The Good Apprentice (6 page)

Read The Good Apprentice Online

Authors: Iris Murdoch

BOOK: The Good Apprentice
9.01Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
‘But we’ve been talking nonsense,’ said Ursula, ‘dinner-time conversation.’
‘I’m afraid that we could lose our language, and so lose our souls, our sense of truth, and ordinary reality, our sense of direction, our knowledge of right and wrong …’
‘It’s certainly the end of an era,’ said Harry, ‘the energy which we got from the Greeks and the Renaissance is all used up. New technology is the life force now.’
‘How do you mean, lose our language?’ said Thomas.
‘Lose our value language, lose our central human language which is spoken by individuals and refers to the real world.’
‘But there’s always
this
world,’ said Midge, tapping her wedding ring on the table. ‘Isn’t there, Edward?’
‘We could lose our ordinary sense of an order of the world as ultimate, our self-being, our responsible consciousness — ’
‘We’ve never had these things,’ said Harry. ‘It was an illusion, we’re waking from a dream, our precious individual being is something superficial, it’s just a matter of style,
le style c’est l‘homme même.
Good and evil are relative concepts. After the simplest generalities people start talking nonsense about morals.’
‘But surely there’s such a thing as human nature,’ said Ursula, ‘and it stays the same. We women know that, don’t we, Midge?’
‘Women are always a touchstone,’ said Harry, ‘like litmus paper or dogs before an earthquake, look at them now running round in manic excitement,
they’re
destroying the old order you’re so fond of, men are terrified, no wonder Islam is the most popular religion in the world!’
‘Spirit without absolute,’ said Thomas to Stuart, ‘that’s what you’re afraid of.’
‘Yes. Lost bad spirit.’
‘No doubt,’ said Thomas, ‘the real live language will be reserved for the creative few who have all the power, they will be the only individuals left, and the ordinary mob will simply be codified manifestations of a generalised technological consciousness.’
‘My dear Thomas, that’s how it is now!’ said Harry.
‘You cynical elitist!’ said Midge.
‘He’s trying to annoy
us,’
said Ursula.
‘There you are,’ said Harry, ‘women have to make everything personal.’
‘So religion is the answer,’ said Ursula to Stuart, ‘that’s where we started.’
‘Yes, something that keeps love of goodness in people’s lives, that
shows
goodness as the most important thing, some sort of spiritual ideal and discipline, like — it’s so hard to see it — it’s got to be religion without God, without supernatural dogmas, and we may not have time to change what we have into something we can believe in — that’s what I think anyway — but I’m just a beginner — ’
They laughed.
‘Spiritual discipline!’ said Ursula. ‘I think evangelical Christianity is your fate, I can see it all, you’ll be a general in the Salvation Army — or else a Jesuit — ’
‘I can’t think why you’re so gloomy,’ said Midge, ‘you seem so prejudiced, all sorts of wonderful things are happening and will happen, we can fly in space, we’ve cured TB, we shall cure cancer and feed the hungry, and isn’t television a good thing — ’
‘No, it isn’t,’ said Stuart.
‘Well, what about the animal programmes — ’
‘Even the poor animals are spoilt by that horrible medium, it destroys our perception, our sense of the visual world, and it’s full of pornographic muck — ’
‘Talking of that,’ said Midge, who was getting tired of abstract conversation, ‘we came back the other night earlier than we said and discovered Meredith watching some absolutely
awful
pornographic video cassettes which he’d borrowed from his little chums! Children watch absolute
filth
these days.’
