The Hawaiian Quilt (36 page)

Think positively
, Gideon told himself as he started up the Freys’ driveway.
If things go well tonight, Mandy may agree to take classes in the fall. Then she could join the church and we can be married. It’s something to hope for, at least
.

Gideon pulled up to the hitching rail and was pleased when Mandy came out of the house right away and climbed into his rig.

“It’s a nice night for a buggy ride,” she commented, seating herself beside him. “When the sun goes down, I’ll bet we’ll see lots of twinkling stars.”

“I’ll bet, too.” Gideon grinned at her, and a warmth spread through him when she gave a pleasant smile.
So far, so good
.

As they traveled the back road between Middlebury and Shipshewana, Mandy grew silent, but Gideon kept trying to engage her in conversation. She wasn’t the talkative person she used to be. Before her trip to Hawaii, Mandy always thought of things to say. At times, she could be a real chatterbox.

Barbara talks to me more than Mandy does
. Gideon glanced her way and frowned when he realized her eyes were shut.
Is she thinking about me or someone else? Could Mandy have fallen asleep?

Mandy had a hard time staying awake. The gentle sway of Gideon’s buggy and the rhythm of the horse’s hooves clip-clopping along the pavement were enough to put anyone to sleep.

“Would you like to stop by the Hitching Post for some frozen yogurt?” Gideon asked when they arrived in Shipshewana.

“No, thank you. I ate too much of my mamm’s zesty meatloaf for supper and don’t have room for anything else. But if you want to stop for some, I’ll sit and watch you eat it.”

“No, it’s okay.” Gideon snapped the reins. “Let’s keep riding.” He turned his rig around and headed back in the direction of Middlebury.

Is he taking me home? Does he think I’m bored?
Mandy sat up straight. “How are things going with your job at the upholstery shop? Do you still enjoy working there?”

He nodded. “I’ve been helping out at my mamm’s quilt-and-fabric shop some, too.”

“Bet she appreciates it, but I’m surprised you have the time.”

“I go there after work some afternoons.”

“I figured with Barbara working at the store, your mamm wouldn’t need more help.”

“She gets pretty busy sometimes. Seems there’s always something I can do to help. How do you like working for your daed?”

“It’s okay, but I’d rather work at one of the local restaurants.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“There haven’t been any openings since I got back.”

They rode a short ways in silence, then Gideon guided his buggy onto a dirt road and pulled back on the reins. “Whoa!”

“What are we stopping for?” she asked.

“I … I’ve missed you, Mandy, and I’m hoping we can get back what we once had.” Before Mandy could form a response, Gideon pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Although firm and gentle, like his kisses had always been, it didn’t feel right to her. The kiss lacked the emotion she remembered from Gideon’s kisses.
Maybe it’s me. I’m not the same person I was before Hawaii. No matter how hard I’ve tried to get them back, the feelings I once felt for Gideon aren’t there anymore. How can I verbalize this without hurting him?

Mandy was the first to pull away. Unable to look at Gideon, she murmured, “I’m not going to join the church this fall, Gideon, so you’re free to pursue someone else if you like.”

“What?” His mouth hung open.

“I’m not sure if the Amish life is right for me, and it’s not fair to keep you waiting.” She placed her hand on his arm and gave it a gentle tap. “You’re a good friend, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t make any promises at this time.”

“I can wait till you’re sure.” His tone sounded sincere.

“Please don’t. You deserve to be happy.”

“You make me happy, Mandy. You always have.” He clasped her hand. “Will you at least pray about things and give it more time before you make a final decision about not joining the church?”

“Okay, but I can’t make any promises.” Mandy closed her eyes.
So much for trying to express my feelings to Gideon. I should have made things more clear. I doubt we’ll ever get back what we once had
.

T
he first Sunday of October, Mandy sat on a backless wooden bench in her brother Michael’s barn, watching as Gideon, Barbara, Sadie, and Ellen were baptized and received into fellowship in their Amish church. They had waited until fall, hoping she would join, too, but she’d let them all down.

It was a beautiful autumn morning, and the doors of the barn had been left open on both ends, allowing a comfortable breeze to waft through. A fall-like aroma hung in the air, and Mandy breathed deeply of its earthy scent. When a rustling sound caught her attention, her eyes were drawn toward the entrance. A scattering of early fallen leaves had been captured in the draft and made their way inside, swirling in circles across the barn floor. Mandy’s gaze followed the dancing leaves until they disappeared and whooshed out the opposite door.

When someone sneezed, Mandy hunched her shoulders and focused on her friends up front. She remained that way until her brother’s new puppy barked from outside, seemingly disgruntled for not getting any attention. Michael had surprised his new bride with a little basset hound a few weeks after they were married and said he’d chosen that type of dog because they were good with children. The puppy was adorable, and it was comical to watch it tripping over its own floppy ears. Mandy suspected by next year sometime she’d probably be an aunt. At least one happy event might be happening in the year to come.

