The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (35 page)

The giant, Reese, was standing a few yards from the tower, picking his teeth with a wheelbarrow (its dual handles allowed him to scrape between two teeth at once). Frederic “sneaked” by, peering up from time to time to see if the giant had noticed him. No luck. Reese was very much engaged in a battle with a boulder-size hunk of yak meat that was wedged between a pair of molars.

So Frederic coughed. And then he coughed louder. Reese paid the sound no notice. Then Frederic began whistling. Reese continued to ignore him. Eventually, the giant freed the pesky morsel from his teeth, but instead of looking down and seeing Frederic—who was now performing a handstand—he just kept studying the grotesque lump of meat, staring at it sitting on the wet tip of his giant finger, contemplating whether or not to put it back in his mouth.

Down on the ground, Frederic was jumping around and waving his arms. He tried a cartwheel. At last he decided to borrow a proven tactic that had worked in the past. “Stuuuurm-hayyyyyy-gennnnn!” He hollered Gustav’s battle cry as he ran at the giant, wildly waving his new sword.

That did it. Reese dropped his chunk of meat to the ground. “No way,” he muttered in astonishment, as he reached down and snatched up Frederic. “You can’t be back
again
.” Frederic, for his part, was grateful that he hadn’t needed to stick the giant with his sword in order to get noticed. Trying to charm someone is never easy once you’ve stabbed him.

Reese examined Frederic. “Hey, wait. You’re not the one who keeps coming back and poking me.”

“No,” said Frederic. “That would be my friend, Gustav.”

“Is he here, too?” The giant frowned and scanned the field.

“No!” Frederic said quickly. “He … he got eaten by trolls.” It was the first thing that came into his head. And he immediately regretted saying it.

“I thought trolls were vegetarian,” Reese said suspiciously.

“Normally, uh, sure,” Frederic said, his mind scrambling. “But Gustav annoyed them so badly, they made an exception and ate him anyway.”

“I can believe that,” Reese said. Then, feeling a bit contrite, the giant adopted a more agreeable tone. “Well, I can’t say as I’ll miss the little pest, but I assume you must be a bit sad about it, seeing as he was your friend. So, uh, you have my sympathies. I am very sorry for your loss.”

Sitting in the giant’s rough-skinned palm, Frederic sheathed his sword. Etiquette! This was a giant who understood proper manners. “Thank you,” he said. “Your kindness is much appreciated. I don’t know many people—of any size—who would treat a prisoner with such respect.”

“Your appreciation is much appreciated as well,” said Reese. With his free hand, he scratched his stubbly chin. “Why’d you come back here, anyway? You must have known you couldn’t get past me.”

“Oh, absolutely. I fully expected you to stop me. You’re enormous, obviously very powerful, and the last time we met, you proved yourself to be a determined and tireless opponent. But I had to come back here to honor the memory of my dear friend. He very badly wanted something that’s inside that fortress, and now that he’s digesting in a troll’s belly somewhere, I felt the need to fulfill his final wishes. I was a little afraid of the dragon, though—it’s not still here, is it?”

“It’s around back,” Reese said. “I hate that thing.”

“Likewise,” Frederic said. “Dragons can’t be trusted, but
you
… I was pretty sure that when you captured me, you’d treat me well.”

“How’d you know I wouldn’t just crush you?”

“I had a good feeling. When we clashed last time, you seemed like a noble sort.”

“I like to do my mum proud.”

“That’s what I figured. And so far my initial impression of you has been borne out. You’ve been quite pleasant. It makes me wonder why you associate yourself with someone as wicked and awful as that witch, Zaubera.”

The giant’s body shook as he began to laugh, and Frederic had to wrap his arms around an enormous pinkie to make sure he didn’t tumble off. “What did I say that was so funny?” he asked.

“I may be polite, but I’m no fool,” Reese said. “I’m not going to fall for the same trick twice.”

Frederic began to panic. Was his strategy backfiring? “It’s no trick! I meant every word. And, um, what do you mean by ‘same trick twice’? You and I never even spoke the last time we met.”

“Not you,” Reese said. “The brown-haired girl. She did the same exact thing: complimented me, harped on how terrible the witch was, got me to trust her. And then she scampered off. Oh, yeah, she got me good. But it’s not going to work again.”

