The Heat Is On (6 page)

He could still smell her perfume after she'd gone.

Connor picked up his bathrobe and inhaled the scent of Tracy. Sure, he could detect lavender bath salts, but he could also smell
her
, that freshness he remembered from years ago.

Not much had changed between them. As he brushed his teeth, he could envision a pink toothbrush next to his own.

Next time she would stay. He frowned as he rinsed his mouth, realizing that on both occasions, she'd left early. He wasn't sure if there were some kind of “Girls' Rules,” intended to leave him wanting more. If so, it was very effective, but it wasn't like her to play games.

Then what?

The sex had been hot, red hot on both sides. He was confident that he had given her a night to remember; not only because she came more than once, but she wore that soft glow afterward that told him she was not only physically content but emotionally as well.

She had to see how well they got along, how deep and rich the connection still was between them. He had hoped it would be this way, but the reality was even more incredible than he had imagined. It made him realize how superficial his other relationships had been. In the past, it had become standard dating: a few nights to get to know each other, then the sex, arguing, followed by the breakup.

He couldn't imagine traveling that path with Tracy, and he realized he didn't want to. He hated the expression
soul mate
, and all that New Age jargon people liked to throw around. What he had with her was real, and just that simple.

She was it
.

So why was she so elusive? Why was she determined to only spend a few hours with him at a time? Was she just being cautious, pacing herself, protecting her heart?

Was it because he had left her once before?

That had to be it. Even though their breakup had been mutual, it was his career that necessitated it. He'd put baseball before her, before everything, even himself. In retrospect, that had to hurt.

Satisfied that he had figured the problem out, he focused on a solution. He needed to find a way to reassure her that his intentions were for the best. It was a challenge, but Connor wasn't the kind of guy to shy away from difficulty.

Especially where Tracy was concerned.

She could hear the baby crying as soon as she pulled into her driveway.

The golden haze surrounding Tracy evaporated, and she quickly got out of the car and took the stairs two at a time. The door was locked, God bless her mother, so she had to fuss with the keys to get in.

“Mom?” she called, and her mother answered from the nursery.

“Up here.”

When she got to the bedroom, her mother was holding Lily, trying to comfort the screaming child. Her eyes met Tracy's. “She went to sleep just fine, but woke about a half hour ago. She seemed a little warm to me, so I took her temperature. It's a hundred and one.”

“I'll get some baby Tylenol,” Tracy said calmly, but her stomach wrenched as she went to the medicine cabinet and found the red bottle. She filled the dropper, then returned to the baby and managed to insert the medication in her open mouth mid-scream.

Lily appeared startled, swallowed, and then began bawling all over again.

“I'll take her,” Tracy said, extending her arms, but her mother shook her head.

“She'll be fine. Why don't you get changed, put on your pajamas, and I'll get a damp compress? That will cool her off a little until the medicine takes effect.”

“Okay,” Tracy said in sincere appreciation as she headed for her bedroom. But she couldn't shake the feeling that the universe was trying to tell her something.

She shouldn't have gone out.

Her baby was ill while she was having a fling with Connor Jackson.

Even though it was only a low-grade fever, what if next time it was something more serious?

Slipping into her cotton pajama bottoms and T-shirt, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. The glamorous silk top lay tossed on a chair, along with the sexy underwear. She was back to herself.

The mother of four young children.

She couldn't do this. Tracy sank down onto the bed, fighting the despair that filled her. She felt torn between her own needs as a woman and those of her kids.

And they had to be the priority.

She rose with an aching sense of loss.

As she re-entered the nursery, she was surprised to realize that Lily was no longer screaming bloody murder.

“Wow, that worked fast!” She looked on in admiration as her mother put aside the damp washcloth and smoothed a sheet over the baby.

“I guess I still remember a few things.” She grinned as Lily sucked her pacifier, much calmer and more comfortable. “I think she'll sleep now.”

Tracy nodded as she closed the door, and peaceful silence ensued as they made their way down the steps to the living room.

“I shouldn't be surprised she got sick; there was a cold going around school,” Tracy said thoughtfully. “Ethan and Mason had it for a few days. I guess it was just a matter of time before Lily got it.”

