The Heiress (31 page)

“N-nothing,” she said, unprepared for the question. When she felt a change in Jamie's body, she could have cried for it.

“There is something that you and Frances and Tode know that I do not. I can feel it. I have seen the three of you exchange looks; I have seen the way Frances has threatened you.”

“Threatened me? Whatever could you mean?”

At that Jamie nearly dumped her from his lap, but she clung to him. “Please do not be angry with me. Please, I beg you, Jamie. I love you. I love you very much. I told you so even when you thought I was Diana.”

He was sitting beside her, but his body was half turned from
hers. “Always, even from the beginning, you have lied to me. I did not know who you were that night in the tent, but I knew that you were unique, unlike anyone I had ever met before. Perhaps I should have figured out who you were because both Diana and you are—”

“Are what?” she whispered, suddenly acutely aware that he had never told her that he loved her.

“Close to me,” he said. “I do not know how to describe it. I have felt close to you since I met you, as though you were mine. To answer your question, no, I do not think you tried to kill Frances. I did not think so then. Yes, yes, I know that I said so, but truthfully, I felt betrayed by you.”

Turning, he put his hands on her arms, looked into her eyes, and continued. “You have no idea how I have felt about you from the moment I saw you. I sneaked over the wall and ran through the garden to the hedges, and for a long while, I stood there watching you paint. You were so very good at it, I was amazed. I must have watched you for an hour as you took a person's face and made it appear on canvas. Every movement you made was so quick and sure and so very perfect.”

She was astonished, as she'd had no idea he'd watched her that day.

Moving one hand, he caressed her cheek. “I do not know how to describe how I felt about you, but I sensed that I had met a woman I could live with. Not just marry or even love, but a woman I could share my life with. I thought, This woman would understand if I told her about my father and brother, about my mother, about Berengaria, even about Joby. I felt I
could talk to you about anything, and I had never felt that way about any other woman before. Nor about any man. I have never felt that I could …”

He looked deep into her eyes. “I have never felt that I could fully trust someone before, not Rhys nor Thomas, nor any of my family. I tell them only half-truths, only what I want them to know. But as I stood there watching you, I knew that there was something so sensible about you that I could trust you.”

“You can trust me, Jamie,” she whispered. “I would die before I betrayed you.”

“Betrayed. That is what I felt that day when you lied to me about the daisies.”

“I did not know—” she started in protest, but he cut her off.

“I know you did not. I knew then that you had not tried to kill anyone, but I felt so betrayed by you. I had cared about you so much, but you—”

Dropping his hands from her, he turned his face away. “And that is how I feel now.” He looked back at her. “Axia, you are betraying me.”

“I have never touched another man! You are the only one.”

“Do not try to misunderstand me!” he said with anger, glaring at her. “What is the secret you are hiding from me?”

“I …” She wanted to tell him the truth, but if she did, she knew that the few days they had together would be shortened. He would be very angry with her, for it was not a small secret that she had, but a huge one, a great, enormous secret that the moment it was out of her mouth would change their lives. If she were to tell him that she was (or used to be) the Maidenhall heiress, no doubt he would toss her onto that hated horse,
and they'd run galloping away to try to find her father. would Jamie apologize to her father for being so presumptuous as to marry his daughter without permission?

“I can see that you have no intention of telling me what it is that you withhold from me.”

“It is nothing, Jamie. Just childish secrets that mean nothing to—”

She stopped because Jamie had risen and gone to his horse. Following him, she clutched his arm. “Can you not accept me for what I am?”

“Do you mean accept you for the liar that you are?”

“No, of course not. I mean—” She halted when she saw his face, then drew herself up. “I am no more or less than what I am, and I have never meant you nor anyone else any harm. I ask you to accept me as who I am, nothing more.”

