The Heart's Ashes (43 page)

He shrugged
noncommittally.

“
Didn’t you think so?” I pressed.

He sighed and
turned his head, an accusatory glare hiding in his eyes. “Get to
the point.”

“
What point?” I laid on my back and released his
hand.

He groaned. “I
don’t have feelings for her, Ara.”

“
Coulda fooled me. You hold her like you do, talk to her like
you do, laugh with her, have fun with her—”

“
Ara. Stop this. It’s ridiculous.” He sat up a
little.

“
What is?”

“
This jealousy. Emily’s my friend, okay. She always has
been—always will be.”

“
Yeah—for eternity, now.”

“
Well, there’s nothing I can do about that. So you can’t be
mad at me for it.” He flopped back, his tone dry and
flat.

I toyed with
the frill on my pillow, keeping my gaze on the roof. “Will you take
her with you—when you go?”

“
No. She has no choice, Ara. She has to join a Set, or risk
being hunted down.”

“
What?” I sat up on my elbows.

“
You know that—it’s the law.”

“
Can’t she stay with you?”

He shook his
head. “I won’t allow it. Due to my choices, I face prison and
torture if they catch me. I won’t commit Emily to that. She has no
idea what she’s gotten herself into.”

“
But they don’t know she exists. Can’t she just keep it that
way?”

“
Jason knows.”

“
Will he tell?”

David
shrugged. “If he does, she will automatically be imprisoned for not
reporting.”

“
Well, can’t you ask him not to tell?”

“
And how am I going to do that, Ara?” he said in a short tone.
“Waltz into vampire headquarters and say
Hey, bro, got a sec?
. You don’t
think before you speak, do you?”

I glared at
him. “What is your problem tonight?”

His jaw
stiffened, he blinked a few extra times. “I just—you make me mad,
Ara. All this Emily business. Don’t you get it? She means nothing
to me. Never has—never will.”

“
Okay. Fine. I’ll drop the Emily thing.” I fisted the mattress
once then plonked down on my side, my elbow under my face. “But,
does she really have to go away—to be with the vamps?”

“
This is the way of things, Ara. You just have to live with
it.”

“
When are you going to tell her?”

“
When I leave.”

“
She won’t like it.”

“
And yet she will go, because it’s the law.”

“
You
don’t follow the
law.”

“
I—” I bet he wanted to say
I always
do
, but that was no longer true. “I’m not
having this discussion tonight.”

I smiled
widely, unable to hold it back.

“
What?” he said.

“
You’re grumpy when you’re tired.”

He rolled over
to face me, smiling. “And you, my girl, are annoying—all the
time.”

“
But you still love me, right?”

He grunted,
rolling onto his back.

“
David?”

“
Yes,” he said with a hint of lingering impatience.

“
I love you.”

He just
breathed out and said nothing else.

My computer
screen flashed with the reminder of a date I’d pinned in last
week—the imaginary make-David-jealous one I was supposed to have
with Eric. I grabbed my phone, texted him and waltzed out to tell
David I’d be leaving in ten minutes.

“
Hey, Ara.” Emily passed me in the hall as I shut my bedroom
door.

“
Hey, where’re you off to?” I asked.

She scratched
her nose and motioned down at her black attire.

“
Em, you don’t need to dress like a thug to go
hunting.”

“
I know, I just—I
feel
like a criminal.”

I rolled my
eyes. “You are.”

She walked off
in a huff and slammed the front door behind her. I wandered into
the music room and found my vampire sitting alone, watching the
evening sky with a thoughtful gaze, his ankle over his knee, his
skin glowing in the golden light.

“
Hey,” I said, sliding over the edge of the sofa and into
David’s lap. “Why don’t you hunt with Emily anymore?”

“
Because you asked me not to.”

“
I asked you not to kill, David. I didn’t say you couldn’t go
with her—keep an eye on her.”

“
It’s too hard for me—to resist.” He swallowed
hard.

“
Oh. Do you need some blood now? I got spare.” I held up my
wrist, but he knocked it away, rising to his feet, leaving me
falling onto the couch where his lap had been.

I sat up.
“David? What’s wrong?”

He took a
breath and shook his head. “I—I’m not coping, Ara.”

“
Not coping? With what?”

“
I love you, you know I love you, and I love your blood, but
it’s—” his fist tightened and his shoulders rose slightly, “it’s
not enough. I need the kill, I need the bite.”

I jumped up
and placed a reassuring hand to his arm. “But you bite me, I—”

“
Not with my fangs, and I can’t kill you.”

“
David?” I darted away from him, stealing the edge of the
piano as a perch to lean on. “Don’t talk like that.”

“
Why not, Ara?” He thrust his hands out defensively. “I’m a
vampire, and so far, with all this human company I’m keeping, I
haven’t been acting like one.”

“
You drink blood.”

He stepped
closer, looking down at me, holding me in place with a firm grasp
on my arms. “It’s not the blood I need, Ara—it’s the kill, the
bite. I crave it—”

“
David stop!” I looked away from his eyes, brushing my fringe
from my lip. “I can’t listen to you talk like that.”

A sudden,
unnerving silence forced me to look back up; his eyes became dark
and intense, his jaw stiffened. “You just don’t get it, do you?
You’re never going to get it.”

“
Get what? That you enjoy murder, that you enjoy taking
lives?”

“
Yes!” he said. “That’s exactly what I enjoy, Ara—and do you
know why?”

I didn’t
answer.

“
Because I’m a
vampire
.” His eyes widened, sarcasm
festering in the fake smile. “You know, guys with fangs and blood
lust? Ara, I need the kill. I
need
the bite.”