“Right. Not much you can do when they are all playing with the same toys.” Her mother sat down and put her feet up, and then smiled at Tracy. “So how was the date?”

“Great,” Tracy admitted. “It's so weird, it's like nothing has changed. Like I'm back in time with Connor Jackson.”

“So are you seeing him again?”

Tracy hesitated, and then shook her head. “No. I don't think so. I mean, no.” She got to her feet, searching for the remote. “I mean, look what happened tonight? I was only gone a few hours, and the baby got sick!”

“She had a low-grade fever. I would've taken care of her.”

“I know. I don't mean it that way. This is my life now. The children need me. I can't be out fooling around with some baseball player. I am a mother with four little kids. They have to come first.”

She thought her mother would agree with her and was surprised at her response.

“Tracy, you are an excellent mother. But that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your own life. Your marriage didn't work out. But now you might have a chance to find some real happiness. Are you going to throw that away?”

“But it's too hard,” she said in resignation. “You saw Mason, how upset he was when I left. And now Lily. The whole time I was away, I felt wrong, like I wasn't where I was supposed to be.”

Her mother smiled. “All parents feel that way. The same thing would happen if you were still married and went out with your husband for a night. I know from experience. Don't let guilt take over. If you think it could work out this time with Connor, you owe it to yourself to find out. And you owe it to your children to give them a happy mother.”

She hadn't thought of that, but it was true, and she looked at her mother in wonder. “How did you get so smart?”

Her mother laughed. “It's not the years, it's the mileage. Now let's watch some HGTV before I go to bed. Don't you just love those Property Brothers?”

She saw his text just as she got ready to go to sleep.

Tracy was plugging her phone into the charger when she saw the message icon. But when she tapped her cell, instead of a good-night note from Connor, she saw it was a note from her ex-husband.

Got back a couple of days ago. I'll stop by tomorrow to discuss visitation. Where were you tonight?

Jeremy. Her first reaction was annoyance that she was going to have to deal with him again. She didn't know how long he would visit this time, but it always added another element of stress when he decided to re-engage with the children.

But as she got under the covers, she thought of Mason. It might be good for her son to spend some time with his dad. Even though the marriage hadn't worked out and she still felt tremendous anger toward him and a sense of betrayal, it was in the best interest of her children to have some kind of relationship with their father.

But then she thought of his last sentence. How did he know she had gone out? Was it a lucky guess, or did he drive by her house and see that her car was gone?

That gave her the creeps. It also bothered her that he felt he could just drop into their life whenever he felt like it. And yet he had his own separate family an ocean away, and never had to worry about her interference.

The uneasiness passed, followed by annoyance. What right did he have to spy on her at this point? As her mother stated, she was entitled to a life of her own, whether Jeremy liked it or not. He had to stop thinking of her as his possession, some little toy he could pick up and put down whenever he felt like it.

Grimly, she realized this was the second time he had communicated with her after she had seen Connor. Was it some kind of radar on his part? Did he sense she was becoming involved with someone else? She saw that with her children sometimes. They would be quietly playing until she got on the phone, then they all wanted her attention. It was as if they could tell that she was focused on something other than them.

Or could it be weirder than that? Like some kind of surveillance? Could he be stalking her? Didn't she read somewhere people could track you by your phone?

She shook her head. She was being paranoid. But with today's technology, it was frighteningly easy to locate someone without their knowledge. But why? What did he have to gain if that was true?

It was a long time before she fell asleep.

“So who's the girl?”

The bartender handed Carlos a beer and then refilled Connor's mug. He looked at his buddy in surprise as he took a long pull of the drink.

“What are you talking about?”

Carlos grinned. The rest of the Sonics were parked at the other end of the bar, so they could talk without being overheard. “Yeah, it's obvious you are seeing someone. You got that look, you know, that distracted something that women do to us.”

“I looked up an old girlfriend from college and have seen her a couple of times,” Connor admitted, secretly surprised that it was obvious. “But who knows what will come of it?”

