The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (34 page)

“It was hard enough keeping three together. I don’t think I could have ridden four.”

The princes waved good-bye to the trolls and galloped off for their climactic showdown with Zaubera. Together again, and having had a little taste of victory, they were more optimistic than ever—which they probably wouldn’t have been if they’d known that one of them was not going to walk away from that battle.

Oops, sorry about that. I probably should have said, “Spoiler alert.”

25

P
RINCE
C
HARMING
R
EALLY
N
EEDS TO
F
IGURE
O
UT
W
HAT’S
G
OING
O
N

A
s the princes galloped toward Mount Batwing, Ella—who was headed to the very same destination—was making great time on foot. She’d found running through the woods a whole lot easier since she’d performed a little creative tailoring on the skirt of her dress, slitting it up the middle and retying the loose fabric around her legs to create a pair of makeshift shorts.

She couldn’t wait to get her hands on the witch’s map. As she ran, she envisioned rescuing one poor prisoner after another, and getting that same wonderful rush each time. She imagined the different kinds of bizarre monsters she might find standing in her way: Giants? Goblins? Giant goblins? (Her experience with monsters was pretty limited.)

As Ella came within a few miles of Mount Batwing, she spotted a figure staggering awkwardly through the bushes. The stranger was on the small side, and she wondered at first if it might be another goblin. She saw a large stick lying nearby and grabbed it—just in case. But as the mysterious figure hobbled out into the open, Ella soon realized that it was not a goblin at all; it was a child. And not just any child.

“Deeb?” Ella asked in disbelief. “Cousin Deeb?”

Yes, Deeb Rauber was Ella’s cousin—well, step-cousin really. And he was just as surprised as Ella. The last person he expected to come across in the forests of Sturmhagen was his ugly aunt Esmeralda’s annoying stepdaughter. And she was wearing such strange pants.

“You don’t look so good,” Ella said—and she was putting it mildly: The boy’s clothing was shredded, he had a black eye, and he was limping, favoring a right leg that was badly bleeding.

Rauber’s first instinct was to throw a rock at Ella, but he quickly thought better of it. He was hurting pretty badly and needed some first aid. And from what he remembered about Ella, she was good-hearted and naïve—a perfect mark.
Time for the Bandit King to work his sinister charm
, Rauber thought.

“That
is
you, isn’t it, Deeb?” Ella asked gently, stepping up for a closer look. “You were a lot younger the last time we saw each other, so I don’t know if you remember me, but…”

“Of course I do, Cousin Ella,” Rauber said with feigned sweetness. “I could never forget you. You were always so nice to my mother and me when we visited Aunt Esmeralda’s house.”

Ella was surprised. She had always been pretty sure Deeb didn’t like her. Her only real memory of him was watching him cackle as he dumped out the ash bin she’d just spent the entire morning on her hands and knees filling up. But that naughtiness had occurred years ago. Maybe her cousin had changed.

“What are you doing out here in the woods all by yourself?” Ella asked, as she helped Rauber sit at the foot of a tree. “How did you get hurt?”

“I fell off my horse,” Rauber said, with tears brimming. “It was
so
scary. Oh, Cousin Ella, please help me. Please.”

“Here, let me take a look at you,” Ella said. “I’ll do what I can. Don’t worry, little Deebie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Rauber said, trying to remember to sound sad and not angry. “Um, please,” he added.

“Wasn’t anyone with you?” Ella asked. “Where are your parents?”

Rauber started to laugh, but caught himself and turned it into a cough. Ella unwrapped a small bundle she’d been carrying with her. Inside were several strips of fabric that had been ripped from her skirt, some leftover bread and cheese, and the flask of water. She handed the flask to her cousin, and he took a few long, greedy swigs.

“I was alone,” Rauber said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Foolish of me, I know. You should always ride with a buddy.”

“That’s true, especially at your age,” Ella said as she took the flask back and tipped it to dampen a piece of cloth. She used the wet rag to wipe down the big gash on his leg, as well as several other cuts and scrapes on his limbs. “Are you even old enough to be riding?”

Rauber crinkled his nose angrily and crossed his eyes at Ella.

“Oh, did that hurt?” Ella asked. “Sorry if it stings a bit, but I’ve got to get these boo-boos cleaned up. Especially this nasty cut on your shin. We’ve got to get you fixed up so you can go run and play with the other little boys again.”

Rauber took a deep breath. If this girl didn’t stop treating him like a baby, he was going to lose it. “Is that cheese?” he asked.

“Go ahead, take a bit,” Ella replied, as she bandaged his leg. She used the big stick she’d found as a splint and tied it to the injured limb. Rauber snatched up Ella’s remaining cheese and bread and shoved it all messily into his mouth.

“Hey, cuz,” Rauber called. When Ella looked up, the boy opened his mouth wide and showed her the disgusting glob of half-chewed food on his tongue. “Ha!”

Ella shook her head. “Sheesh. You used to do that when you were six. I would hope you’d be a little more mature by now.”