“
Stop saying that!” I pushed his hands off me and took a step
back. “If that’s how you feel, then—”

“
Then what, Ara?” He rolled his shoulders back, making his
spine straight. “What? You want me to leave? You want me to choose
between you and my nature—I can’t do that. I shouldn’t have to do
that.”

“
I’m not asking you to, I—”

“
You accepted me. You wanted me to stay, now you want me to
change?”

“
No. I accepted you as a murderer because there was no other
way. But there is now. You can survive on this.” I held my wrist
out. “You don’t need to kill.”

“
Yes. I do, Ara—don’t you see?” He pushed my wrist down. “It’s
not enough. It’s never going to
be
enough. The urge, it gets stronger every minute.
I can’t fight it. It’s taking over like a shadow on the
day.”

The world
became winter all around; the floor, the air, my lips, everything
grew cold. David stood before me, the two of us frozen souls,
trapped in a moment of awareness. “I don’t want you to kill, David.
I couldn’t take it if you were to go out there right now and…I…I
don’t want to look at you when you get home, knowing you just took
a life.” I sat on the couch, staring into the emptiness of my own
fears. “I can’t do that.”

“
Then you can’t be with a vampire.”

My head fell
in my hands. How has it come to this? I thought we were past this.
“I’m sorry, David, but I—” I looked up; he was gone. “David!” I got
to my feet quickly, panic rising in me like vomit. “David!”

He’s gone;
he’s really gone.

The sudden
emptiness in the room felt like the death of a friend. I sunk down,
falling to the floor, hugging my knees.

What have I
done?

“
Ara?” Mike knelt beside me. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“
He—he left. He just left me here.”

“
Who?”

“
David.” I felt the anger rise then. “How could he just leave
like that? I didn’t even get to finish what I was
saying.”

“
What happened, did you have a fight?”

“
He’s gone to kill. I can’t bear it. I just can’t bear it that
he’s out there right now—taking a life, for the thrill, for
the...lust.” My shoulders hunched and I sobbed harder, losing my
voice. “It’s just so clear to me now. I mean less to him than his
drug. He’ll break my heart to get what he wants; to satiate his
thirst for blood—for death. And it hurts. It really
hurts.”

“
Amara?” Eric appeared out of nowhere, pulling me in my
ball-sized heap onto his lap. “What happened, beautiful
girl?”

Mike stood up
and said “This is your field, mate” then walked away.

Eric looked
down at me, smoothing the tears that had fallen onto my thighs,
slipping down just past the rim of my denim skirt. “Tell me why
you’re crying. I’ll make it all better.”

“
It’s Da—” I sobbed, “David. He’s…”

“
He’s what? What did he do?”

“
He’s gone to kill. He—we had a fight. He left—he’s gone to
kill.”

“
Amara?” Eric laughed once, his brow pinching in the middle.
“What’s wrong with that? He’s a vampire.”

“
He—he’s been drinking my blood. I thought the killing was
over, that maybe he could—”

“
Oh, no, no, no, princess.” He tucked me into his chest,
resting his cheek to my brow. “Amara, it’s never over. Never. It’s
what he is, girl. He
has
to kill—you know that.”

“
No, he’s been fine. He hasn’t needed it.”

“
Ha! I’m telling you now, there is no way he’s been
fine.
Trust
me.”
He wiped another trail of tears from my leg. “If he’s been fine,
it’s because he’s been
playing
it fine—for you.”

“
What? Really?”

“
Yes. Amara, he’ll never be free of it. It’s a curse. You
can’t just turn it off. It’s not like a drink of water—where it
quenches your thirst if you buy the bottled stuff. He would have
been in
agony
trying to control the desire.”

“
Desire? But he had blood, so…”

“
No.” Eric shook his head. “It’s not the blood—it’s the bite,
the death. We crave that, too, kiddo.”

“
But?”

“
But what? You thought we were all good—deep inside.” Eric
rolled his head back and laughed. “No such thing. He’s as much a
vampire as any bloodsucker. You’re being unfair by placing that
pressure on him.”

“
Pressure? To stop murdering people?”

Eric just
shook his head and stood us both up, taking my hand. “Come on, you
need to see something.”

I was
accustomed to Eric taking me to tremendously unsuitable places, but
this was going a little too far. I tucked my hands under my elbows
and wandered behind him through the thick crowd of sweaty bodies,
all layered in skimpy, glittery fabrics, arms raised as if to hold
the roof up; their skin glossy, turning white and blue
intermittently under the strobe. The room was so packed I felt like
a sock in a washing machine, shoved and tossed about, jostled by
ribs and elbows and other body parts I’d never planned to have
touch me.

“
C’mon.” He reached back, impatient, and grabbed my
hand.

“
Why did you bring me here?” I had to shout over the
impossibly loud music, causing an artificial beat in my heart.
“What is this place, anyway?”

“
A vampire hang-out.”

“
But, they’re all human.” The sweat and smudged mascara a dead
giveaway.

“
Precisely. It’s a blood rave,” he called over his shoulder,
our arms working as a chain to keep us together. We weaved through
the middle of the dance floor—not the route I’d have taken— and
came out on the edge.

“
What the hell is a blood rave?”

With his arms
folded, his eyes on the mass of dancing bodies, he smiled. “It’s
where vampires go to feed.”

I felt cold
then, despite the moisture sticking my hair to my brow, rising up
from the humans and settling in a thick, moist cloud all around the
edge of the room. “Is it like Karnivale—where they just attack at
midnight?”

“
No. And that’s why I brought you here.” Eric looked
annoyingly perfect, even under the strobe that made me pale. He
didn’t even have one drop of sweat on him. I was sure half mine
belonged to other people.

“
Okay, so, why do I need to come to a club where they
don’t
kill people at
midnight?”

“
I want you to see what it looks like.”