Authors: Sara B. Elfgren & Mats Strandberg
‘She couldn’t face coming.’ Minoo sits down on one of the hard wooden chairs.
‘How is she?’ Vanessa asks.
‘Honestly, I’m not sure.’
Impatiently, Linnéa changes position on the sofa.
‘I just can’t get my head round the way Matilda and the guardians lied to us.’
‘I know,’ Minoo says. ‘Still, they had good reasons for not telling the truth.’
Linnéa’s eyes narrow and Minoo immediately regrets putting it the way she did.
‘I mean, they
believed
they had good reasons,’ she continues quickly. ‘I’m not saying I agree but, after all, they’re trying to save the world, just as we are.’
She falls silent and remembers what Viktor said when they sat together in his car.
To you, everything is straightforward. Right or wrong, good or bad. But it is the goal that matters, not the route you take to get there
.
Now, she is arguing practically the same thing in her answer to Linnéa. Does that mean Viktor was right all along? Or that she is as wrong as Viktor was?
‘The number one question is: can we trust that Matilda told us the truth this time?’ Vanessa looks from Linnéa to Minoo and back.
‘I don’t know,’ Minoo says. ‘But I think so.’
Actually, she feels almost certain they can, but can’t explain why.
‘I won’t believe a single word from that lot any more,’ Linnéa says. ‘Not from Matilda, or from the guardians – you know, the
good
demons who wish mankind all the best ever.’
Minoo wants to contradict her, but can’t think how, because Linnéa has a point.
‘What do you think we should do, then?’ Vanessa asks gently.
Linnéa doesn’t reply. Only stares stubbornly down at the sofa table.
‘OK,’ Vanessa goes on. ‘I think we should buy into whatever Matilda said. We shall choose to believe that she and the guardians are truthful this time. Which means we have to worry about Olivia, for a start.’
‘What about trying to speak to Viktor?’ Minoo suggests. ‘Maybe I can persuade him to tell me what the Council has done with her.’
‘No,’ Vanessa says. ‘We can’t risk having the Council snapping at our heels again. We’ll have to be extra alert instead. And we must practise our powers so we can defend ourselves. We need to be as strong as we can be, if we’re to stop the demons and close the portal.’
‘It would be a terrific help if we knew exactly what we were supposed to do,’ Linnéa says crossly. ‘If the powers of the Chosen Ones make up the Key, then what does the lock look like? But I suspect we aren’t “ready” to be told.’
‘It would be good to have a guide, that’s for sure,’ Vanessa agrees. ‘Where is Nicolaus?’
‘When he recovered his memories, I guess he thought the most sensible thing he could do was to get as far away from Engelsfors as possible,’ Linnéa says. ‘We can’t count on him coming back to help us.’
In his letter to them, Nicolaus had written that he believed and hoped that he would return. Minoo, too, had believed and hoped. But now she thinks of him more and more rarely. And she wonders if Linnéa is right.
‘Vanessa, how much do you think Mona knows about the portal and all that?’ Minoo asks.
‘Not a clue. I’ve tried to ask her, and I guess I’ll have to try again. Perhaps she’ll take me seriously if I tell her that we only have one year to sort things out.’
The morning drags. Minoo checks her biology notes under the table during Patrick’s English lesson. She is worried that nothing has actually stuck in her mind.
It’s a very familiar feeling that creeps into her mind before every test and exam. Rationally, she knows that she usually does very well. Even so, she can’t help thinking that
this time
might be the exception.
She changes the lead in her propelling pencil. It strikes her that she ought to reflect on why she still cares. How come ordinary life still matters, despite everything she has learnt about the future? But maybe focusing on these everyday, manageable issues is what stops her from going crazy.
When the school bell rings for lunch, she walks down the main staircase alone. She stops when she sees the entrance hall filling with people wearing white graduate caps. She had forgotten that today was the day the third-year pupils would put on the white cap signifying they’re ready for graduation. There is just a week to go before their last school year ends.
Minoo looks at the crowd. The good-looking people look even better with their caps on. It’s unfair but a fact. Naturally, Gustaf is one of them. And so are the two girls he’s with. Minoo’s inferiority complexes kick in. She’d like to hide before he has a chance to compare her with the gorgeous creatures close to him. But it’s too late. He smiles and leaves the girls to come and meet her. He hugs her and the stubble on his cheeks rasps lightly against her skin.
