The Heart's Ashes (46 page)

David winced,
taking a sharp breath. “I know. Ara. I know I kissed that girl. I—”
He rubbed his chin. “I have nothing but an apology, my love. I
can’t even begin to make it right.”

“
You don’t need to, I guess.” My own stupid plan came back to
bite me. “It’s not like we’re together.”

“
Except, in my heart—” he touched his chest, “—we are. And
that gives me no excuse for what I did.”

I looked into
his eyes. “I know what the blood lust does. It must’ve been hard to
resist going further—after not having a kill for so long.”

He stared at
me, confusion surrounding him. “Who explained that to you, was it
Eric?”

I nodded;
David looked away.

“
Is that bad? Didn’t you want me to know that?”

“
I guess...I guess I just wanted to be the one to explain it
to you.”

“
You weren’t in the right frame of mind.”

“
I am now though.” He leaned closer, shutting us into our own
world of secrets. “I will answer any questions you
have.”

“
Discretionally?”

“
Honestly.”

“
Did you have sex with her?” I said sharply.

“
Ara?” He doubled back. “You know what I am. You know what I
do—you’ve seen it now—you shouldn’t ask those
questions.”

“
Why? Why shouldn’t I?” The thought of him with another girl
felt like poison in my blood, kidnapping my heart.

“
Do you not know?” He shook his head, turning fully to face
me. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”

I nodded.

“
I would never, ever do that to you, Ara. You should know me
better than that by now. I love you—
only
you.” He squeezed my hand,
raising his voice a little. “I will never have another as long as I
live. Sometimes, girl, I really don’t know how you come up with
these things?” He looked away, shaking his head.

My mouth hung
open. “But…but the lust. I mean, I saw the way you kissed her—”

“
I got carried away. But it would never be enough to make me
go that far.”

Now,
that
I
understood, especially after Mike-and-the-lake. “I guess you’re
only human.”

He took a
sideways glance to smile at me. “In part.”

“
No, David.” I touched his chest. “In heart.”

He cupped my hand. “And you think
I’m
corny.”

I rolled back
to lay on my pillow. “You love my corny.”

He laid down
beside me, still in his clothes—the ones he wore while killing that
girl. “Yes, I do. Do you mind if I lay?”

“
I don’t think friends should share a bed.”

He groaned.
“Come on, Ara? Stop this friend thing, please? It’s killing
me.”

“
Stay and I’ll stop it.” I smiled smugly, aware he could see
it even in the darkness.

“
My love, what happened tonight has only cemented what I
already knew; our worlds don’t mix. I’ll be leaving in a few days,
and you’re wasting all this time on some silly belief that I’ll
change my mind.”

“
I have to hope you will, David. What else have I
got?”

“
Right now, for a little longer—you’ve got me.”

Feeling my
chest go tight, I shook my head. “I can’t let myself get lost in
you. I’ll go too deep. I won’t come back up again.”

“
I understand that.” He sat quiet for so long I almost thought
he was asleep, until he startled me with “When I leave, will you be
with
him
?”

“
Him?”

“
Mike.”

“
He’s with Emily, David.”

“
Believe me, that means nothing when it comes to
you
.”

“
Honour means everything to Mike. He won’t betray
that.”

“
Do you want him to?”

“
Have you been in my head lately?” I asked, knowing full well
I’d still had thoughts about Mike—despite he and Emily being
together. It was the lake; I couldn’t help but to think about
it—think how much I...enjoyed it.

“
I might have heard one or two things.”

“
This is why thoughts should be private. I’d never act on
them.”

“
Do you want to?” he asked again, more insistent.

It angered me
to think about it—because I knew the answer, and I knew he was
right to ask for the truth. “No.”

David smiled
to himself—his secret smile. “He loves you, you know.”

“
No.” I shook my head. “He
wants
me.”

“
And you want him,” he stated.

“
We’ve been through this, David.”

“
I know, I just—” He took a breath of hesitation.

“
You don’t trust me.”

“
It’s not that. Look, I…I have to ask you something, and I
need you to answer me truthfully.”

Uh-oh
. “Okay,” I
squeaked.

“
I’ve been here for a while now, Ara, and in that time—” He
readjusted his position. “In that time, you’ve not...well...are you
pregnant?”

“
What?” I pressed up off the bed with my palms. “Why would you
think that? I—I’m a virgin. You know that.”

“
So you say, but I know your cycles, and, in the entire time
I’ve been here, Ara, you’ve not had even one…er…well, you haven’t
had a…”

“
A period?” My lip curled; I slumped back on the pillow,
covering my face with my hands.

“
Yes, one of those.”

Oh, my God!
“Okay. First of all, I’m
not even going to
ask
how you know that, and second?” I sat up and looked at him.
“Why on earth would your first conclusion for my lack of
menstruation be that I’d had sex with some other guy and was now
carrying his child?”

“
It’s not,” he said. “I mean, it wasn’t—it just—it’s my fear,
Ara. Okay? I was afraid you might have let your humanistic
weakness’ get in the way of how you feel for me.”

I slammed my
hands down beside me. “David!”

“
So—” he leaned around and looked at my probably very red
face, “—you’re not pregnant?”

“
God! No!”

“
Then why…”

“
Because I’m stressed, okay?” I rolled away from him. “I don’t
get
that
when I’m
stressed.”

“
Stressed?”

“
Yes—you know that—you know I’ve been stressed.”

“
No, sweetheart, I didn’t.” He ran his fingers gently over my
back. “I don’t hear your thoughts, remember? And you act so happy
around me. I really didn’t notice.”

