The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (48 page)

My new red Mini Cooper. Yes! Today I get to drive it.

Storm laughs at me because I touch every inch of the dashboard before I even start the car.

“If you don’t want to be late for orientation, you better stop making love to your car and start the ignition.”

Giggling, I apologize half-heartedly. “Sorry. I just love this car.” Running my hand over the huge round speedometer, I add, “Just look at this. It’s so retro. So…awesome.”

“Yeah. It is,” Storm resigns. “And you deserve it,” he says sincerely. “But can we get our asses moving, because I’m pretty sure you’re going to be late for your first day of college.”

I turn to him and smile. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Get used to it.”

Flashing him another huge smile, I return my attention to the dashboard and press the ignition button. I still can’t get over how I don’t even have to take the key out of my purse to start the car. It just adds another toy quality to my already awesome toy car.

“You nervous?” Because of the fortunate miniscule size of the car, Storm is able to keep his hand on the top of my thigh while I drive.

“A little. I’m glad Shelby’s going to be there. Too bad we don’t have any classes together.”

“You’ll meet new people, princess. And it’ll be good for you too.” His large hand squeezes my thigh. “Just think, you can finally get to know people without it causing pain.”

Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I think about what Storm says. This is the first time I will be around people where I don’t have to worry about what they’re feeling. The only emotions I’d picked up from someone else since I got my new heart were Mrs. Cooper’s, and I’m sure that was because of the close bond that Trisha and she had shared.

“Princess? You okay?”

I nod. “I think. I just…I keep waiting for it to come back. Like it’s not real.”

“It’s been two months, sweetness. I don’t think it’s coming back. Besides,” he says, stroking a few strands of my hair, “you’re hair’s almost the color of honey already. That’s a far cry from the platinum blond you used to be. You’re looking healthier every day, babe.”

The tan hands on the steering wheel confirm his remark. “I guess.” I glance in the rearview mirror. “My eyes have gotten darker too, haven’t they?”

“Yup. A beautiful, rich dark purple.” He runs his hand down my arm and returns it to my thigh. “You’re still the most beautiful girl walking this earth.”

I feel the skin on my face grow warm.

“I have a surprise for you.” Storm’s index finger draws circles over my leg.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” His finger starts moving more quickly. “This is
my
college orientation too.”

My head snaps in his direction.

“Eyes on the road, princess. No need to crash your new car just yet.”

“You registered for college?” I don’t hide my surprise. Suddenly I get little twitters in my stomach. “Really?
You’re
going to college?”

“Uh…you find that hard to believe?” Storm really seems offended.

“No, no, no, I meant…”

“I know what you meant. I was just teasing. But seriously, I did register.”

“Oh my God, Storm. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“No, I mean. When? You’re with me every day. I didn’t see you…”

“When I go home at night. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I just decided to register.”

“Do you have a major?”

“This semester I’m just taking some core requirements. I’m waiting to see if I get into Sanford Brown for spring semester.”

“Sanford…where’s that?”

“Iselin…New Jersey. I didn’t want to go far from you.”

Because Storm had never mentioned going to college before, I’m so taken back that I miss the exit for school.

“You can make a U-Turn at the next exit. Why are you so upset about this?”

I wish I wasn’t driving right now, so I could look at him. “I’m not upset. I’m really not. Just surprised. You never talked about it.”

He shrugs. “I’d rather talk about
you
, sweetness.”

“Storm, stop. Why won’t you talk to me about it?”

“Honor. I
am
talking to you about it. Right now. I hadn’t made the commitment until a couple weeks ago, so I really…I really wanted to wait to get my acceptance from Sanford first, but…well, I thought I’d register now for some basic courses. To be with you.”

“Sweet talker,” I say with a smile.

“I’m not sweet talking. It’s the truth.” Now he’s running his thumb
and
his index finger on my thigh, and I’m finding it hard to concentrate.

“Why Sanford-Brown?”

“They’re the only college close enough that offers Medical Perfusionist as a major.”

Another surprise. “What’s a
Perfusionist?”

“How ‘bout we go to orientation and we’ll talk about it later,” Storm suggests, since I just pulled into the county college parking lot.

My heart is racing. I hadn’t realized until I pulled in the parking lot that I am a nervous wreck. My short stint in public school was not enough to prepare me for the amount of people I would encounter in college. Until recently, I didn’t even think I’d be going to college, yet here I am.

Storm’s hand presses on my lower back when he meets me on my side of the car. “You okay? You look a little pasty right now.”

“Just a little anxiety attack. No biggie,” I joke.

“No biggie,” he mimics, throwing his arm around my shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

That’s what he thinks.

“C’mon,” Storm takes my hand. “Orientation’s this way.”

In the student center, while I had expected to see Shelby, I had not counted on seeing Ethan with her.

