The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) (20 page)

“It’s okay.”

“I killed a lot of people, Layla. And what for?”

“I’m not sure. But you can’t punish yourself forever. I love you. I love the person you are.”

He turned slightly angry, “Layla, I’ve lived over two thousand years. I am not the angel you think I am.”

“I don’t think you’re perfect. Only perfect for me.”

He pulled away from me and started fiddling with that same silver chain he wore every day. On the chain was a ring, it reminded me of the one I gave Orrin, except this one was large, old and obviously made by hand. He held it between his fingers and brought it close between us.

He didn’t wait for me to ask, “I know you’ve been wondering about this.”

“Mind-reader,” I smiled. He knew I had been curious about it since the first glance.

“This was my crest.”

“Like your family crest?” I had little knowledge of them.

“Yes. Except this one isn’t for my family, but mainly for me. This was on the flags under which my soldiers fought. This was the symbol of
Cyrus the Great
. That was the name my people called me years ago.”

“When you were a king.”

“Yes.”

The face was worn almost flat, but I could still make out the shape of an eagle. There were red and blue jewels encircling its body. He slipped it onto his finger remembering a life he abandoned to follow the dictates of his angelic soul.

“It’s incredible.” I held his hand in mine looking at the ring, twisting it around on his ring finger, “How have you managed to hold onto it for so long?”

“When you’re mother showed up to my castle, she told me I would have to leave all my possessions behind. I was so lost. I hated who I was. I knew there had to be more to life than just wealth, war and power. I wanted more. I will never forget how restless, how insane I felt those days before she arrived.”

I know exactly how he felt. “I felt that same way when my birthright came to me.”

“I lived with my birthright, all my powers, even my wings for years not knowing what I was. Most who saw my wings thought I was a god.”

“You showed people your wings?” I was surprised.

“I didn’t know any better. I kept them hidden often, but often they freed themselves on their own, mainly during a siege, not that it mattered. I couldn’t be killed. I was immortal, or so I thought.”

“Layla, I didn’t show you this, I didn’t tell you all of this so you would be impressed.” His hand closed around mine and I looked up into his eyes, “I wear this ring as a reminder of where I came from. I wear it to remind me that my life is defined by the choices I make. I may not have always made the best decisions. I may not have been a decent man, but I vowed I always would be the moment I accepted responsibility for my birthright. I am who I am because I decide- not because of the blood that flows through my veins and the origins of my soul.”

I pulled my hand free and placed the ring back beneath his shirt. I laid my hand where it hung near his heart. Cyrus was a private man, and besides his feelings for me, he had just shared the greatest piece of himself.

“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered.

“You are the only person I have ever admitted that to.”

“I thought Kevin and my father knew this about you already.”

“They do. They’re daemonologists. They also know how to do their research on angels. I didn’t age, I could read minds. I had vastly more experience than either one of them. Neither of those men are stupid. If they didn’t know who I was when they met me, they knew shortly after. They didn’t ever bring it up, unless it was a joke at my expense. They always accepted me, but that didn’t mean we ever talked about it.”

We heard a thud and feet shuffling above us. Cyrus sighed, “I wanted this to be a more private conversation. I wanted our courtship to be different.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek, “It will be soon enough.”

“I love the way you look at me. I don’t want to ever lose that.”

“And how do I look at you?” I interrupted.

“Like I’m perfect. Like I’m your saving grace.”

“Well,” I felt small, “You kinda are.”

He closed his eyes, “I can’t be that for you. I can be so much, but I’m not your savior. Thinking that way is what got me lost in the first place. I have a past, yes. I am here in your presence, and that is where I want to spend my future. Layla, I’ve lived a good part of my life blinded by sin, but I have always had faith that someday we would be right here. Standing together like this. And after that, it doesn’t matter what happens because we will be together. That’s what I have always wanted.”

As close as we were right then, the world was still lodged between us. But I wanted an
Us
so badly too.

“But before any of that can happen, you must learn to put your faith where it belongs.”

27

“What does that even mean anyway? Put my faith where it belongs. When do I get to spout out wise and random words? You know, sometimes you old people sound more like Yoda than you would ever know.”

My mother was silent. We were walking together in the gray and lifeless world I had created from my own mind. We were gleaning. She had put herself in a set of awesome distressed jeans and white t-shirt. Her blonde hair flowed half way down her back in long wavy layers most girls would have killed for. She didn’t look a day over thirty, and she wore a single gold band on her left ring finger. This is how she saw her true self.

What did it say about me that I was still wearing my pajama bottoms, oversized Trinity University shirt? My hair was braided and pulled to the side leaving my tattoo exposed.

We walked down an unfamiliar barren street. The buildings were empty, no cars or people filled the void. It looked like a ghostly movie set.

“What is this place?” I wondered aloud.

“This place is of your making. You are the one who is gleaning. It is a reflection of your own emotions- your wants, your needs. It mirrors your mind in a way.”

