The Icing on the Corpse (13 page)

“Fine. I'll go get the goddam dress. Just stop blubbering.”

Alexa fixed her makeup yet again, this time using the rearview mirror as we waited at a red light. She kept talking while she fluffed her hair. “Promise me you'll behave.”

“Of course I'll behave.”

“Of course, nothing. You know what you're like.”

“Fine. Don't cry.”

“If you promise to behave I'll give you a nice bit of gossip.”

“Like I care about gossip.”

“It's not gossip. It's more like information. You'll care about this. I guarantee it.”

“What is it?”

“Say, I promise to behave like a normal human being.”

“This better be good.”

“It's good. Promise.”

“Okay, what's the poop?”

“When we're finished shopping.”

Some things are easier said than done. “That could be a while. We're in the Market in the winter. We'll never get a parking space.”

“There's a car pulling out.” A Saab driven by a man with a competitive look positioned itself to nose in ahead of her.

Alexa gunned her Volvo. Mr. Saab took one look at Alexa's face and reversed hastily. Alexa shot into the spot.

“I liked you more before you morphed into the
Überbride.”

Alexa snatched her purse and opened the door. “Hop to it.”

When we reached the shop, she grabbed my arm. “Listen to me. You're going to be polite to the sales staff and you're going to find a dress and then you can go do your so-called important items. And in the meantime, I don't want any bullshit from you. Do I make myself clear?” She brushed a snowflake from her nose.

“Oh, yes.”

The minute they opened for business, I followed her through the door of doom into Mimi Melanson's Bridal Bower.

“It's an emergency,” Alexa told the assembled sales force.

To do them credit, no one remarked on my red wool hat, although I noticed one sales clerk had trouble taking her eyes off it. I smiled at her and stroked the hairs on my upper lip.

The woman blanched. “Well,” she said, “we'll give it a shot.”

Go ahead, I thought, let's see you cope with the long underwear, the thermal socks and the fleece. The conversation dragged a bit from that point, because I found myself silenced by the acres of peau de soie and tons of seed pearls.

An hour and a half later we headed out, still dressless. The entire staff looked ready to bolt for the back room in search of a bracing snort of brandy.

Alexa got into the car and slammed the door behind her. I opened the passenger side and slid in. “It's not my fault every single dress looked awful on me.”

“I wouldn't say
awful”

“Revolting then. Let's have that information.”

“You don't deserve it.”

“Yes, I do. And you'd better keep your end of the bargain if you want me to behave the next time we shop.”

“All right. Tomorrow. Holt Renfrew.”

“No problem.”

“Well, all right. It's about the police officers stationed outside Lindsay Grace's home the night of the murder.”

I held my breath.

“I overhead another detective talking to Conn. Don't let on I told you. Apparently, they were drugged.”

“Of course they were drugged.”

“You knew?”

“Not hard to figure out. Did all of them show evidence of drugs?”

Alexa pursed her lips. “I overheard a conversation. I didn't read a
report.”
“No need to be crabby.”

“I am not crabby. Anyway, Miss-Know-It-All, the guy told Conn they had the results back from the lab and it sounded like Row-something. Maybe in their coffee.”

Rohypnol. Better known on the street as roofies. The date rape drug.

“Well, Elaine sure wouldn't drug anyone. Who knows, one of us could have polished off two or three cups of coffee and then what?”

“They're convinced she did it.”

“Where would Elaine get Rohypnol, for God's sake?”

“Stop snapping at me. He didn't say how she got it, but he did mention she gave a pot of coffee to the officers. The row-something showed up in their urine.”

True. “Rats.”

“You're Elaine's lawyer. Wouldn't they have to give you this information anyway?”

“Sure. In time.”

“That's why I could tell you with a clear conscience. So you have a head start. And tomorrow we'll get your dress.”