He wasn't about to admit his private thoughts or that Carlos was right. He was thinking of Tracy around the clock, wondering what she was doing, and whether she felt the same way about him.

“An old girlfriend?” Carlos looked at him in undisguised amusement. “That's not like you. You are the love-'em-and-leave-'em type. Don't tell me you are ready for something serious?”

“I'm not that bad,” Connor insisted, trying to look offended.
If the shoe fits
…

“You are exactly that bad,” Carlos continued, unruffled. “You'd give Magic Mike a run for his money. But something's different. This woman has gotten under your skin.”

“For me, it was always Tracy,” Connor said simply. “I think it was part of the reason I never connected with anyone else. I know it sounds corny, but I felt like she was it.” He drank another swig of the beer.

“Tracy from college?” It was Carlos's turn to look surprised. “I remember her. Blond and girly. You two were inseparable. But didn't she get married?”

“Yeah.” His fist tightened around the glass. Although he'd never admit it, he hated that she had walked down the aisle with someone else first. “But it didn't work out. So I looked her up when I came back here.”

“And?” Carlos raised one dark, bushy brow.

“It's fucking perfect.” He shook his head in wonder, and then looked at his best friend as if trying to explain Einstein's theory. “I didn't expect that it would be so easy, that we could just pick up where we left off. But that's how it feels.”

“That's great.” Carlos tapped his beer to Connor's. “I'm really glad for you. I wondered for a long time if you would ever get to the point where you needed someone else. I think you're there.”

“Hey, what are you two talking all serious about?” Brian sauntered over and helped himself to a couple of beer nuts.

“You.” Connor grinned. “We were commenting on how much you sucked today. What were you, oh for four?”

Brian seemed to consider that for a moment, and then ordered up a round of beers. When Carlos looked at him in surprise, he shrugged.

“When the man's right, he's right.”

They finished up the beers, and Carlos rose, explaining he had to get home to his wife and kids. Connor understood. His buddy had a lot on his plate, and he didn't know how he managed it all.

When he got home and entered the townhouse, he tossed his keys onto the table in the hallway, then flipped on the kitchen light. Stainless steel gleamed, the granite countertops were spotless, everything was perfect and in place.

And he felt utterly alone.

But the discontent was new. Normally after a game and then dinner with friends, he would be exhausted, and a beer and a shower was all he needed. That and maybe an hour of mindless television.

But tonight he was restless.

The shower didn't help, the beer even less. He wanted company, and he knew the person he wanted to be with was Tracy.

He was supposed to wait, to court her, to get the relationship to the point where they were talking or seeing each other daily. They'd only gone out twice, and he knew the rules.

But he was too impatient for all that. He needed to get things to the next level, regardless of the calendar. That would be impossible if he had just met her, but they had history. The getting to know each other stuff happened years ago. And after the night they had together, he was certain she was ready as well.

So he decided to surprise her tomorrow, to drop by her place, maybe with a dozen roses. Or on second thought, maybe that was kind of cliché. So perhaps wildflowers, or something exotic.

The plan settled him down. He'd see her tomorrow and fast-forward the relationship, get it to the point to where she was totally his.

The decision made, he turned to mindless TV.

“Okay, who's ready to play parachutes?”

Three little bodies ran to the stairs, giggling, and vying for the best spot, while Jillian shook her head. Tracy couldn't help but notice that her friend was dressed in a cute black-and-white sleeveless top and capri pants, her hair swept back, her makeup perfect, while she was in her requisite sweats.

“Are you sure you don't want me to take them to the park so you can get the laundry done?” Jillian asked, looking at the mound on the floor, a little worried.

“No way,” Tracy responded with a laugh. “Thanks for offering, but this is their favorite game.”

It was true. Monday was wash day, when she stripped the sheets from the beds. She had accidentally discovered that the children thought it was loads of fun if she tossed the linens down the steps while they sat below, waiting for the soft, fluffy cotton to enfold them like a tent.

They jostled for position as she pulled a bottom sheet out of the basket, threw it in the air, and watched it slowly float down like a big fat feather on top of three little heads.

