The Heart's Ashes (10 page)

I watched him
in my rear-view mirror, walking down the street—back toward the
music shop, then shook my head and flipped the mirror so I could
see my own face. “If we’d been alone, then...” I said, touching my
cheek. I would’ve done it. I know myself. I definitely would have.
When I drank David’s blood, it made me feel so good—energised me; I
felt light and yet kind of powerful. The life force in their bodies
must seep out through their blood as well as their, er...seed. I’m
sure it has healing properties, too, because after that, my bruises
healed a little faster than normal and even the slit where he took
my blood healed within the week. But it wore off so quickly—leaving
me craving and bitter inside.

I’d better
stay away from Eric. If he keeps pressing me, I will give in. I
want to give in.

But, no more
vampires. I have to stay away from anyone who is at risk of my
falling in love with them.

Chapter
3

As I knew it
would, the weekend finally arrived. I slammed the front door on the
Friday behind me and called into the house to see if anyone was
home.

“
In here, baby.”

Emily, when I
walked into the dining area, sat back in her chair, wiping tears of
obvious hilarity from her eyes. “Mike’s been filling me in on all
your quirky little habits, Ara.”

“
Mike!” I dropped my purse onto the hallstand near the
archway.

“
What?” He shrugged. “You’re funny.”

Emily stifled
another giggle when I glared at her.

“
Well, I have a few funny tales of my own.”

“
Go ahead.” Mike stood up and carried his and Emily’s plates
to the bench. “But there’s no way any stories about me will be as
funny as your Perkins Park one.”

My eyes
widened. “You didn’t?”

He chuckled,
looking at Emily, who couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Oh my God.
I’m gonna wet myself,” she cried, running from the room.

Mike and I
looked at each other for a second before we both chuckled.

“
I can’t believe you told her that.”

“
Aw, Ar, she doesn’t care. She’s your friend. She loves
you.”

“
Hm.” I walked over and plonked down on the kitchen chair.
“Well, I’m glad to see you two are getting along.”

“
What’s that supposed to mean? We’ve always gotten
along.”

I shrugged. “I
dunno. It’s just weird that she doesn’t hate you anymore.”

“
She never hated me.”

My arched brow
responded.

“
Well, she musta got over it pretty quick. My devilishly
handsome face’ll do that.” He took on the pose of a male model,
strutting his stuff as he placed a glass plate on the table in
front of me. The warm smell of rice and green beans filled the air
with a homely feel—Mike’s homely feel.

“
So, what did you get up to today?” I asked.

“
Stayed home. Em did too.”

“
She did?”

“
Yeah, well, she came out all dressed for classes, but we got
talking, and she ended up just staying home.”

“
You’re a bad influence,” I said, digging into my dinner. “But
I’m glad to see her smile. I was worried about her
today.”

“
She’s worried about you, too.”

“
Me? Why?” I said with my mouthful.

“
She thinks you’re not eating.” Mike laughed, looking at my
full gob. “I told her you’re incapable of starvation.”

“
Why would she think that?”

He lifted my
wrist with his fingertips. “This.”

“
What, so I’m a little skinny—so what?”

“
She thinks you’re starving yourself deliberately.”

“
Why would I do that?”

He shrugged,
then wandered over to the kitchen again.

“
Wait, you don’t agree with her, do you?”

He shrugged
again and folded his arms, leaning his butt on the edge of the
bench. “Are you?”

“
No.”

“
Okay then.”

Incredulity
rose up in me like heat. I wanted to jump up and wipe the smug grin
off his face, then erase all the gossip those two had shared today.
Conspirers. How dare they. They don’t know me! They don’t know
what’s going on in my life. I dropped my fork onto my plate. “You
big fat jerk. You do agree with her, don’t you?”

“
I don’t know. I don’t really know what to believe. The fact
is, Ar—” he turned back to face me, pointing to his thumb, “—you
are thinner than usual. Emily says she never sees you eat, and—” He
stopped.

“
And what?”

“
And...Emily thinks it might be ‘cause of me.”

“
What? Why?”

“
She...she thinks you’re not over me.” He turned back to the
sink, resting his hands on the edge of the bench; I caught a flash
of yellow from the corner of my eye and turned to look at Emily,
hiding behind the wall with a look of apology in her awkward grin.
She waved at me; I scowled at her, then smiled.

“
What would not being over you have to do with starving
myself,” I said the last words a little louder, aiming them at
Emily with a hint of spite.

“
Sorry,” she whispered.

“
That maybe...you’re punishing yourself. That maybe
you...maybe you feel like you made a mistake and now you...want me
back.”

“
Oh.” I looked down at my dinner; the steam had wafted away,
the cold turning the rice gluggy. “She’s right in one
sense.”

He turned his
head a fraction to gaze sideways at me, past his shoulder.

“
I know I made a mistake leaving you, but—”

“
Ara.” Mike rolled his head back. “Don’t say things like
that.”

“
Mike, you know I still love you. Why is it so ridiculous to
think I might be aware of what a big mistake it was to let you
go?”

“
Because I’m really struggling with losing you.
I’m
not okay. So please
don’t hurt me by saying things like that.”

“
I’m sorry, Mike.”

In the
hallway, Emily covered her mouth, her eyes filling with signs of
concern. I sighed heavily. There’s no way to fix this. I don’t know
how to be just friends with Mike—how to be around him without
wishing he’d love me.

“
You see?” I said, feeling like an idiot. “This is why I
didn’t take your calls, Mike.”

He stood,
wordless, by the edge of the sink, looking into the drain of
useless emotions. “I needed to see you, Ara,” he said out of the
blue. “I need to have you in my life, but you have to be careful.
I’ll always be your friend, but if you don’t want to love me then
please don’t say it—it burns me.”