For a fraction of a second, they seem alone together, in the middle of the packed hall.
‘I like the cap,’ she says when he lets her go.
‘Thanks,’ he says with a little smile. ‘Did you get my invite?’
‘I did. Thank you.’
She has stuck the white A5-sized card under the frame of the mirror in her room. The card is printed on thick, matte paper. There is a drawing of an undergraduate’s cap on one side. On the other side, Gustaf has written her name, together with the date and time of his reception, in his angular handwriting.
She has examined the card so often it might be a test in graphology that she has to pass. As if the way he wrote her name would reveal what he feels for her.
‘You’re very welcome to come to the running-out ceremony as well,’ Gustaf tells her. ‘I hope you’ll make it.’
‘I’d love to!’ Minoo knows she sounds as frantically jolly as the women in washing-powder commercials.
‘Great,’ Gustaf says. ‘And Anna-Karin is invited too, of course. How is she, anyway?’
‘Not that good, I don’t think. She’s staying at home today.’
Gustaf nods. ‘I was thinking seriously about going to the burial service, but then I thought that Anna-Karin and I hardly know each other. But, since she’s your friend, I would have liked to … If you had wanted me to, I would’ve come. Though of course, I didn’t ask, so …’
He falls silent. Minoo realises that he has been
rambling
in just the way she does when she’s nervous. But maybe, in Gustaf’s case, it means something quite different. Maybe he’s simply stressed out.
‘Thank you for your concern,’ she tells him.
Your concern
? She hates herself. Who talks like that?
Gustaf’s face suddenly takes on an odd expression. A moment passes before Minoo realises that it isn’t to do with her. He has caught sight of someone or something behind her. She turns and follows the direction of his gaze.
A guy with dark hair. Wearing steel-rimmed glasses.
Rickard Johnsson.
Rickard, the football club obsessive, who was always training. And who introduced the message of Positive Engelsfors to the school. Rickard, who must have been one of the first pupils to be given a metal amulet by Olivia. Before Olivia revealed herself, the Chosen Ones had suspected that Rickard was the demons’ Blessed One.
And then, after the collapse of Positive Engelsfors, he had ended up in hospital, mentally and physically shattered after being controlled by Olivia for so long. No one had seen him since his discharge from hospital – not even Gustaf, who used to be one of his best friends.
Rickard has changed. He is wearing all black, making him look like an ink blot among the sea of white caps. His hands are plunged into his pockets and he walks hunched up, his eyes fixed on the ground.
‘Rickard!’ Gustaf shouts.
He looks up. His eyes darken when he sees Gustaf and Minoo and he walks on towards the front doors of the school.
Gustaf hurries after him.
‘Wait!’
Minoo follows. She has to know why Rickard looked at her like that. When she gets outside, Rickard is running across the tarmac. He crosses the dark line of the filled-in crack.
‘Wait!’ Gustaf shouts again.
Rickard stops. His entire body language, even from the back, radiates resentment. When he turns towards them, Minoo is close enough to see the dark rings under his eyes.
‘Were you at the capping?’ Gustaf asks. ‘I didn’t see you—’
‘Does it look like I’m wearing a cap?’ Rickard interrupts.
Gustaf is confused. He looks wonderingly at Rickard.
‘I’ve tried to contact you,’ he says. ‘Are you back at school now?’
‘I’ve been to see the head about graduating. He says I’ve done enough to graduate with everyone.’
‘Wow, that’s great,’ Gustaf exclaims.
‘It will stop my old man from nagging. That’s all,’ Rickard mumbles.
He sounds aggressive, but Minoo pities him. No one has been able to explain to him why he suddenly fell ill in the winter. His head must be full of questions. And he wore Olivia’s amulet throughout almost all of last year. It must feel as if an entire school year has vanished into a black hole in his memory.
‘How are things, really?’ Gustaf asks. ‘How do you feel?’
Rickard’s face goes very pale.
‘Why don’t you stop pretending to care!’ he hisses. ‘I know you’re trying to check up on me! Come on, that’s why you kept turning up at the hospital – right?’
