The Heavenward Path (21 page)

    "Tempting as it might be," added Goranu.

    "Stop it," I said, but gently.

    "But she has wasted good plum wine!"

    "I… I will get you another cup. Highness," said Sotoko, and she ran from the room.

    "I wager we won't see her again this evening," muttered Goranu.

    "Goranu-san," I said. "I thank you for trying to help, and I wish there were something I could do for Kiwako and my family, but my life-if I will still have one-will be following a different path. One that requires I cut myself off from the world I knew."

    "Not necessarily," said Dento. "There is a possible good use for the information your friend has been so diligent to bring us. You may yet be able to save your family's fortunes, even after giving up your family name. In fact, especially so, and especially if you begin training as an ubasoku."

    "But as my teacher, shouldn't you advise me to forget my family's troubles?"

    "I cannot expect my student to properly concentrate upon her studies if she is full of guilt and worry about her relatives. Besides, if you agree to what I have in mind, we may consider it a test of your willingness and determination to enter the sort of life I live. For it will require great concentration and restraint upon your part."

    "How? What must I do?" I asked.

    Dento described his idea, and when he had finished, Goranu said, "That is extremely clever. Are you sure, old man, that you were not a tengu in a previous life?"

    "As certain as you are," Dento replied, "that you were not once a monk."

    "Pah!"

    To forestall an argument, I said, "Listen! It would seem the strange storm outside has stopped."

    "I guess Old Blowhard has finished celebrating his victory," grumbled Goranu.

    "I think," said Dento, "that the storm was not celebration but the work of a sorcerer who is testing his powers. Not the sort of thing a spirit who is contemplating final rest might do."

    "What do your fellow tengu say?" I asked Goranu.

    "How would I know? I've been away at Court. I haven't seen any of them lately."

    Suddenly, the ceiling glowed with a golden light, and Jizo, resplendent in his red cape, stepped down through the air.

    "Ai!" cried Goranu. "A bosatsu!" He ran to a far corner of the room and cowered underneath a wing. Dento and I bowed before the bosatsu as he stepped onto the floor.

    "Peace, I bring you good news," said Jizo in his beautiful voice. "Lord Emma-O has accepted your offer, provided you begin the change immediately. He asks only that you never again enter his chambers until it is your proper time to do so. That applies to your demon friends, as well." Jizo cast Goranu a sly glance. "Farewell. All blessings be upon you," he said, and ascended back through the ceiling. I watched him go with torn heart, for there was another question I would ask but dared not while others were present. Too quickly, the golden glow vanished.

    At last I turned toward Goranu, who still huddled under his wing. I had to keep from laughing at him as I said, "It is all right, Goranu. He is gone."

    "You wouldn't be so amused," Goranu grumbled as he unfolded himself, "if your skin itched intensely whenever one of them was near."

    "I suppose not," I said. "Forgive me."

    "Begging your pardon, Mitsuko-who-is-to-be-Mitsuko-no- more," said Dento. "But we now have much to do in order to obey O-sama's order. And it must be done without observers," he added, looking at the tengu.

    "Yes, of course," I said, feeling sadness fall upon me like a dark shadow. "May I at least… say good-bye to him?"

    Dento nodded solemnly.

    Both Goranu and I stood, and we walked together out to the veranda. We did not touch one another.

    The sky was clearing, revealing bright afternoon sunlight. Birds sang cheerfully in the pine boughs. It felt all wrong with my mood, and I wondered if the kami were laughing at me. I could not look at Goranu beside me.

    He pretended to be dusting off his feathers. "Your sensei is right, you know. It is better that I go. All that chanting would give me a headache."

    "Yes. Surely."

    "You know, it does not matter whether your name is Mitsuko. A person is not a name. It only means fourth child, anyway-why should you be just a number?"

    "Yes."

    "It doesn't matter that you won't be Fujiwara either. Rank is not important to a tengu."

    "Yes." I had to hold my hands to my mouth. I wished he would stop talking, for I feared a flood of tears would burst from me any moment. Yet I also wished he would stay and talk forever.