A feeling of guilt swept over her. It felt awful to disappoint Mom and Dad by not being one of the candidates for baptism this morning, which meant no open door for her to be married in the Amish church anytime soon. Her friends were disheartened, too. Part of Mandy wanted to be free to explore her feelings and decide what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, but she also was drawn to joining the Amish fellowship. It was like being on a teeter-totter: up and down, up and down, as she tried to decide what to do. Should she have taken classes and joined the church with her friends? She couldn’t answer that question right now.

Mandy stared at her hands, clasped firmly in her lap.
But I wasn’t ready
. Next spring was a long way off, and unless something happened to change her mind, she would follow through with her decision to join the church then—for her family’s sake, if nothing else.

As Gideon took his seat after being baptized and welcomed into fellowship with the church, he glanced quickly in Mandy’s direction, noticing how forlorn she appeared, looking down at her lap. He felt disappointed she hadn’t been part of their group today—especially when they had all waited until fall, hoping she would join them. Even harder was trying to come to grips with her reason for not taking classes and joining. Was it because she wanted to do something different with her life, or had Mandy refused to take classes because she didn’t want to marry him? Gideon had committed himself to the church and wondered if Mandy ever would. She seemed like an outsider looking in—living among them, but not one of them.

Back in August when he’d taken Mandy for a buggy ride, her mood at times seemed cheerful. He’d felt enthusiasm one minute and disappointment the next—especially after she’d told him he was free to find someone else.
Maybe I should have listened to her then, instead of holding out false hope
.

His gaze went to Barbara.
Would she be a better choice for me?
Gideon had enjoyed his conversations with her during the time Mandy was gone. Barbara was attractive, had a sweet spirit, and most important she wanted to be Amish. But Gideon saw some problems: He didn’t know how Barbara felt about him, and he wasn’t sure whether Mandy had any feelings for him anymore. Likewise, he felt unsure of his feelings for Barbara and Mandy. He’d never been so confused.

Gideon had noticed how well his mother and Barbara got along. While Barbara was in Hawaii, Mom had mentioned several times how much she missed her. Furthermore, both of his parents had expressed concern because Mandy would not join the church. Mom even went so far as to say no son of hers should be made to wait around indefinitely for a young lady who didn’t want to commit to the Amish way of life. He felt the pressure building but fought it off, needing to be cautious. Gideon didn’t want any regrets where Mandy was concerned. Everything needed to be prayed about, allowing God to work things out.

Before directing his attention back to what the bishop was saying, Gideon made a decision. If Mandy didn’t join the church next year, he would give up on their relationship and stop seeing her. In the meantime, regardless of what Mandy told him, he would try a little harder to get back what they once had.

At lunch following the church service, Ellen took a seat beside Mandy. “Is the dress you’re wearing the one I made you in Hawaii for your birthday?” she asked.

“Jah, it’s the green one.” Mandy’s expression was somber.

“Something doesn’t look right with it.” Ellen pulled at the material. “The dress looks as if it’s hanging on you and doesn’t fit like it should. I was certain it fit you properly when you wore it home from Hawaii.”

“I may have lost a little weight since then,” Mandy admitted. “But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll gain it back and the dress will fit perfectly again.”

“That makes me feel better, and I’m glad it wasn’t because I measured wrong.” Ellen looked at her friend long and hard. “I wish you could have been with us today when we went forward to be baptized. It was a meaningful occasion.”

Mandy nodded. “I’m sure, and I’m happy for all of you.”

“Why didn’t you take classes with us? You’ve never truly explained.”

“Jah, I did. I told you before. I don’t feel ready.” She drank some of her lemonade.

“When will you be ready?”

“How do we know when we’re ready for anything? Maybe I’ll take classes next spring, but I’m focusing on the now. I want to keep working and saving money, because I still haven’t paid my parents all they spent for the ticket that brought me home from Kauai.” Mandy squinted against the sun streaming into the window and scooted over a little to avoid it.

“What about Gideon? Do you think he will wait for you that long? He most likely wanted to be married this fall.”

“Please, Ellen.” Mandy’s brows furrowed. “Don’t make me feel any guiltier than I already do.”

“Guilty for not joining the church or making Gideon wait?”

“I’m not sure.” Mandy’s voice lowered. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

“I can tell.” Ellen pushed the pickle on her plate around with her fork. “You’re not the same person you were before we went to Hawaii. We’ve been home over five months, and by now you should have gotten over…” Ellen stopped talking when she noticed several women at the table looking their way. Now was not the time or place to express her feelings to Mandy. She would do it another day, when they could talk privately.