The Game Changer: A Novel (28 page)

“I didn’t sign up for this, Jack.” I snapped my eyes shut, willing the online pictures and tabloid article to disappear from my mind.

“You didn’t sign up for what exactly?” he asked cautiously, his head tilting to one side.

I sighed. “I didn’t sign up for this life. This constant invasion of privacy… this scrutiny. This judgment. People get to say and write whatever they want about me, and I just have to sit here and take it. I can’t deal with it anymore.”

The tears started to fall, and I didn’t bother to stop them. “Did you know that my pictures are plastered all over websites where people get to vote on whether or not they think I’m hot enough for you?” I screamed through my frustration.

Logically I knew it wasn’t Jack’s fault, but my embarrassment overruled all logic at the moment. “Do you know how horrible that feels? To be judged on my looks by a bunch of fucking strangers? Heaven forbid I’m actually a good person who loves her boyfriend
and works hard and treats people well. But that doesn’t count. None of that matters!”

I threw my hands out, shaking my head. “It’s all about what I wear and how my hair looks and how much weight I need to lose. Why do people think it’s OK to tear apart the way I look? Did you know there’s an entire thread on the baseball website dedicated to hating me? Not liking me, but
hating
me. What the hell did I even do to anyone?”

“What? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked. “I’ll have administration get that shit taken down right now! I will not have any threads about you on a baseball website. Unless it’s good stuff.” He forced a small smile, his dimples barely showing.

“I’ve been called every name in the book. Whore, slut, gold digger, ugly, fat, bitch, cunt, tramp, cleat chaser… and I can’t fucking take it, Jack. I don’t know how anyone does.”

“What are you saying, Kitten?” He took two steps toward me, and I instinctively stepped back.

“I don’t know what I’m saying.” My heart battered against my chest as I denied the truth. I knew exactly what I was saying… I just apparently couldn’t form the actual words.

He started nervously pacing. In all honesty, my nerves even overwhelmed me in that moment. “Don’t do anything stupid, Cass. You know we’re no good without each other.”

I nodded my head as more tears escaped. “I’m not sure we’re any good with each other either.”

“You don’t mean that. You’re just upset.” Jack’s voice shook as he shoved his hands into his front pockets. When I didn’t respond, he begged, “Don’t do this. Don’t you dare give up on us.”

“I feel like I’m losing myself.” I turned away, unable to bear the look in his eyes. “Being in this relationship with you is completely fucking with me,” I admitted, the tears falling down my cheeks
without mercy. Guilt rushed through me as my words spilled out. I never intended to admit all of this to him during the baseball season. I wanted to be strong enough to get through it on my own, to talk to him when the season ended, but I couldn’t take any more. My insides had wound up so tight I thought they might shatter. Chrystle’s accusatory article was the last straw.

Jack stepped closer, his arms resting on my shoulders as he turned me toward him. “You don’t get to quit,” he said, reaching for my chin with shaky hands. “You don’t get to walk away from this.”

I wanted to throw up. My feelings contorted inside of me, the conflict raging once again. Part of me wanted to bolt as quickly as I could from everything Jack Carter, while the rest of me wanted to tangle myself up in his arms and never let go.

“I need to figure out how to be with you and still keep my sanity. I feel like a crazed lunatic. Like I have absolutely no control over my life. I can’t keep living like this.” I sobbed until my vision blurred.

He led me toward our couch, pulling me down with him as I cried into his chest. How had I become so twisted up and confused? I knew I loved Jack, but I wasn’t sure I could be with him like this any longer. I pulled away from his grip, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as he returned to the view, as gorgeous as ever.

He cupped my cheek, moisture filling his dark eyes. “I don’t want to be here without you. We can fix this. But we can’t fix it if you walk away. I can’t make us work by myself.”

“I just need to find some sort of balance. Between your work and my work and all the pressure that comes along with it—” I stopped as I tried to gather my thoughts. “It’s just too much. I need to get myself together. I’m falling apart here.”

He leaned his head into his hands, his fingers tugging at his dark hair. I watched his chest rise and fall, his head shaking before
he turned to look at me. “Fine,” he started with a ragged breath. “Get yourself together, then. But don’t you fucking quit on me. After everything we’ve been through, please don’t let this break us.”

Tears ran down my cheeks with his words. I loved Jack, but this was about me. Loving Jack put my own self-worth at risk. A girl could only take so much bashing and criticism from so many fronts until her self-esteem started to take a nosedive. And that wasn’t healthy for either of us.

“I’m going to take a few days off from work and go stay with Melissa.” The words flew from my lips effortlessly. I hadn’t even talked to Melissa, but I knew she would welcome me.

He lowered his head, the look of defeat replacing any hope he once had. “OK, Kitten. You go.”

I nodded, reaching for my cell phone and dialing Matteo’s number. “Hi, Matteo, it’s Cassie. Can you get me to JFK as soon as possible, or are you busy?”

Matteo asked me to hold for a moment while he rearranged his schedule with another driver. I waited, avoiding all eye contact with Jack. Matteo came back on the line, informing me that he’d pick me up in twenty minutes and he’d call me when he was downstairs. I thanked him before I ended the call and turned the ringer back on.

Whether I wanted to or not, it was time to pack.

I sensed Jack watching me from the doorway of the bedroom we shared as I tossed pieces of clothing into my open suitcase. Deliberately, I forced myself not to look at him. He could take the broken parts of me and shatter them even further. If I looked at him, I’d question everything. He could make me stay, and I desperately needed to go. After adding two more pairs of shoes, I zipped up the suitcase and lifted it from the bed.

“Let me help you,” he offered from behind me, his breath gliding across my back.