He is not just aggressive, but scared as well, Minoo thinks. And she has a sense of danger lurking.
‘What are you on about?’ Gustaf asks. ‘What do you mean, “check up on you”?’
‘I don’t know how you’ve managed to make the rest of them forget,’ Rickard says. ‘But I remember fine now, so you’d better be careful and watch your fucking step. I know what you did at the Positive Engelsfors party.’
The ground seems to open under Minoo’s feet.
He remembers.
‘What do you mean?’ Gustaf looks perplexed. ‘What did we do? Do you really remember what happened?’
He sounds genuine. And he is, because he truly doesn’t know. Rickard must realise this, because he stiffens and looks hard at Gustaf.
‘If you remember what happened, please tell us,’ Gustaf adds.
Minoo wants to put a stop to all this. Rickard must not tell Gustaf. He mustn’t tell anyone. She becomes conscious of the curious glances from people who are walking past them. Is Rickard going to say, right here in the schoolyard, that witches exist?
Rickard looks at Minoo and then looks back at Gustaf.
‘I am sorry,’ he says. ‘I saw you with them, you see, and thought that you, too …’ His eyes go unfocused.
‘Rickard, what is the matter?’ Gustaf asks. ‘I’m worried about you.’
By now, the anger has drained away from Rickard’s face. His expression is just fearful now.
‘Please, leave me alone,’ he says to Minoo. ‘I won’t say anything to anyone. It’s a promise. Just let me be.’
He turns and starts running away from them. Disappears out of sight once he is through the gates. Minoo and Gustaf stand looking after him, at first without speaking.
‘Shit!’ Gustaf says. ‘What should I do? Should I phone his dad?’
How much of what happened in the gym hall does Rickard remember? How much of what he remembers does he understand? And what is she going to have to do about it?
‘Shit,’ Gustaf says again. ‘Do you think he might suffer from some kind of psychotic delusion? When he joined Positive Engelsfors, he had this total personality change. He must’ve been ill even then. Or …?’
He looks helplessly at Minoo, who is nearly suffocating under the weight of all her secrets.
‘Look, I’m sorry,’ she manages to blurt out. ‘I must run. I’ll call you.’
She hurries back to the school building.
* * *
Elias, so much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin
.
I spoke out yesterday. I told V what I felt for her. I uttered the words, said them out loud and she didn’t run away and I didn’t die. And afterwards, we had sex. And I honestly don’t think anyone else has experienced it the way we did.
She stayed the night. And I was happy when I woke up.
How is it possible to be so madly happy and so madly scared at the same time? I have switched my mobile off because I feel sure she is going to phone or text to tell me it was all a mistake.
I wish I could wind the clock forward and get to a time when I know precisely what will become of us. I wish I could truly believe in a happy-ever-after for V and me. It is not just because we only have one year left to save the world. I have never been able to imagine a future me – and especially not me together with somebody.
When will we speak out about us? Why am I so frightened at the thought that everyone will know?
OK, I admit I know why. It frightens me to think that V might not hack it. All Engelsfors think they know who she is, and the notion that she is together with the biggest freak in town (look, this isn’t megalomania – without you around, the competition isn’t so hard) definitely doesn’t fit into their image of her. Besides, we’re talking about a female freak.
On the other hand, I may not ever have to face up to that.
Perhaps none of this matters in the slightest. Everything could end tomorrow. And I mean end, for ever. The whole world. Finished. Done with. And that makes me so fucking scared.
I wish I could talk with you, E.
Love you.
Linnéa closes her diary. She is sitting in her usual place, a window recess in the toilets on the top floor of the school.
She looks out over the strip of tarmac linking the yard to the staff parking lot. The only people in sight are Erik and Julia, who are strolling along, hand in hand. Even seeing him at this distance and from this perspective is enough to make Linnéa feel the beginnings of a panic attack. She manages to force the feelings down. Even so, when the front door to the toilets suddenly opens, she almost screams.
Minoo’s face is flushed, as if she has been running up the stairs.
‘Great, I’ve found you,’ she says, quite out of breath. ‘I’ve been trying to call you.’
‘What’s happened?’
Minoo shuts the door and looks around.
We are alone here
, Linnéa thinks.
But if you want to make quite sure nobody can hear us, let’s talk this way instead
.