“You’re talking about Ella, aren’t you?” Frederic asked. A warm wave of happiness washed over him. Ella had escaped with the very same tactic he was trying to use. Maybe the two of them did have a few things in common.

“Oh, man, I shouldn’t have told you that,” Reese muttered, glancing around nervously. “The witch doesn’t know the girl is gone.”

“She doesn’t?” Frederic was intrigued. Maybe things hadn’t taken a bad turn after all.

“I made a wonderful little dummy and put it in the tower,” Reese explained. “Frankly, I didn’t know I had such artistic talent in me. But that’s beside the point. Look, you can’t tell the witch. I don’t want to be a pile of bacon.”

“I don’t quite understand the last part of what you said,” Frederic began, “but it appears that you’re asking me for a favor.” Yes, he thought, this was all going to work out just fine.

A few moments earlier, Liam, Duncan, and Gustav watched Frederic and the giant from among the rocks at the base of Mount Batwing.

“Stuuuurm-hayyyyyy-gennnnn!” they heard Frederic yell.

Gustav turned to the others and smiled. “He got that from me.”

“I liked that little dance he was doing,” Duncan added. “I have to remember to ask him about the choreography later.”

“Shhh! They’re talking,” Liam scolded. “Pay attention.”

“I was a little afraid of the dragon, though,” Frederic was saying. “It’s not still here, is it?”

“It’s around back.”

“Okay, I’m off to go play,” Gustav said. “You two had better get that map. I don’t like risking my life for nothing.”

Liam snorted. “You
always
risk your life for nothing. It’s like a hobby.”

Gustav ignored him, drew his sword, and ran toward the back of the fortress.

He was looking forward to this. None of his brothers had ever fought a dragon. Harald (brother #8) got all those kudos for skewering a couple of goblins; Lars (#12) got a feast after he caught a wild dog-man; and Henrik (#1) and Osvald (#5) were showered with praise after they took down one measly bog-beast. But those creatures were nothing compared to a dragon. No, if Gustav held his own against a dragon, it would be, hands down, the most impressive feat any of the princes of Sturmhagen had ever pulled off. Gustav was sure he could do it, too. In fact, he had no doubt he could slay the monster and be done with it. But a dead dragon wouldn’t fit into the plan. They needed the dragon to scare off the giant later. And for once, Gustav was determined to stick to the plan.

This was going to be his moment for redemption—the moment he would show everybody what he was capable of.

But the dragon was asleep.

“Seriously?” Gustav threw his arms down and kicked a rock in frustration. “I was supposed to have a fighting job. Not a pet-sitting job.”

He looked at the beast, snoozing peacefully in the shadow of the stronghold’s tall tower, and was strongly tempted to wake it up. One jab of his sword would do the trick.

But he held back. He was going to follow the plan and do what was best for the group. Using all the willpower he could muster, he sat on the grass and simply stared at the sleeping dragon.

This is the most boring moment of redemption ever
, he thought.

A few moments after Gustav ran off to meet the dragon, Liam and Duncan darted over to the large wooden doors of the fortress. The giant was laughing at something Frederic said, and it seemed like the perfect time to sneak in without raising any alarms.

Duncan began to laugh, too, and Liam shushed him.

“Sorry,” Duncan whispered. “Frederic must have said something pretty funny to make the giant laugh like that. So I was trying to imagine what it might have been, and—ha!—it was even funnier than I thought.”

“Duncan, focus.”

Duncan nodded in response, and Liam tugged at the big round iron door handle. It cracked open, and he and Duncan slipped inside.

They were in the cavernous main chamber where Liam had first faced the dragon (and lost the map). Duncan surveyed the vast collections of ancient runic tomes, the skeletal owls and dried snake skins, the buckets of slime and the bowls of shrunken heads. “It’s like a scary-story museum,” he said in hushed wonder.

“This plan is working out perfectly so far,” Liam said softly, occasionally glancing at the front door to make sure no one was coming. “I don’t like it.”

“What do you mean?” Duncan asked. “It’s
your
plan; of course it’s going to work.”

“I’m glad one of us is so sure of that,” Liam whispered. “I had a plan last time, too, you know. At least, in my head I did. And look how that worked out.”

“Nobody’s perfect, Liam,” Duncan said, putting his hand on Liam’s shoulder. “You’re the best hero among us. If anybody can stop this witch and save those people, it’s you. I consider it a privilege just to be by your side.”