I wrinkled my nose, “Hmm, can I change it?”

Mom smiled, “Maybe when you get a bit better. But for now, why don’t we focus on the real reason we are here. You cannot be away from your body for too long.”

“I know. How do I find Orias? The past times I’ve done this, it’s been him that pulled me into a dream, not the other way around.”

“How is it you found me?” she asked.

“I don’t know. One second I was standing on this road by myself. I turned around looking for you and there you were.”

“It is the same. You focus on who it is you want to see. If they are willing or open to suggestion they will appear.”

“That seems awfully simple.”

“Sometimes it is the simplest answer that is the best,” She replied.

I laughed to myself having already heard that before, “At least I know where Cyrus got all his lovely words of wisdom, Yoda.”

“He is extremely wise, but it came through a life filled with struggles and lessons learned the hard way- like all wise individuals.”

“That is exactly something he would say.” I rolled my eyes scanning the vacant grey buildings for any sign of Orias.”

“Try harder, Layla. Focus.”

Nothing!

“Where the Hell is he?” I shouted.

My mother sighed and words flew from her mouth. It was a strange, old language, and unlike anything I could decipher. I had heard Orrin using it once before when talking to his father- it was the language of the Angels. My ears rang, the ground shuddered and my daemon perked up at hearing her voice. Her eyes lit up with her thinly veiled irritation. She was uneasy which made me uneasy.

I felt him before I heard his low intimidating voice. It moved through me like black silk. He was a daemon- powerful and seductive.

“I was wondering when you would seek me out.”

My mother came to stand by my side as Orias walked to meet us. He was dressed in a tight black shirt and loose flowing pants, as if we interrupted his tropical vacation. All that was missing was a straw hat and large fruity drink in his hand. Instead he carried his staff and a smile that looked too much like Orrin’s.

Orrin. Where are you?

I didn’t mean to do it, but Orrin appeared nonetheless. He took quick hold of my hand standing on the other side of me. I leaned into him.

“I can’t believe you, Layla,” He was livid. “How could you do this and not tell me?”

“How can I help you this time?” Orias said sardonically looking at his son.

“I need a favor,” I began.

“Layla, no,” Orrin moved to stand in front of me meeting his father’s gaze. “I’ve told you about making deals with the Vile.”

“And yet here I am.” I touched his shoulder and tried to soothe him, “I’ve got this, Orrin. I know what I’m doing.”

“I agree with Orrin, Layla,” my mother added. “But you already know that.”

“Look, I brought you here for support, not because I needed babysitters.”

My mother pursed her lips together. As a guardian angel, she was not comfortable letting me proceed, but I didn’t care. Orias may have been a daemon, a deadly strategist, but I had no choice but to offer up myself.

It’s what I was meant for.

It was my fate.

“I’m listening,” Orias brought my attention back to him.

“I need you to change my fate.”

I could see my mother’s shoulder’s sag when she said, “You don’t know what you’re asking of him.”

“Yes,” I nodded, “Yes I do.”

“That’s impossible,” Orrin countered. His eyes slid to his father, “Isn’t it?”

Orias spoke slowly, “You do not know all, son.”

“I know it’s true, and my mother just confirmed it. I remember the message you gave me the last time we met like this. You said you can and I want you to do it.”

Orrin’s eyes darted between his father’s face and mine. “This is true? You can change fate? How…how is it I do not know about this?” Orrin was visibly shaken. He turned to my mother, “No. Don’t let her do this. There’s got to be another way.”

“You haven’t even let me finish yet. Quit being so pushy.”

“Let her speak, Orrin. She doesn’t have much time,” My mother chided.

I looked back to Orias, “I need you to change my fate. I need you to go back. Rewrite it. You can do that, can’t you?”

“It is not something I have ever done. Your fate is destined by a power higher than any of us. What you are asking is blasphemous. Now that is not something that bothers me, but most abhor it.”

“What do you mean? You planted this idea in my head. You told me this is something you could do. Why would you tell me that now?”

He eyed Orrin and my mother, “I shared that information with you, not so you could tell all of your companions, but because it is something, as the Beacon, that you need to know. I will not share this knowledge with anyone other than you.”

“We’re not leaving,” Orrin challenged. I put my hand on his chest before he could advance upon his father any further. This was not the place for a fight. Injuries sustained when gleaning could carry over into the real world. We didn’t need to perpetuate a rift in my dreams that carried over into reality.

“What I have to say is denied even to the Virtuous,” Orias glanced at my mother, his lips curled in disgust. “Our Maker bestowed this ability to me and me alone before the Fall. I alone have the knowledge and the ability to rewrite fate.”

“Only with His approval,” my mother clarified.

“Of course.
He
always has the last word.”

“As it should be,” Mom continued.

“That is debatable,” Orias grumbled.

“Ugh, you two stop,” I interrupted. “Can we move on?”

I turned to my beautiful supportive mother and said something I thought I would never say, “Mom, I need you to leave.”