“Hee, hee, hee.” They dissolved into giggles, disappearing into the folds and pulling the soft, white cotton around them as if this was the best thing ever.

“That's a riot.” Jillian laughed, clapping her hands. “Who'da thought?”

“Where is everybody?” Tracy folded her arms.

She didn't have long to wait. Within a few seconds, three little heads popped out in a peek-a-boo, still giggling as they waited for the next parachute to land.

“I discovered this accidentally,” she explained, reaching for the next sheet. “I forgot one of the beds after I had already taken the basket down. So I just threw them down the steps, and Mason immediately thought this was a great game. Then they were all in. And I didn't have to worry about what they were doing, if they were fighting or in the cookie jar while I was upstairs stripping the sheets.”

“Works for me,” Jillian said, picking up the baby and gently rocking Lily, who watched in fascination. “You are an amazing mom.”

“Nah. Just have a good survival instinct. Okay, ready?” Tracy flapped the next sheet threateningly as the doorbell rang.

“I'll get it,” Jillian offered, putting Lily into her chair to answer the door.

Tracy grabbed the next sheet, prepared to continue the fun. But when she turned back toward the steps, her heart froze.

Connor Jackson strode into her living room with a bouquet of wildflowers!

It seemed as if everything stopped
. This can't be happening,
she thought wildly. The sheet fell from her rubbery fingers.
Connor cannot have materialized into my living room, not before I
had a chance to tell him about the kids!
But he was here, all big and male, and looking hotter than ever…

Crap!

Connor gazed at Jillian in confusion, as if uncertain for a moment that he was in the right place. But at the sight of a sheet settling down over three hysterical little ones, he looked up and spotted Tracy at the top of the steps.

“Connor!” Somehow she managed to stammer, secondarily aware that her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, which she smoothed self-consciously. “What are you doing here?”

Four pairs of eyes examined him with interest as if he were some kind of an insect that had crawled into the living room. Ethan removed his thumb from his mouth.

“Who's dat?”

Thankfully, Jillian sized up the situation immediately and reached for Mason, knowing his brother and sister would follow.

“Who wants ice cream?” she said, and was answered by screams.

“We do! We do!”

“Okay, then, race you to the kitchen! First one there gets to lick the spoon!”

As predicted, Ethan and Chloe immediately ran after Mason, the sheet game forgotten. Tracy descended the stairs and picked up the laundry, grateful for something to do.

“Hi,” Connor said casually. His eyes flickered around the living room, taking in the dolls, the trucks, the blocks and rattles. “Sorry to surprise you. I sent you a text, and when I didn't hear back, I figured it would be okay to stop by.”

“Sure. I mean, that's great. I mean, any time.”
Idiot!
She could barely string two sentences together with the elephant in the room. “Are they for me?” She put aside the basket and focused on the flowers.

“Yes, I hope you like wildflowers.” He handed her the bouquet, then his eyes returned to the baby, who was standing in her walker, studying him intently.

Tracy gave him what she hoped passed for a smile.
Escape.
She needed a moment to think, to pull herself together.

“Thank you, they're beautiful. I'll get a vase.” Disappearing into the kitchen, she saw with gratitude that Jillian had rounded the troops to the table where they were all enjoying the icy dessert.

“You didn't know he was coming over?” Jillian said in a stage whisper, indicating the door.

“No! And I hadn't had a chance to tell him…” She glanced at the children, feeling her face flush with guilt. “Oh, my God! How do I explain?”

“Okay, breathe,” Jillian said. “So now he knows.” She took the flowers and waved her toward the living room. “You are a single mom with four kids, a beautiful woman inside and out, and every reason to be proud.”

Tracy nodded, fighting the panic that threatened inside her. “But what if he wants nothing to do with me now?” She couldn't help expressing her biggest fear.

Her best friend gave her a quick hug. “If that's how he feels, it's better to find out now before you get in too deep, right?” Her voice was low. “But give him a chance. He may surprise you. And remember, you haven't done anything wrong.”

“You're right.” She squared her shoulders and headed toward the living room.

But if that was true, why did she feel so damned awful?