Stuart put down his knife with a clatter. He flushed red. ‘You don’t mean real pornography, that Meredith’s been watching real pornography — ?’
‘Well, real, yes, what they call “hard porn” — it was horrid what I saw, absolutely nightmarish, there were these two men and a girl, and a boy with a knife — ’
‘Don’t tell me,’ said Stuart, ‘what did you do?’
‘What do you expect, we told him to stop and to take the stuff back where it came from, which he did the next day.’
‘You mean that child was looking at — but you explained — you told him how wrong it was — you made him see — ’
‘We expressed our displeasure. Ought we to have beaten him? He said all the children watch these things. And it’s not easy to explain to a child, how does one explain these days? Our ancestors would have been shocked at children knowing anything about sex, now we’re told to tell them all about it as soon as they can talk! You can’t have it every way. Sex is everywhere. As you said, Stuart, ordinary television is full of what you call muck. Anyway, children aren’t innocent, psychoanalysis proves that, you can’t protect them — ’
‘They
are
innocent,’ said Stuart, ‘and you
can
protect them. There’s such a thing as being pure in heart — ’
‘You can’t protect them, and I don’t really see why you should,’ said Midge. ‘Of course we told Meredith not to look at that stuff, but I expect he will, and maybe it’s a good thing, how much does a child understand anyway. Better to see it now and get bored than come across it later and get hooked. And he’s bound to come across it later. Don’t you agree, Thomas? It’s like being vaccinated. Have the shock early on and then get it over permanently.’
‘I couldn’t disagree more,’ said Stuart. ‘I don’t see why he’s bound to come across it later. Pornography isn’t compulsory, people can recognise what’s bad and keep away from it. Why should it be assumed that young people are unavoidably obsessed with every aspect of sex? And why do you take it for granted that Meredith will deceive you? What children get used to and regard as permissible at an early age can weaken all their moral defences, it’s an early training in cynicism, and as deep and as lasting as any other training. It’s not a bit like vaccination, it’s more like acquiring an incurable virus, something that degrades and corrupts, and the corruption of children is an
abomination.’
‘You just don’t understand children,’ said Midge, ‘if you did you wouldn’t get so cross and red in the face!’
‘I agree with Midge,’ said Harry, ‘one must be more tolerant these days, absolute judgments are a thing of the past, you’ve got to come to terms with yourself somehow, and the earlier the better. We aren’t saints and can’t be. We must learn to accept so-called evil as something natural. Scientists have always been gnostics, and if they say there’s a basic indeterminacy in human consciousness, then I say that’s exactly how I feel! As for corrupting the young, that’s what Socrates was accused of! We all have smutty thoughts. Pornography is part of the modern scene, it’s something we all really like, and it’s perfectly harmless.’
‘I don’t think Stuart likes it,’ said Ursula. ‘I wonder if Edward does? What do you think, Edward, you’re the youngest person present?’
Edward rose abruptly, overturning his chair onto the floor. He picked the chair up and said to Midge, ‘I’m terribly sorry, I’m not feeling very well, I think I’d better go home. Please don’t anybody come. I’ll just go back — ’
‘Oh, I’ll come,’ said Harry rather crossly. ‘Come on, Stuart. Our lot for home. We’ll have an early night. Don’t see us out, we’ll quietly steal away.’
‘I must go too,’ said Ursula, ‘I must help Willy pack, he’ll have done nothing. Midge will help me find my coat, I think it’s upstairs.’
They left the room, leaving Thomas alone with the wine.
 