“Ethan?!” I practically cry in excitement. “What are you doing here? Are coming here?” He never spoke of college before, so this is such a surprise.

He shakes his head. Yes, I’m disappointed. With a noticeable sigh, I’m sure, I say, “Oh.” Then I look from him to Shelby. Oh. Maybe he’s just here with Shelby.

“I came with
Shel. For moral support.”

“Oh.” Then I think – maybe he has just been quiet around me because of me, and not because something else is going on his life. Maybe he isn’t interested in being my friend anymore. “Hmm. Well,” I shrug, my hair annoying my neck as I do so, “it’s nice seeing you here
anyway.” Though I don’t look at Storm, I feel him notice my change in demeanor. I can’t help it. I love Ethan. I miss him. I just wish Ethan hadn’t expected me to love him more than I do. I know that it’s my fault. If Storm hadn’t entered the picture, I’d probably still be with Ethan. I wouldn’t have questioned my feelings for Ethan. But Storm
did
walk into my life. And though I wanted to ignore my increasing attraction to him, he aroused a craving inside me I never knew existed. Where Ethan was beautiful, dependable, safe, Storm was unpredictable, hardened, and so dangerous. But the more I got to know each of them, I found so many more layers to Storm. And they really weren’t even layers – once you stripped Storm of his thin veil of apathy, what I found underneath was a sensitive, passionate, and all too vulnerable man who just needed to love and be loved.

I’m sorry for Ethan that I fell for Storm in the midst of falling for Ethan, but once Storm grabbed hold of my heart – both of them – there was no turning back. Now of course I have to pay the price of losing a good friend.

“Honor,” Shelby flails her schedule in front of me, interrupting my sad moment. “Let me see your schedule. I know we have no classes together, but let’s see if we have any breaks at the same time.”

“Oh, sure.” While Shelby and I compare schedules, Storm and Ethan are whispering something a few feet away from us.

“Ooh, we have from eleven thirty to one o’clock on Mondays and Thursdays. We can do lunch together.” Shelby’s excitement is reminiscent of Tamlin’s, who is at her own orientation at Seton Hall. I wish I could experience college with my very first friend, but of course her parents wanted her to go to a private college. But I do look forward to visiting her. Since Seton Hall is less than an hour away, Tam and I figured I could bunk in her dorm every other weekend.

“Oh,” Shelby interrupts again. “We also have a break on Wednesday from two to three.”

“Great,” I respond, though my eyes are glued on Storm and Ethan’s conversation. I wish I could hear them.

“So is Storm going to hang with Ethan while we go to orientation?”

“Uh, no, actually. Storm is here as a registered student.” I push my bangs behind my ear and try to turn my attention from the boys. “He surprised me this morning.”

“Wow. Cool. I had no idea Storm was interested in college. I mean with all the money he and his brothers inherited, I thought he’d just sort of traipse through life untethered.”

“No. Not Storm,” I tell her, realizing that Shelby knows nothing about Storm if she thinks he intends to go through life untethered. He did that his whole childhood. What Storm wants is security and commitment. A sense of purpose. All the money in the world can’t buy that for Storm, unless he himself puts roots down in an attempt to grow. She doesn’t know the Storm I know
at all.

“Well, cool.” She shrugs. “We should get over to the auditorium. It’s almost nine.”

Storm must have heard her, because I see him look at his phone and pat Ethan on the shoulder.

“Ready, princess?” he asks, running his hand down my arm then stopping when he takes my hand.

“I’ll be hanging in here,” Ethan says to all of us. “I have some work to do on my computer, so I’ll see you in a bit.” He turns to Shelby and kisses her softly on the lips.

Hmmm. Two things – when did he start seeing Shelby? And when did he ever have
work to do
? I may not be able to feel what’s going on, but I certainly have good instincts still, and my instincts tell me this work he’s doing is
not
good.

When orientation is over, Ethan is right where he said he’d be. Only he’s pacing the lobby, his phone at his ear. A shaky free hand runs through his hair repeatedly. My instincts are proving me correct – this is bad.

“Is everything okay with Ethan?” I ask Shelby.

“I guess. He’s been kind of secretive lately, but I think he’s okay.” Shelby doesn’t seem too concerned, so maybe I shouldn’t be.

Yet something inside me disagrees.

“Everything cool?” Storm asks Ethan when he returns his phone to his back pocket.

Ethan’s eyes roll up to his brow, but he quickly nods his head and says, “Yeah, everything’s good. How’d orientation go?”

“Good,” Shelby answers.

“Okay," Storm says at the same time.

I just stand here numb, worried about whatever has Ethan so troubled.

“Honor, you have a good time too?” Ethan asks quietly.

I nod. “Yeah. It was good.”