“It’s fine. I have it,” I said tightly, refusing to face him.

“How long will you be gone?” he asked, his tone desolate.

I shrugged, unsure of my actual plans. “I don’t know. A few days. A week, maybe. I’ll text you,” I offered with a glance in his direction.

Jack’s face turned sullen as the color drained instantly from his cheeks. He reached for me, his fingers tightening around my wrist, stopping all forward movement. “You are coming back. Right, Kitten?” A look of powerlessness covered his face.

My stomach dropped to my feet with his question. I took a few short breaths before responding, “Yes, Jack. I’m coming back.”

It wasn’t a lie, but the truth was almost as painful. Of course I would come back, but I wasn’t sure what I’d be coming back to. “I have a job here.”

His eyebrows pinched together, tears filling his eyes as he let go of my arm. My phone rang, breaking the sorrow-filled heaviness in the room. “Hi, Matteo. OK, I’ll be right down.”

“I need to go.” I leaned toward Jack and planted a soft kiss on his cheek before turning to walk away.

He gripped my wrist from behind and yanked me around to face him. “Get over here,” he said roughly as he pulled my body effortlessly into his. Before I could situate my arms, his were wrapped around me, pulling me tight against his heaving chest.

Oh my God, he’s crying.

“I love you more than anything. You need to know that before you walk out that door.” The warmth of his breath fluttered against my skin. My eyes met his, and the tears that rolled down his cheeks caused my heart to shatter.

“I love you too.” My current dysfunction had nothing to do with my feelings for Jack. I loved him more than I ever thought possible. But sometimes love wasn’t enough, and in order to be with
him forever, I needed to make sure I could handle whatever came my way.

“I’ll do anything to make you happy. Anything, Kitten. You just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. You want to file a lawsuit against Chrystle, I’ll start the paperwork tomorrow. You want me to quit baseball? I’ll stop playing.”

It pained me to hear his voice sounding this desperate, this needy. “That’s not what I want,” I choked out, my jagged heart beating out painfully piercing beats. “Right now I just need some space.”

He peeled his arms from my body, and I instantly craved their attention again, but refused to give in. “OK. Space,” he breathed out in response, his cheeks tearstained. “But not forever. I won’t let you quit on us. I know this is all my fault. One fucking mistake that never goes away. I’m so sorry about all of it.”

“I know you are,” I whispered. “I am too.”

I pulled my suitcase out the front door, leaving Jack behind.

I walked out of the elevator, noticing the gaggle of press still gathered outside our building. Seeing me, the cameras started flashing against the glass of the window as they fought over one another for the best shot. Matteo lunged through them on his way to reach me. Blocking me from view once again, he grabbed my suitcase while keeping a tight hold on my body.

Stepping outside, I was bombarded by the press shouting their questions.

“Where are you going, Cassie?”

“Did you and Jack split up?”

“Is he going back to Chrystle?”

“Why are you leaving?”

“Why are you crying?”

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for them to shut the hell up and mind their own business. They didn’t know anything about our relationship and their stupid assumptions drove me nuts. Matteo opened up the passenger door, and I shook my head, opting for the rear seat, which had privacy glass on the windows. I watched as some of the paparazzi scattered, and I assumed they were heading for their cars so they could follow me.

He opened the door for me and ushered me inside. “Are you OK?”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I will be.”

“Are you and Jack alright?” he asked as he pulled the car onto Second Avenue.

Unsure of how much I wanted to confide in Matteo at the moment, I opted for the easy way out. “I’m not sure.”

Matteo checked the rearview mirror a few times before I asked, “Are they following us?”

“I don’t think so. I can usually tell if they’re around us because they drive like assholes, but I don’t see anyone.”

“Good.”

“Cassie?” His voice questioned and I simply looked in his direction. “You know I’m here if you need me.”

I forced a polite smile. “I know. Thank you.”

We drove the rest of the way in silence. My brain turned inside my skull, causing more confusion, questions, and pain. I closed my eyes as the sound of my cell phone beeping filtered into my ears.

I read the text message from Jack.

I love you. I wish there were different words that I could say, but no one’s been clever enough to invent any yet. So it’s all I’ve got. But
it’s everything. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please come home soon.

Half tempted to ask Matteo to turn the car around, I turned my phone off instead. Another text message like that, and I would go back. I’d never leave.

And I’d probably become a shell of a person who secretly resented everything her life had become. Because the problems and issues would still remain. I needed to fix this. I needed to fix me. Before I knew it, the car screeched to a stop in front of the airline terminal. I pushed out of the backseat with the help of Matteo’s outstretched, muscular hand.

“Come here,” he said, pulling me against his chiseled body.

God, he smells good.

“You’ll be OK.” He patted the length of my hair, his hands sliding down my back slowly. Matteo had never touched me like that before. I sensed deliberation in his movements, but did nothing to stop him.

Why aren’t I stopping him?

“I hate seeing you cry,” he whispered in my ear, before wiping my cheek with his thumb.

Pull away, Cass.

I didn’t move. Nerves surged through my body like waves in the ocean. Forceful and without remorse, they ebbed and flowed from my head to my toes. My knees started to shake as my heart rate quickened.

Pull aw—

Before I could process another thought, Matteo’s soft lips pressed against mine. I tensed quickly at first, shock and disbelief sprinting through my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the difference in his kiss and his touch to overwhelm my senses. His
mouth opened and his tongue pushed up against my lips, begging for entry.

Instantly, my eyes shot open as I pushed away from his Adonis body. I wiped his taste from my lips with the back of my hand before covering my mouth from view. My mind raced to piece together what the hell had just happened and why I’d allowed it.