The Instructions (153 page)

I’ve already made my demands, I said.

“Back off your demands,” Ally said. “Say you got scared. That’s a simple story for
you
to tell, then we’ll tell
our
simple one, and everyone will be believed.”

Ally was right. Rather, Ally was correct. His way would work too. If my only concern were the safety of the Aptakisic Israelites and the Side. His solution was the safest, most practical solution.

But I had the scholars to think about: delivering them the damage prayer, their public acceptance of June as an Israelite, and the protection of my father. And why didn’t I explain that? Why
hadn’t
I explained it? Why hadn’t I, at any point prior to this one, told them about my plans regarding June, the delivery of the 1453

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

prayer, the protection of my father? Why hadn’t I told them at the first opportune moment? It was, after all, the truth. And yet it hadn’t even occurred to me to tell them. Rather, it had never occurred to me that it would be a good idea to tell them. But why not? Because I feared they’d suspect me of being blinded by personal motivations? Yes. Because I thought they would, owing to those suspicions, cease to obey me, screwing everything up for themselves and the rest of us? Yes and yes and yes. Because I feared that I was, in fact, blinded by personal motivations?

Curiously or not, scholars: no.

Emphatically no.

I believed what I’d told them with all of my heart. Whether or not I was the potential messiah—and make no mistake; the likelihood that I was seemed to me to be increasing by the second—I believed that what was good for me, in this case at least, was good for the Israelites, and I believed that what was bad for me was bad for the Israelites, and I didn’t see any reason to reveal information to them that might put what was good for us at risk. Some scholars may wish to cast this as a failure on my part to trust my brothers in the Aptakisic gym. Fair enough. It was a failure of trust. But it was just as much a success of mistrust. I knew our limitations, at least a few of them.

And beyond that, I wasn’t scared. Not of being raided. Not of the cops attacking the scholars outside. Not anymore. I wasn’t.

They wouldn’t. At least I didn’t think they would. At least not just yet. And if I was my generation’s potential messiah, then 1454

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

to act scared when I wasn’t scared, to give up before I wanted to give up, before I thought I had to give up, let alone
to lie
about being scared—no messiah would do that, and any potential messiah who did that would, no doubt about it, be squandering his potential. What was bad for me was bad for the Israelites.

At least potentially. In the ideal.

“Come on,” Ally said. “What do you say? You just say you got scared and we’ll say you did all of this. Same outcome as if we wait, but less risky. It’s elegant,” he said. “There’s no room to screw up.”

No, I said.

“Why not?” said Berman.

I brushed past him and Cory and Ally, out of the gap. June was waiting there for me. I went to the TV in front of the Israelites and muted it, and Main Man muted the Side’s TV.

All whispering stopped.

There weren’t any new arguments left to make; they’d all been made, I’d made them all. So I made them again, only louder this time, and with more gesticulations, as if I were inspired anew by the truth; as if, as they had, I’d forgotten the truth, and the truth remembered—the truth itself—would somehow unite us, would somehow protect us, save us.

This is what I said: Earlier, you thought I was wrong, and I was right. I’m still right. The cops haven’t got you, and they’ll never get you. The scholars are coming and they always were.

We will wait for them as we always have been, and they will 1455

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

arrive, as they were always meant to. I am, as always, on the side of the Israelites. I am, as always, on the Side of Damage.

I have fought, as always, on both of our sides, and both of our sides will always fight for each other. The Israelites will always protect the Side of Damage, and the Side of Damage will always protect the Israelites.

And I stood there before them, meeting their stares, grabbing hold of June’s hand, and here’s what’s crazy, this is what haunts me even today: By the time I’d gotten two sentences in, I
was
inspired anew. My gesticulations
weren’t
forced. By the time I’d finished speaking, I was so intoxicated by my own verbosity, I expected a defeaning group amen. And when, instead of that deafening amen, the last thing I wanted to hear got spoken, it took me whole seconds to understand.

“Israelites like her?” someone said. The question came from among the ex-Shovers, and wasn’t a question at all.