I closed my eyes and replayed the scene in the kitchen. I'd slugged down a large mug of coffee from the same thermos Constable James had carried to the cruiser. Elaine had poured hers from the same thermos the others did. It was damned unlikely she'd dosed herself with Rohypnol.

Too bad so much time had passed. There'd be no way to get reliable results from urine tests of the rest of us at this stage, so that wouldn't help us pinpoint anyone. Why the hell hadn't I thought of roofies? Plenty of my clients had been undone by them. The whole thing made me irritable.

I got some of it out of my system by giving my sister a bit of advice. “You're about to marry a cop. You can't go around telling people what he says about the job.”

“I'd never do that.”

“You just did.”

“No. Conn didn't say anything. The other fellow did. And it wasn't official police business, I joined them when they were socializing over a beer.”

“Even so, you have to be careful not to repeat things. Except with me, of course.”

“I thought you'd be pleased to have the inside story.”

“Indeed, I'm thrilled. And since we're sharing inside information, do you have Leonard Mombourquette's cellphone number?”

In my family, you press your advantage whenever you have one. As Alexa copied out the number and handed it to me, I looked straight ahead. “Is that a parking ticket on your windshield, Alexa?”

I
prefer not to break bread with Det. Sgt. Leonard Mombourquette. But I found myself between a rock and a rat. Even though it was nearly noon and I hadn't set foot in the office, Elaine had to be my priority.

Mombourquette surprised me and agreed to meet at The Mayflower. He didn't even hesitate. When I arrived, on foot and out of breath, he was already waiting in a booth.

“Nice hat,” he said.

“Nice ears,” I said.

It was lunchtime, and we opted for the Winterlude Specials. I had chicken pot pie. Mombourquette took the
tourtière
. We followed it up with carrot cake with cream cheese icing. “Gotta get all your food groups,” Mombourquette said.

I agreed. I was glad to eat whenever I had the chance, since I had kissed regular meals goodbye.

It was a long time to spend in Mombourquette's company, but I reminded myself Elaine merited serious sacrifice. On the up side, I figured he'd be as emotionally distanced from weddings as I was.

“So,” I said, “this wedding fuss. Giving you a headache?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know all this hassle about the perfect flowers, they
have
to be calla lilies and they
have
to be the precise shade of cream. I mean, do you believe there are dozens of shades of cream, and then the
lights
matter a lot and the type of deckle on the edge of the invitations…”

He shrugged.

“Not to mention the hysteria about the music.”

“Well…”

“And the candles, for God's sake, they have to be special too.”

“It's all…”

“Exactly. Especially the business with the dresses. It's enough to make you nuts. Do I look like I want to wear a butt-ugly bridesmaid's dress at my age?”

“What's eating you? I think the wedding will be beautiful. Two nice people happen to be very much in love and deserve some happiness. Why shouldn't they celebrate it?”

I spilled a bit of coffee.
Very much in love?
“Sorry, call me crazy, but I remember you gave McCracken a hard time about getting involved with a member of my family.”

“But now I understand the difference relationships can make in the quality of a person's life.”

“Sorry? I missed that.”

Mombourquette squirmed a bit on the banquette. “You know. Love.”

“Love?” I'd never suspected Mombourquette was aware of the concept.

He narrowed his beady little eyes. “Problem with that?”

No matter what kind of situation you find yourself in with Mombourquette, you always have to be careful not to corner him. “I never expected you to believe in love.”

“What do you mean? Of course I believe in love—I'm human.”

“Well, hey,
I'm
certainly human.”

“Good thing you told me, Camilla. It sure doesn't show.”

I felt like reaching out my icy Sorel and stepping on his tail.

“Okay, Leonard, forget the wedding. I'm on another project. Saving Elaine Ekstein from a life sentence.”

Did I imagine his pale gray complexion turned a soft dusty rose? I wasn't about to let up. “So. You think she did it? I mean Elaine is an extraordinarily bad driver. She does have a serious record of traffic tickets, even though she pays them, and this criminal life is a slippery slope. It doesn't take much to move on from parking under a No Parking sign in front of City Hall to fast-freezing the bodies of your enemies and plunking them in parks as part of a ceremonial display.”

