket to pay for it, but again, he didn’t take my money.

“It’s on him,” the bartender said as he pointed to a gorgeous man, who looked to be in his early twenties, on the other side of the bar.  His light brown hair was tucked behind his ears.  I smiled and raised my shot glass to say thank you, then swallowed it down. 

My buzz increased, as well as my boredom.  This was supposed to be our birthday celebration.  Why was Logan the only one allowed to have fun?  I made a conscious decision to stop wallowing and began to subtly move to the music as I stood by the bar, searching for something to entertain me.  I took one last look at the dance floor and met Logan’s eyes.  He turned away the very moment it happened.

“Is that your boyfriend?” a voice from behind me said into my ear.  I spun around to see the man who had bought the shot for me.

“No, apparently, I’m more like his wing man,” I replied.

He laughed.  “Well, then who’s
your
wing man?”

“Again…me.”  I smiled.

“You’re obviously someone who doesn’t need a wing man.  Or any help for that matter.”

I looked at him, confused.

“You’re very beautiful,” he clarified as he smiled, showing a dimple in his left cheek and perfect white teeth.

Normally that sort of line would turn me off.  But this man had an enticing confidence, and I was bored.  I extended my hand.  “I’m Liv.”

He placed his hand in mine with just the right amount of firmness.  “Tyler.”

We stood in place, neither one of us letting go. 

“So, Liv, tell me what you love to do?”

“Well, that’s a pretty broad question, don’t you think?” I replied, finally releasing his hand.

“I don’t think so.  It would be broad if I asked you what you
like
to do.  I asked you what you
love
to do.  That cuts the options down drastically.”

As I thought about his question, the only thing that came to mind was Logan.  I loved spending time with him.  I loved the way he laughed at my stupid humor.  I loved the way he looked at me and how I felt around him.  I looked down at the floor as I thought about the irrefutable fact that things might not be the same with us anymore. 

Tyler’s comforting hand touched my shoulder.  “Hey, it’s just a question.  How about I tell you what I love instead.” 

I smiled.  “Okay.”

“I love quiet places.” 

“Huh?” Confused, I glanced around at our noisy surroundings.

“There’s a coffee shop next door.  You want to go?” 

“Oh!  I don’t know, I came with…”

“Just one coffee.  I’ll have you back in a half hour.  I promise.  Your friend seems occupied anyway.” 

I looked back at the dance floor where Logan’s angry eyes were on me, or maybe Tyler, while Candace and Kelsey’s hands were on him. 

“Sure, why not?” I said, shrugging.

Tyler offered his arm, and I latched my hand around it.  The thought crossed my mind to tell Logan I was leaving but that would surely cause a scene that I did not want to deal with.  I would just tell Matt instead. 

As we approached the exit hallway, I was yanked backwards by a tug on my sweater.

“Hey!” I shouted.

“What are you doing?” Logan’s expression exuded fury.  And fear.

“Logan, this is my favorite sweater!”

“Is there a problem here?” Tyler said in an authoritative voice.

“Yeah, there is.  She’s with me,” Logan challenged, bringing his face close to Tyler’s.

“It didn’t look like it,” Tyler responded condescendingly, then he turned to me.  “Liv, it’s up to you.  But I’ll tell you this.  Whoever you are ‘with’ should treat you like their first choice.  Not their last.” He faced Logan. “Any idiot can see that.”

Logan’s fists clenched tightly on each side of him.  His eyes narrowed just before he lunged at Tyler, fisting his shirt and pounding him in the jaw with his other fist.  Tyler stepped back, confused, and lost balance for a moment, then immediately reciprocated with a blow to Logan’s face.

“STOP IT!!!”  I screamed, trying to get between them.  An elbow bashed into my mouth, thrusting me back a few steps.  My fingers examined my lips which were wet to the touch, and when I drew them away from my face, they were bright red.  I cringed at the rusty taste in my mouth.  The action continued in front of me.  Logan and Tyler kept at it, delivering blow after blow until they were both on the ground.

“Break it up!  Break it up!”  A familiar voice approached.  Relief washed over me when I saw Matt.  He took hold of Logan, pulling him up off the floor, while another bouncer gripped Tyler.  It took a moment for them both to calm down.

“Real fucking mature, asshole!” Tyler shouted.  “You really think that shit is going to impress her?”  He forcefully pulled himself off the bouncer and reached into his pocket, pulling out a little white card.  He turned to me and handed me the card.  “Liv, you deserve better.  Call me if you ever want to hang out.”  Then he turned and left.

“Yeah, keep walking, asshole!” Logan shouted. 

Tyler kept walking but lifted his middle finger in the air in response to Logan’s comment.

“Holy shit, Liv,” Matt said as he let go of Logan.  He took some cocktail napkins from the bar and placed them on my bloody lip. 

“I’m fine, it’s nothing,” I lied.  My face was throbbing.

While Matt dabbed my lip, my gaze found Logan’s.  Completely still, with utter shock mixed with regret in his eyes, he watched me.  A drop of blood trickled down the side of his face from the cut on his left eyebrow.  Even battered and bruised, he was immaculate.  I took the cocktail napkin from Matt and held it in my hand.  Not letting my eyes leave Logan’s, I moved toward him, stopping inches in front of him. 

He brought his hand to my face and brushed the corner of my mouth with his thumb.  “I’m so sorry.” 

The pain in his eyes as he gazed down at me brought tears to my eyes.  I took the napkin and dabbed the corner of his eyebrow as his eyes searched mine.  My hand fell to my side, and I let the napkin slip out of my fingers.  Without a thought, my hands found a place on his sides which only caused more anguish in his perfect face. 

I cautiously moved my hands to his back and placed my cheek on his chest.  His breaths, heavy and deep, moved me as my body pressed against his.  My eyes closed as I breathed his intoxicating scent, a mixture of deodorant, sweat and blood.  After a moment, he carefully took hold of me and brought his lips to my ear.

“I’m so sorry, Liv…He’s right, I’m an idiot.”  He pulled his face away so that he could look at me.  “You are my first choice.  You’re my only choice.”

His eyes pleaded for forgiveness.  But I knew in my mind that he did nothing wrong.  I didn’t belong to him, and he didn’t belong to me.  He was free to do whatever he wanted.  “Let’s just go, okay?”

He nodded, then took my hand and began to walk me toward the door.

Matt stood in front of us.  “Oh no, neither one of you are driving.  I’ll call you a cab.”

Chapter Sixteen