I rolled my
shoulder, twisting at the waist to look at him. “I can’t believe
you thought I’d—”

“
I’m sorry. It was silly. I do know you better than that. I
just—I’d normally read your thoughts instead of asking you, but I
can’t, and I feel incredibly uncomfortable—unstable sort of—like I
can’t protect you, and, Ara?” He rolled me onto my back. “You are
extraordinarily young and naïve. You see the good in everything. It
would be so easy for someone to take advantage of that.”

“
So, you weren’t scared I’d cheated on you—only that someone
had taken advantage of me?”

“
No. I was scared of both.” He laughed. “But more afraid that
if you had found yourself in the arms of another man, you’d never
tell me, because you’d be too afraid I’d hate you.”

“
You would hate me.”

“
I’d try my hardest not to.”

“
I’d hate
you
—if you did it.”

“
Then, I promise—” he held up three fingers, a Scout’s Honour,
“—I will, for the rest of eternity, never lay a hand on another
girl.”

“
Don’t be silly, David. I’ll be dead one day, what
then?”

“
I won’t stop loving you just because you’re dead, Ara.” He
frowned down at me. “I will never touch another girl—not now that
I’ve touched you. Nothing could compare.”

“
But we haven’t even had sex.”

“
Exactly. It took one caress of your flawlessly soft skin, one
taste of your perfect lips and I was hooked. For the rest of
forever, no other girl will ever be enough for me.”

“
What about me, then, David? I can’t promise you the
same.”

David
swallowed. “That, my love, is something I came to accept a long
time ago.”

“
So, you think I’m a slut, too?”

“
What? Ara? I never said that.”

“
You implied it.” I folded my arms.

David took a breath to speak, but paused as thought flooded
his eyes. “Hang on, you said
too
. Who said you’re a
slut?”

Jason—in a roundabout way
. “No one.
I just...I feel like one, because of what I did with
Mike.”

“
Oh, Ara.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Sweetheart,
you’re not a slut—you’re just a very confused girl. And you
should
be confused;
you’ve been through hell. I would never think you’re a slut, my
love, not even if you had slept with Mike.”

“
Really?”

“
Yes.”

“
But, would you be mad if I had?”

He drew a
long, deep breath. “You and I aren’t even together, Ara. I have no
official claim to you.”

“
But, would you be mad?”

His fingers
tightened around my cheeks. “Seething.”

I smiled.
“Good.”

David sat, his
back to where I stood, my blue guitar securely against his chest,
his arm moving softly, effortlessly as he strummed. He knew I was
watching, I was sure, but he would’ve just smiled—his secret
smile—and continued to play, wishing he could hear my thoughts.

“
And I move my life, I’m hypnotised.” He strummed twice,
slapping the strings, giving the song a soulful, bluesy feel. “But
I give my life up, keep the fight up, want to know if you would
go...”

I loved this
song. I moved over and sat beside him, wishing he were singing it
to me—the meaning being one of two people fighting to stay together
against all odds.

His hand shot
rigidly in the pattern of his strum, up and down over the strings,
his shoulder moving with the flow, the joy of singing radiant in
his smiling eyes. I was suddenly so much more in love with him than
I was a minute ago.

When his voice
hit a high note, the strumming stopped, his song floating into
every corner of the room and my heart, bringing fire and rain with
it. I touched my chest and he started strumming again, louder, the
song coming to a magnificent end.

“
And I won’t...no, I won’t...” He smiled so warmly. “Let you
go.”

That cold
feeling when something warm has left the room passed over us for a
moment after his beautiful voice no longer filled the space.

He sat the
guitar on the coffee table. “You okay, Ara?”

“
I think you just ate my soul then spat it out into an airless
vat.”

With a mocking
hand to my shoulder, he leaned close. “Just breathe.”

“
I totally get how groupies feel.”

David laughed,
crossing the room to hook the guitar in the clamp on the wall, then
just stood there, his arms folded, taking in the shiny blue
instrument, as if at an art museum.

“
Something on your mind, vampire-boy?” I said, touching his
shoulder.

He half
turned, keeping his arms folded. “Eric tells me the hunters
discovered the true identity of the girl they were following—the
one that was supposed to be you.”

I nodded. I
expected that. Time passed so quickly; I barely even noticed the
weeks. But Jason did say it would happen soon. I’d hoped for three
months, but a month was better than the one night David originally
promised me. “So, when are you leaving?”

He offered his
hand; I took it. “Not yet.”

“
When?”

His fingers tightened on mine. I knew the answer was
When you let me go
. But
I also knew I wasn’t ready to do that yet. Those vampires would be
beating down my door before I was willing to say goodbye, and even
then...well...

“
Just...not yet,” he said.

Chapter
15

They say that time passes—that it keeps moving on without us.
But they’re wrong. Time
can
stand still. I’ve seen it in the sunset, or the
snow falling onto a single, red leaf; watched it in the eagle
floating on a breeze. And for me, while David’s been in my life,
time has been absent. I exist each day for only him; to be beside
him, to breathe him in, to feel him and touch him as he touches me.
I’ve not had a student, or seen my family, I hardly speak to Emily
anymore, and I can’t even look at Mike; every time I’m around him,
the desire to be with him burns me like a desert sun.

The winter
cools my flaming heart, though, and the days do pass, one by
one—despite my denial of the ticking hand—drawing me ever closer to
the time when my world will stop indefinitely; when David leaves,
and I never see him again.