 
After the door had shut upon the Cuno contingent Ursula, closeted upstairs with Midge, said, ‘I wanted to see you alone. I’m so worried about Edward, Thomas doesn’t seem to be doing anything for him.’
They were sitting on the great ornate ancestral double bed in which, as Thomas liked to announce, many a McCaskerville had been born and died. Midge had shaken off her shoes and pulled up her skirt to reveal the pink stockings. She had undone the invisible buttons which supported the collar of her dress.
‘I think Thomas has some plan,’ said Midge, ‘he usually has.’
‘Well, he’d better hurry up with it. Anything could happen to that boy. He needs stronger drugs than the ones I’m giving him. He ought to be inside with some experts.’
‘Do you really think so? He wouldn’t go. Thomas wants to take him off drugs altogether.’
‘Thomas is crazy. Edward could be in for a long depression. I’ve seen such cases.’
‘Stuart seems pretty daft too. I feel sorry for Harry. Just when they were both getting on so well.’
‘Oh Stuart and Harry,
they’re
all right. Harry is the perfect hedonist, calmly determined not to be disturbed by the grief of one son and the dottiness of the other.’
‘Harry doesn’t really believe in neurosis,’ said Midge, ‘he thinks people should just pull up their socks.’
‘I’m not worried about Stuart,’ said Ursula, ‘he’ll be back a little battered in a year or two, sadder and wiser, knocking at the door of the university. Anyway why shouldn’t he want to help poor unhappy people, no one seems to give him any credit.’
‘Harry wants him to be some sort of top academic.’
‘Harry is a snob. Stuart has got a temporary fit of religious mania like boys have at fourteen. He thinks he was immaculately conceived because he can’t imagine his mother in bed with Harry. Chloe never liked Stuart. Classical bad stepmother, idealised absent mother, that’s his trouble. And Harry’s wild love life after Chloe died. Actually Stuart is a tough egg. He and Harry are as like as two pins, they’re both
Boys’ Own Paper
types, romantics who want to be tested, obsessed with courage, have they got it or not, they’d like to be war heroes, it’s as simple as that. They should have lived in the nineteenth century. Harry would have been an explorer building the Empire, Stuart would have been a fearless missionary or a controversial bishop.’
‘I rather see Harry in Berlin in the jazz age. I must say, I find Stuart exhausting. What did you think of his lecture on pornography?’
‘I liked it. What’s young Meredith doing now?’
‘Reading in bed.’
‘What’s he reading?’
‘Hydrogen-Propelled Airliners.’
‘He’ll be all right.’
‘He won’t play any of those expensive computer games Thomas got for him.’
‘Good child. Never mind them. I’m worried about Edward. At best he’ll be in for the dreary business of falling in love with Thomas and then having to fall out again.’
‘Harry’s afraid he’ll become homosexual through being so obsessed with Mark Wilsden.’
‘Yes. He’s in love with Mark now. Poor boy, oh poor poor boy.’
‘Harry was very nervy and nasty tonight, wasn’t he. I don’t think Thomas was pleased.’
‘Harry just uses his intellect to shred himself to pieces, the golden charmer who destroys himself. I can’t stand these prophets of doom, gloating over the collapse of civilisation, they’re always anti-women. I think Harry despises women, well I suppose most men do. Poor old planet all the same. No wonder Dirk Plowmain shot himself.’
‘I didn’t realise he shot himself,’ said Midge.
‘Yes, very stylish. He was a clinical depressive. They’re a funny pair, Harry and Thomas, they’re chalk and cheese, Thomas an oriental Celt and Harry some kind of archetypal Englishman, two men with absolutely different kinds of minds who fascinate each other.’
‘You think they really like each other? I’m never sure.’
‘I said “fascinate”, but yes, I expect they adore each other! What a pair of egoists! Willy’s another of course, in a different style. I must get back. Is Thomas really writing a book about that crazy patient of his, Mr Blinnet?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘I think that Blinnet man is a fraud. It never seems to occur to humourless psychiatrists that their patients are having them on.’
‘Thomas isn’t humourless.’
‘He’s humourless by other means. He’s devious, he’s
too
deep. Funny finicky Thomas. You know how fond I am of him, and I do admire him.
Quand même.
Tell him to keep an eye on Edward. I’ll try to too of course. But it’s easier for Thomas. He only has four patients a day, I have dozens.’
‘Less than four now. He wants us to live more in the country now Meredith’s going to go to boarding school. It’s interesting. Harry prefers Edward. I think Thomas prefers Stuart.’
‘Yes,’ said Ursula, ‘Thomas is far more
interested
in Stuart’s crisis than he is in Edward’s. I don’t mean he’s irresponsible. But quick crude science is what’s wanted here, not snail’s pace subtleties. Drugs are the solution, everything else is frivolous. Thomas is moving away from science, he’s a traitor, that stuff about all analysis being lay analysis, it’s a bad line of talk, and people
listen
to him. He was never much of a doctor anyway, he didn’t practise for long. I once heard him say he wanted to forget he’d ever been a doctor. He sees his function as priestly, it’s all those rabbinical ancestors. It’s a substitute for the religion his trendy parents deprived him of. Midge, I’m afraid for Edward.’

Other books

Life Happens by Sandra Steffen
Angel's Flight by Waldron, Juliet
Dangerous by Reid, Caitlin
Bear Bait (9781101611548) by Beason, Pamela
Cat Among the Pumpkins by Mandy Morton
Fusion by Rose, Imogen