    "It doesn't matter that you have to cut your hair-"

    "Goranu!" I could stand it no longer and began to weep.

    "Oh, so, so, stop that now. I'm sorry. I've made you cry again. Please, pay me no mind. I am just a silly tengu, after all."

    "No," I moaned into my hands. "You are not just that. Or I would not cry."

    He did not respond for long moments. "It seems the whole world stands between us, neh?" he said softly, at last. "Or we can be as close as a boat and a riverbed… able to see one another but never… together. I do not know if I should hope anymore. Or what I should hope for. I do not know even if it would be kind to be near you. I might keep you from finding the Heavenward Path, after all."

    I could hardly speak, for my sorrow. "I do not think… life of any sort would be worthwhile… if I thought that… I would never see you again."

    "Well." He sighed loudly and said again, "Well. We cannot have Lord Emma-O get you into his clutches again so soon, neh? He must wait for the proper time, as the bosatsu said. And someone must protect you from Old Blowhard-that ghost won't be appeased so easily, I am sure of that. I don't think old Dento knows enough to keep you entirely from harm. I suppose I had better stay nearby. For a while. Just in case."

    Between my sobs, I managed to say, "Thank you." I glanced at him with tear-filled eyes, but I could hardly bear the tenderness of his gaze, and I had to look elsewhere.

    Twice, he started to say something and then stopped. I felt his hand gently touch my sleeve. And then he jumped into the air and flew away.

    

    
The Buddha tells us

    
we cannot help but suffer

    
if we have desires.

    

    
But why must it be so?

    

    

    
Does the new moth ask, drying its wings in the sun, "So, what am I now?"

    

    At dawn, I sat on the veranda facing east. Around me, Dento had drawn a circular mandala with ashes and other powders. This was not an ordinary ceremony for the initiation of an ubasoku acolyte, I was told, because of the extraordinary circumstances surrounding my decision. Even so, it is not permitted that I describe all that Dento did.

    I will say only that, among other things, he chanted several sutras and performed incantations with incense and sakaki branches, and then he cut my hair. Not all of it, for I was still only an acolyte, but so that it came just below my shoulders. As he cut the strands, he said, "You should give thought to what your new name will be. You need not choose it right away. Often one chooses a thing or quality that one would wish to learn or emulate. Such as my name, Dento, "tradition," which I chose because I wish to continue the traditions of my ubasoku ancestors."

    My head felt strangely light after the hair was cut. Dento gathered the cut strands and wrapped them in some cloth. Then I bathed myself and dressed in plain kimonos such as servants wore. When I rejoined Dento, he handed me a plain walking staff and said, "From now on, you will own nothing but this and whatever you can carry on your back."

    For a moment I was reminded of the old woman at the river, demanding my clothes. As a beginning ubasoku, I was allowed more than the truly dead, at least.

    I had not yet seen Sotoko that morning, and I wondered if I would. I had told Sotoko, during the night, what I was doing and why. She became very upset, railing at me about how I was deserting the family and my duty to have children, and many other hateful things that I shall not repeat. I do not think she believed my explanation about Lord Chomigoto and Emma-O. She accused me of having been perverted by the tengu. I told her that tengu care nothing for monks, but she did not listen. At last I saw that it was no good trying to explain, so I left her chambers and heard her weeping softly behind me.

    As Dento and I were preparing to leave for Heian Kyo, I delayed a little while, hoping Sotoko would at least come out to say good-bye. She did not. But one of her servants met us at the gate, bringing a small bag that contained some rice cakes, a few coals, and a little brazier.

    I tied the bag across my back and said to Dento, "It would seem my sister does not hate me after all. But I wish she had come out herself to say good-bye."

    "Let her grieve your passing in her own way. Families often react so when a beloved member joins an order, and it is right they do so, for that relative can never be the same to them again."