She said nothing, then, “If that is your wish.”

Orrin grabbed my shoulders, “No.”

“Yes. You too.”

“I can’t,” He kissed me in front of both our parents, “Don’t ask that of me. I have left you alone far too many times and it hasn’t ended well.”

I sobered quickly, “Actually, it’s been me saving your ass the past couple of years. You’re the one who acts too rashly, not me. I’ll be okay here. It’s my dream, remember? I need to speak with Orias, and if he won’t speak to me with you here, then you have to go. I’ll be safe here. I promise.”

“I do not wish to see your soulmate harmed, son. You must know that.” Orias interrupted.

My mother had left silently like she usually did.

“Go,” I whispered. “I’ve got this.”

“I’ll be there when you wake.”

“I’m in the church. What are you going to do, wait outside?”

“If I have to,” Orrin kissed me fiercely, his lips moving over mine like it would be the last time.

I ended the kiss, “Save it. There’s no reason for a long good-bye.” I kissed his cheek and hugged him to me one last time, “Save all this for the next time I see you. I’ll be just a little bit. Okay?”

“No, it is not okay, but neither of you are giving me a choice.”

“Thank you for trusting us, son.” Orias bowed and Orrin disappeared without acknowledging his father.

And then it was only us.

Crap!

No. No! You got this.

Orias raised his chin haughtily, “You did say you were short on time.”

“That’s right. Tell me what I need to know.”

He made a worried face but proceeded, “I have only ever done what you are asking a handful of times since the dawn of creation and it has never involved a human.”

“You did it for Lillith. You had me created at her request, didn’t you?”

“That was for selfish reasons. But, yes. I wanted to watch her explode. I knew what she was asking for, but she did not factor in your free will. Not many humans would have willingly given over their life to a daemon, especially at the price of all humanity.”

“So you set her up?”

“I did,” He showed no remorse.

“So how do I know that you’re not just setting me up like you did her?”

“Layla, I do not have ambitions like Lillith or Samael. I do not particularly care who Samael kidnaps, unless it involves my son’s soulmate. I am a trickster and broker, a warrior, yes, and also a follower of the Dark One. But never have I sought dominion over the world. I prefer chaos and disorder. And in order for that to thrive, humans must remain.”

“And why is that?”

“Because by definition humans are imperfect. They bring about their own chaos. Humanity is a perfect hunting ground for a deamon. Samael is just too prideful to see that clearly. And Lillith is insane with her need for control. They are blind to reason,” He spread his fingers over his chest, “where I am not.”

I twisted my fingers, “That actually makes a lot of sense.”

“I am aware. I may enjoy the taste of blood and warring, I revel in hearing the screams of the innocent. But above all, I do understand reason. I am usually five steps ahead of any opponent. I have already played out your scenario to its end.”

“Really? You know how this whole situation with Samael will play out?”

“I do.”

“Then tell me what I need to know so I can get it done. I won’t be another of his conquests. And I can’t let him use me, in any way.”

“You must surrender,” was all he said.

“Surrender? I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

“That’s not enough. I need more information. Surely you don’t mean surrender to Samael.”

“No. That is not the surrender I am referring to. When the time comes, you will know what to do. It’s who you are. That is part of your birthright. You have recently discovered that, I believe.”

“Yes.”

Orias turned and walked away. “When the times comes, you will know the right choice to make, and it will be done. I have already done my part.”

“What part?”

“That is all, Layla. Sometimes the simplest answers are the best.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh, God. Not you too.”

He cringed at my expression, “Feel secure in the knowledge I will not fail you. Your surrender will be enough retribution for our bargain.”

Orias turned to go.

“Stop,” I tried to follow him. “Wait.
Please,”
But the ground underneath me changed to a sidewalk and he was gone. I looked up to see the
Montrose
looming eerily above me. And as if someone turned a switch the building crumbled and pounded me into the cold waiting hands of Hell.

***

I awoke with a scream, covering my head. I ripped through nylon bindings and broke an old wooden pew. But I was safe. I sat up, still surrounded by my father, Kevin, Cyrus, Ava and Ben. Cyrus pushed passed them and gathered me up in his strong arms. I squeezed him back to let him know I was okay.

Surrender.
The word stayed with me.

“Dad, Orrin is outside waiting.” I panted. “Can you go tell him I’m okay?”

He nodded and left the room with Kevin.

“And why is
he
waiting outside?” Cyrus asked jealously.

“I’ll go check too,” Ava said loudly, “Come on Ben. Let’s go…check…on something.”

“Why?” Ben said as Ava pulled on her arm, “There’s good stuff happening right here. I could use some popcorn.”

“Fine then. Let’s go search the kitchen down stairs to see if they have any.”

Bennet sighed loudly, rolling her eyes, “Damn, I can’t have any fun. It’s not like I, or anyone else I know has this kind of hot drama. I’m like the supporting character in someone else’s soap opera. It’s kind of depressing.”