The Italian Inheritance (23 page)

The truth was hard to acknowledge. As she walked
,
Anna tried to process her ricocheting emotions. She’d wanted to believe it was true.
That she had a father out there, who wasn’t dead and unknown to her, but alive and vibrant and ready to welcome her with open arms. She could see that
now.
Her desire
had been
so strong
that
she’d been blind to the possibility that
it might not be true
.
She hadn’t even acknowledged that the letter could mean something else entirely.

Talk about jumping to conclusions!

On top of the crushing disappointment of the paternity test results, Anna was embarrassed.
It was so unlike her to be so impetuous. In fact
,
this whole trip was completely out of character. Her assumption that Giovanni was her father and that he might still be alive after all those years was ridiculous. Now that the cloud had lifted from her eyes, Anna couldn’t believe she’d been so gullible. It was a long shot at best.

Then she’d bought a ticket to Italy and left the next day.
The next day!
When did she ever do anything without careful planning first?

Confronting Rafael
, breaking into his property—G
od, she was dying inside at the m
emory of that debacle—m
oving in with him, sleeping with him, making love with such reckless abandon... It was all so unlike her.

Thinking back
over the events of the last two weeks
, she hardly knew herself.
Rafael must think her a complete idiot. Rafael... her heart wrenched painfully.
Possibly her biggest mistake.

She needed to talk to him. No more living in denial. This was real. Her feelings were real. She was in love with him and although she knew the score, there was still a flicker of hope
burning deep
inside of her.

Foolish? Maybe, but she had to know for sure. She couldn’t leave without telling him how she felt. It was time to face up to reality.

The real Anna was back.

Rafael was waiting for her when she got back. “Are you okay?” He looked concerned. “I was worried.”

Anna bit her lip.
It was now or never.
“Rafael, we need to talk.”

He frowned, then took her hand and led her outside onto the patio.
“
Okay
. Let’s sit down.”

Once they were both seated, Anna turned to him. “I know we said we were going to keep this
... relationship
impersonal, but there’s something I’ve got to tell you and I want to do it before I leave.”

“Leave? But I thought...”

Anna held up a hand. “Please, let me finish.” If she didn’t do this now
,
her nerves
would
fail her and she’d never know for sure if there was any future for them.

Rafael studied her cautiously, waiting patiently for her to speak.

“What do you see happening between us?”

Rafael gazed directly into her eyes
. “I know I don’t want you to leave yet.”

Anna smiled sadly. “
I know, but t
hat’s not what I asked. I want to know how you feel about me, about our relationship.”

“You’re putting me on the spot here, Anna. It’s only been two weeks. I don’t know how I feel about our relationship. It’s really hard to tell at this stage. At the moment everything is
going
great
..
.”

“But you don’t think it will always stay that way
.
”
It was more of a statement than a question.

Rafael
sighed slowly
. “How can it? Do you honestly think w
e can carry on like this
indefinitely
, having sex twice a day, sometimes more
?
Eventually we’ll grow tired of each other, the sex will stop and then where will we be?”

“In love, hopefully,” she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear. At his sceptical
look she clarified
, “
When
two people love each other the relationship
moves
to the next level
.”

“
You mean like
screaming matches
and divorce?
”

Anna rubbed her forehead tiredly. “I thought you might say that.” She looked at him long and hard. “That’s why I’ve decided to leave Capri
.
There’s a ferry at five o’clock this evening.”

Rafael looked like he’d been smacked in the face. “You don’t have to leave today. I understand you’re upset, but running away isn’t going to make you feel any better. On the other hand staying here with me might.” He tried a small grin, but it didn’t work.

Anna shook her head. “No Rafael. That’s where you’re wrong.
I’m not running away. I’m getting real. This...” she waved her hand around, “was all a pipe dream. I don’t belong here. Giovanni was never my father.
I was foolish to believe it. That letter...” she closed her eyes for a moment, “that letter made me hope for something that wasn’t true. It wasn’t even realistic. I can see that now.”

“You weren’t to know,” Rafael said kindly. “The letter
wa
s very ambiguous.”

“I know, but my mother told me the truth right from the start. My father was a soldier. I should have believed her.” She shook her head. “The only explanation I can give
i
s that I was so desperate to have a family that I jumped to
false
conclusions.”

Rafael gave her an odd look. “You’re being very hard on yourself. It wasn’t all for nothing. At least now we know there never was an heir.  Giovanni was mistaken in believing he had a daughter. Now I can put that ghost to rest.”

Yes, at my expense.

“What will you do with the money?” She tried not to sound wistful. The money would have made all the difference to her situation, but Anna did not believe in self-pity. It didn’t get you anywhere.

“I’m going to use it for the shelter,” he replied without hesitation. “There is so much I need to do, and that warehouse is perfect. It has lots of space for all the extensions I plan to make.” He smiled fondly at her. “And thanks to you
,
I now have the time to do it.”