Liam smiled weakly. He didn’t quite share Duncan’s faith in him after all that had happened, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

“You’re a good friend, Duncan.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell people for years!”

“Okay,” Liam said. “Stay here and watch the doors. I’m going to check that corner over there.” He headed across the big room to the last place he’d seen the map. He crouched down into the dark corner. Almost immediately, he saw the map, just lying there on the stone floor.

“Oh, that’s not good,” he muttered. “That was too easy.”

He grabbed the map and anxiously rolled it up. “Something is going to go wrong any second now. I can feel it. Duncan,” he called out. “Let’s get out of here.”

But when he turned around and looked back toward the exit doors, Duncan was gone.

When Liam had said, “Watch the doors,” Duncan wasn’t sure if he’d meant the
front
doors. There were, after all, lots of doors in that room. So Duncan thought about it for a second and decided that the big exit doors probably didn’t need much watching—they were hard to miss. Some of these smaller, more out-of-the-way doors were another matter entirely.

He slunk along the wall until he came to the first of the doors. He slowly opened it, poked his head inside, and saw nothing but a chamber pot, which made him giggle. He closed the door and moved down to the next one. Behind that door, he found a small room lined with broomsticks. He briefly considered trying to ride one, but the risk of inner-thigh splinters was too unappealing, and he opted against it. The third door opened onto a long, torch-lit corridor. He was about to shut it, when he heard footsteps around the corner. If it was the witch, he needed to warn Liam. But maybe it wasn’t the witch....

He tiptoed down the corridor, turned the corner, and was shocked to find himself face-to-face with a brown-haired girl in interesting pants. Ella was equally surprised. Each jumped away from the other and took a defensive stance—Ella in a martial arts crouch, Duncan standing on one leg with his hands in front of his face.

“Who are you?” both asked in unison.

“Oops, sorry. You first.” Duncan was unfailingly polite, even when suspicious.

“Are you one of her guards?” Ella asked. Her jaw was clenched tight. She looked ready for a fight.

“Whose guards?”

“The witch’s.”

“No. Are you?”

“Of course not. If I was one of her guards, why would I ask you if you were one of her guards?”

“To trick me, I guess.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“And neither am I.”

“Are you a bandit, then? You’re dressed like one.”

“Oh, I borrowed these clothes from the Stumpy Boarhound.”

“Who’s the stumpy boarhound?”

“The Stumpy Boarhound is not a who; it’s a what.”

“Well, what is it then?”

“A place with terrible lemonade.”

“You’re trying to confuse me.”

“No, I’m not. I like your pants.”

“Stop distracting me. Tell me who you are.”

“Duncan. Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise. Why are you here?”

“To get a map.”

Ella gasped. “I need that map!”

“You can’t have it!” Duncan said defensively.

With both hands, Ella grabbed Duncan by his collar. “Give me the map!”

“I don’t have the map!” Duncan squeaked. “It’s still missing.”

Ella loosened her grip on his shirt. “I really need to get that map. I risked my life to come back here for it.”

“So did we.”

“You did? Wait. Who’s ‘we’?”

“Me and Liam and Gustav and Frederic.”

“Frederic?” Ella let go and stepped back, shocked to hear the name. She’d begun to wonder if that incident with Frederic back at Rapunzel’s tower had been some sort of witch-induced hallucination. “Frederic from Harmonia? He’s here?”

“You know Frederic?”

“We were supposed to get married.”

“You’re Ella?” Duncan shouted with excitement. “I thought you were a piece of wood!”

“Huh?”

“Oh, this is fantastic,” Duncan said. “Come with me!” He grabbed Ella’s hand and pulled her along with him as he ran back to the main chamber.

“Duncan! Thank goodness,” Liam said as he saw his friend emerge from behind the door.

“Look who I found,” Duncan cried. “It’s Ella!”

“Ella? What? She’s here?”

Ella popped out of the corridor behind Duncan, and Liam was instantly enchanted. Ella’s hair was a tousled mess and her dress was torn and muddied, but to Liam, she looked radiant. More than anything else, he was struck by her eyes. Ella had that same devil-may-care look that Liam had seen in only one other place: a mirror. “Wow,” he breathed.

“Wow?” Ella echoed, a bit confused.

“He means,
‘Wow
, we can’t believe we found you,’” Duncan interjected.