“And I ask you to trust me.” Turning, his eyes were pleading. “Axia, please tell me what it is that is between us. I feel it in you all the time. You live each day as though it is your last. Why? What fate awaits you? Are you ill? Is death imminent? I cannot believe that, as I have come to know your body well and I can find no symptoms. You always refer to our marriage as temporary, but I cannot see that your guardian will object to the daughter of a poor merchant marrying a peer of the realm.”

Again, he clutched her upper arms. “Axia, please tell me what haunts you so. What makes you so afraid?”

“I cannot tell you,” she said. “Please, I cannot. All I want is now, today. Nothing more. It will end soon enough, so do not make it end sooner. Please.”

Releasing her arms, Jamie ran his hands over his eyes. “All right, have it your way. Do not tell me; do not trust me.”

“I
do
trust you,” she said, trying to take his arm, but he moved away from her.

“Mount your horse. We will be at my home soon.”

Axia could have cried at the coolness in his voice. Turning, she mounted her horse for the first time without Jamie's help.

A
s she rode, knowing that her time alone with Jamie was nearing an end, she debated whether she should tell him the truth or not. Perhaps he would forgive her, perhaps …

In the early evening they stopped by the side of the road to rest, and she could see that Jamie was still angry at her, for he would hardly look at her as he handed her bread and cheese and a pouch of wine. She searched for something to talk about.

“You did not tell me of the Maidenhall wagons,” she said, then could have bitten off her tongue for mentioning the name. But to her pleasure, Jamie smiled.

“You should have seen Smith; he made the ugliest female you could imagine.”

“I am sorry I missed that.” She looked at him through her lashes. “Especially since, in truth, the heiress is so very beautiful.”

Jamie didn't seem to hear her. “Smith's hands hung below his gown, you could take shelter from the rain under his nose, yet he showed me a box full of marriage proposals and letters declaring love. And he told unbelievable stories of what had happened to him.”

The cheese and bread stuck in Axia's throat. If Jamie had not insisted on secrecy, these things would have happened to her. She didn't want to know, but like a child at the circus, she had to peek. “W-what happened?”

“Marriage proposals by the hundreds, letters begging money, pleas for favors. A woman was convinced the heiress could heal by the laying on of hands, so she followed the caravan for three days while holding her sick child in her arms.”

“What did Smith do?” Axia whispered when she saw Jamie frown.

“Smith gave in and held the child for half an hour, but later …” He trailed off and looked at her, then quickly away. “Later the child died and the woman cursed Smith and spit on him. She said it was his lack of generosity that had killed her child, that the Maidenhall heiress had so much but would part with nothing, not even to save a child's life.”

“That makes no sense. Because she has money does not mean she has any special powers.” Axia knew that all too well.

“Exactly.” Turning, he gave her a small smile. “Which is why I am glad I did not marry the Maidenhall heiress.”

“You are?”

“I know you worry that I wanted the heiress, but it was all the idea of my family. I do not want to spend the rest of my life
known as the man who married the Maidenhall heiress. Too much responsibility and too much speculation goes with such a marriage.” He smiled broader. “So see, I would much rather marry you than the heiress.”

Axia gulped. “But you might change your mind if the letter from Maidenhall gives his permission for you to marry his daughter. Then you will regret that you married
me.”

To Axia's consternation, Jamie threw back his head and laughed at that. Opening the leather bag on his horse, he pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I never sent the letter.”

Axia nearly choked. “The letter to Perkin Maidenhall? You never sent it? But Frances said—”

Bending, he kissed her cheek. “Frances is not too clever, is she? When she insisted that I send the letter to her father through her, I was suspicious, so I told her that I had sent it so I could see her reaction. As I feared, she was horrified. I do not think she ever had any intention of marrying me. It is my guess that she said she wanted to in an attempt to make you jealous. What do you think?”

Axia threw her arms around Jamie's neck. “I do not care a fig what Frances wanted to do. Oh, Jamie, do you know what this means? It means we have more time. More time!! What money cannot buy. Oh, Jamie, I love you so much.”