He was right.
At least s
omething good had come out of all this.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay for a little longer?”
He was trying to keep the tone light.

“No Rafael.
You and I don’t belong together. This should never have happened.
” She took a shaky breath. “
It’s time I got back to reality.”

Rafael stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time.

Welcome to the real me
, thought Anna
sad
ly.

The Mediterranean sun must have
melted
her brain. For the last few weeks she’d been anything but herself.
Rafael only knew the head-strong spontaneous girl that she wasn’t. N
ow, for the first time since she’d found that damn letter, she was thinking clearly.

“But what if I don’t want you to go?” Rafael muttered quietly.
Anna’s heart nearly melted.

“Then convince me to stay,” she whispered.

Rafael ran a hand through his hair. How could he convince her to stay permanently when he didn’t know what
the
future held for
them
? It was too big a leap of faith. He didn’t want to be responsible for her happiness. What if the sex fizzled out? What if she was homesick for England? What if he
got frustrated living with her and needed space?

“
I
can’t be responsible for your happiness, Anna. I really want you to s
t
ay, but
it has to be
because you want to, not because I’
ve convinced you
. You have to want to stay with me.”

The way he was looking at her tore at her heart strings.

“I do want
to stay with you.
”
Tears welled
up in her eyes. “Can’t you see that? Somehow, through all this, I’ve developed feelings for you and as much as I’ve tried to deny it, I can’t anymore.”

Before Rafael could reply she continued, “But I know you don’t feel the same way. You don’t believe in love, you told me
so
yourself. And I’m afraid I can’t give up my life in London for someone who doesn’t love me back.”

Rafael admired the way she held her head high and looked him in the eye, despite her sorrow
.
He
longed
to go to
her
and wrap his arms around her
. She looked so fragile and vulnerable sitting
there pouring
her heart out to him. Yet some
primal
, self-preservation
instinct
held him back.
Once he had her in his arms it would be impossible to think clearly. Perhaps she was right. Maybe it was better for her to leave now, before things got really messy.

“I see.”
He frowned
, not knowing what else to say
. Why did
the thought of losing her
upset him so much?

Anna twisted her fingers together under the table.
So much for wearing her heart on her sleeve. He didn’t love her. That much was obvious. For him
,
she was just a play thing, a sexual dalliance. Why was she so surprised? He’d made his views perfectly clear over the last two weeks. She was silly to expect them to have changed. People don’t change. While Rafael was the most beautiful, sexy and amazing man she’d ever met, he wasn’t the one for her. All he would ever be was a memorable holiday fling. Probably the first and the last holiday fling she’d ever have.

She took a deep, fortifying breath. “I have a job in London, Rafael. A great job. I love what I do. It may not pay the earth
,
but I’m good at it and I enjoy it. I have wonderful friends.
” She paused, desperate to make him understand why she was doing this. “
Do you see how much I’d have to give up
staying
here with you,
even temporarily?”

Rafael gave a small nod.

“Then, when we break up, which according to you is inevitable, I’d have a real problem. What should I do then?
Slink back to London and try to get my job back?” She shrugged. “It doesn’t work that way in the real world.”

“I know
. You are
right. It’s too much to ask.”
Rafael’s expression had hardened, as if he was steeling himself for the inevitable.

No! Anna wanted to scream. Don’t agree with me.

“I can’t expect you to give up your life in England to stay here with me
, especially since I don’t know how long our relationships will last. It could be months, or it could be years
. It’s selfish of me to suggest it. Of course you have to get back.”

Anna felt like sobbing. So this was
how it was going to end.
In tears, a
s she expected.
Shakily she pushed her chair out and stood up. Rafael made as if to follow her.

“No, Rafael. Please don’t. I need to go and pack. Excuse me.” And she fled upstairs to the sanctuary of her room.

Anna was late for her shift. She grabbed her handbag and sprinted down the road after the bus. Luckily the driver stopped and let her on. It was a lovely warm autumn day, almost two weeks after she got back from Italy. The
initial
pain
over
leaving Rafael had
subsided
, and after many deep and meaningful chats with her house mates over many cheap and cheerful bottles of wine, Anna was finally feeling more like her normal self.

Thank heavens for her friends. They had been so supportive once they’d heard the full story about Giovanni, the inheritance and her passionate affair with Rafael. Kirsty had dragged her out on her days off so she didn’t stay  home and mope, and Lara had made sure there was always happy music playing on the radio and that she didn’t watch any sad romcoms that would make her cry again.

Anna knew she was very lucky to have them. Since her experience in Italy, she’d realised that she didn’t need a flesh and blood mother and father to feel like she belonged. She had a family right here that cared for her, and one day she would meet someone who wanted to marry her and they’d raise a family of their own.