The Heart's Ashes (7 page)

“
It’s not you, Em. You have a good heart. It’s just all the
wrong guys.”

“
Why are there so many of the wrong guys?”

“
Well—” I chuckled. “Because there’s only one right
guy.”

“
What if that was Spence?”

“
Don’t think like that, Em. The right one would never do
anything like that to hurt you.”

She looked at
me sympathetically. “Then David wasn’t the one for you, was he?
Since he left.”

I held her
head against the hollow of my shoulder. “You’ll find the right
one—just don’t lose hope.”

“
Why not? You did.”

“
No, Em, I didn’t. I just know what I want, even if I can
never have it.”

She stopped
crying for a second and stared at me, then it burst out of her lips
at a hundred miles an hour. “I was going to sleep with him tonight,
I...I feel so stupid.”

“
You’re not stupid, okay? You were in love—that’s what you do
when you’re in love.”

“
I don’t understand love.” She sat up, wiping her face with
both hands. “How can it be called love if it’s
one-sided?”

I clicked my
tongue. “It’s not love if it’s one-sided, Emily. And love…it…well,
it doesn’t mean happiness—that’s not its definition.”

“
Then what is?”

“
I don’t know, but when I figure it out I’ll tell
you.”

The night wore
on, but the Sandman never came to take me away. I sat with my head
against the wall behind me, the back of my bed sticking into my
neck and an upturned book on my lap. Every now and then, I could
still hear the feint murmur of the tears that refused to let Emily
forget, but even though my heart went out to her, the words Eric
said to me earlier owned more of my attention.

I studied the
deep lines in my palm, tracing a finger over the changed paths. I
wished I were a palm reader so I could read them for a clue, a sign
that I might one day be happy. Seeing Emily lose everything she
thought was real in her world put things into perspective for me;
risk. Emily risked her heart to love Spence, and he betrayed her.
She placed her most precious asset in his hands and watched as he
crushed it before her eyes. And she never saw it coming, never even
had a clue—just followed love blindly. Like we all do. So
pathetically blind. Emily will never get past this—not after Jason
leaving her the way he did as well. She’s just another tainted
girl, ruined for the next man that could have deserved her.

I closed my
hand and shook my head. After what happened to Emily tonight, I
know I have to stick to my decision to stay single. Eric’s nice,
but he’s not David. He’ll never be David, and so, I’ll never love
him. But the lure of stringing him along to get inside info on
David is a little enticing. I just don’t know if I can be that
mean.

A loud bang
forced a shriek from my lips and sent my book flying onto the
floor.

What the
hell?

The noise came
again, louder, and without my panicked reaction this time, revealed
itself as a knock on the door. The last digit on my clock changed
from a nine to a zero, marking the hour as three. Three! Who the
hell would that be at three in the morning?

Suddenly,
Emily’s scream echoed into the dark street outside. I threw my
covers off and ran for the door, calling for her as I stumbled into
the front entrance. But instead of fighting off a man with a gun, I
stopped mid-step and covered my mouth, nearly falling to my knees
at the sight of Emily wrapped completely around the neck of a tall,
well-built man. “Ara,” he said, reaching his other arm out to
me.

A cocktail of
reactions flooded my motionless body. Still shaken with fear from
Emily’s scream, my heart tensed, then warmed at the sight of my
best friend—the guy I was supposed to marry. “Mike!”

“
The one and only.” He ushered me to the hug with a
half-grin.

Slowly, I
walked over and wrapped my arms around him and Emily. “What’re you
doing here?”

“
Looking for a place to crash.”

“
Why?” I said, removing myself from his arms.

“
Missed you too much.” He shrugged then picked up his bag.
“I’m moving to New England. Got a job interview in a
week.”

“
Uh—” I pushed my hair from my face. Oh, my God. What do I
say?

We both looked
at Emily then, who still had not stopped crying; she laughed,
wiping away the tears as she stepped back from Mike. “Sorry.”

He frowned
down at her. “Em? You okay? I’ve only been gone four months.”

A burst of
tears and laughter shot through her lips. “I’m fine,” she said, “I
just broke up with Spence last night.”

“
What?” Mike dropped his bag and pulled her in for another
hug. “Why?”

“
Rebecca,” we both stated at the same time, then burst out
laughing.

Mike stared
between the two of us, looking a little confused.

“
Come in.” I groaned and headed for the kitchen. “I’ll make
some tea.”

There’s never
any parking in this damn town.

I whizzed into
a small, oddly angled space just in front of a café, then nearly
dropped my bag and keys trying to coordinate checking my watch as
well as getting out of the car; ten-past-nine. So much for the
student I’m supposed to have at nine.

The long line
of cafes and shops made the lengthy pathway to my workplace feel
like a catwalk in front of judging eyes, like they all knew me,
knew I was late.

When I caught
my reflection above an ad for juice, I stopped dead, and the words
blurred then transformed into “Haggard.”

“
You’re right,” I said to the girl in the reflection, moving
the finger of correction over my pasty skin and the bags under my
eyes. But, as expected, it did nothing to fix my advertised
haggardness. Instead, the lip-gloss came out of the bag, and I used
the window as a reflection to smudge a tidy line of red along my
lips—bringing out the blue in my eyes, if nothing else.

The
satisfactory exhale I used next turned to a short gasp, as my
newly-brightened eyes became round and my cheeks changed to match
my red lips at the sight of a familiar face staring back at me from
beyond the glass. I drew back, a heat wave of mortification rushing
through me, and offered only a half-smile to his enthusiastic wave.
Then, I practically bolted. Being this late, I really didn’t have
time to stand around chatting.

“
Hey.” But he caught up anyway.

“
Oh, hey, Eric.” I threw my bag over my shoulder, walking a
little faster.

