The Heart's Ashes (25 page)

“
So?”

“
So, I don’t want you dead.”

“
You don’t want to live without me either, do you? Which is
worse?”

“
Ara, the Set...if they catch you...”

“
I know. It won’t just be death. They’ll torture me too, and
make what Jason did to me look like child’s-play.”

He raised a
brow at me. “Clued in, aren’t we?”

“
Yes. And I don’t care. We can run; we’ll run for the rest of
my life if it means we get to be together.”

“
And what kind of life would that be? There can be no
children, no peace. Ara, you want a normal life.” He touched my
cheek, his eyes delving into mine.

“
I changed my mind, though—I don’t care about any of that
now.”

“
Hm, yes.” He smiled warmly and looked down to one side. “I
did see that in your memory.”

“
Is that so?”

“
Yes. And your uh—celibacy.”

I stared at
him, my brow pulling low over one side.

“
I went a little further back than you allowed,” he
confessed.

“
Cheeky.” I pointed in his face. “How far back?”

“
I wanted to see the wedding—when you ran away.”

“
Not my proudest moment.” I looked down at my empty ring
finger.

David’s arms tightened around me. He rested his forehead
against mine. “That may be so, precious girl, but
I’m
proud of you. You
did the right thing.”

“
You think?”

“
I
know
.” He
stepped out from my body and started walking, keeping his arm
around me. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Chapter
8

“
Are you cold?” David asked, touching the heater
dial.

I wrapped my
arms tighter around my shoulders and nodded. Curse these chattering
teeth.

David
smiled—his secret smile—then turned his eyes back to the road. Warm
heat, like breath, encircled the icy-talons on the stubs of my palm
as I held them up to the vent. “D-did you d-drive your car to the
l-lake,” I managed to shiver out.

“
Yes.” He reached across and stole my hand. “But I’ll pick it
up tomorrow.”

“
Well.” I looked at the speedometer. “Don’t speed in my
car—you’ll g-get me a tick—”

“
Okay.” He saved me the hassle of finishing the lecture, and
the car tugged slightly as his lead-weighted foot eased from the
accelerator. “I remember now—you don’t like breaking road
rules.”

“
How easily you forget.”

“
Forget? Or hope you wouldn’t notice.”

“
I always notice.”

He smiled in
return, keeping his eyes on the road. “Do you think Emily and Mike
will have waited up?”

“
I don’t know.” I looked at the clock, then the fuel light. “I
hope so. I feel bad. I kinda freaked out.”

David chuckled
softly. “Yeah. You did. Well—” he nodded to the house, “—looks like
they waited up. Porch light’s still on.”

I sat up from
my huddle and looked at my house. “Wait, how do you know where I
live?”

“
I uh—” he wiped his hand down his face and grinned, “I read
it in your thoughts.”

“
Oh.” I slumped back in my chair; and here I was thinking he
might’ve actually cared enough to be checking up on me.

“
Hey.” He squeezed my hand. “Don’t be like that. I did, I
mean, I do care enough to check up on you—I just—I didn’t know
where you were.”

“
Why? It isn’t hard to find a person.”

“
Well, that’s why I was at the lake.” He turned the engine off
and we sat in the drive. “I was trying to decide if I should go ask
your Dad, or if, maybe, I should leave you alone. Imagine my
surprise when you showed up.”

“
Not how you planned your night, huh?”

“
Certainly not,” he scoffed. “Then again, I don’t suppose you
planned to meet your attacker, nearly get killed, then see your two
best friends in bed together, either, did you?”

I wish he
hadn’t said that. I looked up at the gloomy-looking house; once a
refuge, now a tower of impossible emotions. I couldn’t sort them
all out in my head, and I didn’t know which ones I even wanted to
sort. “What do I say to them, David?”

“
Just listen to your heart.” He stroked my cheek with his
thumb. “You’ll know what to say.”

“
Hm.” I opened my door. “Helpful.”