There’s a brief visual exchange between Storm and Ethan, that if I hadn’t been paying close attention to Ethan’s facial expressions, I would have missed.

“Shelby.” Storm taps her arm with the back of his fingers. “I wanted to talk to you about the nursing program here. In case I don’t get into Sanford-Brown, I may try nursing. You got a minute?”

Something’s up. Ethan nods when Shelby looks to him for an answer to Storm’s question.
Is Shelby in on this too? And since when have they gotten so close?

“Come on, Honor, I’ll buy you a cup of tea.”

When Storm kisses me goodbye, I feel dread in his kiss. Maybe not all of my empathic abilities have disappeared, or maybe I’m just extra sensitive to Storm’s and Ethan’s emotions. Either way, my stomach feels like it’s being gnawed at from the inside out.

“So how’ve you been?” Ethan asks, as he sets my tea in front of me.

Blowing on the opening of the cup’s lid, I shrug, “Okay.”

“You don’t seem it.” Ethan sips his coffee then sits forward, leaning his elbows on the table.

“I miss you.” Running my finger along my cup lid, I wonder why I just said that. I want to kick myself, because I don’t want him to think I’m leading him on. But I really do miss him.

“I miss you too.” A tiny clamp squeezes at my heart when Ethan flashes me a sad smile. “But we know who your heart belongs to,” he says with a tilt of his head. “How
is
your new heart, by the way?”

“It’s good. Strong.” Then quietly I say, “I’m not an empath anymore.”

Ethan runs his fingers along my almost tan hand. “I can tell.” He smiles. “But Storm already told me. I’m happy for you. You didn’t need that anymore. You’ve been through too much already.”

“I guess.” He abruptly stops stroking my hand.

“Now you can finally enjoy life without the burden of everyone else inside you.”

When Ethan sips his coffee again, I realize he’s stalling. There’s a reason why Storm took Shelby away and Ethan took me for tea. “What’s going on,
Eeth? I know you’re hiding something.”

Bringing his hands together and to his lips, he looks like he’s readying himself for prayer. In reality, he’s readying himself to tell me whatever bad news it is he needs to divulge. Seconds pass, though they feel like minutes, as he takes several clearing breaths, before finally uttering, “I’m going away tonight.”

“Vacation?” I ask, knowing damn well he wouldn’t be
taking me for tea
if that were the case.

“No. Not vacation.” His words are clipped, but he doesn’t seem angry. Just sad. “I’ll be gone for some time.” I watch as his eyes glisten with sadness.

Biting the inside of my lip, I taste blood. I’m so nervous that the pain of drawing blood is more pleasant than the cluster of rope that has formed inside my stomach.

“I’m going to Virginia.” He states as a matter of fact.

I was
not
expecting
that.
“What’s in Virginia?”

The casting of his eyes on his paper coffee cup lends me to believe Virginia is not his location of choice.

The corner of his lip quirks. Then his bottom lip trembles a hair. “The CIA.”

I am inundated with fear – the same fear I felt in the bathroom that day with Ethan. Clasping my heart with one hand, and covering my mouth with the other, I panic. “Ethan. No.” I cry. My body shakes involuntarily. “No. They can’t…” I am so distraught that I can’t complete my sentence. My biggest fear has come true. The government wants to take us apart piece by piece to see what makes us what we are. “You…you…can’t…you can’t go.”

“Honor.” He pulls my hand from my mouth. “They’re not taking me. I volunteered.”

“What?” The word comes out of my mouth, but I don’t hear it. How could he volunteer to let the CIA have their way with them?

“I volunteered.” The intensity at which he stares me in the eyes is frightening.

“Why?” I barely breathe the word out. My heart is straining to beat.

“If I go voluntarily,” he swallows hard, “they’ll work with me on my terms instead of theirs.” His hand still holds mine and I feel it tremble. He’s scared.

“You believe that?” There’s no way he really believes that the government will work on his terms.

Ethan shrugs. “I gotta believe it, angel. I got no choice.”

I start tapping at my chest with my knuckles. “There has to be a way out, Ethan. Maybe…” I’m about to say, “Maybe you can run,” but he shouldn’t have to. Not alone anyway. “Maybe we can all run away together. You, me, Storm, your brothers and Uncle Tom. My parents will understand. As long as we’re all together.”

Releasing my hand from my chest, Ethan takes my other hand as well. “We’re not running away. That’s no life for you. I won’t let that happen.”

“But…”

“But nothing. Your parents may understand, but they’ll never get over the fact they’d never see their daughter again.”

I drop my head in defeat. “Oh, Ethan.” Lifting my gaze to meet his eyes again, I see him through thick liquid, distorted and blurry. “What if…what if you run? With your brothers, so you’re not alone.”

Ethan blinks away the pooling gel in his eyes. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” I squeeze his hands so hard he flinches. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m impressed. You’ve gotten your strength back.” He laughs, though humorlessly.