“
Are you avoiding me?”

“
No. I’m just late. I have a student.”
And yes—because you make me want to forget my plan to stay
single.

“
Student?”

“
Yes. I teach piano, remember?”

“
Oh, yeah. Well,” he said, “mind if I walk with
you?”

“
No, as long as you can walk fast.”

Eric
laughed.

Oh right,
that’s a pretty stupid thing to say to a vampire.

“
So...if I ask you another question, will you say yes?” he
said.

“
Why?”

“
Because you just said no, then yes, then no.” He smirked. “It
was funny. I wanted to make you do it again.”

I rolled my
eyes. “Then, no.”

“
Won’t work now, you already broke the pattern with
why
.”

I stared at
him, incredulous. “Don’t you have anything better to do with your
time?”

He shrugged.
“I got a lotta time.”

“
Go...catch a goat or something.” I waved a dismissive hand,
then picked up my pace.

“
Can’t. Got my eye on something a lot tastier.”

“
I’d say bite me, but...” My smart remark was wittier left
without closing.

“
Would you like to grab a coffee?”

“
Eric, I just told you—I’m running late.”

“
What if you weren’t? Would you then?”

“
Probably.”
Even though you’re
annoying and I should avoid you.

“
Great. It’s a date then.”

I stopped walking and stared at him. “A date?”
Awkward
. “I don’t really
want to date anyo—”

“
Just as friends.”

“
Friends?” My brow rose on one side. “But you just told me you
want to eat me. Friends don’t eat friends, Eric.” I started walking
again.

“
Why?”

Insult
littered my scowl. “I won’t even dignify that with a response.”

“
You just did.”

“
Argh!” My fists clenched. “You’re so annoying. Can’t you see
I’m trying to avoid you?”

“
Yes.”

“
Then let me. It’s taken a lot of thinking to get this kind of
clarity, and you with all your—” I waved at his...well, at all of
him, “sexiness is not helping.”

“
I’m sorry.” He stopped walking and looked down at his feet.
“It’s just that...you’re a cool girl, Amara.”

“
Me? Cool? Those words don’t really belong in the same
sentence.”

He jammed his
hands into the pockets of his black jeans and gave a bashful shrug.
“But you are to me. It’s kind of nice hanging out with a human that
knows what I am.”

With a sigh, I
rolled my head forward. I shouldn’t be doing this. “Okay, fine.
Meet me after I finish work?”

He looked up,
smiling. “Great. I’ll wait for you all day.”

“
I finish at three—you can come then.”

His eyes
followed me as I passed him. “See you soon, Amara.”

“
I look forward to it,” I called over my shoulder, waving
without turning around.

While I paced
the four steps from one wall to the other, my student played the
scales jaggedly, hitting the wrong note every second finger. But
cringe, as I may have yesterday, I did not today, because Eric’s
smile and his witty sense of humour played louder in my thoughts
than the erratic scaling’s of the eight-year-old in front of
me.

I knew I
shouldn’t be thinking about Eric. I shouldn’t be looking forward to
catching up with him, shouldn’t be considering things I’d
previously only ever considered with two other guys in my life—both
of them being guys I was in love with. I mean, I didn’t love Eric.
Like him—a lot, yeah. But not love.

Not even
want
to love.

I don’t know.
I stopped pacing and leaned on the wall, crossing my arms, smiling
only as a prompt for my student to continue. Maybe I don’t really
want Eric at all—not even for my own...pleasures. Maybe my lust is
just manifested abandonment and rejection. I have issues. I’m sure
of it.

The next time
I looked at the clock, it said three.

Thanking the
hands of time silently, I packed up my things, said goodbye to
jerk-face, I mean Geoff, and hurried out of the store.

“
Hey beautiful.”

The glass door
hit me in the bum as I stopped dead and looked across at Eric,
leaning against his motorcycle with folded arms, sporting the
cheekiest grin ever—even more so than David’s.

With a rise of
hot blood in my limbs, I breathed out and looked away. “Eric—right
on time.”

“
Hop on.” He jerked his head to the seat behind
him.

“
No way. I’m human, remember, and the
one
helmet you have won’t fit my
head.”

“
So? You’ll love it. Come on.”

My shoulders
dropped. To be on the back of his bike, with my arms wrapped around
his waist, my legs touching the sides of his and my chin nestled
tightly against his shoulder blade, would be pretty good. I know
I’d be safe. Vampires have quick reflexes, right?

The afternoon
sun stroked the silver spider webs painted along the abdomen of his
bike, and his hair almost seemed to look silver too, like he was an
angel cast under a spotlight from heaven, with the devil’s grin to
make me want him. Reluctantly, I walked away from the music store
and straight past Eric. “No thanks. I’ll pass.”

“
Okay, we’ll walk.”

“
Walking, I can do.” But as he paced himself beside me,
leaning slightly around to meet my eyes, the one thing I couldn’t
do was look at his free flying, shaggy hair, and the sexy indent on
his right cheek—not a dimple, like David’s, but a line that pressed
in when he smiled.

“
Hey, Amara?”

The urge to
look at him took over and the kindness in his chocolate brown eyes
made me smile for a second.

“
That’s better,” he said, finally looking forward. “I was
wondering where that pretty smile was.”

Hmpf. Pretty?
But his flattery nudged its way into my better judgement and forced
a little giggle, which I ate the moment it touched my lips. Damn
vampires. Remember, Ara-Rose, I told myself, you can never let
yourself be attracted to him. You must stay on course—eternal
loneliness and abstinence.

Great, I’m a
nun.

“
So, who’s the newb?” Eric asked, looking down at his
boots.

“
The newb?”

“
Yeah—the guy at your house. Who is he?”

I stopped
walking. “Okay, that’s creepy. Have you been stalking me?”