David laughed,
standing on the driveway in front of me before I’d fully turned
away from him. “Want me to come in with you, or wait here for a
minute?”

“
You better wait here. I don’t need Em freaking out over you
before I get to talk to her.”

“
Okay. But—” he grabbed my hand as I walked away, “I’ll be
here if you need me. Just say my name and I’ll come.”

“
Okay.” I stepped backward, one slow step at a time. “Don’t go
anywhere, okay?”

“
Okay.” He jammed his hands into his pockets.

“
Promise.” I pointed at him.

He nodded,
smiling. “I promise.”

It was hard to
walk up the drive, shivering from the nasty cold stored in my
clothes, made worse by the circling breeze. The storm here had
settled, but it left a breath of winter behind.

Reaching for the door, my fingers trembled; I had to focus to
make myself turn the nob, unsure if it was fear or just cold. And
David’s advice didn’t help me find the words I needed for my
feelings. In my heart I wanted to say
Gee,
sorry I saw your completely naked-self, Emily, but keep your legs
off my friend slash ex-fiancé
. Or perhaps
I should say;
Emily, I’m so happy you and
Mike like each other—but leave a sock on the door next
time.

“
Em? Mike?” I whispered into the darkness.

A warm grasp
of skinny arms flung around my neck, stealing my footing for a
second. “Ara! Oh-my-God, I’m so sorry.”

I pulled
Emily’s arms away, one at a time, and stood back from her. “Where’s
Mike?”

“
He’s gone,” she sobbed. “He’s out looking for
you.”

“
How long’s he been gone?”

She wiped her
eyes and looked at her watch. “Three hours.”

“
And you’ve been here? All by yourself?”

She nodded,
her lip quivering. “He loves you, Ara—not me. I made a mistake. I
would never have done it if I didn’t believe it was love.”

“
Em—” I let out a breath and bit my lip. “Really, you love
him?”

“
I...I’m not sure anymore.”

“
Why, what happened?”

“
I was wrong,” she said, bursting into tears again. “And I
should have told you I was in love with him. I know that, and I’m
so, so sorry, Ara. I just didn’t know how to say it.”

I considered
slapping her for a second, finding it hard to muster one ounce of
pity. I nodded instead. “You’re right. You should have told me. I
shouldn’t have found out by seeing you two like that.”

“
I—I just don’t know what to say. I’m so
humiliated.”

I shook my head, staring forward. “Look. It was a shock—to
see you two, okay. It was just so out of the blue—for me. I didn’t
see the signs. I mean, I see them now, but...I didn’t know you were
in
love
with
him.”

“
Do you hate me?”

Right now? I don’t know.
I blinked a
few times. “No. And I’m not mad either.”
Liar. Liar.

Her lip folded
down and a gust of air burst through them as she covered her mouth
with the tissue, hunching her shoulders around her ears.

“
Er,” I groaned. “All right, come here.” I hugged her, letting
her cry tears for
my
Mike into my neck.

“
He doesn’t love me, Ara,” she whimpered after a while. “He
told me—he said it was a mistake. That he...that he was just
lonely, and he should have—he should have—”

I felt a tiny
twang of pity for her then. “He should have what?”

“
He said he should never have let me think he had feelings for
me.”

“
Oh.” With a click of my tongue, the me inside that was hurt
by Emily and Mike stepped aside for the friend, the one who’s
always been there for Em with a boy crisis. “What an asshole. He
better not have meant that.”

“
He was lying.” We both looked up to a tall silhouette,
shrouding the light coming in from the front door.

“
Mike,” I said it more as a sigh. “What the hell?”

He stood with
his arms folded, shaking his head at us, but as soon as Emily
started crying again, his arms fell to his sides. “I’ve made a
right mess here, haven’t I?” he said.

“
Understatement of the century,” I said, and Emily laughed
into my shoulder, wiping her mouth after.