“
I’m sorry. But I
do
love you, and you being here has unearthed all
those feelings. I forced myself to let you go, for your own
good—and now you’re back.”

“
I promised you, Ara.” He turned to face me, and even though I
could see anger in his eyes, it still felt so good to see his
face—here, in my kitchen, where I never thought I’d see him. “I
promised I’d always be here, and I intend to keep that promise.
When I left you, I was only going home to tie up loose ends.
There’s nothing there for me now.”

“
We can get past this, Mike, we’ll be okay.”

“
I hope so.” He sniffed, then nodded to my plate.
“Eat.”

The evening
light snuck through the window then and outlined the contours of
his broad, round shoulders. We watched each other, silently
exchanging thoughts through our facial expressions. I had to hold
back the smile in me when I followed the scruffy stubble along his
cheeks and neck, making him look incredibly gruff—in a sexy
way.

When he saw my
obvious look of lust, the hard line of tension that pressed his
lips dissolved, and we both just smiled. There was no point trying
to deny that we wanted to smile. And it seemed pointless trying to
deny my feelings. Fact is, I do love him still, and I don’t like it
when he’s mad with me. I want it to be like it used to be, when I
could hug him or lay in his arms, and neither of us thought
anything of it. I liked it when we were just friends.

But, I guess,
in truth, we were never just friends, really, were we? We both
always wanted more. Sadly, I still do, though I can’t explain it to
myself and it would make no sense to anyone else if admitted that.
Quite simply, and repeatedly, my own answers to my “What should I
do?” are always “You should have married him.”

“
How’s dessert coming along?” Emily beamed in her usual,
bright manner, as she came around the corner.

Mike took the
breath that ended the argument, and opened the fridge. “Pie sound
good?”

“
Pie sounds great,” I said, overly chirpy.

“
Fine with me.” Em shrugged, and as soon as Mike leaned into
the fridge, she bent over and said, really close to my ear, “You
need your head read, Ara.”

As she sat
down, I mouthed the word “Why.”

She nodded to
Mike, who was sniffing the custard carton. “He’s a good guy.”

“
I know, Em. But it’s not enough. I—”

“
We need more custard,” Mike said, looking up, showing a hint
of confusion under his frown when Emily and I suddenly sat back in
our chairs. “Uh...so...shall I go get some?” He held the carton
up.

“
No. I’ll do it,” I said and stood up. Emily followed me out
to the front entrance.

“
What the hell do you want, Ara?” she raised her voice softly,
pointing toward the kitchen. “Love wasn’t enough with David, the
perfect guy isn’t enough with Mike—what are you looking
for?”

“
I don’t know.”
Because love
was
enough with David,
but not enough to make him stay with a mortal.
“When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.”

Emily grabbed
my arm in her gentle, feminine grip. “You’re going to lose him if
you don’t wake up.”

“
If I could wake up, Em, I wouldn’t be in this nightmare.” I
brushed her hand off me, grabbed my keys and walked
away.

As the engine
stopped and the vibration of the car halted, I stared at the house
for a moment. That’s funny. It got dark unusually quick tonight. I
could’ve sworn it was lighter when I left work. There must be a
storm on the way or something. Now...I had something I needed to
do, but I can’t remember what it was...

“
Ara?”

I jumped and
looked up at the person who tapped on my window. “Hey.”

“
Where’ve you been?” His voice came muffled through the
glass.

I wound down
the window. “Work.”

“
No. You went to get custard—over an hour ago.”

My body
flooded with a shock of heat. Custard. I did too. “I know I did. I
was being funny.”

“
So—” Mike looked to my passenger seat. “Where’s the
custard?”

I looked too—at the empty seat. “They were all out.”
Yes, brilliant!
“Sorry.
I tried other stores, but...”

Mike stood
back and opened my door. “Are you okay, baby?”

“
Me? Fine. Why?”

“
Mike?” Emily popped her head out the front door, holding a
mobile phone.

“
Yeah?”

“
Dodger’s on the phone.” Her tone rose in question, probably
at the weird name.

Mike sighed,
then looked at me before backing away. “Thanks, Emily.”

“
Hey, beautiful.” Eric popped up before the front door even
closed.

“
Eric!” I covered my chest to steady my heart. “You scared
me.”

“
Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” He took my hand and pulled me from
the car.

“
What are you doing here?”

“
Dinner. Remember? We’re supposed to be going out
tonight.”

“
Oh yeah.” I slapped my palm to my head. “I remember
now.”

“
Wait, you forgot? Dinner? With me?”

“
Get over yourself, Eric,” I said. “You don’t exactly occupy
all my random thoughts.”

“
As long as I occupy the ones you have when you’re alone...at
night.” His wicked, suggestive grin saturated my arms and legs with
liquid heat, and most probably turned my cheeks pink. “I’m gonna go
ahead and guess that’s a yes.”

“
It’s only because you’re a vampire.”
Nothing to do with how sweet and gentle and charming you
are.

“
Well—” he looked away for a second, shuffling his feet to
hide his bashful smile, “—I’m kinda starting to like you for more
than just the unbearable desire to feast on you.”

“
Good to know.” I nodded, then looked at the car. “Should we
go? I’m starving.”

“
Imagine how I feel then.”

My response
was nothing more than a shake of my head as I sat back in the
driver’s seat.

“
You know?” Eric said, appearing in the passenger side before
I had my seatbelt on. “We could go somewhere private
instead.”

“
Private? Why?” I clicked my buckle into place, then started
the engine.

Eric’s smile
gleamed in the gentle light reflecting off the garage door. “I can
hear your heart beat, Amara.”