Who’s
her
? I thought.

She was squeezing my hand.

Who said that? I said.

No one would say.

“Doesn’t matter,” June said.

Berman, I said, tell me who said that.

“Said what?” Berman said.

“It’s okay,” June said.

Who said it? I said.

1456

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

“I didn’t see,” said Berman. “I don’t know who said it.”

Said
what
then? I said.

“I don’t know!” said Berman.

I spun to my right and dumped the TV. It didn’t explode, so I lifted the cart, started hacking away, and at last there came a flash and a pop, and some glass shot high and cut me on the cheek, just beneath the eye, the tiniest sting. It wasn’t enough, though. I didn’t feel better. I wanted the cart in pieces now, too.

And I whaled on the floor, and I whaled on the scaffold, but the cart was steel and it barely bent, and Eliyahu touched my shoulder, and June grabbed my other one. I let the cart go and stood up straight. A busted-off casterwheel did clumsy, humming circles and came to a stop at my heel with a buzz. I slipped the glass sliver from my flesh and dropped it. The Israelites stared, watching my face bleed.

I stared back and bled, the opposite of speechless—I just didn’t know where to start. There is damage? There is snat and there’s face? You’ll be stronger tomorrow than you are today? A thin kid wearing tzitzit and a black fedora? To strap down a chicken and pluck it while it’s living? A potential messiah’s born once a generation? Verbosity is like the iniquity of idolatry? We damage we, a kid who tells, Benji Nakamook thought we should, I pray that we are just, they all called her June, Adonai will kill you and your family anyway?

Leevon yelled, “Look!” Mookus pointed the remote. The Aptakisic Israelites craned their necks westward and June and 1457

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

Eliyahu led me toward the Side. The celly buzzed my thigh as Rick Stevens gabbed. Ben-Wa was calling. Black hats on the high hill, pennyguns forward. I knew. I could see now. All of us saw.

‪

‫

‬

‪

‫

‬

‬

Emmanuel stayed on the high hill’s summit, the front row of scholars two steps behind him, hidden below the knees by the rise. I pulled out a celly, tossed it to Shpritzy, said, Call your boy Feingold—find out where he is.

“Why’d they stop?” said an Israelite. “Why are they just standing there?”

I told them I’d meet them in the two-hill-field, I said.

“You can’t, though.” “They can see that.” “The blockade’s bigger—”

They’ve been travelling since 8:00 and haven’t seen a TV. They don’t know what’s happening. They’re waiting for me to do what I said I would.

The Israelites grumbled some more and whispered. Let them, I thought. They’re with me or they’re not.

Botha’s celly buzzed. I didn’t check the screen, assumed it was Persphere.

What? I said.

“Two cops dressed in black just rushed at the side door.” It was Cody von Braker.

How close did they get?

“Fifteen, twenty steps? But we smacked up Maholtz like you 1458

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

told us we should, and they all fell back.”

How far? I said.

“Back to the perimeter,” Cody said. “Now they’re talking to each other, with all these hand-movements. They’re pointing this way, pointing that way, making fists—shit like that. They want us to see them.”

You think so? I said.

“Yeah,” Cody said. “But I don’t know why. Forrest says he thinks they’re just trying to scare us by making it seem like they have a plan, but I’m thinking what if they
do
have a plan, and they’re trying to distract us from what the real plan is?”

You’re doing good, I said. You’re doing everything right. Stay in touch. Keep Maholtz visible and don’t knock him out.

Four hundred still kids in hats on a hillside does not for great television imagery make, so the anchor, offscreen, as breathlessly as possible, kept saying “new development” and “possible outcomes” and “powderkeg” and “spark” to ramp up the tension, while the helicopter camera zoomed in and out and panned at high speed so the facts on the ground would appear more kinetic. The anchor’s voice softened and the camera got steady as soon as two cops left the parking lot cordon and crossed Rand Road to parley with Emmanuel. Reporters and cameramen followed ten steps behind them, waving white handkerchiefs and foam-topped mikes. When the cops got halfway up the slope of the high hill, the scholars at the front of the columns stepped forward, pulled back on their balloons, and the cops stopped 1459

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

coming. The newsmen caught up. A cop spoke to the scholars.