“
Emily,” Mike said, touching her arm. “I’m sorry. I’m a first
class dick. I didn’t mean that. Not a word of it.”

She looked up,
her tears ceasing. “Really?”

He gave her
the look of apology he used to give me; the one that meant he just
didn’t have the right words, but felt them.

When she
sniffled, it made such a blobby, goobery sound that we all laughed.
“I need another tissue.”

“
I’ll get you one,” Mike said.

“
No.” She held up a hand. “You stay. You probably need to talk
to Ara anyway, right?”

“
Thanks, Em.” He smiled at her, running his hand down her arm.
There was a kinship between them then, which obviously formed while
I wasn’t paying attention, and it almost made me feel like an
outsider. Mike looked at me after Emily left. “Ara?”

Shaking my
head, I wandered over and sunk down on the couch, my head in my
hands.

“
What can I say, Ar?” He sat beside me.

I wanted to say
You don’t need to
say anything
, but flashes of them together
just kept coming, and it hurt. It really hurt. “By rights, Mike—” I
looked at him, “—you don’t have to say a word.”

“
But it’s not that simple, is it? We both know
that.”

“
Nothing with us ever is.”

He folded his
broad fingers around mine, a comforting, wordless apology.

“
So, what’re you guys gonna do, then? Be together?”

He looked up
and held a hand to Emily when she came back in, an invitation for
her to sit with us. “Yeah. I guess so.”

She fell into
his arms, resting her head in the hollow of his shoulder, and the
bubble of exclusion widened.

“
See, Em? I always told you you’d like him
eventually.”

She
laughed.

“
What?” Mike looked a little perplexed. “She always liked
me.”

“
Uh—” I looked at Emily and we both laughed. “Not
really.”

“
I kind of hated you for a while,” she said.

Mike’s
shoulders dropped. “Really? But I’m so likeable.”

“
Apparently not,” I said.

“
Fine. Right then—” He held an arm out to me. “Group
hug.”

“
You’re kidding me, right?” I said.

“
Nope. No one’s going to bed until we’ve hugged this
out.”

With a deep
groan in the back of my throat, I rolled into their arms and let
myself be a part of the friendship again, just for a moment. “Okay,
are we done now?”

“
All done.” Mike released me.

“
Well—” I swiped the remainder of my wet hair from my forehead
and let a little shiver in under my cold clothes. “I’m gonna get
changed.”

“
Why are you wet, anyway, what were you doing all night?”
Emily stood up as I did.

“
Went swimming.”

Mike frowned.
“Why?”

“
Needed to clear my head.”

I could tell
my words made him ache, since he thought he clouded my head, but in
truth, it was already cloudy because of the Eric, then the Jason
thing.

But I had no
intention of telling him that.

“
You gonna be okay, baby?” he extended an arm again as he
stood beside me.

“
Yeah.” I gave a quick one-armed hug. “I mean, I’m sure I
will. You guys...” I considered them for a moment. “You actually
make a pretty cute couple.”

Emily looked
at Mike, her eyes a little wide with hesitation. “It actually feels
kinda wrong, though.”

“
It’s not.” I let out a deep breath. “If you guys are happy,
that’s all I want.”

“
Aw, baby, but...this isn’t what I wanted for you. I don’t
want you to be hurting.”

I grinned so
widely my cheeks hurt. “Something tells me I’ll be fine.”

“
Now,
there’s
a look I haven’t seen in a long time.” Emily took a step
toward me, gazing with narrowed eyes into mine, before looking to
the front door, still sitting open. “Where is he?”

“
Who?” Mike stood taller, looking too. “Where’s
who?”

The knight
appeared, walking slowly, with his hands behind his back and a
cheeky grin across his lips. Emily spun on her heel and flew into
David’s arms before he had the chance to get inside, making his
attempt to seem caught off-guard, stumbling back a few inches, look
fake enough to make Mike roll his eyes.