“Oho!” Rauber said with a spray of crumbs. “So which is it? Am I supposed to be a
sweetie widdle
baby? Or am I supposed to be mature? You can’t have it both ways.”

“Whoa, there, Deebie,” Ella cautioned.

“How thick is your skull?” Rauber snapped. “I told you not to call me that! I mean,
asked
. I asked you not to call me that.”

Ella stared at him sternly.

“Please,” he added.

“Not much in the manners department, are you, Deeb?”

“No, ma’am. I guess not. Sorry about that. I’ve got a lot to learn.” He flashed a smile, hoping it would disguise the sarcasm that he was finding increasingly difficult to stifle.

“You certainly do. Do you talk to your mother like that?”

Rauber couldn’t hold back. “No,” he snickered. “I talk to my mother by slipping notes under the door of the cupboard
I locked her in
.” And then he burst into a big belly laugh.

“Boys are so strange. I don’t even get that joke,” Ella said drily as Rauber continued to guffaw.

Rauber waved his hand at her dismissively. “Eh, what would a grime-wiper like you know about funny, anyway?”

Ella stopped wrapping up a scrape on her cousin’s knee and stood up. “You know, I think you’re fine now,” she said tersely, crossing her arms and glaring down at Rauber. “You’re just as bratty as I remember. Get up and see if you can walk.”

Rauber pulled himself to his feet. He tested his injured leg and smiled.

“All better?” Ella asked, still annoyed with her cousin, but pleased with herself for a successful first-aid job.

“Oh, yes,” Rauber said, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “I’m just perfect.” He leaned in toward her. “Because you fell for my trick!”

“Come again?” Ella said. She was growing extremely tired of his childish nonsense.

“I
tricked
you into fixing me up,” Rauber continued in a melodramatic tone. “You thought I was just your sweet, innocent little cousin—”

“Actually, I thought you were a brat, but go on.”

“You assumed the person you were helping was nothing more than a cousin in need, but really, you were assisting… THE BANDIT KING!”

Ella stared at him quizzically.

“I am the Bandit King!” Rauber proclaimed again.

“That’s cute,” Ella said. “But I don’t really have time for games right now. Do you need me to get you back to your parents’ house or not? Because I’ve got important things to do.”

Rauber limped up to her, getting as close as he could. “The
Bandit King
,” he said once more. “Scourge of seven kingdoms. Most feared man in the known world. He is me!”

“I’m going to take that as a
no
,” Ella said, shaking her head. “You seem pretty intent on playing Knights and Robbers—and that’s fine. You’re a kid. That’s what kids do. But I’ve got to go.”

“I’m not playing, cuz,” Rauber said, a bit of a whine creeping into his voice. “I’m
deadly
serious.”

Ella couldn’t help laughing.

“Come
on
,” Rauber grumbled. “You can’t tell me you’re not afraid of the Bandit King.”

“Am I supposed to be? I don’t think I ever read that story.”

“Agh! It’s not a story!” Rauber pounded a nearby tree with his fist. “It’s everything I’ve worked for my entire life!”

“Ha,” Ella chuckled. “Your entire life? What are you? Nine?”

“Ten!” Rauber hissed. He was practically vibrating with rage. “And I’ve accomplished more in ten years than you will in your entire life. How can you not know about the Bandit King? I’m infamous!
In
famous!”

“Look, Deeb,” Ella said, patting his shoulder. “You’ve got quite an imagination, but there are people whose lives are in danger, and I need to go help them right now. I’m going to trust that you can get back home by yourself. Please be careful out there. And say hi to Aunt Prudey for me.”

Ella bent over to rewrap her pack of supplies, only to discover there was nothing left to take. She let out an annoyed sigh and tossed the empty cloth at Rauber.

“How dare you disrespect the Bandit King!” he shouted.

“Bye, Deeb,” Ella said, turning on her heel and walking away. Rauber tried to go after her, but realized that with the wooden splint tied to his leg, he couldn’t move very fast. He waved his fists madly and stomped his good foot.

“You won’t get away with this!” he screamed, his cheeks burning red. “Kings cower at my name! Armies run when they see my shadow! I am a master of evil! Eeeeeeeee-vil! You can’t just walk away from me!”

But Ella did just walk away. It was quite possibly the Bandit King’s greatest defeat.

26

P
RINCE
C
HARMING
G
IVES
U
P

F
rederic tiptoed slowly across the big lawn outside Zaubera’s fortress, past the tiered-bench seating, a couple of booths with
GET YOUR GROG HERE
signs, and several large banners that bore the witch’s name. Of course, Frederic was actually hoping to be captured—all in keeping with Liam’s plan. He’d never considered himself a human-bait type of guy. But there he was, aiming to distract a giant long enough for his partners to steal a map.
I guess I really will do anything for Ella
, he thought. Then he stopped himself.
No, it’s not just Ella, is it? I’m doing this for Liam and Gustav and Duncan, too. I don’t want to let any of them down
.