The camera-feed switched as Emmanuel responded.

“We’re staying where we are,” he said to the cops. “Come no closer, and keep off our backs.”

“Why?” said a newsguy.

“Cause we’re armed and we said so,” said Samuel Diamond.

“I meant why are you staying where you are?” said the newsguy.

“We’re armed and we say so,” Samuel said.

“We’ve seen emails that speak of a sudden holiday. Could you say something about that? You’re live on TV.”

“Armed,” said Samuel.

“Could you tell us about Maccabee?”

“You mean Rabbi Gurion ben-Judah Maccabee?”

“Him. Yes.”

“Gurion’s armed.”

Alternately craning their necks and whispering, the Aptakisic Israelites remained on their bleachers. I was on the Side’s now; they’d formed a circle around me. Shpritzy climbed over, returned me the celly, said, “Feingold’s scholars are still on the lakeshore.

He says they’ll turn west in another couple miles, then they’ve got another mile to Aptakisic, but they’ll walk that a lot faster cause they won’t be on sand. So fifty-something minutes is what Nathan’s guessing, but the good news is I told him what happened with the scholars from your schools—how they went around the roadblock without getting shot—and Nathan said 1460

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

they’d do the same if they came across a roadblock.”

Will they? I said.

“Yeah,” Shpritzy said. “No doubt in my mind. Nathan’s so religious. He prays for us on Saturdays to protect us from God because of how we go to Cubs games in cars and spend money, and he says you’re the messiah, and he’s coming to daven, so I don’t think he’s gonna let some roadblock scare him.”

Good, I said.

I started heading down the bleachers. Shpritzy followed.

“Are you the messiah?”

What do you think?

“I don’t know, Gurion, but if you are, Ashley here’s not an Israelite, and I think I’m in love with her.”

It’s good to be in love.

“Even though she’s not an Israelite?”

Yeah, I said. Of course, I said. It’s just she should convert before you guys have babies.

“Babies!” said Shpritzy. “We’re too young for babies.”

Then there’s no need to worry about Ashley converting yet.

“Okay,” said Shpritzy. “I hope you’re the messiah.”

Me too, I said.

We were standing by the television. I reached over Shpritzy and muted the news.

Everyone listen, I said to everyone.

All eyes on me.

I said, Four hundred of our brothers await us on the high 1461

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

hill. Five hundred-some more are on their way. The stakes are up and the cops are getting bold. They rushed the side entrance, and the guards scared them back. They might have been testing us or they might have been trying to distract us—who knows?

We don’t. We can’t. We have to act now. One third of you will play hostages, the rest will play terrorists. We’ll all go out front, where the cameras can see us, holding the hostages at gunpoint.

I’ll call in the scholars and they’ll come down the hill and the barricade will part. As soon as they’re close enough, we’ll rush into the middle of them. We’ll all then head east to meet the other five hundred. Once we’re all together, I’ll say a few words, and then I’ll surrender, and this will all be over, and we will have won. Do you have any questions?

“What if they come through the side entrance?” said Salvador.

“Or what if they come through the pushbar door? They could sneak up behind us from inside the school, then.”

The guards will stay on the side entrance holding Maholtz hostage until the scholars have gotten close enough. Then I’ll call Cody and those guards will come running and get in the mass with us. The same will go for those soldiers in the library.

The pushbar door is no sweat at all: that’s a serious door, and even if the cops can jimmy the lock, the mikestand’ll hold for at least a few minutes, and that’s all that we’ll need. Any more questions?

Berman said, “Do you really need all of us to go outside with you?”

1462

ADAM LEVIN

THE INSTRUCTIONS

That’s not a real question. It only sounds like one.

“What I’m saying,” Berman said, “is there doesn’t seem like there’s any good reason for all of us to go outside with you. The cops, like you said, are getting bold—what if they decide to start shooting or use tear gas?”

They’re not gonna do that.