Jamie was not sure why a letter not sent should cause her such happiness, but if it caused this reaction, he was glad for it. He was still hurt by her refusal to tell him what great secret plagued her, but he knew that only time could make her trust him.

But one minute he was thinking logical thoughts and kissing
her, and the next he was thinking nothing at all and kissing her harder. There were tall hedges by the road so he dragged her into them as though he were a thief after her jewels—which maybe he was.

It amazed him that his passion for her seemed to grow, and now he felt as though he must have her or he would die. And she seemed to feel the same about him. They came together in a flurry of hurriedly thrown aside clothes and searching hands and mouths, rolling about under a hedge of blackthorn trees, clasping at each other, desperate in their attempts to get closer.

Within minutes their passion was spent, and he collapsed on top of her, sweaty and limp. But Axia was wide awake as she caressed his hair, touched his neck, and thought how much she loved him—and how happy she was. If her father had not been sent a letter, then he was not now leading an army to find her and take her away from Jamie.

“Whatever happens, Jamie, remember that I love you,” she whispered. “I love you with all my heart. Even if—”

“If what?” he asked, turning to face her.

Smiling, she tried to sound as though she were making a joke. “Even if I am married to another.”

But Jamie did not smile. “You belong to me and no one else. I have worked hard for you and you are
mine.”

“Yes, I am yours no matter what happens.”

He waited, hoping she would say more, but she did not. Again frustrated by her silence, by her lack of trust in him, he moved away and told her they must go, that soon they would reach his house.

Axia wanted to make him forget about her secrets. He would
find out what they were soon enough. As he helped her onto her horse, she said, “Tell me of your family. I know your sister is your twin, so is she as ugly as you are?”

Jamie smiled. “I do not know how it happened but Berengaria is beautiful, and even though she is bl—” Breaking off, he had his hand on his saddle, about to mount, when he looked at her. Thinking of her love for Tode, he knew that he need have no fear that she would think Berengaria or Joby or his mother with her drifting mind would be anything out of the ordinary. Axia judged people by what was inside them, not what was on the surface.

Thinking this, when he smiled at her, there was love in his eyes.

“Do you think they will like me?” she asked again. “They will not be disappointed that you have wasted yourself on a poor merchant's daughter?”

“No, of course not,” Jamie said with utter confidence. “I have sent a messenger on ahead, and they are planning a wonderful welcome for you. You will see. In days they will love you.” With that, he reined his horse ahead of her to lead the way.

Behind him, Axia was not so sure. She'd already figured out that Jamie was as romantic as she was practical. If she were in his family's place, she was not so sure she'd be thrilled that her brother had passed up an opportunity to marry a great heiress and instead returned home with the penniless daughter of a merchant. But then maybe they were romantic like Jamie and loved love.

Axia was not prepared for the poverty of Jamie's estate. It
was a run-down old castle, probably reeking with history, but it would have been better off with less history and a new roof. With her merchant's eye, she appraised that it would take a great deal of money to restore it, so much in fact that it would be better to build a new building, something modern and sanitary, and leave this monster to the history books. She couldn't imagine how cold the place must be in the winter.

Moving her horse near his, she asked about what land he had, then was appalled to hear that there were no more than about five acres, not even enough for a good crop. Perhaps a productive orchard could be laid out, she thought. If they had a good year, she might be able to make cider and sell it and—She sighed. No use planning, for she wouldn't be here, she reminded herself. By the end of the summer she would be somewhere else, probably someone else's wife; she'd be whatever and wherever her father wanted her to be.

“Is it so bad?” Jamie asked, watching her face, and she could see that he very much wanted her to like his home.

“No,” she said, forcing a smile. “It is not bad at all.”

“Are you getting worse at lying or am I getting better at detecting them?”

She laughed. “I think I can do something with it,” she said, appraising the crumbling stone work.