Sure, I talked smart, but he had me worried. If the evil wedding spirits could get to Mombourquette, no one was safe. But I had other fish to fry. “My calculations tell me you didn't have that surveillance tape in your hot little hands before you rousted us at Lindsay's.”

I liked the way he couldn't quite meet my eye.

“Right, so what made you and McCracken focus on Elaine?”

He stared down at the table.

“Hmm?”

He fiddled with a package of sugar.

“Intuition, maybe?”

He shook his head.

“Let me guess, you consulted a psychic?”

The sugar packet ripped. “We got a call.”

“How convenient. It didn't occur to anyone the caller might want to put Elaine in the frame?” I did not suggest Elaine was wacky enough to place the call herself. Why buy trouble?

“Of course it occurred to us,” he said.

“The rest of your colleagues seem happy to think Elaine did it. And tickled pink to charge her.”

He shook his head. “Pressure from up the line.”

“Maybe it's the same place up the line that made sure the evidence against Benning didn't hold up in all those earlier charges?”

He shrugged. I took it as a maybe.

“What's the grudge against Elaine, anyway?”

“I think she made our lives miserable about a lot of cases. Particularly in spousal abuse cases where charges were dropped against batterers because of evidence problems. And she was always agitating for public inquiries and demanding official apologies.”

I nodded. “That's our girl.”

Mombourquette said, “Anyway, she made plenty of enemies. Inside the force and out.”

I had to agree. “Any names?”

“Be serious.”

“What about the officers outside the house? You think one of them was involved with Benning in some way?” I was careful not to get Alexa into the soup.

“They weren't in on it.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Trust me.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Look, this will come out eventually, but those three officers were drugged. They were still knocked out when we arrived.”

“All of them?”

“What? Yes, all of them.”

“How do you know one of them wasn't left awake?”

“If one had been awake, don't you think they would have reported the others passed out?”

“Not if that was part of the plan to get rid of Benning. Maybe he left his sleeping colleagues, stole Elaine's clothes, lifted her keys when we were out cold, then killed Benning and dumped him.”

Mombourquette was on his feet. Red as a fresh bottle of ketchup.

I said, “That Constable James, he's a wiry little guy, not much bigger than Elaine, with a collar up over that mustache, he could pass. He could have slipped out while the others were knocked out. A cop could probably get his mitts on Rohypnol easily.”

“Rohypnol? Who said anything about that?”

Oops.

“How'd you hear about the Rohypnol?”

“Just speculation. Why? Did I get it in one?”

“Get this, Camilla—”

“You might want to be careful raising that finger, Leonard. You could find it gets caught in a trap.” That was going nowhere. I tried another tactic. “So, I'm about to head over to the Regional Detention Centre. Hell of a place, although I don't expect you law enforcement officers to agree. It's great to keep the streets safe, but it's sure not the best environment for Elaine.”

“I know. She's way too gentle to be locked up there with those animals.”

Gentle? “Yes, I would hate to have anything happen to her because you guys fingered her to cover someone a little closer to home.” Double gotcha.

“We didn't.”

“Then why would anyone even try to press charges? No matter how they feel about her personally.”

“Earth to Camilla. Didn't Elaine tell the world she did it?”

True enough. “So what?” If I didn't know better, I'd have said that Mombourquette's face was wracked with anguish.

“You got gas, Leonard?”

Mombourquette shrugged into his jacket. “I got something else. I got news for you. You let your innocent client speak for herself in front of television cameras, and she'll end up convicted. They won't even have to go to trial.”

“Tell me something I don't know.” But I was speaking to his retreating back. I noticed he'd stuck me with the check.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So the tough were getting going, but first the tough had better mobilize a few ground soldiers.

“Alvin,” I said, when I pushed open the door to Justice for Victims. The fragrance of coconut suntan lotion filled the air.