    We walked down the Western Road, my feet scuffing in the dust. My legs were still sore from my running the day before, and I could not possibly see how I would manage to trudge the many miles back to the Capital. Yet, without my long hair and with the lighter, simpler clothes, I felt so… unencumbered. Free. The very act of walking was so much easier. I began to understand why Suzume decided not to go to Court.

    "Hey ho!" My thoughts were distracted as a big black tengu alighted in the road in front of us. At first I hoped-but, no, it was Kuroihane, not Goranu. "Walking back to the city, old man?" he said to Dento. "I don't think you can make it at your age."

    "Good morning, Kuroihane," said Dento, bowing. "It has been many years, hasn't it?"

    "It has, old man, yet you disappoint me. I see you have remained a monk."

    "You do not disappoint me, Kuroihane, for I see you are the rascal you always were."

    "So glad to meet your expectations. And who is this woebegone creature with you? Surely this cannot be the Great Lady Mitsuko?"

    "Fujiwara no Mitsuko is no more," I said, bowing to him. "I am now the acolyte of this Esteemed Master."

    "Ha hoo! Come down a bit in the world, haven't we?"

    "She has not so much come down in it," said Dento, "but is leaving it for a better one."

    "Ha! We'll see how she feels when she gets back to the Land of the Good People."

    "Yes, well," said Dento, "if you will excuse us, old friend, we have a long way to travel and some urgency in our business, so we should be moving on."

    "Oh, no, no, not so fast, old man. I can't let you be so foolish as to wear down your legs. I could not bear to think I had wasted the many hours I spent on teaching you." Kuroihane stuck his beak into the air and made a strange call, "Hei-kakakakak!"

    Four other tengu flew down from nearby trees onto the road. They carried between them a net I had seen before.

    "What is this?" asked Dento.

    "They are going to fly us to Heian Kyo!" I said, happily.

    "Are they now? Well, I don't know," Dento murmured, his chin in his hand, looking dubiously at the net.

    "Your little monkette has it right," said Kuroihane. "Prince Goranu's orders. We won't take no for an answer. Now hop in. Your carriage-of-the-air awaits."

    As Dento and I climbed onto the net, I asked, "If you please, Kuroihane, how is Suzume? Has she gone back to Heian Kyo?"

    The other tengu began to snort and snicker, and it seemed, beneath his swarthy skin and dark feathers, Kuroihane was turning red as beets.

    "She asked about your girlfriend, Kuroihane!"

    "About your little ladylove."

    "Aren't you going to tell her?"

    "About your little nest in the forest?"

    "Shut up!" cried Kuroihane to them. He glared at me and spat out, "Suzume… is… fine!"

    To quickly change the subject, I asked, "And how is Goranu, and where is he?"

    More titters and snickers arose from the other tengu.

    "Oooo, somebody else is in love."

    "How she misses her Goranu so."

    "She dreams of sleeping on black feathers, too."

    "Even though she's going to become a monk."

    They seemed to find this the most amusing and were laughing so hard, they dropped the edges of the net and rolled on the ground.

    "Stop that!" I said. I felt my face grow hot, and I'm sure I was as red as Kuroihane. Perhaps another reason mortals and tengu do not mix is that we poor mortals would be quite unable to withstand the teasing. Dento politely pretended not to hear.

    But the tengu only laughed more at me. "Oooo, touchy, touchy, touchy!"

    Kuroihane frowned at me as if this were all my fault. "If you must know, Goranu is back at the Imperial Court, clearing the way for you, or so he said."

    "That is… good," said Dento. "I hope. We did not ask for his help, but I suppose it will do us no harm."

    "I don't know why he bothers, old man," grumbled Kuroihane, picking up one end of the net.

    "Yes you do, Kuroihane!"

    "Goranu wants to impress her."

    "Pebbles and twigs for the nest, you know."

    "Enough!" roared Kuroihane. "Let's go."

    Still chuckling and clattering, the other tengu picked up their edges of the net and jumped into the air. The net jerked up with them, such that Dento and I bumped into one another.

    "Please excuse me," I said.