“It’s not funny, Ethan. Why can’t you just run? Hide out or something?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

His face frozen in terror, he stares at me motionless.

“Why, Ethan?” I yank my hands from his grasp. “What aren’t you telling me?” I push the table at him to stir a response. “Tell me,” I shout then look around to see everyone in the cafeteria looking at me.

Pushing the table out from his stomach, Ethan stands. “Let’s go, Honor. Not here.”

I let him take my hand and walk me out of the building. Down the side stairs sits an isolated tree. Ethan coaxes me up against the tree and sets his hands around my upper arms. “I can’t run, Honor.” His voice is stern yet quiet.

“Why?” I choke out.

Again he stares right into my eyes. His bright violet irises pierce through mine. “Because they’ll come after you.” The words are spoken so low that it takes an extra second to register them.

I’m silent.

“They want you, Honor. But I won’t let them have you.” He lowers his hands down my arm and takes my wrists. “They said if I come willingly and they get what they need, they’ll reconsider coming to get you.”

Everything clenches. My stomach, my heart, my lungs. I can’t breathe. I ball up my fists and want to punch something.
This is all my fault. Everything Ethan has to go through is my fault.
I fight to remove my wrists from Ethan’s hold, but he hangs on to them. I want to thrash at something, but he won’t let me. I am angry. Angry at myself for being what I am. What I was. When my sobs get stronger than my will to throw a punch, I slide down the tree, taking Ethan with me.

“I’m sorry,” I’m finally able to say.

He lifts me onto his lap and strokes my hair as I lean into his chest. “Don’t be sorry, angel. It’s not your fault, it’s mine, for coming here in the first place. I owe you this.” His breath in my hair feels comfortable.

Into his chest I mumble, “I’m sorry I broke up with you, Ethan. I really do love you, it’s just…”

“Shh.” His fingers twist a few strands of my hair. “I know where your heart lies. I’m okay with being your friend.”

My throat catches another of my sobs. “But now…why do you have to go? I’m not an empath anymore. Let them take me. They’ll see they’ll get nowhere and send me back.” I pull away so I can look at him.

His sad smile is back. “I’m afraid it won’t work that way. What if they think you’re faking it and decide to cut you open to check for real?”

Oh my God.

“They’re ruthless. They want our DNA. They’re going to do what they can to get it.” When his hand drops to my knee, that familiar feeling for Ethan returns.

“But what if they do that to you?” I lay my hand on top of his.

“I’m cooperating with them. They won’t.” When his hand turns upside down, he wraps it around mine. The tingles that shoot through my limbs may not be electric like when I feel Storm’s touch, but they’re still there, and I still miss the days when I was Ethan’s girlfriend.

“How long will they keep you?”

He shrugs. “A while. They want me working for them. You know, if someone important, like the President, gets shot, he doesn’t have to die.”

“Oh my goodness, so they’re going to make you heal whomever they want? Whenever they want?”

“Pretty much. Otherwise they’ll try to clone my DNA…make another empath.”

“Oh my God. You have to do this
forever?
”

“I hope not. Though I am immortal.”

“Do they know that?”

Nodding his head, he tells me, “I thought it’d be another reason for them to leave you alone. Of course, they don’t believe me, but they’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Did you tell them everything? Like how when empaths kill, they become…”

“I felt I had no choice but to tell them everything, Honor. The more I divulged, the less interested in you they became.”

I want to cry all over again. I hate that this new heart is so strong, because to me it feels like it hurts worse than my other heart, because
this pain
that I’m feeling is all my own. An intense and unpleasant sensation spreads from my heart, like tentacles, crawling through every vein and nerve ending in my body. This is the end for Ethan. He will never be a free man again. “Oh my God, Ethan, what kind of life will you have? You’ll be a slave to them…”

“It’s not that bad, angel. They’re actually paying me. They’ve even set up a nice apartment for me in Langley.”

“Langley?”

“Virginia. It’s where their headquarters are. I’m free to come and go as I please. Like a regular employee, but…if I quit…well, I’m not sure what’ll happen to you, so I just. Won’t. Quit.”

The urge to hug him takes over, so with both my arms, I pull him tight against me and hug him like there’s no tomorrow. ‘Cause essentially, where Ethan and I are concerned, there is no tomorrow.

While wrapped in our embrace, I ask into his neck, “Can I visit you?”

He sighs into my ear. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, angel. They’ll be watching my apartment. If they see
you
, it just may be incentive enough for them to take you anyway.”

“I’m so sorry it didn’t work out between us, Ethan.” I whisper. “I really am.”

He holds me tighter and I feel something drip onto my hair.

Ethan’s crying.

And again,
I
cry.

Slinking into Ethan’s arms for what may be the very last time.