“Weather is here, wish you were beautiful,” he sang.

My tolerance for Jimmy Buffett songs was slight at the best of times, which this was not. But I smiled brightly anyway.

“Your decor is really starting to make a difference.” I referred to the small palm tree on my desk chair as well as the beach scene painted on the window of Justice for Victims.

Common sense told me I should have a close look at the painting before any clients showed up. But where did common sense ever get me in dealing with Alvin?

“Welcome back to Margaritaville,” he said.

“This approach will certainly make the long winter days fly by.”

“No,” he said.

“No what?” I wished it could be no palm trees, no window paintings, no Jimmy Buffett, no eau de coconut.

“No. No, nay, never, nein, nyet, nada, non, nix, ixnay.”

I moved the palm from my chair to his and sat down.

“Right, so that's settled. Here's what I'd like you to do.”

“What part of ixnay don't you understand, Camilla?”

“Here's the drill, Alvin.”

“Not for me.” Rays from the paper sun taped over my desk lamp glinted off his cat's eye sunglasses.

“We're going to find out who set up Elaine.”

“You won't get me involved in a plan to implicate Lindsay, if that's what you're up to. Forget it.”

I was a jump ahead of him this time. “You're right, Alvin. And you will remember that Lindsay is a client of mine. Mine, Alvin. Mine. All mine. And that I care about what happens to her and care deeply too. You will also remember that I arranged for Merv to watch over her and keep her safe from Benning.”

Alvin's thin lips pursed. “Merv. He thinks he's God's gift.”

“You said it, Alvin.”

“He's keeping Lindsay away from everyone else.”

“Ah, well, it's Merv's disposition to be a boil on the backside of humanity.” I needed to give Alvin his marching orders and get the show on the road. “As soon as we get this mess cleared up, Lindsay's life will be back to normal, and I'll remind her of everything you did.”

Alvin frowned.

I added, “By which I mean, let's find out who killed Benning mondo quicko.”

“No way, Camilla. You think Lindsay did it, and you want me to be a party to getting her arrested and I won't do it.”

My fingers twitched. “Of course you won't, Alvin. And I'm not asking you to. You and Merv are both right. Lindsay is a victim, and of course she couldn't have killed Benning. But surely you don't think Elaine is guilty.”

He turned his head. “I guess not. Although she did say she was. But that's Elaine, right?”

“Right. So if she didn't kill Benning, then who did?”

“Not…”

“Don't worry, not Lindsay.” I put my hand to my nose in case it was getting longer.

“But you were going on about that sweater and insinuating that she was guilty.”

“Look, Lindsay left the house that night while we slept. Some of her clothes are missing, plus her wet boots were in the entrance in the morning. I need to know why.”

“I won't do anything to harm her.”

“That's the point, Alvin. Benning must have enticed her somehow, and we need to know who and what she saw. If Lindsay is a witness to any part of what happened, then she's in danger herself.”

“You mean someone could try to hurt her?”

“Think about it. We've been so worried about Benning, and now that he's dead we figure it's all over. But somebody killed him, and if it wasn't Elaine or Lindsay, who was it? And what will he do next?”

Alvin nodded. “I never thought Elaine did it, but she's a lot tougher than Lindsay.”

“Don't go there, Alvin. If Elaine actually gets to trial, as her lawyer, I have an obligation to throw suspicion on others. I'll have to subpoena Lindsay. She'll be on trial even if she's never charged.”

“I guess you're right.”

“Yup. So, since the police and the Crown are being their usual obstructionist selves, here's what we do. You chase down Rina Benning's relatives and see if any of them might have been in a position to finish off Benning. While you're at it, check out Lindsay's family.”

“They've never given her a moment's support. They cut her off when she took up with Benning. You know that.”

“Maybe something happened to change that situation.”

“Hey, where will you be while I'm doing all the work?”

“I'll be checking out the police, my dear Watson.”